So lets discuss...

[Aleeluh]

Well, I couldn't find where to put this topic or where to write my little rant .So I will put it here..

So, I am on vacation and yes I am having a blast. Tonight I went to a place tonight and watched a play/ ate dinner. I saw this really attractive guy. Of course I am dating someone, but that's long distance and we are in the middle of the what to do stage. Anyways, I was really attracted to him, not just from his looks but from he way he acts. I was thinking to myself - If I was single.. would I be able to approach this guy?.. I told myself no. My reasoning ? Because I am overweight he wouldn't even look twice. If he did it would be because he is just being nice.

I know thats bad to think that way. I am scared sometimes if my relationship I am in now doesn't work out I will just have to settle for someone I am halfway happy with because at this point in my life I am overweight.. I really do not want to think that way anymore. I mean most guys will not date someone overweight, I am not stupid I know how *most* guys are. They don't care I have lost 20lbs or that I will continue until I reach my goal.It really upsets me that I feel this way.. A few years ago I wouldn't even have thought that I would be typing this right now. Ugh.. I am sorry I am venting to everyone about this. Everyone else I talk to that isn't overweight and doesn't understand is like.. you never know until you try- but why set myself up for that heartbreak? Or the other reply is ..You will be thinner soon enough and it will all be ok. It's like I would have to put my happiness on hold and wait it out until I am thin enough to be cared for.

Anyways.. that is all my rant for tonight.. if anyone has any advice please please please let me hear it- this is really stressing me out.

 

[ProudTexan]

Well, first and foremost I'd say you have no business approacing another man if you're currently in a relationship (long distance or not). Of course, I don't know your situation. I should just shut up about that topic...

But anyway, a dude's going to love you no matter what, fat or thin. You shouldn't feel the need to drop weight for a guy. I'm losing my weight for myself (well, Uncle Sam actually wants me to lose it). If you approach a guy and he doesn't show you the time of day, then he's not worth it.

I don't know what else to say because I'm not Dr. Phil or Dr. Ruth.

Have a good rest of your vacation.

 

[Aleeluh]

No no.. even if I felt I was able to approach him.. I wouldn't . In theory though :] If I *was* single. I feel I couldn't. I hate feeling that way.

I am one of those people who think about the what if's. Ya know? I use to be soo confident about these types of things but now its really hard.

 

[ProudTexan]

If I *was* single. I feel I couldn't. I hate feeling that way.

Yeah, I understand what you're saying. It's just hard for me to think that way because I can't imagine myself not married to my wife. So it's hard for me to look at a woman and say "damn, if I was single I'd go try to hit on her."

I am one of those people who think about the what if's. Ya know?

And what if the world ended tomorrow?

 

[Aleeluh]

I am also not even close to marriage. I am 17 :] So I am not going to kid myself thinking that all relationships I have will lead to something more serious. Of course they can but they most likely won't. heh

Of course anything could happen, I just was thinking about how I am so insecure now, I wasn't like this a few years ago. If what I have now doesn't work and me being so young, I am sure I will have a lot more relationships. It is really scary thinking about having to start over.

 

[ProudTexan]

I am also not even close to marriage. I am 17 :]

I see. I was married at 17.

I just was thinking about how I am so insecure now, I wasn't like this a few years ago.

Don't worry, I wasn't insecure at 14 either. Not in relationships, anyway.

If what I have now doesn't work and me being so young, I am sure I will have a lot more relationships. It is really scary thinking about having to start over.

When it's the right guy, it won't matter how you look. When a guy loves you truely, then you'll be the most beautiful thing to him.

I should shut up now because I'm scaring myself. Men don't talk about this sort of thing. Next I'll be reading Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus..... That I don't want.

 

[Aleeluh]

Haha.. yea stop talking like that . Some people are mature enough to be married at this age.. but me. I know I need to finish this college thing. I have a few more years to go before I know for sure I am ready for anything like that :] While my cousin on the other hand is 19, she will be married in a month and just found out she is pregnant 2 days ago So yea.

I know what you are saying about how it shouldn't matter to whoever how much I weigh. I feel that way. I wish most people did feel that way also. :[ I can't wait for that to be one less issue for me. I will feel more confident just having conversation's and making new friends if nothing else. :]

 

[cym]

...all I can say is, despite the wisdom that supposedly comes with age....I felt exactly the same way at my heaviest. I was dating a guy who was heavy himself, and despite all the good qualities he had, I admit that part of the reason I stayed in the relationship at that time was because his being overweight made me more comfortable in being overweight myself. Not pretty, but true. And when that ended, I didn't have the nerve to approach the kind of guys I was attracted to to because in the back of my mind I felt like, right or wrong, they would be amused/disgusted by this fat chick hitting on them. And, like your friends have told you (and my friends told me at the time), I'm sure some, maybe even most, of them would not have responded that way...but when your self-confidence is already low...whether it's because of body image or another reason, the last thing you need sometimes is another blow to the ego by a random stranger.

In truth, some men will not date heavy women because they don't find them physically attractive...I don't think it makes them awful human beings...we are simply attracted to what we are attracted to. Just as some men are highly attracted to heavier women....or tall women, or women with red hair or whatever. It's one thing to be mean to someone because of their weight - and another thing altogether to just not be attracted.

But that doesn't mean you should "put your happiness on hold" until you reach a certain weight/size...'cause that just doesn't make any sense if you think about it. There's so much stuff to be happy (or unhappy) about in life aside from how much weigh and what other people think about that weight.

You have to find stuff about yourself and and your life that you enjoy and focus and build on that along with your weight loss goal. Confidence is sexy. Being secure within yourself is sexy. Being a happy person is sexy. Being a loving, caring person is sexy. IMO, at the end of the day, when you have those, no matter how much/little you weigh, you become a desirable person who attracts others with those same qualities.