Self-Confidence Issues

S

Sarin

New member
Hi guys,

Let me first off give my stats. I am a 19 (20 this month) year old Female. I am 5'2" - 5'3" and average 135lbs. I sed to average 125-130 until I started strength training....

I do 15 minutes aerobic and 40 minutes strength training 3 days a week and then do 30 minutes light aerobic 1 on an off-day. I eat 1200-1400 calories a day which consist of approx. 50% carbs, 15% fruit, 25% vegetables, and 10% protein. I believe my diet is pretty balanced except the lack of protien which I am trying to improve upon.

I have "cheat" days about 1-2 times a month which is mostly special events such as holidays, birthdays, etc.

Anyway,

I have been struggling with my weight and self confidence my entire life. I was always obese. I remember being around 15 and over 200lbs. Once I was able to make my own decisions I started to lose weight on my own.

However, despite losing so much weight, I feel the worst I have ever felt about myself now. I constantly feel bloated, and fat. I am a very mature person and believe I am a smart enough person not to let these feelings get to me - but they still do. I look at myself in the mirror in disgust. All I see is my large abdomen (which most of my fat now lies despite my efforts.) And overall an ugly figure.

I am financially stable as of right now, although recently unemployed (which his has nothing to do with - it was my choice), I have a serious boyfriend, and have a hobby which I am very passionate about. But I cannot help but feel weight is always on my mind and constantly bringing me down. I am depressed a lot and feel almost worthless because all I physically can feel is my weight.

Everyone says I am "fine". This isn't about what others think of me, it is about how I think of me and how comfortable I am with my body. And I am not comfortable.

When I eat I feel like a pig. I cannot enjoy my food as I should. I really enjoy cooking but I am so anal about what goes into my food it isn't enjoyable any more.

I just don't know what to do any more. I don't want to resort to going to therapy or anything medical. But I am having a hard time being HAPPY for once and not worrying about the pounds, calories, self image, etc and just feel GOOD to be me.

Anyway, whether or not anyone has any advice I appreciate being able to rant to others who may be experiencing the same thing.



Thanks.
 
There is nothing wrong with therapy. I personallly think it is a good place to start - some times we all just need a little help. This site is kinda like therapy! When I was going through depression - I found a talk therapy group to be a real benifit. Just being able to share what I was going through was very helpful, so was hearing that other people were going through stuff too.
 
Sarin,


it seems you really making an effort here.


this is my best advice on the very brief info i get from your post:


your diet seems of balance.

I would suggest more protein intake. You do a lot of sport so i would suggest 1 gram per pound of desired body weight per day. (for refference to your diet, 1 gram of protein is about 4 calories)

carbs about 100 grams per day (also 4 calories). Do not eat refined carbs (bread, rice, pasta,...)

the rest should be fats (9 calories per gram)


Oliver
 
Low self confidence can be an issue even with skinny people. I am 5'3 and weigh 114 pounds, a lot of which is muscle so I actually look like I weigh less than that. I have struggled with self confidence issues about my body most of my life and whenever I look in the mirror my eyes immediately hone in on the bits I don't like. even though I don't really fluctuate in my weight, I am always trying to lose weight. I would say that right now I am in the best shape of my life, and although i am still not 100% happy, I do feel a lot happier about my body than I used to.

I know that most people probably think that just losing the weight won't solve the problem of low self-esteem, but I do think it definitely helps to achieve a weight that you are happier with.

So rather than dwelling on your past failures, i would make a plan to just lose that fat once and for all. It is definitely possible because heaps of other people have done it and now with the internet there are so many awesome online tools to help that you will succeed if you are determined enough.

For some people diet is the key and for others exercise is the key. I love food and although I try to be very controlled in terms of the amount of calories I consume, I find it very difficult to stick to a diet. I have noticed over the years that my body responds a lot more to exercise than it does to diets. I do a lot of intense exercise, 6 days a week of at least 60 minutes a day alternating between cardio and strength training. I use workout dvds because I find them fun and effective. My favorite instructor at the moment is Cathe Friedrich. I have just started one of her weight training program called STS. It is a heavy weights program which works every muscle group in a 3 day split. I do a lot of step aerobics for cardio as i find this really burns calories more effectively than regular cardio.

If you love food and want to be able to eat relatively high calories without putting on weight then you might have to change up your exercise routine. I would do a lot more cardio on your non strength training days and start doing HIIT or interval training to shock your body into burning fat.

You need to constantly challenge yourself in order to keep progressing. As you get fitter and stronger your body won't respond to the same old exercises any more. Keep track of your weight and reps and make sure you are constantly increasing. Women don't bulk up with heavier weights. Muscle takes up less space than fat so even if you do put on muscle you will be smaller in inches.

Go online and do some research on body building websites for women. It might seem extreme, but you can just glean the info that is useful for you. If you want results you are going to have to work for them.
 
At 5ft 3" and 135 pounds the OPs BMI is 23.9 which is within the normal and healthy weight range.


Attaching your self esteem to your body weight is not the best approach to managing yourself and how you feel.


Better the OP concentrate on developing a more balanced view of herself by recognising all of her good qualities and successes.
 
Thank you for all the support guys.


I am training to the point that I am sweating (and I don't really sweat normally) I do change things up a bit, and I am eating well - a lot of people say I eat too little. I never reach 1500 calories unless it is a special occassion such as my Birthday, or Holidays.


So I suppose it is just stubborn fat that no matter what, won't go away. If that's even possible?


It is more a self-confidence issue that I am not sure I am able to change.. What mroe can I do? Sure.. I can go to the gym every day and work my ass off to the pint where I feel like faiting... But is that really a good thing to get myself into? Will it even make my belly fat go away? And if so, would it really make me happier? I don't know.


I know now I am trying the best I can, comfortably, and I have to learn to lvoe myself. But I am having such a hard time. Just the other day I saw a picture of me when I was about 190-200lbs. And I thought... I still see that in the mirror.. I still feel like that.. Why?? Such crap when the mind does that to itself! I have to learn to overcome it.


I will get pictures up and maybe that'll help you guys see what I see (or don't see? I really don't know.)




Thanks again.
 
Sarin,


I have just read your post and really feel for you!


Just when you think you are eating right and exercising right, your mind kicks in and takes over to tell you you're no good anyway!


I think you have to retrain your mind, I bet over the years of your short life (so young!.....although nearly 20.....you might be pushing it a bit! Just joking!! :-D) you have never really told yourself that you are a wonderful person, that you have a great body, that you are loved and lovable.....all those good things we need to hear from ourselves.....ALL THE TIME.


So......my suggestion is to write down why you are a great person, what are the wonderful things that make you special and unique......It might be hard to be positive about yourself but give it a try :)


Ask your boyfriend why he loves you, ask your "good positive" friends why they like being around you.....tell them you are feeling a bit down about yourself.....I'm sure they will give you a lift :)


Get as much positive feedback as you can all about you............then starting reading all those wonderful things everyday, and start believing them too!


After a while you will start to believe in yourself and your abilities and be able to love yourself the way you should!


Then, I think the weight will come off a bit easier and you will be able to live a happier life in your amazing body.... :)


I have also had a bit of a rant and rave here......sorry :)


I really hope this helps a little and good luck!


Kind regards

Prue


P.S. Happy Birthday for soon...
 
Thanks Prue, I needed that!!!


EDIT: I was going to post photos, but after doing so I felt pretty uncomfortable. Pretty bad isn't it?


I do have a picture of me on facebook you can see, I am in a swimsuit.


You can see my belly in this picture, but it really sticks out when I am viewed from the side.


http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150260833110537&set=a.10150190242720537.418506.760345536&type=3&theater
 
Hi Sarin,


Glad that made you feel a bit better......:)

I cant see your photos though....I think we have to be friends to see.

Whats your facebook name?

Mine is Prue McElwain.......with the cowboy hat.......yeee haaaa..................... why? I dont know!*! :-D


Prue
 
Good grief, you look great!


You look slim and toned in the pic, I think.


Although you say your belly sticks out I think it probably looks far worse to you than anyone else! Those mirrors lie ALOT :)


Just think how far you have come since you were a teenager! You are amazing!!!


You really have to try to learn to love the person you are and the body you have.......give yourself a break, be kind to your body :) Try to look at all the positive things in your life really concentrate on all of them......as I said before write all the good stuff down......keep reading it.......listen to happy music, do things that make you happy, see people that make you happy. Stay away from anyone who makes you feel bad or is negative......


If you are really concerned about your belly bit a bit bigger than you would like, speak to someone at your gym get them to show you some different exercises to help you and tone up. Mix the exercises up and keep changing.... see if that works. :)


I'm not going to say that you are bonkers thinking you look that way because that's just the way you see it NOW...........your mind can play tricks, but you can change the way you see yourself for the better, just keep reminding yourself how fantastic you are for coming this far!!!

Happy thoughts :)

Prue
 
Thank prue for the comments, really appreciated. I am pretty "thick" at side view that you can't really see from the front view. But I still really appreciate the comments.


I actually have seen a personal trainer and have been doing everything they showed me. She was the one that told me some people are just meant to hae it no matter what they do. She didn't have an answer for me as to why it wont go away.


She did, however (she's also a nutritionist) tell me to eat more and get more protien in, which honestly I haven't been doing. I am scared to get over 1200-1300 calories. She tells me to eat 1400-1600 daily. Not sure if this would help..?


Anyway, thanks again!!
 
I just want to add something. That picture was taken in August of 2010. I have since started working out 3-4 times a week (Starting January 2011) and eating ~1300 calories a day and I look the same. See what I mean?


You'd think I would've lost some more fat since then. I don't get it?


Is it possible that my body is comfortable here and no matter what I do, it's staying.. Or am I doing something wrong?


Picture taken a few days ago:
 
So first of all, like others have noted, you obviously look great. But thats hardly the issue here.


I'm not really a big fan of internet psychology since people tend to forget their logic lessons and go "I feel like this, therefore the other person does too, and this helped me, therefore it helps you". Also its pretty much impossible to actually get a reading on a person by text only. On a general note, however, self-confidence problems might arise from weight problems, or being told you're fat, or it might arise from your home environment or your school or some other reason. The thing is that fixing the problem often won't fix the self-confidence issues. Telling yourself that you suck can easily become a sort of really bad life-strategy and no matter how many of the reasons you use to trash yourself you fix, you might still feel like shit about yourself.


If that is the case, and hey.. it might not be, this is after all internet psychology, then go talk to your doctor and tell him/her how you feel. Maybe a dash of cognitive behavioral therapy'll be just the ticket. It tends to be a really really really efficient way of fixing social anxieties, self-confidence issues and other related problems that can often stem from what you might call a really really bad life-strategy that you're stuck with. If you're completely against therapy (why would you be? its just like... putting a band aid on a cut, only its on your brain)


In any circumstances your self-confidence shouldn't be based on your weight, it really shouldn't. I totally get how it ends up there tho, I mean hey... I've spent around 5 years rejecting the most awesome girls without even knowing it because in my head they would NEVER look at a guy like me.


Anyways, you shouldn't at all feel bad about how you look, really. And if you keep feeling crappy about yourself, get help. Maybe from some friends or family, or from the doc. It can help a shitload to just talk about it to someone right there next to you.
 
I can understand how you feel, i too am self conscience, about my weight and I have been that way all of my life, I found comfort in the foods

that I was eating and very soon I had a reason to be self conscience about my weight I packed on 35 pounds quickly, I went to my Family Doctor for a routine check-up and I was shocked to see all of the extra weight when I weighed, on a Doctors scale, no problem with the scale, I had to face it I was

Fat. I went home tearfully throwing out all of the junk food and I went on line and I came across a website called RocaLabs Gastric Bypass Without Surgery, finally a program that made perfect sense.


I began the program on November 18th 2011 and in two short weeks i had lost a grand total of 12 pounds, I am thrilled to know that I can lose weight without the hunger or lack of satisfaction from the foods that I ate being a problem, I so not want to eat I feel full and as far as those late night cravings, I have help with that too, I love it, because (IT WORKS)
 
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