Singlehood male support group. Is there such an animal?

D

Dallen

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I found that being single is a painful reality to deal with. Aside from seeing counseling, is there any such thing as a support group aimed at male? Of course, I can tell myself all day that it's okay to be single, but it's not, and I can't convince myself anymore that I'm alright. All the support group I've seen are aimed towards women, not men. So why is it that dudes don't have support groups?

Sorry for bringing this up so much. Just finding ways to vent all my frustration and it's getting hard. I don't want to punch things, as I don't want to get violent. I just want to know where there is a support group where the leader isn't some 40 year old man, whose been married since he was 18 and now he's leading a singles group where he talks about the hardship of being alone which is a bunch of baloney bogus garbage.
 
Can I ask you why you feel its not ok to be single
 
Because being a single dude is awesome, that's why. Though I don't agree with it, there's still a stigma to being a 35 year old single woman. That societal stigma doesn't exist as much for men. Don't get me wrong, I'm married, but I married at 35. Nothing wrong with being single. Date and enjoy. It'll happen when it happens.
 
danny said:
Can I ask you why you feel its not ok to be single
Click to expand...

You know out of everyone I talked to, no one ever asked that question once. Not once. Perhaps they did, but then went on about how it's okay to be.

To give you a short version of it, for me the reason why it's not okay to be single is simply due to fear. That's all it is, really, just simple fear. Perhaps now that fear became an obsession, but at the moment, it's just simple fear.

I suppose everyone goes through it at some point in life. However, I suppose the problem I have is that I have a fear of singlehood, but then what sort of ways to resolve it? And I suppose nearly everything that I look at someone states that it's none other than my fault. Even religious people tell me god has a "higher purpose" for me, and until I do that, only then will someone be willing to be with me. What is that higher purpose, I don't know, but I do know that it isn't going to happen anytime soon.

So I guess that's the problem with being single. Just fear. I understand that much now and all I have to do is sit and "wait" but at the same time I have to "do something" to make it happen. So now you see the sort of conundrum I put myself into.
 
Do you see a counselor? Why don't you take it up with him?
Other than that, try to google single men support group and your area or something like that.
 
I as well truly bleieve that everyone has a higher purpose as well. You could be looking in all the wrong places. An absolute amazing novel called The Alchemist is a book with a man on a journey about a man trying to find his purpose in life. Not everyone finds it, but it discusses how when u want something bad enough the universe tends to help u achieve it. I have read it 3 times I think you would love it. I think it would take you of your fear mode that your in, and will relax u and open your eyes to many new things while living in this chaotic world.
 
You still beleive others see you as abnormal for being single.

Fear of what?

Being alone is awesome. Seriously. Being with someone is just as awesome.

This isn't meant to confuse you. It's just that being single and/or being in a relationship both has advantages and disadvantages. Not one is better than the other. One brings more ups and downs, the other brings more stability.

What are you afraid of?

You're problem lies entirely with the confidence you have with connecting with others. This is where your fear is. You don't even have to tell me.

Don't force yourself to connect with others for the sake of others. Do it for you with an understanding that when you connect with people you become happy. Do not resist this fact. Being accepted and wanted is a basic need and instinct that we need to get fulfilled. Don't let this discourage you out of the thought that it is hard, because it isn't. Really it isn't. All you need is some understanding. Take some time and study emotion, psychology and what ever you feel you need to look into and this behavior will go away.

Not trying to squish you into depression, but, from the way you are talking and behaving I would say you have few friends.

What you are afraid of is connection. You haven't had any in so long that you don't know how to approach the approach itself. You need to remain alone and single and do some much needed self observation and analysis. Identity what emotions you are experiencing, what they mean, how to interpret them, how to act on them. Perhaps your instincts as a man are controlling you, identify what instincts you have as a man. How and why we react to them. A good way of understanding human instincts is to go back and look at the behavior of cave men. I know this sounds cheesy, but the examples you will find in such studies are thorough and clear and give good representations of how human instincts work and why we let ourselves get controlled by them. It is because of our conscious decisions. Don't start beveling you aren't in control of your emotions or yourself. You have been blessed by a consciousness and have been given the will to interpret your emotions and decisions in a way that best serves you.

Also, if you have any doubts in yourself, address them directly and without mercy until most if not all of them are gone.

Hope this helped!

Good day!

:grinning:
 
I would argue, also, that to be asking others for problems within yourself isn't a good idea.

You know your issues.

List them- Address them through self-education and self-observation.

Seriously, it works.

Your the only one with answers. We can steer you, but in the end you must find your own way.
 
Mate you don't need counselling, you need to get out there on the pull ;)

Get the lads together for a night out and go enjoy yourself.

Alternatively you could always ask your friends about setting you up, or try online dating site and see what happens.

There's so many ways of meeting women, many of them fun. Concentrate on your training during the week, and get out there of the weekend, loads of lovely (and not so lovely) women for you to be meeting.

I've been with my current girlfriend just over 2 months, things are going well, but I wouldn't have met her if I had been worrying about being single. I just went out and enjoyed myself whilst single, reconnected with a lot of old friends that i'd lost touch with after being in a long relationship.

I was never really depressed about it and dated a lot of girls before I actually got into a relationship with somebody, waited for somebody who I really like and has some unique qualities about her.

Don't worry about it or you might rush into something. Take it easy and get out there. If all else fails buy a nice sports car :car: lol j/k.
 
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