Sweat4health25
New member
My dads moods swings
Here is the story of how the mood swings changed from last week to this week:
Last weekend I went outside and my dad asked me to help teak stain some of the outdoor furniture so I did, we used small foam brushes. Sometimes I will pretend a small problem is bigger than it really is so my dad will say Oh no its ok and then he doesnt create any problems of his own. I didnt even realize I did that until just now, writing it. We started with four small foam brushes and one large one- he used the large one for the large spaces and I filled in the slats/gaps in the chairs that were small spaces. After a while, my small brush became damaged in that the metal part in the middle pushed the foam bits apart and so they hung to the side and made it dificult to use the brush. I held it up to my dad and said, Uh oh, look. He said, Oh thats okay, just use another one, they're not made to last.
So, no problems for about a week.
My dad, on that same day, asked me to go with my mom to a charity party since he got free tickets and didnt want to waste them. I said ok. The day of the party my dad says, I'm going with you, not your mom. I say ok. Not sure what is going on. My mom comes up to me, shes says oh youre not going to that are you? Its going to be so boring and you'll have to hear people talk about cancer and they'll just want to get more money. I said, I thought you were going with me. She says, what, no. Your dad asked me yesterday. I'm more special than that. I'm not going on one days notice. I say, oh, ok. Half hour before we are supposed to leave, my dad says dont come. I say why. He says because youre not enthused. If you were enthused you would be ready by now.
I had already taken a shower, and I did not need to dry my hair. So I said, I dont need a half hour to get ready, Dad. I want to go.
He says, No, no, dont make a big thing of it. I'll just go myself. I say, No, I'd like to go. Finally he says ok. We go, its kind of fun, there is free food on a yacht that is permanently moored for parties and events on the river. Its nice there are people in suits, I feel dressed up and pretty. But its a little bit boring, but still its nice for me to get out of the house. I am started to get bored of mingling and chatting. Some lady takes my picture which might be in a magazine. This is the best part of the whole night. I stay cool and collected but am secretly jumping up and down inside. I told my dad I had a nice time and thanks for inviting me. He tells me about the business associates he met there, and we have an adult conversation on the way home, by which I mean, he talks to me as an equal and doesnt try to dumb things down like he often does, which is degrading to me as if he thinks I'm dumb, but thats another story. I play dumb alot around my dad because he tells me so many things he thinks I never knew before. But he likes to humiliate me too and say, "You didnt know that? Didnt you see Charlie Wilson's war?" "Yes" "Well watch it again, because they tell you this in the movie" and I'm just thinking "Of course I know that, I'm just playing dumb so you can hear yourself talk because otherwise it would be dead silence since we have about zilch in common you old fossil". Naturally since I lost my job and am financially dependent on my dad, I dont say this. But still, as irrating as my dad can be, this experience so far was a nice one, although of course, I am never really at ease around my dad, not sure how he will act and mostly how he will react. Sometimes he simply cant hold his attention span, so I have to stop talking, he will interupt me and say Oh thats nice. to end the conversation before I finish and continue to cut me off until I stop talking. HE's really an asshole, come to think of it.
Oh god, that last sentence made my blood boil, and me so mad. Ugh, stay focused, Ashley, stay focused.
Anyway, so he had been nice on that day - that was this past Thursday. The next day, my mom and I went out to get me the rest of my outdoor style clothes for Greece (A rain parka and what not) and as we pull into the driveway, my dad had just pulled his car in, so we stopped our car behind him. My dad gets out. It is pouring rain. He opens the house door and shuts it behind him. We get out of the car and go to the front door of the house. It is locked. What a fucking douche. He locked us out of the goddamn fucking house.
So we had to stand in the pouring rain trying to find the housekey and open the door. My mom says "Oh he doesnt realize he is doing these things" but I know he does. He is such a fucking dipshit sometimes I want to beat him up. Unfortunately he weights like 240 pounds or something and is much talelr than me, about half a foot, and is stronger than me, from all the years of being in the army and playing rugby in Argentina. My mom says he had bad role models for parents, abusive parents, even teh women. His aunt especially. Alcoholics, many of them. But my moms dad was alocholic and although she has a mean streak and is often incredibly petty, shes never mean to me and judgmental to me the way my dad is, with the intent of making me feel bad on purpose. He wants me to feel bad and guilty for all the things he works to provide me. It leaves me very confused. Why did you want me to come home, if youre just going to make me feel guilty over helping me? I think he wants us to look at him as god, thank you, noble sir, for what you do for us, and to eat his food, and watch the movies he wants, and do everything he wants and be happy with it, its good enough. And other times I think oh my dad he works so hard, i'm so ungrateful, maybe I *Do* spend too much money on soda or crackers, etc. And I feel bad. And I feel bad because he had a hard upbringing, abusive family and all. So every time my dad an I fight, I feel afterward like I need to take care of my dad, I worry about him, I wonder, will he kill himself? I feel crazy I feel so scared and weird and wounded and very hurt.
I never told anybody this, my whole life. I never could put any of this to words ever. Its one of the reasons I would scream and yell as a teenager because I never felt understood and I felt accused all the time of being bad when I really was a good kid who tried hard to do well in school, to make friends and whatnot. I actual have one friend, the maid of honor of my wedding if i eve rhave one, who knows some of the story. She is the sweetest girl I know. We share stories because we understand each other. We both have crazy parents, crazy families.
My dad was so mean, I went out and bought even more snacks tonight, and movies to stay up watching in my room, incase I couldnt sleep. Usually if I fight with my mom I cant sleep. Lately my dad is making me feel so bad I cant sleep for a long time after trying to go to sleep. Its a mixture of angry and sad, just upset is the best word. My mom isnt here, shes in connectivcut visiting my brother who is 44 or something old like that and has two kids and whatnot.
So usedtobefatmatt, yes I'm all over the fucking place, but theres a reason for it. Because all of these pieces are contributing to my sadness, to my emptiness that I keep trying to fill with junk food. I dont even really like food. When I am happy, I dont eat much, and I feel full. I havent felt that way in about 7 years though.
Here is the story of how the mood swings changed from last week to this week:
Last weekend I went outside and my dad asked me to help teak stain some of the outdoor furniture so I did, we used small foam brushes. Sometimes I will pretend a small problem is bigger than it really is so my dad will say Oh no its ok and then he doesnt create any problems of his own. I didnt even realize I did that until just now, writing it. We started with four small foam brushes and one large one- he used the large one for the large spaces and I filled in the slats/gaps in the chairs that were small spaces. After a while, my small brush became damaged in that the metal part in the middle pushed the foam bits apart and so they hung to the side and made it dificult to use the brush. I held it up to my dad and said, Uh oh, look. He said, Oh thats okay, just use another one, they're not made to last.
So, no problems for about a week.
My dad, on that same day, asked me to go with my mom to a charity party since he got free tickets and didnt want to waste them. I said ok. The day of the party my dad says, I'm going with you, not your mom. I say ok. Not sure what is going on. My mom comes up to me, shes says oh youre not going to that are you? Its going to be so boring and you'll have to hear people talk about cancer and they'll just want to get more money. I said, I thought you were going with me. She says, what, no. Your dad asked me yesterday. I'm more special than that. I'm not going on one days notice. I say, oh, ok. Half hour before we are supposed to leave, my dad says dont come. I say why. He says because youre not enthused. If you were enthused you would be ready by now.
I had already taken a shower, and I did not need to dry my hair. So I said, I dont need a half hour to get ready, Dad. I want to go.
He says, No, no, dont make a big thing of it. I'll just go myself. I say, No, I'd like to go. Finally he says ok. We go, its kind of fun, there is free food on a yacht that is permanently moored for parties and events on the river. Its nice there are people in suits, I feel dressed up and pretty. But its a little bit boring, but still its nice for me to get out of the house. I am started to get bored of mingling and chatting. Some lady takes my picture which might be in a magazine. This is the best part of the whole night. I stay cool and collected but am secretly jumping up and down inside. I told my dad I had a nice time and thanks for inviting me. He tells me about the business associates he met there, and we have an adult conversation on the way home, by which I mean, he talks to me as an equal and doesnt try to dumb things down like he often does, which is degrading to me as if he thinks I'm dumb, but thats another story. I play dumb alot around my dad because he tells me so many things he thinks I never knew before. But he likes to humiliate me too and say, "You didnt know that? Didnt you see Charlie Wilson's war?" "Yes" "Well watch it again, because they tell you this in the movie" and I'm just thinking "Of course I know that, I'm just playing dumb so you can hear yourself talk because otherwise it would be dead silence since we have about zilch in common you old fossil". Naturally since I lost my job and am financially dependent on my dad, I dont say this. But still, as irrating as my dad can be, this experience so far was a nice one, although of course, I am never really at ease around my dad, not sure how he will act and mostly how he will react. Sometimes he simply cant hold his attention span, so I have to stop talking, he will interupt me and say Oh thats nice. to end the conversation before I finish and continue to cut me off until I stop talking. HE's really an asshole, come to think of it.
Oh god, that last sentence made my blood boil, and me so mad. Ugh, stay focused, Ashley, stay focused.
Anyway, so he had been nice on that day - that was this past Thursday. The next day, my mom and I went out to get me the rest of my outdoor style clothes for Greece (A rain parka and what not) and as we pull into the driveway, my dad had just pulled his car in, so we stopped our car behind him. My dad gets out. It is pouring rain. He opens the house door and shuts it behind him. We get out of the car and go to the front door of the house. It is locked. What a fucking douche. He locked us out of the goddamn fucking house.
So we had to stand in the pouring rain trying to find the housekey and open the door. My mom says "Oh he doesnt realize he is doing these things" but I know he does. He is such a fucking dipshit sometimes I want to beat him up. Unfortunately he weights like 240 pounds or something and is much talelr than me, about half a foot, and is stronger than me, from all the years of being in the army and playing rugby in Argentina. My mom says he had bad role models for parents, abusive parents, even teh women. His aunt especially. Alcoholics, many of them. But my moms dad was alocholic and although she has a mean streak and is often incredibly petty, shes never mean to me and judgmental to me the way my dad is, with the intent of making me feel bad on purpose. He wants me to feel bad and guilty for all the things he works to provide me. It leaves me very confused. Why did you want me to come home, if youre just going to make me feel guilty over helping me? I think he wants us to look at him as god, thank you, noble sir, for what you do for us, and to eat his food, and watch the movies he wants, and do everything he wants and be happy with it, its good enough. And other times I think oh my dad he works so hard, i'm so ungrateful, maybe I *Do* spend too much money on soda or crackers, etc. And I feel bad. And I feel bad because he had a hard upbringing, abusive family and all. So every time my dad an I fight, I feel afterward like I need to take care of my dad, I worry about him, I wonder, will he kill himself? I feel crazy I feel so scared and weird and wounded and very hurt.
I never told anybody this, my whole life. I never could put any of this to words ever. Its one of the reasons I would scream and yell as a teenager because I never felt understood and I felt accused all the time of being bad when I really was a good kid who tried hard to do well in school, to make friends and whatnot. I actual have one friend, the maid of honor of my wedding if i eve rhave one, who knows some of the story. She is the sweetest girl I know. We share stories because we understand each other. We both have crazy parents, crazy families.
My dad was so mean, I went out and bought even more snacks tonight, and movies to stay up watching in my room, incase I couldnt sleep. Usually if I fight with my mom I cant sleep. Lately my dad is making me feel so bad I cant sleep for a long time after trying to go to sleep. Its a mixture of angry and sad, just upset is the best word. My mom isnt here, shes in connectivcut visiting my brother who is 44 or something old like that and has two kids and whatnot.
So usedtobefatmatt, yes I'm all over the fucking place, but theres a reason for it. Because all of these pieces are contributing to my sadness, to my emptiness that I keep trying to fill with junk food. I dont even really like food. When I am happy, I dont eat much, and I feel full. I havent felt that way in about 7 years though.
Last edited:
Hopefully things are going better now! Thanks for the bento box info.... sweet haha. I had a really hard time moving back in with my parents after college... so I feel your pain. Once you move back out maybe your relationship with your dad will settle a little. Anyway stay positive! and lets make this a good week 
Ashley 
