SoSel's Diary

felici said:
What she said. ^

Hey, I'm really glad to hear that you're feeling better again. I know you have it in you to do something great for yourself. :)
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Well said felici

Sosel - I hope you are dustign yourself off and starting over with a new day today and many more to follow - Dont forget that we are totally here for you 100% no matter what and we care about you
 
Yesterday and today have been 2 of the worst days you could possibly imagine. I think I'll just list some of the bad stuff. Who else can I tell? It's sheer insanity.

Yesterday-
I found out my hubby posted some personal ads on those websites you go to when you want to find a sex buddy. I found 3 of them and I quit. I don't think they are active, but it hurt me deeply.
When confronted, he first denied, later claimed they were from before we married (easy enough to prove that a lie!), and finally admitted they were from a "bad time" in our marriage, i.e. last year.
I wrote a friend a note, full of details and cuss words to vent. She replied. I replied back, but accidentally hit foward. This was on myspace. It won't let me see who got the e-mail. How many people read this e-mail? I have NO idea. I am ashamed.
My hubby and I had that major blow-up that was inevitable. He blamed everything on me. Yet he swears he loves me and wants to make this work. Jerk.

Today-
I had a panic attack in the AM.
I get chewed out by some lady at my daughter's school, even though I had a valid excuse for not knowing about this traffic circle thingy.
My mother-in-law was supposed to be helping me with something when i had the panic attack. Instead of helping me ration out the problem, she beat on my car and cussed me out. So I had to threaten to call the cops. In retrospect, I should have. She's crazier than I am!
My hubby is drawn into the drama and he's mad at me for upsetting his poor mommy (who has bigger balls than my hubby).
Later on, my son got hurt playing outside and is now at the ER where he will most likely get stitches on the back of his head.
And I missed my dentist appointment.

All in all, not good.




Yesterday's Food
BF- slim fast optima shake, slim fast optima muffin bar
L- the bitter acidic taste of anger and depression when you find out your hubby wants to cheat on you
D-foot long Subway sub and 2 pc s/f choc candy (the taste of victory b/c I refused to cook for that jerk and bought dinner w/o offering to get him anything)

And I went to Curves and worked off the tiniest bit of anger. I had to chill b/c my heart rate was too high.



I don't know how I feel. Not entirely numb, not filled with anger, not too upset... something between a range of emtions that means a smile and teeth grinding. I'm not even sad. Does that come later? No, that was after the panic attack. It's Wed. On Friday my friend wants to pay my bar tab. Enough said. ;)
 
OMG SoSel. My imagination is not quite good enough to come up with all that - certainly not for less than 2 day's worth.

Hang in there. All things pass.

It sounds like your boy is going to be okay - so in that sense you and your children are all safe.

I'm so glad you had someone you could email - and someone ready to pay your bar tab!!
 
My son has the medical equivalent of super glue on his scalp. Sooo much better than stitches. And it's kinda neat to watch the skin heal under it. He's doing fine.

My hubby is pretending that things are ok. So am I. And even though neither of us think that things are ok, the pretending helps for now.

The e-mail wasn't too wide spread and I don't feel like dealing with damage control. I did not lie or elaborate anything. It was the naked facts and hurt.

Yesterday's Food
BF- 4 muffins (the just-add-water and cook in the oven kind), coffe, splenda
L- 2 turkey burgers, 2 onion hamburger buns, light mayo
S- 100 cal Oreo bar (they taste bad- don't buy them!)
D- cubed steak in cream of mush soup & milk gravy, brown rice, carrots

EX- none, I was too emotionally something... it just didn't seem to matter
 
Hey you - Im not sure how much of my back ground I told you abt but my x lreft us when my youngest was 2.5 months old and went straight to another wmns bed that to this day he still denies cheating on me - anway when I got it all together I used all that stress and anger to loose weight - put it to go use and I foudn it help with my emotions and with the kids as well - He is a jerk that is for sure - I hate hearing abt other womn goign through this crap b/c I knwo what it is liek to a point as well - at least we werent married but it took me a good year to straighten out my medical and a bunch of other things...Hold you head up high remeber your accomplishment and how good you were felign when he wasnt around and you were loosign weight adn free - you can still accomplish that freedom with him around - focus on you and the kids and block him out

Glkad to hear your son is ok
 
Hey Girl,
It sounds like life has been beyond difficult. Just know that you will get through this - and it does pass.

You're in my thoughts!
 
I'm glad to hear that your son is doing well.

You are carrying on really well considering how things have been.

I am sorry you have to deal with this sadness.
 
so glad to hear that your son is doing well!

and i'm so sorry about the sadness you are experiencing. i wish i had better words, but i'm not the best at this.

just please know you are in my htoughts!
 
I'm back! Things are so-so. Not gonna sweat it, though. I really want to put my best foot foward this week, however. Please bear with me through this. =) I gotta sick kid, sinus congestion, and issues out the yang, but I want to do something for me. I'll keep in touch. I'll be around. =)
 
hey Sosel sorry to hear you're going through so much. you are in my thoughts.
if you need anything, juts to vent, i'm here.
Lena
 
As you kind people keep me in your thouughts, please remember my son. He's got a stomach virus that's painful, won't/can't eat, and is miserable. I heard it only lasts 48 hrs. I was really worried until my Mom said she had it and it's painful gas and inside pressure, so that explains why he's cranky, but can't tell me what is going on. It does have one upside, though... Since he's sick, he wants to cuddle, and I'm getting some quality love. <3
 
I'm really sorry to hear about your son. Is this the same one who was in hospital before?

I totally relate to your anxiety about him. Illness like that is very hard to deal with.

I hope it turns around quickly.
 
My son, who is 3, is the same kid I'm always talking about. I have a 5 yr old daughter who has stayed relatively healthy and safe since she was 4. But she had a few ER visits until that point! We know now that my son's tummy probs are not a virus, so we're taking him off his allergy meds to see if that helps. He's not as sick as he was- thank goodness. Thanks for thinking of us!

So I weighed 194.4 this morning. I'm gaining weight b/c I'm (currently) bloated and doing the whole emotional eating thing. I don't want to sabatoge myself b/c of my relationship problems. I need some motivation. A kick in the butt, so to speak. And gaining 4 lbs isn't a huge shock. Any tips or ideas? Help me before I gain 10 and get depressed! I vow to never see 200 again!

Funny thing, while we're on the subject. When I first joined, part of what motivated me was a trip to the beach and wanting a new bathing suit. Now, b/c of my stupid husband, we're not going. =(

I wanna do that scream Charlie Brown does. It sums up my feelings.
 
I hope stopping the pills helps your little boy. It must be very hard to have him so upset and not be sure what's needed. I will keep thinking about him.

Do the scream!!!!!!!!!!!

Do some exercise, lots of exercise, especially when you want to eat. It will limit your appetite and calm you down and lift your spirits. It's magic!! :D

This is about so much more than your swimsuit.

I have so much more to offer my children now than I did before I started this thing. Yet I didn't start til the end of November 06. My kids are already 11 and 13 now. Keep going now SoSel. Do it for your children.

Do it for you. Don't miss out on all the joy it will give you. Don't put it off.

You have already shown so much strength.

I know you will do this.
 
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Felici is So right!

You need to look at why you want to lose weight - is it really for the one shot trip to the beach?

I'm sure it's much more then that.

It's time to move forward! You CAN do this :)

I hope everyone is feeling better in your house soon!
 
Oh no. I wasn't losing weight just for the beach. It was just an along-the-way milestone. I wanted to buy a new bathing suit (and I need to) that wasn't a size 18 W like my old one. So that's all that was about.

Today's Food~
BF- slim fast optima muffin bar, coffee, milk, Splenda
L- lean cusine pasta bowl
S- ice cream cone (no sugar added 120 cals), 1 serving Ritz Chips
D- biscuits, white gravy, and turkey sausage
and for the the heck of it, lemme admit to some sugar-free jelly beans and a sugar free chocolate truffle :)
 
Food so far today...

BF- apple, peanut butter, 2 choco chip muffins
L- healthy choice meal
S- no-sugar-added ice cream cone, ritz chips
 
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