SoSel is back and Oh-Nine is Mine! :D

Last Monday I hit 195.8. So, of course, today I weighed 197.3. Still, wow! One of my biggest struggles has been to keep myself under 200. I said I never wanted to leave Onederland again. I’m just up 1.5 lbs. Not bad for TOM! Hopefully I’ll be able to weigh later this week and have something to show for myself.

Being stuck in the 190’s is fairly laughable. Beats bouncing around in the 200’s! I can’t wait till I’m stuck in the 180’s. Point is, I’m getting there slowly just like I’m supposed to.

I looked up some motivation last weekend when I felt crabby [and now we know why]. I stumbled across weight-loss tips. The staples- eating right, sleeping enough, water, etc. Then I found one I really liked. It said to keep your goals small. Almost tiny. Some of us think, “Man, I’ve got 60 lbs to lose!” Be careful with that! Be careful with the stress involved. Instead, say “This week, I’m going to watch my cals and exercise. I want to lose ONE pound.” End of story. Well, that’s my new idea. No more crunching numbers like the math wiz I am. I just want to lose one solid pound a week. Each day I exercise, I can pat myself on the back for creating the calorie defecit that contributes to weight loss. It’s time I feel good about me for a change!

Although I sincerely hope to be less than 196.3 next Monday, I’ll set the rule in place today.

I want to lose 1 lb this week.

Now I better get to work! :D
 
accomplished today: making a dream a reality



For about a zillion reasons, most of them pertaining to PMS, I skipped the gym. Well, I had a guilty conscious because I haven’t exercised since Saturday. I just haven’t felt good. I felt even more like crud when I realized I was being a lazy butt today. I finally put on my shoes, grabbed my cell phone, house keys, and mp3 player, and made it out the front door. I did some stretches. Then I had a crazy idea. So I did some more stretches.

I left the house power walking. I was in the zone. I walked to a neighborhood next to mine, where no houses are because the project failed. It’s just me and an impressive network of sidewalks and lots for sale. I took a deep breath, and ran a few feet.

Yes, I ran! For those of you that don’t know me, that’s an “UP YOURS” to this doc that once told me that I shouldn’t exercise. I worked hard to propel all 196.2 lbs of me in something resembling a jog. But, to me, it was running.

I “sprinted” a total of 5 times. I took the long way home, enjoying a slow walk with a smile that can’t be matched. It was me and the glorious sun, bonding for the first time in a while. Home, stretch, shower and smile.

While I ran, I felt my quads. A muscle previously underused. The last time I tried to run, four years ago, my knee cracked and I was down for a few days. Today I felt new muscles trying to take up the task of something totally unfamiliar.

About 5 years ago I was told that I needed to lose weight. My knees would give out under the strain of supporting me. I went to physical therapy and was told my knee cap was twisted. I had to quit physical therapy when I had to deal with cancer appts. There was only one car between me and my hubby, and no sitter for our 2 kids. One thing became priority. My doc said “lose weight by dieting. Don’t exercise, except for maybe walking on flat surfaces.” I lived in LA at the time. Flat surfaces are not to be found! So I walked. I walked, my knees gave out, I fell. I got scabs. But I didn’t give up through all the embaressment. I pressed on.

A few months later, my bro-in-law died resulting in my hubby’s PTSD from deploying spiraling out of control. I quit. I gave in. I gained up to 215.5 lbs. I put on weight so quickly I looked bloated. Everyone thought I was pregnant again.

Months after that, I joined Curves. I cried when I made it under 200. I made it down to 197, got lazy, and quit bothering with it. The weight came back. I injured my rotator cuff and finally quit altogether.

Same thing the next year with Gold’s Gym. No long-term motivation.

This time has been different. I WANT to run. I DREAM about running. I dream that I take off and keep going. I want to feel the release. I want to go for it. But my body wasn’t ready. I’ve been weight training since Jan, but most steadily since mid-Feb. Today I felt ready. I knew in my head that I could do this. It’s time to go back a few years. It’s time to live like a 26 year old. I ran.

I didn’t run long or far. All that is later down the road. I ran, feeling the ghetto booty bounce and the quads tightening. And it was the loveliest feeling in my life. It was like being born again.
 
AH Babe, Im happy to read some positivity, it is a long hard road i know that:)But you are doing it!!!

Good for you:D!!!

Im so happy you ran!!!YIPPEEE!!!

:party::party::party:
 
running: the aftermath

If you read my blog yesterday, you know that I tried to run. And, in my mind, I did. I sprinted a few times while going on a walk and I LOVED it.

Running has already changed things for me. Because I learned that I could do it. 4 years ago when I tried, I hurt my knees. Today it's my shins, quads, and right hip. This proves to me that I can do it. There are muscles there begging to be tried and tested. I didn't run with my knees. I'm becoming more fit than ever.

So, for fun, I bought new running shoes. Reebok DMX, white with lime green and electric blue. I've been wearing them to break them in before I try to run next week. I was told to look at good socks too. And the Queen of All Control- a sports bra that holds me in, kinda like duct tape. :D

My brother runs track and cross country and I'll be picking his brain. My husband runs for PT in the Army and I'll bug him too [if he calls or e-mails]. Any advice from any one who runs on here is welcome.

I also want to talk to my trainer at the gym. When I mentioned that I tried to run yesterday, he smiled. He's sure to be a help, when he's not busy. Ah, poor trainer dude. He's always busy!

Exercise today: walk to the gym, 8 minutes, cardio warm-up, 5 minutes, upper body weight training, 30 something minutes, fat burn on skier, 10 minutes, walk home, 10 minutes
 
I did read your blog and whatever tried did sprinted it is all the same you did it and you were proud!!! I would to get down running just fo rme myself and I, I wanna run so badly but I just cant get it down. I have shin plints and other issues but one day i will run!!!
 
still moving!

I went out yesterday for a jog/run/walk thingy. I got some advice on running- the best being "push up from your toes." Oh man! That saved my shins! Freakin' A! The first time I went out, I thought I was gonna amputate my legs the next day. The pain was good because I felt accomplished, but it was pain. Today I feel pretty good. Thank goodness I've been weight training!

I also gained 2 lbs. Running? Food? Dunno. And, for once, don't care. I refuse to let it stop me. I want to run. 2 lbs isn't going to hold me back. :D

My diet hasn't been stellar and that's a personal issue that I must address. Basically, there's been a lot of food on the run, some drinking, and a lack of interest in spending time preparing food. I've never been much of a cook.

On the other hand, my activity level is HIGHER than it has ever been! I love it! Even as a smaller girl in high school I dreaded physical activity. I never played sports and was a lazy, somewhat pretty, spoiled thing. All that has changed! I have more pride in my body, now at 198 lbs, than I did when I weighed 140. I know more of what I can accomplish. I also know how to get there.

My next goal is to do push-ups. I can't do one yet. I do weight train upper body. Maybe I'll be there by the summer? Who knows!?
 
Exercise: walk to and from gym, 15-20 minutes; 5 min cardio warm-up; lower body weight training; 15 min cardio; total time: 1 hr 30 min

June 4 challenge: I want to be in the area of 190 lbs (less is good!) and in a size 14. I bought a whole bunch of size 14 jeans, shorts, and capris about 4 years ago when I was trying to lose weight. I have a whole wardrobe sitting around with price tags on them! I may or may not be going to Florida. Also, the hubby is due to visit the states around that time. I want to show him a new me! 2 sizes down from when he was last here.

Feeling good and ready to go out there and kick some butt! :D
 
It's so good to see you upbeat and positive--and seeing results! :hurray:

Glad you and hubby worked things out. I'm very happy for you. What did it take to get him to "see the light?"
 
bikinibound said:
It's so good to see you upbeat and positive--and seeing results! :hurray:

Glad you and hubby worked things out. I'm very happy for you. What did it take to get him to "see the light?"
Click to expand...

I don't know what got him to change. I have a feeling it was going back to war and all the thoughts of what he might lose. We had some rough patches when I decided to stick up for myself. I guess now he sees that I need to be independent and strong.

Oh, and of course, I'm a better person now. I got some help for my problems. But this- this sticking to weight loss and becoming a better me- has been the greatest thing I've done for myself in a long while. I only came back to this site because I KNEW I wouldn't quit this time.
 
ow, ow, ow! that run hurt!

Exercise: walk to gym, 5 min cardio, upper body weight train circuit (I upped the weights by 5-10 lbs, and did 3 sets of 10 instead of 15 because I'm getting sick and my endurance is down), left gym ran/jogged/walked home, changed shoes, went out another 10-15 minutes for a run/walk/jog, came home and stretched. Total time: a little over an hour

Pain: Oh my gosh! My right quad has a piercing pain that's sticking around after the run and my left ham string had a pain that only bothered me running.

The plan: Keep training slow and steady. I can't run for long right now. And I probably hurt because I lower body weight trained yesterday, and will again tomorrow with my trainer. Ugh...

And the getting sick thing: allergies are up and I seem to be getting a sinus infection I can feel in my throat. :(

Motivation: I have a whole drawer of shorts I bought last year and squeezed into. I'm wearing a pair right now that fit horribly last summer. I look decent. I can really tell that my belly is getting smaller. Running and the elliptical skier are helping. Well, so is the diet. I eat a lot less fat than I used to, but I'm still not the model of ideal diet. Anyway, belly fat is the HARDEST to get off, so I'm excited. It's so good to see results!

Seriously hoping to drop a pound this week. It's day 2 and I'm kicking butt!
 
weight train= weight gain? Grr....

Exercise Today: walk/to from gym, 8 min warm-up cardio, lower body weight train with trainer (learned a new routine), 15 min cardio Total time: 1 hr 15 min

Weight: I logged on the Wii this morning because I had set a challenge to lose 4 lbs in 4 weeks. Not only did I not meet the challenge, I seemed to have gained a lb since Monday! So I'm at 196. Ugh. I complained to my trainer and he told me "muscle!" No way was I gonna high-five on that! I'm so sick of gaining muscle! I'm shrinking and I feel better. But let the numbers drop every now and then, huh? Seriously...

Soreness: Um, what part of me doesn't hurt? Weight training and running takes a toll on my big self. *sighs* I know I'm doing the right thing. I'll keep going.

Motivation: Basically, where I'm at now, I never dreamed I'd be at. I can "run", weight train by myself, and eat healthy. There is no way a year ago I would have done this. I know. I had the same opportunities then as I do now. I looked back at my journal from last year. I wrote I was 192 lbs. Oh really? 'Cuz I'm finally in clothes I've never worn. Clothes that have been sitting in my closet for 3 freakin' years. And that's why weight doesn't matter too too much.
 
scaring myself in the mirror

So, while I was in a frantic rush this morning to get my kids ready for school (thank goodness for my back-up alarm), I did manage to walk into my bathroom and look at the mirror long enough to see myself.

And I scared myself!

No, no. I'm not hideous. The random sweet person goes so far as to call me pretty. What I saw was my face, totally bleached of color. My eyes aren't sparkling. I'm sick! I don't know if it's a cold or sinus infection or allergies, but I have no energy or color.

I've known for 2 days that this was coming. I look exhausted. I FEEL exhausted. There's so much I want to do today. I can't get off my butt!

Needless to say, that after 3 days of weight training, I'm taking the day off. Besides, I don't want to be at the gym picking up germs if my immune system is already busy. Just pray for me because I end up in the ER on average once a year with some weird strain of something they never can diagnose. I get a bag of meds, including an inhaler and Robitussin with codeine. I can't have that! I have kids to raise ALONE!

I would be upset at my inability to do something, but I have a progress report.
1. Less hanging arm fat.
2. I thought weight training would bulk me up, but my forearms are toning up and looking down-right feminine. They haven't been this small and tone since high school!
3. The back fat is shrinking.
4. The belly is getting smaller.
5. My inner thighs are totally transformed from nastiness to real legs.
6. Oh, and I guess it's good, but my ghetto booty is getting smaller all the time. :( ? :) ? Ha ha! I don't know!
7. I actually am resembling a woman with a figure. The hubby will be shocked! I know I am!

I did some research last night on losing weight while weight training. I learned that a lot of woman had to ditch their ideal weight for fit and trim bodies. I know that I will lose some weight. Probably closer to 150 than 140, though. Whatever! I've been solo weight-training since March 11. One month and 12 days and I have a whole list of progress reports. I'd rather lift weights (or use machines, haven't done much free weight stuff YET) than waste all day on cardio. Yes, I do cardio. *sighs* How to explain myself? LOL! I'm around kids all day. I need adult communication.

At the end of the day, when I crawl into bed sore and achy, I feel good. I feel accomplished. I did lunges and squats yesterday and told my trainer I wouldn't be able to walk today. BUT I CAN! I don't hurt in my knees like I did when I was doing them. I keep thinking of myself as a machine. I can push and push and just end up bettering myself. It's crazy.
 
I have sat here and read you whole entire diary.. at times I felt I was reading a book about myself. The ins and outs of depression and the whole marriage thing.. and finally surrendering to God!!!! I literally had to fall face forward into the arms of my savior!!! Its been a process, I have to admit.

Reading thru, its so nice and encouraging at the same time to see how our moods change and how positive you have become even when we have our low days... those will soon be a thing of the past. I totally struggle with food.. I don't care if im sick I would alwasy run to it.. and then feel horrible after the damage was done. Ho hummmmm. Im getting better and better as time goes by. The meal planning is essential to a piece of my puzzle.. If that fails, then all else does. Really it goes both ways, if I dont make it to the gym im soo hard on myself and then I run for comfort.. fooooooood arrrggg!!

Im starting to see visable results in the mirror as well. Today when I got dressed for work I noticed that I A needed a belt or B needed higher heels so my pants didn't drag on the floor.. even more, since im 5'3. It was encouraging though. I think my measurements really are motivating me.

Ok enough blabbing.. have a wonderful day. Be blessed and stay up!

Tootles!
 
Ugh. I feel like crap!

First off, I have this sinus infection that is making me feel like I have fluid in my ears [so maybe I do?]. It makes me feel off balanced. I took some meds and now I can at least breathe! I just have trouble hearing. It's really difficult to concentrate. :(

Secondly, I went on a drinking marathon this weekend. OH MY GOSH! Friday night it was beer, beer, beer and a couple shots of Everglo. Last night it was bourbon, vodka, beer, more vodka, on and on and on! I have never been so giggly and happy in my life. I even tried dancing! So count that as my exercise for the weekend b/c that's all there is since Thursday!

The third thing is food. I'm sick. Not really hungry. I haven't had a balanced meal since Friday lunch time. Usually drinking makes me eat something greasy, like Waffle House. Not this time. I'm lucky to get food in me. Example- my dinner tonight was a Fiber One bar. It's the only thing around me that looked edible!

The last thing is the kicker. I'm confused. So confused. My brother runs track and he came by to give me tips and show me stretches. He says not to run longer than 10 minutes on weight training days. So, what's more important- the weights or running? Furthermore, I'm not even a good runner yet. So can I practice running and do weights on the same day? He doesn't think so. Oh, what to do?

Running is the best thing to happen to me in a long while. It's the best natural high for me. I feel like I'm accomplished, strong, and sexy. I feel like I beat the odds and stood up for myself. [Which is actually true.] It's addicting. I am going to give up cigarettes for running. I'd rather run and feel amazing than smoke a cigarette, enjoy it, and need another one in 30 minutes or so.

My brother also said that to lose weight, 30 minutes of exercise 3 times a week is enough. Hmmm? I told my father-in-law who bluntly told me, "That's loaded because men lose weight easier than women." Point. I just feel pressured. I want to run. I want to weight train. I want to excel at both, in time. My trainer wants me on the weights 4 times a week. I need to practice running about 3 times a week. [It's a sliding scale for beginners. Walk 5 minutes, run 5 minutes, etc. Which I can't even run 5 whole minutes yet!] That's 7 days a week. I don't have the help I need on the weekends to get out and do all that. So, what do I do?

It used to be that I would avoid exercise. Now I'm trying to max it out without killing myself. Ha ha ha! My mom accuses me of always making things seem worse than they are. No, mom, I just don't want a sports injury. I'm a heavy girl. On the other hand, I'm a strong girl. I need someone to talk to outside of the gym trainer and my brother. I'd like some answers that aren't biased.

*sighs*

That's where I'm at. I feel nervous about the weigh-in tomorrow. I feel stupid about some of the things I did last night. And I'm behind on housework. Maybe I should run tomorrow. That always ups my energy and I can get more done!
 
I hear ya abt the exercise...LOL, you sound so much like me:DLOL

There is too much thou ya know but do what you want and what works for you and what makes you feel good!!!


I hear ya abt that damn mirror, lol, but i got a good laugh:)I always look tha tway. I look like the walking dead due to my nights adn not enough sleep..always freaking pale as a ghost, bug huge bags under my eyes and etc...My parents place is the worse cuz when I get outta there shower I can see my whole gross body naked:(

But like you, my clothes are getting to big...Im looking more toned and in better shape, my body is changing

By the way you are pretty, your cute and beautiful:D!!!
 
Nothing to say other than I need to reply more to blogs [sorry!] and I'm still sick with something. I feel weak and spacey. I can't really concentrate. I just make myself do stuff [like laundry] and it feels so automatic. I just do it and don't realize it. But it only works if I can get off my butt! I'm SO tired!

I'm forcing myself to eat and drink water. I want a nap, but I can't b/c of kids and all. *sighs* I woke up feeling fine and it only took 20 minutes to feel like crud again.

Oh yeah, my weight is up. 196 something. Whatever. I'm maintaining between 195 to 196. Better than gaining! Although I did hit 194 last Thursday...

Here's hoping tomorrow I'll be back in the gym... or walking... or anything!
 
Still sick. :(

So there's not much to report. Just trying to get healthy again. I'm pretty bummed about all this.

Tomorrow I weigh-in to check out my tally for the month. I bet I lost a little. There's no telling till the morning. Last month I lost 4.4 lbs. Hope I did something this month!
 
I'm back!

I was out with an evil sinus infection. :( Better now. Not completely over it, but dealing.

So far this week I have stuck to my diet plan.

Mon- walk/run, ab dvd
Tues- weight train upper body, cardio
Wed- power walk, Wii Fit, ab exercises

I have a plan to lose 4 lbs by the end of the month. I want to be 190 [or size 14] by June 6. My hubby will be flying in for a month then! To keep my focus where it needs to be, I put up the scales. No weighing until I actually feel smaller. No taping either.

On a personal note, I feel pretty resigned to this. I don't try to fight it. I just keep going.
 
I've been sitting here reading your diary. Glad you're feeling better! I know about sinuses, they can really get ya down. But you seem to have it REALLY bad. *hugs*

You're such a trooper! And you're really inspirational with all the exercise you're doing, and that you actually enjoy it.

Keep it up!
 
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