Hello all. Obviously Im new here. Im not sure what Im looking for, perhaps just a place to get this off my chest. In any case, here is my story...
I was always a big kid growing up. My parents always signed off on my issues by saying that big just runs in our family. By my senior year of high school I weighed about 320 lbs (Im a shade over 5'10"). After graduation one day I noticed myself in the mirror and decided that enough was enough. I made up my mind to lose weight, and I did just that. When all was said and done 18 months later I weighed 195 lbs and was in excellent cardiovascular shape. In college I began playing rugby and lifting weights seriously, and I bulked up to a very solid 225 lbs. I was in the best shape of my life. But my senior year required me to do an internship and I didnt have the time to work out that I used to. I made excuses and started gaining weight. That was about 4 years ago.
After college I moved from a small town to a major city, and although my wife and her family were very welcoming it was a hard transition. Food was a constant crutch. I continued to gain weight until it was unable to be ignored. I had to purchase increasingly large clothes and started noticing big changes. For instance I started to lose my breath when walking up stairs. I also began having an incredibly hard time with heat. If it was over 75 degrees I was sweating. I was embarrassed to be in public, which in turn fueled my poor coping strategy of eating for comfort. I had tried half-hearted attempts at getting fit again but always fell short; I just didnt have that motivation to follow through. That has begun to change, however.
About 6 weeks ago I finally joined a gym with my wife (she's in pretty good shape, average for her height. Really, we're like Carrie and Doug on The King of Queens). It was rough going at first and my pride made me want to pick up where I left off 4 years ago. For some reason I was shocked to learn I couldnt bench press 315 lbs anymore. Pride is a killer. But I persevered, quit worrying about what others around me in the gym looked, and drove on. Last week I finally decided to get on a scale and see how much I weighed. I was absolutely shocked to learn that I weigh 348 lbs. Its just unfathomable to me. Ive been carrying it around like an awful secret. Ya know, as if people who see me dont know that Im fat...lol. Im certainly not making excuses for myself or rationalizing it, but the fact that I used to lift weights at the capacity that I did does have something to do with it. Power lifting really causes you to bulk up, and I have gigantic legs that still carry a lot of their definition. Most of the weight Ive gained sits around my midsection. In any case, I just cant get that number out of my head. 348. Im beginning to obsess over it and skip meals and I know thats not healthy. If I dont get this out I fear that the baggage will become too much and I will "relapse".
I have decided that I need to tell my wife about *the number*. I think I will also tell my brother, who is a fitness fanatic. I know I need the support but Im just so damn embarrassed. I guess Im just using this as an anonymous trial run to get some confidence.
In any case, thanks for listening. I dont even know if I will use this regularly but I hope it can become an outlet for me; God knows I need it. Good luck to all in their healthy pursuits, and thanks for listening.
I was always a big kid growing up. My parents always signed off on my issues by saying that big just runs in our family. By my senior year of high school I weighed about 320 lbs (Im a shade over 5'10"). After graduation one day I noticed myself in the mirror and decided that enough was enough. I made up my mind to lose weight, and I did just that. When all was said and done 18 months later I weighed 195 lbs and was in excellent cardiovascular shape. In college I began playing rugby and lifting weights seriously, and I bulked up to a very solid 225 lbs. I was in the best shape of my life. But my senior year required me to do an internship and I didnt have the time to work out that I used to. I made excuses and started gaining weight. That was about 4 years ago.
After college I moved from a small town to a major city, and although my wife and her family were very welcoming it was a hard transition. Food was a constant crutch. I continued to gain weight until it was unable to be ignored. I had to purchase increasingly large clothes and started noticing big changes. For instance I started to lose my breath when walking up stairs. I also began having an incredibly hard time with heat. If it was over 75 degrees I was sweating. I was embarrassed to be in public, which in turn fueled my poor coping strategy of eating for comfort. I had tried half-hearted attempts at getting fit again but always fell short; I just didnt have that motivation to follow through. That has begun to change, however.
About 6 weeks ago I finally joined a gym with my wife (she's in pretty good shape, average for her height. Really, we're like Carrie and Doug on The King of Queens). It was rough going at first and my pride made me want to pick up where I left off 4 years ago. For some reason I was shocked to learn I couldnt bench press 315 lbs anymore. Pride is a killer. But I persevered, quit worrying about what others around me in the gym looked, and drove on. Last week I finally decided to get on a scale and see how much I weighed. I was absolutely shocked to learn that I weigh 348 lbs. Its just unfathomable to me. Ive been carrying it around like an awful secret. Ya know, as if people who see me dont know that Im fat...lol. Im certainly not making excuses for myself or rationalizing it, but the fact that I used to lift weights at the capacity that I did does have something to do with it. Power lifting really causes you to bulk up, and I have gigantic legs that still carry a lot of their definition. Most of the weight Ive gained sits around my midsection. In any case, I just cant get that number out of my head. 348. Im beginning to obsess over it and skip meals and I know thats not healthy. If I dont get this out I fear that the baggage will become too much and I will "relapse".
I have decided that I need to tell my wife about *the number*. I think I will also tell my brother, who is a fitness fanatic. I know I need the support but Im just so damn embarrassed. I guess Im just using this as an anonymous trial run to get some confidence.
In any case, thanks for listening. I dont even know if I will use this regularly but I hope it can become an outlet for me; God knows I need it. Good luck to all in their healthy pursuits, and thanks for listening.
