Sam's Journal

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SamanthaMacG

SamanthaMacG

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Why does it feel like losing weight is easier with an audience? I don't know you (if you're reading this) but for some reason, I feel like as long as I have someone 'checking in' - or even the illusion of someone checking in - I work harder.

So here's the skinny on how I got chubby - I'm 243lbs down from 251 a couple of weeks ago. I have 2 kiddos under the age of 2 (Baby 1 is almost 2 and Baby 2 is 7 months old). I am finally at a place where I can actually exercise without being in pain after 2 c-sections and I'm not so stressed out that all I want is easy food. I weigh less than I did when I got pregnant with baby 2 but with a friend's wedding coming up in April, I don't want to be the one that people think 'let herself go' after university.

My eating plan is rather crappy - I drink at least 2 protein shakes a day and supper is lean meat, veg, fruit etc. I don't eat bread or pasta anymore because it's been killing my stomach. I also drink a ton of water, coffee and some diet pepsi (because it's a no calorie treat with caffeine).

I have been going to the gym since last week and absolutely love it! I love going and having that time to myself without the kids or the responsibilities of being a stay-at-home mom.

My goal weight for April is 175-180lbs so I'm working my butt-off in the gym, laying off all junk food and giving myself a solid time frame (also broken down into smaller goals).

And now, I have a journal! Here goes a few more pounds.
 
Hi, Sam & welcome to the forum. You should find the support here to be very real. It helps to keep a journal as I think it makes you feel accountable to yourself & I find it very therapeutic. It's great that you can go to the gym & have that "me time" , without the kids. I look forward to seeing you achieve your goals. Cheers, Cate.
 
Thanks everyone. What a great way to start the morning!

Today's started off great - after going to the gym (and sweating my booty off), I'm down to 240.2lbs. I'm seriously hoping tomorrow that I can get into the 230's. I absolutely feel amazing starting the day with the gym followed by a delicious peanut butter and chocolate protein shake with a banana blended in.

I know this is short-term - I can only get there in the a.m when my husband works 12-9 once every six weeks. The next three weeks he'll be home at 5pm so I can run out after he gets home but it's not the same.

There's something about getting up in the morning early, getting over to the gym when there's only a couple of people there, getting a workout in before coffee, before the kids wake up and before I'm doing anything else. It starts the day off on a healthy note - like why would I ruin my diet today when I got to the gym in the morning?

So far, the gym has been my place of solace. I still feel a bit guilty about spending money I don't 'need' to spend (even 20$/month) or leaving my husband with the kids before or after he goes to work (especially where he can't exercise until next week due to doctor's orders) but so far, I've noticed a few benefits.

I'm less groggy in the morning - getting up at 7:30 is almost enjoyable (almost), I feel better throughout the day and haven't hit that 3pm wall of listlessness that I've been experiencing. By 10pm, I'm ready for bed and I'm sleeping so much better.

My husband says I look like there's less of me. I wasn't sure how to take that but he was trying to find a way to say "you've lost weight" in a cute way...I'm still not sure if he succeeded but hey, he tried and is seeing my hard work pay off.

My wedding ring is looser - not so loose that I'm worried it'll fall off, but loose enough it feels more comfortable!

I'm craving less junky food. Granted, I'm not really ever hungry but when I do feel like eating, my brain is winning, not my emotions! I am keeping fruit and veggies in the house and leaving junk food in the store.

Finally, I'm reaching for the water more! Yes, me. Caffeine addict extraordinaire. Water still isn't my favorite beverage but I can appreciate it and it's helping me feel better.

I've got 159 days left until the wedding and I'm looking forward to being there with a bit less of me there :)
 
SamanthaMacG said:
My husband says I look like there's less of me. I wasn't sure how to take that but he was trying to find a way to say "you've lost weight" in a cute way...I'm still not sure if he succeeded but hey, he tried and is seeing my hard work pay off.
Click to expand...

There's a very fine line to walk there. I think he did a good job! lol! Welcome to the forum!! :)
 
Don't feel guilty about having "me" time Sam. You're entitled to it too. As for your husband- poor things. Most husbands don't know what to say as they are "damned if they do, & damned if they don't" It sounded cute to me too. I hear a lot of men say "Happy wife, happy life" & I bet he is enjoying seeing you happier. I know I am already.
 
I used to love early morning workouts before work. I would have lunch, clothes and gym bag organized the night before. I found that doing it first thing in the morning set a positive vibe for the day.
 
Isn't it funny how I get upset that I have 'only' lost 10.8lbs in the past (aprox.) 2 weeks and the past couple of days haven't lost an ounce? You know, it only took me 2 weeks apparently to put the weight on (try 2 years - since I was pregnant). I have this expectation that my body is different from everyone else's and I'm miraculously going to wake up and have all the lbs lost. They'll be left on the pillow or something. As Donald Trump would say "GRAB THEM BY THE..." wait, wrong quote. "Wrong", he would say.

I know, I know...I'm sidetracked (and Canadian, thank goodness).

The fact is, I hate being bigger. I feel uncomfortable in my skin and want to be comfortable quickly but that isn't how this works. There will be hours at the gym, days where I'm grumpy, minutes where I think I should just give up and finally, come April, my goal weight will (more or less) be obtainable. Forget the excuses, forget the complaining, forget the desire to snack but more desire to be thinner and focus on the journey to the goal.

Today at Bible study, one woman actually asked who I was with my back turned - she said I looked so slim that she didn't instantly recognize me. Gotta say, I'm surprised the purple hair didn't give my identity away but the fact is, I look thinner and I'LL TAKE IT! My jacket feels looser too which is a great feeling. It fits less bumpy now (You guys know what I mean, right? When you're trying to wear a jacket because they're too bloody expensive to replace so you sort of stuff yourself into it for one more year and it lumps around your lumps?).

My eating plan still isn't great - typically, I know I don't eat enough. I drink protein shakes and nutritional shakes but it's not usually intentionally not eating. Like many other people, I'm busy - and I forget to eat until the kids go to bed. Instead of eating anything though, I grab a snack or I won't sleep well...and then I think "I need to eat more". Now, I know that's stupid and unhealthy but I figure I'll change a few habits at a time. My first habit that I'm working on is the gym 5 days/week. At the same time, I'm attempting to consistently drink more water (4 32-oz bottles a day). That seems like enough changes right now. Next month, I'll tackle eating better meals but for now, let me get some water into me.

Finally, I didn't get to the gym this morning. Bible Study took precedence. That being said, I'm probably going tonight after hubby gets home from work and definitely going to the gym tomorrow as I promised a lady from Bible Study that I'd bring her some beef stew that I have in the freezer after my gym workout. I can't break a promise so...back to back workout with sleep in between.

Ultimately, I feel great today. I needed that 'me' time with the ladies, I needed a cup of coffee instead of a tread mill and I needed that fellowship. It was wonderful!

I figured it was time to add a photo of me at my starting weight of 251 (ouch) lbs. This was a candid shot that I didn't know was being taken but I can see how much work I have to do - and I'll get there. This is me now...2 babies in 2 years and starting to get healthy. View attachment 24044
 
Get your head around the fact that slow loss is good. I too tend to get impatient and want it all off quickly. But slow and steady wins the race. Since you mentioned that you were at bible study her is you a bible verse to help get your mind right for your fitness journey.
Psalm 40:1-2
Hang in there!
 
SamanthaMacG said:
Thanks everyone. What a great way to start the morning!

Today's started off great - after going to the gym (and sweating my booty off), I'm down to 240.2lbs. I'm seriously hoping tomorrow that I can get into the 230's. I absolutely feel amazing starting the day with the gym followed by a delicious peanut butter and chocolate protein shake with a banana blended in.
Click to expand...

First of all, welcome to the forum. It seems like you're making some good progress, so good for you!!!

Second of all, I had a question. Just curious, really. Why are you drinking protein shakes? Quite often people drink protein shakes when they're trying to build muscle and/or gain weight, but you're in the process of losing it.
 
As brawny said, slow and steady is the way to go. Good effort getting to the gym
 
@ChefChiTown - thanks for the question! Because I don't eat meat and rarely drink/eat dairy products, I generally use Vega-All-In-One Nutritional Powder which is under the 'protein powder' section of our grocery store. It's got more than just protein - fiber, iron, fats etc - and it tastes really good. I do also use normal protein powders (whey gourmet chocolate peanut butter has been a staple for years) because it's like a little treat.

I want to be strong and getting to the gym in the a.m then spending the day lifting 2 kids that are 24 and 26lbs is a secondary workout that leaves my arms like spaghetti. Sometimes a protein shake is a quicker and easier snack (or unfortunately, meal) than trying to grab a vegetarian protein. If I make eggs, my kids end up 'sharing' and same with most veggie foods - they know my shakes are just mommy's and don't even try to grab them.

I make sure that they are incorporated into my daily calories so that I'm still at a calorie deficit. Ultimately, it saves me from feeling deprived and wanting that chocolate fix because the Chocolate Peanut Butter shake is delicious!

I hope that answers your question - for me, it works. I couldn't recommend using them for anyone else but I find them to be a nice little treat and the Vega brand is seriously incredible for nutritionally packed powder.

Cheers!
 
So, I didn't feel like going to the gym this morning - I went last night and it kicked my butt but I went. I promised a lady from Bible Study that I would bring her some beef stew (she's been caring for her sister who broke her hip and is stressed) and make sure everything was going okay...which got me out of the house and well, may as well go to the gym.

I only got to go for 20 minutes but it was a great 20 minutes. Just a 5 minute warm up on the elliptical to get my heart up and then a 15 minute fat burn session on the treadmill. I'll be heading back this evening and treating myself to a 10 minute massage on the massage bed (Thank goodness). Probably using the stair climber (I have a love hate relationship with that machine) and the treadmill again. I can do a lot of strength work right now at home but cardio is reserved for the gym.

Current weight today is 238lbs which means I'm 3.75lbs away from my first goal (which I wasn't planning to meet until Dec 6th). The gym really does make a huge difference in how my body loses weight - it always has. I feel better, therefore I eat better and make better choices. I workout hard and push my body each time - no distractions, no excuses - just results.

Anyways, I'm off to get the dishes done and do the mom stuff until this evening. I think hubby and I are starting the first American Horror Story tonight - we just finished Hotel and he LOVED it (I knew he would).

Have a great day everyone! I can't wait to read a few of your journals and leave some updates - you're all pretty awesome!
 
Hey lovely - sounds like you're off to a great start! You've lost a great amount already in a short amount of time :) Nice of you to take that lady a stew, very thoughtful!
 
I found these questions on information about your weight loss journal - I'd like to challenge anyone to copy/paste the questions and answer them yourself. Here goes:

  1. What is your current height and weight? Current weight is 238 and height is 5.7ft
  2. If you were at an ideal weight now, what would that weight be? My goal weight is 160lbs. I was really happy at that weight in university and pre-babies so I'd very much so like to get back down to there. It's about a size 10 for me.
  3. At what weight would you like to be at four months from now? What would I like to be? 160. Tomorrow if possible. My reality though is that I'd like to be between 170-180lbs. I lose weight pretty easily once I put my mind to it and work out and in five months, I've got a wedding to go to leading into question 4.
  4. Why do you want to lose weight? There's part of me that says "because I'm fat and want to be thin", another part says to be healthier and avoid diabetes and heart disease that runs in my family, but yet another part (the short-term part) is saying "because I'm going to a wedding in 5 months and I'll be darned if I'm the one people look at and think 'she let herself go'.
  5. Do you want to lose weight for a specific life event such as wedding or reunion? If so, when is that event? Both - I want to lose weight as a life-long goal but also, the wedding which is April 10th.
  6. What obstacles could get between you and your weight loss goals? I think life tends to get in the way. I have two children under two so things happen sporadically but that's life. Life doesn't stop or say "hey, leave her alone - she's dieting". Isaac had been born with a club foot and we did treatments in Montreal every week (so 2 plane rides in a day every week for 3 months). There is NOTHING in my life more stressful than watching your child have surgery at 3 months, carry him around with a giant cast on his entire leg constantly - my life is pretty straight-forward now (I hope and pray it stays that way). I think I need to keep myself aware of having a schedule and tbh, joining a gym has been an incredible resource for those obstacles. Look, I'm not paying to stay at home and sit on my butt.
  7. Why do you think that you now have a weight problem? I definitely do.
  8. What lifestyle changes do you think would help you lose weight? I have already cut buying the junk food unless I know I can resist it. I bought my husband pizza that he wanted but it wasn't something I wanted so it wasn't a temptation. I keep healthy foods in moderate amounts in the house. Baked goods (I love to bake) are cooked and then removed from the home.
  9. Have you lost weight in the past? If so, what has worked in the past to help you lose weight? I actually lost over 100lbs in 2 years in 2012. The main reason I've gained weight now is due to having Isaac is January 2014 and Arthur in March 2015 (and I lost some weight with Arthur). What's worked in the past (and now) is having protein drinks to keep me from munching, going to the gym 5 days a week without fail, and being strict with my eating plan.
  10. Why do you believe that you did not lose weight or you gained the weight back? I was busy growing babies.
  11. What, if anything, has not worked for you in the past in helping you to lose weight Why do you think it did not work? Weight Watchers really triggered a panic of food for me - I hated writing everything down and tracking it so that's probably not my forte nor what I'd like to do. I won't go back to that one again.
  12. Would you try writing down all food and drink consumed for a given period of time? No.
  13. Do you cook at home often? If so, what do you cook? I only cook at home and I cook everything - from beef stew and dumplings to salads with lean chicken. I even bake my own bread. I try to keep it healthy because of my kids.
  14. How often do you go out to eat? Where do you go? We don't go out to eat - ever. Our budget doesn't allow for it and if my husband wants it, I can cook it.
  15. What are your three favorite foods? Salads - I love all salads from potato salad with dill to garden salads with cranberries and quinoa, peach cobbler (or any fruit cobbler), my homemade maple vanilla cupcakes.
  16. What are your three favorite restaurants? I love the Ale House (local restaurant), the Inn at Whale Cove (another local restaurant from my hometown) and Subway - I just love subway even though it kills my stomach.
  17. What are three things you can do differently when it comes to food? 1) Keep up with eating healthy and be consistent. 2) I need to remember that bread and pasta hurt my stomach so stay away from it. 3) Stop using protein shakes as a replacement for meals. Unfortunately, I'm lazy when it comes to eating now and would rather just use shakes or protein shakes as my breakfast, dinner and supper. Stop that!
  18. If you woke up tomorrow and your body was exactly the way you want it, what would be different? I'd be stronger, faster, a runner again, healthier, and my stomach wouldn't be saggy from the back to back c-sections.
  19. Do you eat when you are not hungry? I don't even eat when I am hungry half the time.
  20. Do you binge eat (large amounts at a time)? Nope.
  21. Do you hide your food or eat in secret? Nope.
  22. Do you eat when you are sad, nervous, or depressed? No - I generally tend to lose weight when I'm sad/nervous or depressed. Stressed though? I eat.
  23. Do you eat as a reward? No, I shop.
  24. Do you eat while watching TV or using the computer? I used to but I've recently stopped.
  25. What do you normally eat for a meal? It varies - normally, it's a nutritional shake unfortunately but I do try to eat at least supper. Last night it was quinoa and green beans. The night before was cucumber and chicken salad.
  26. What type of snacks do you eat? Protein shakes or a piece of fruit - my food is pretty terrible the last couple of weeks.
  27. In terms of exercise, what, if anything, are you currently doing? I am going to the gym at least 5x/week for 30 minutes a day. I do a lot of cardio there and at home, I'm weight lifting two kids - 26lbs on one arm and 24 on the other.
  28. Where do you go for exercise? A local public gym? School/work gym? Home? I <3 my gym. Fit4Less is amazing!
  29. What, if anything, are your three favorite types of exercise? Running, elliptical, playing sports (haven't done that for awhile though).
  30. What is your daily/weekly/monthly/yearly motivation to move towards your goals? I have a goal of 17.75lbs gone by Dec 6. I also broke it down into 5lb goals and made a chart.
  31. Do you have rewards for certain goals? Do I ever! In April, my hubby and I are travelling to Toronto which is a HUGE reward because if I go back to not bothering, we probably aren't going because I'll be insanely embarrassed. I'm also getting my dress for the wedding which is formal and means I want to look styling and yes, sexy. Every week, if I get to the gym 5x, I treat myself to 10 minutes in the tanning bed which is amazing. When I lose half the weight, I'm doing something but I don't know just what yet. But something.
 
Hi Sam & thank you for sharing that. It gives us a really good snapshot of your life. I think you seem lovely & you sound like a wonderful Mum. Well done on almost reaching your first goal a month early. You'll blitz this hon!
 
It's already Friday and I have to say, what an amazing week. I rarely have time (or energy) to just stop and count my blessings. Sometimes, I just don't even think about it - so to battle this, because healthy also include emotionally and spiritually healthy, Friday has now become my time to count my blessings from the week.

The first thing is that lately, our prayer list at Bible study has been depressing - I know, people need help and help means prayer but lately, I've felt like there's so much to pray for without seeing much result. I know God isn't a genie but I still have a hard time with 'in His time'. This past Wednesday, we saw a list of positives - I mean, people coming home sooner than expected from the hospital, situations that have been ongoing resolved, special things happen that frankly, shouldn't have happened - it was just like God was saying "I'm here and NOW it's time." It was amazing and what a blessing.

I have made it to the gym 5 times in four days - and tonight will be 6 times in 5 days. I'm so proud of that. It's my second full week with a membership and I'm using it - and I'm feeling it. I'm also being challenged that if I can record my weight, go to the gym, focus on being healthy - why am I not spending as much time in prayer and devotionals? Why is God taking a back-seat to the gym? Well, that's changing too and yes, it's a blessing. It's a blessing to have that thought saying "Sam, what are you doing? It's great that you're here working out but why are you listening to music that isn't pleasing to God? Why are you spending more time here than with Him?"

Another blessing is that I have such an amazing family. My kids are incredible and such a gift. Their father, my husband is just the most loving, caring man I have met. I honestly thought, after my divorce, I'd never get married again. I was just so angry and distrustful of letting anyone close. I truly left a wake of broken hearts and ruined relationships because I was never getting burned like that again...and then there was Dan. Any man who can stick by his girlfriend during a miscarriage (pills then a D&C), hold a bucket to her face when she's throwing up from the drugs they gave her and didn't go away even when my mom said he could go home (and we'd known each other less than a year at that point - very unplanned pregnancy) - that man is a keeper. I didn't need flowers or jewelry or chocolates - I needed someone who I knew was in this truly for better or worse...and now, it's just getting better.

I am blessed to have 'just enough'. We aren't rich by any means - I'd say we are even closer to poor some days lol but we have what we need. We have healthy food, we have a gym membership that isn't a need but it's a wonderful luxury, we have everything we need for our kids (and some wants), and we have a great apartment that is just right.

The final blessing I need to write down is that I'm blessed to be healthy. Admittedly being overweight is unhealthy - but the moment you make that change to a healthy lifestyle, start eating healthy, start losing the weight, start exercising, I think we need to start reminding ourselves that today, we ARE healthy. Each day that we go to the gym when we just want to watch Netflix, each day that we choose the fruit over the chocolate, we ARE being healthy...and it only gets better. No one regrets going to the gym. No one regrets feeling good. No one regrets fueling their body with healthy foods. I have less aches and pains, my Achilles tendon pain that I've been suffering with for weeks is almost gone, my c-sections healed up beautifully and don't hurt. I'm not sick - and food + exercise are great preventative medicine for ailments that could hurt me in the future. What a blessing I have to be healthy and to commit to being healthy.

Cheers everyone! HAPPY FRIDAY!

PS: I'm down to 237lbs - 14lbs gone (I think that double gym workout knocked off that pound - I'm feeling it today in a good achy way).
 
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