So I used to write here and I have tried to lose weight so many times and it used to work sometimes when i was younger , but everything has gotten really out of control now . I am 33 and 5"2 and I am 230 lbs . Obviously things haven't been going well for a while but last month I gained 15 lbs, in a month ! And it wasn't some medical problem for it or anything , it was totally diet . I have just been eating to the point of discomfort every night . It really is an addiction where I am telling myself to stop and just can't . It is on my mind everyday and then I falter everyday but then tonight while eating my chips I suddenly got very scared that I would have a heart attack soon . I have always had a fast pulse but now it feels faster and It seems these days like I am out of breath from just standing and it seems like it almost hurts to breathe , when I wake up my body feels sore and it hurts to get out of bed and walk on my feet for the first few minutes and I feel hot and uncomfortable most of the time . I have 6 kids , the best sweetest kids ever , and i suddenly got so scared that I wasn't going to be there for them . I feel so worried now like maybe it is too late and I can't correct the damage that I have done. I don't sleep well and I have A lot of anxiety now it seems .the amount I need to lose seems so overwhelming and impossible . I wont sleep well tonight as I am too upset feeling now . Stress seems to be my constant companion these days . Really hoping this is my lowest point and that tomorrow I can start dealing with this.
Scared
- Thread starter FindingMe
- Start date
Llama
Well-known member
Welcome back, Finding. Please don't start tomorrow: start right now if you're still awake. If you binged today go for a short walk before bed (or walk in place in your living room for 10 minutes if the kids are asleep and you can't go out). If you haven't binged: all the better. Tomorrow never comes, there's only ever today and what you do right now.
Cate
Long term member
Hi, hon. At the start of last year, you were only 5 lbs less than you are now & you thought that you were a chance to turn things around then & were thinking that you could lose 95 lbs. We have 2 members in the forum currently who have lost well over 100 lbs & they are very supportive & positive. Has your then 2 years old youngest become a better sleeping 3 years old?
It is definitely not too late to start right this very second. We'll be your cheer squad. You can do this xo
It is definitely not too late to start right this very second. We'll be your cheer squad. You can do this xo
Thank you . I know I was almost this heavy before but then I finally lost some so now having gained it all back and more it just seems so much more of a feat to lose it again , just so disappointed that I have done this to myself again .
You are very right about tomorrow never coming . I have said tomorrow so many times . I was trying very hard to remember as I slip up today that just that moment was a mistake but that doesn't make the whole day a write off and not fall back into the idea of if I already messed up today might as well start tomorrow instead .
alligatorob
Respected Member
Hey Finding, you are posting here, that is positive progress. LaMa is right, the only time to start is right now, hope you are on your way by the time you read this!
You can do this!
You can do this!
Okay all kids in bed so now the real challenge begins . Night time is always when I binge , it started always as like a treat for myself because I had gotten through another day with busy kids and so often a husband gone so It was my reward , but it got more and more out of control , from one bowl of ice cream to all of a sudden a whole bag of cookies and a bag of chips almost every night . So doing my nails tonight instead to try and control my cravings . Keep my hands busy . I got better during the year at using my treadmill but then I would drop off on using it whenever the kids would have a school break and now being back online again and possibly till the end of the school year , I don't see myself trying to get back on it till at least summer break . because with 5 kids doing online school I just feel like I go from computer to computer most of the day , maybe once we get in more of a routine I will try again but for now I just plan on focusing on my eating issues . Hope everyone is doing well in their journeys !
Cate
Long term member
You obviously do an amazing job with your kids. It has been such a tough time for most people all over the world. Be a little bit kind to yourself & remind yourself that no one is perfect & you seem to be doing very well. Now, it's time to focus on nourishing that body of yours & getting healthy.
The kids definitely get active time still, just can't stop them lol. but I have been bad about making myself do anything . The school day ends , the kids go outside and I start folding laundry and making supper , that being said I know with a little better planning and meal prep on my part I could find the time , harder to find the motivation.
Okay some good points to the day and some bad. I did well with supper , keeping it to a small portion of chicken and vegetables, and not eating leftovers from the kids plates as I clean up which is a pretty bad habit of mine , but the dog was happy they were all his instead so I guess I can count it as still not wasted . but later I did break down and eat some chocolates . But all in all a better day than lately and I have high hopes for tomorrow . I like my quiet time at night once the kids have gone to bed and the house is all cleaned up but I stay up much too late and to cut back on snacking at night I really need to go up to bed earlier , even if I can't go to sleep right away at least then I will be upstairs so not grabbing snack after snack . It has been rainy the last few days so the kids don't stay outside as long so they have been hanging out in the garage more because we have turned the back wall into a rock climbing wall and they like to play on the other excersise equipment in there too. The oldest ones have decided to challenge each other to sit ups and pull ups everyday and see who will keep going the most days In a row . The younger ones will do it one ms off again when they feel like copying the older ones . None of them can do a pull up on their own right now so I have to help boost them while the struggle their way up so hopefully they continue this challenge and eventually can do them on their own . So glad they have their dad as an example and I am hoping to become a better one to them in a healthy way as well. Thinking of getting a bike this summer so we can all do further rides together . I have always had a small one as an excuse before of why I couldn't go ( our kids have never been great at being In a stroller or bike carriage for long ) but now the youngest is 3 and she will stay In for a little longer . Not super long but enough for us to venture to parks and trails a little farther . Hope everyone is feeling optimistic today !
Another day done . It really is amazing how often I have to remind myself to not snack during the day. My mom found out today that she has diabetes , my Dad has already had a triple bypass , so really need to get this eating problem in check . I am a night owl and always have been , buy it is definitely gone a little too far now .
We finally had some nicer weather so of course kids and I lost all track of time so bedtime was a little late , oh well it is supposed to be raining again tomorrow so we will be back on track then . Eating is starting to go downhill again I noticed today reaching for snacks and only having the will to stop myself about half the time . I will try harder tomorrow again . So upsetting , it is very frustrating how hard this is . I can not Wrap my head around the fact that I can't stop . I mean I want to stop and I feel like I can and then I have absolutely no will power . I just break and cave . I feel slightly hungry or get a craving and I can hardly ever say no for long. But I guess nothing to do but try try again . Goodnight all.
True , they still seem to be surprised they have to empty the dishwasher , which they have been doing in the morning for years now lol
Tonight the kids asked if they could use one of their fast food days that they get when their dad is gone for longer periods of time , so it was McDonald's tonight . Other than a couple of stolen fries I did not have any , but now I have felt on edge or a little jittery all night like I missed my chance . I do know that I would have felt a little sick and bloated probably for the rest of the evening and just not wanted to do much. At least I know I will be happier tomorrow . Missing the food will only last tonight, just keep reminding myself of that .
Llama
Well-known member
Do you ever make (healthier) home versions of the fast food you may feel cheated out of? A side of homemade oven fries can make a real difference sometimes. Although I'm aware that's a lot easier for this single person than someone with a family to feed! When I was a kid I was always proud to be allowed to slam the fry cutter though, so maybe the kids can help?
Most of the time we cook at home the kids like to help and my oldest is always finding new recipes on tic toc . but when their dad is gone for the longer stints then they each get a turn picking a place to get supper from , which usually averages out to once a month . Helps the kids think there are perks to dad gone and also I could use the one night off a month from cooking lol
Still not getting to sleep when I would like but I am snacking about half as much I would say . Which is still way too much but nice . There Is less of a panic feeling at getting those treats today . Turns out though that i do not know how to hook up our pool filter system for the year lol I figured it would be simple and it seemed not too bad But then the water came out of the filter system like a geyser landing on me , kids found it very funny lol so we tried a little more but then it was late and I was soaked and getting chilled so we called it quits for the night and I figured I would consult YouTube and try again tomorrow . It is getting really green so I am hoping I don't have to wait till y husband gets home because while I am happy that he is home probably in another month . That seems too long to wait to get this pool cleaned up . Okay night all .