SoSel's Diary

Aw, Felici, thanks. I love goofy pictures of myself. :D And I think it's neat to talk to people and have a clue what they look like.

BTW, I am feeling so much better. I threw Benadryl on top of the meds given to me in the ER, and I feel human again! I really did it so I could sleep through the night, and then I noticed my eyes were bloodshot. So I guess I was already in need of it. Worked out for me...

Food for 1-24 (I had an appetite yesterday and hit my cal range!)
Breakfast
Slim Fast Optima Blueberry Muffin Bar, 1 serving (so I could take my meds when I desperately needed them at 5 in the morning!)
Regular Coffee
Splenda No Calorie Sweetener,
Coffee Mate Creamer Vanilla Nut
Bagels, plain, 1 bagel, mini (2-1/2" dia)
Cream Cheese, 1 tbsp
Apples, fresh, 1 small

lunch
Baby Carrots, raw, 5 medium
Kraft Ranch Salad Dressing,
Swiss Cheese, 1 slice
Hamburger Patty 93% Lean, 2 at 1/5 lb
Whole Wheat Bakery Buns, 1 serving

dinner
Shake n Bake Coating, 1 serving
Chicken Breast, no skin, 0.5 breast, bone and skin removed
Yellow Sweet Corn, Canned, no salt added 0.5 cup

snack
Klondike Slim-a-bear Chocolate Sandwich, 1 serving 1 sandwich
and a caramel Hershey's kiss... b/c everyone who cleaned their room yesterday got a treat ;)

EX- Lower Body
15 crunches (5 straight, 5 left, 5 right), standing side-leg raises (15 per side), opposite arm and leg raises (20)
Upper Body (5 lb dumbbells- 15 raises per arm)
side arm raises, dumbbell bicep curls, one-arm dumbbell row, and this other thing my hubby taught me but I dunno the name to, counter-top pushes (15)

I kinda liked the little work-out yesterday. I printed this sheet off-line for around-the-house work-outs, and that's where this came from. I wasn't in the mood for strenuous, but when you consistently lift a 43 lb kid, lifting 5 lb weights isn't a big strain. I did make sure to do it slowly and feel the burn. I know that I'm not recovered enough yet to do too much (or I'll start coughing and that flippin' hurts!), but it was such a relief to do something!

The scale said 194.2 this morning. I either need to stay the heck off of it or accept the fact that it says I'm losing. My mind doesn't want to believe it.
 
Food Log for 1-25

BF-total cereal, milk, splenda, coffee
L- salmon patties (salmon, lemon juice, onion, bread crumbs), canned green beans no-salt-added
S- 100 cal snack pack chex mix, banana, lite yogurt
D- baby spinach, carrots, lite italian dressing, shake-n-bake chicken
Extra- 3 tbsp Splenda for herbal tea (I made 3 cups last night for my sore throat)

Ex- none (felt way too tired, but I did catch up on some housework :) )

As far as this virus goes, my son seems to be fully recovered, and my daughter has coughed maybe once or twice this morning. Although she woke up at 3 last night coughing so bad she threw up a little. And I am better. I pretty much never have total relief. ::shrugs:: I'm allergic to something in this house we bought. My husband is going to take out the carpeting and see if that helps. ::crosses fingers::

The scale read 194-something this morning too.

Oh yeah! I got so busy, I forgot to record my excitement- I beat one of my goals! I really wanted to wear a certain pair of jeans befor my hubby came home on Feb. 2 or 3 (dunno which). And by wear, I mean fit nicely, room to breathe, and not squished flab... I wore these jeans last week and they were so tight I got sick of trying and took them off after a few hours. Well....

I'm wearing them now and they are rockin' on me!

I always wear boot cut legs, but these jeans are straight legs and they make me look slimmer and taller (I'm 5'3 3/4", so that makes me smile). Now I need to find a new shirt. Not because I don't own 7 million, but because I said that if I could wear the jeans, then I deserved the shirt. :D I did it!
 
SoSel!! You are doing magically well! Is that what I said last time? I keep thinking it, over and over! I'm glad you're feeling better now, too! :)
 
1-26 Food

BF- old-fashioned oats, Splenda brown sugar, coffee and Splenda
L- 2 pcs whole wheat bread, tuna, light mayo, relish, (previously frozen- now cooked) mixed veggies sprinkled with Nature's Seasoning, small apple
S- 1 serving (or 17) Wheat Thins, Slim-a-Bear Klondike bar
D- mixed veggies, diced tomatoes, tomato sauce, lean turkey meat flavored with Nature's Seasoning (Mix it all up and you have veggie soup.), 1 pc whole wheat bread with thin layer of butter and garlic salt
S- fat-free, sugar-free (but not calorie free) instant pudding

According to Sparks, and I account for everything!, not even all I ate yesterday hit my cal range. ::shrugs::

EX- None. I felt too blah.

I can tell just by waking up at 6 this morning with my 3 year old yelling "I pooped! Mommy, I pooped!" that today isn't going to be a bad day. I don't feel the congestion in my chest or head. It's been rough on me with my allergies added to whatever else is wrong. My daughter is doing much better. And like I said, my son is the epitome of resillience. Even when he had a fever of 103, he joked around a little.

Oh, my husband and I had a huge argument last night. He even hung up on me twice. (The guy is over 300 miles away.) I think our time together is coming to an end. It's scary, but relieving. I'm so sick of the verbal abuse and the threat of physical. I'm tired of being blamed for everything and feeling so weak that I cry myself to sleep thinking he must be right. I see what I did this month by myself and I know I don't need him to hurt me. I'm scared to go out into the world just yet. I have barely started college. My support net is small. ::sighs:: I've lived through worse.
 
SoSel said:


Oh, my husband and I had a huge argument last night. He even hung up on me twice. (The guy is over 300 miles away.) I think our time together is coming to an end. It's scary, but relieving. I'm so sick of the verbal abuse and the threat of physical. I'm tired of being blamed for everything and feeling so weak that I cry myself to sleep thinking he must be right. I see what I did this month by myself and I know I don't need him to hurt me. I'm scared to go out into the world just yet. I have barely started college. My support net is small. ::sighs:: I've lived through worse.
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Oh Boy...that opens up a can of worms for me, I tell ya...Ive been there done that , I know what it is like to have an asshole in your face, yelling nas screaming and putting you down, constantly making oyu feel worthless and so it goes on, Im sorry to hear you are going through that...and sorry for being persumptous enough to refer to him as an asshole...but look at all you ahve done wiht him gone and most importantly...look at what you are doing nad how...YOU are raisign your kids righ tnow WITHOUT him, when the time comes you will be ok and you will do it...it certaintly isnt easy but if I can do Im sure you can do it...I went back to school (high school) when my oldest was 6 weeks old...I graduated with my class and never missed any firsts...I put myself through college being a single mom with one and blah blah blah, it isnt an easy path but can be done jsut liek weightloss or anyhtign else...REMEMBER...I am here for you even though I am far away...Oh and i did and do a better job on my own than with an abusive mean scary asshole at my side, lol...
 
You are doing so well.

I'm sorry about your husband. I can't say I've been in your position, but I am on husband number three. I know about arguments and put downs. I know you will stay strong no matter what, and I will be here too.
 
great journal

Hey that's a great journal. It sounds by all you're doing that you do indeed like yourself. I am similar in that my heaviest was 220. Congrats on the weight you've lost and kept off.
 
cinderelly said:
Oh Boy...that opens up a can of worms for me, I tell ya...Ive been there done that , I know what it is like to have an asshole in your face, yelling nas screaming and putting you down, constantly making oyu feel worthless and so it goes on, Im sorry to hear you are going through that...and sorry for being persumptous enough to refer to him as an asshole...but look at all you ahve done wiht him gone and most importantly...look at what you are doing nad how...YOU are raisign your kids righ tnow WITHOUT him, when the time comes you will be ok and you will do it...it certaintly isnt easy but if I can do Im sure you can do it...I went back to school (high school) when my oldest was 6 weeks old...I graduated with my class and never missed any firsts...I put myself through college being a single mom with one and blah blah blah, it isnt an easy path but can be done jsut liek weightloss or anyhtign else...REMEMBER...I am here for you even though I am far away...Oh and i did and do a better job on my own than with an abusive mean scary asshole at my side, lol...
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Thanks! I know I can do the Mom thing. It's hard-wired in my DNA. Life isn't life without my wonderful children safe and secure. I'm rarely ever away from them. But... whoa... single mom getting through college? You flippin' rock!

So the hubby has decided we need a vacation to help us out. We're going to go visit my favorite city (Charleston, SC) and ultimately spend time with his best friend, his girl friend, his son, and their new baby. This has me going "!?!?!?" I can take it that it's not a romantic get-away. Ha! The romance has been gone for months. I didn't realize how much it hurt that he wouldn't touch me until my guy friend gave me a hug last night. I started crying. Poor guy, he was just glad I came by for a few minutes, dude gives me a hug, and I go all female on him. lol!

When the hubby left at the beginning of Jan, I felt what a bird must feel like when it's released from captivity. The whole world loomed before me. I didn't have to answer to him. I (mistakingly) thought he couldn't hurt me for a while. I felt free. I had the confidence to undertake quitting smoking, losing weight, and beating the depression that settled in. Remember how earlier in the diary I revealed I didn't like myself? Well, dammit, I do now! :D
 
Happychubette said:
Hey that's a great journal. It sounds by all you're doing that you do indeed like yourself. I am similar in that my heaviest was 220. Congrats on the weight you've lost and kept off.
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Hello! Our ticker-things kinda match up. 200 to 193. I'm glad you stumbled across my diary. We may have a bit to talk about, and maybe we can challenge each other. :D
 
You do seem so much happier and more confident than you did a few weeks ago. I hope you can keep that going, in whichever way you decide will be best for you. :)
 
felici said:
You are doing so well.

I'm sorry about your husband. I can't say I've been in your position, but I am on husband number three. I know about arguments and put downs. I know you will stay strong no matter what, and I will be here too.
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You're my sweetheart. You and Cinder. ;) You always say the nicest things. People like you are the reason that this website is working for me. I have struggled to lose weight before, my support group would bottom out, and it was rough. I love doing this diary, seeing the results, and the friendly, supportive comments keep me coming back day after day. ::hugs::
 
Today was my weigh day. ::happy dance::

193.2

That's right! I've been sick, but I look back at the food I ate, and I ate reasonably well. Not to mention, this weekend I had a Boar's Head sub from Publix Sat night and a Sun morning IHOP breakfast. I wasn't exercising much, but I think doing housework with a evil virus counts as something. I'm pretty much better now. What's left isn't a problem.

And, today will be 19 smoke-free days! :D

I can't wait to beat my first weight goal... 190. I'm going to a flippin' salon for a hair cut and highlights. I normally go to Great Clips for hair cuts b/c they're cheap. I don't know what to do for 180 yet. Something kinda expensive that I want/need. Maybe new walking shoes. Oh, I know! I want a bicycle. :D I can't run b/c the cartlidge in one of my knees is wearing way thin, but I can cycle like the wind. ::day dreams::

I'm not even trying to remember what I ate the last 2 days. He he. I didn't splurge, I was sensible, but I was out of town visiting friends and family (30 mins from here is where I grew up). I'd rather think about the fun I had. I was truly happy for a few days. It was nice. My hubby comes home Friday.
 
Well congrats on your loss...your doing great better than me...I cant sem to find my balance and what works me, it kinda sux and is discouraging...LOL...But I love coming here nad reading about your accomplishments and such...I think you are one hellof a woman...and I am glad we met here...congrats on 19 days smoke free, the biggest challenege will be staying there after your husband comes home...ie strss and smoking...but you did it and you can continue to do it, i am so proud of you!!!
 
There is no way in hell I will light another cigarette and turn myself back into "Selena the Incredible Walking Ashtray." Bleck.
 
Food Log for 1-30

BF- slim fast shake, slim fast optima muffin bar, coffee, splenda, 1/2 cup milk
L- 2 pcs whole wheat bread, 2 tbsp peanut butter, 2 tbsp sugar-free preserves, 1 serving sun chips
S- 100 cal snack pack ritz mix, 1 choco chip cookie
D- 1 serving brown rice, 1 serving chicken breast strips, cream of mushroom soup, milk (combined to make a meal)
D- "almost sugar-free nana pudding" contains nanas, sugar-free fat-free vanilla pudding, and graham cracker crust, 1 serving

Kinda didn't live up to my own picky standards. No fresh fruit, except in the pudding, and no veggies to speak of (unless you get technical about the cream of mushroom soup). I'll do better today. In fact, I was thinking about heading to the grocery store just for fruits and veggies. Variety is fun. =)
 
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