Sam's from Chunk to Hunk Journal :)
- Thread starter sammyboy24
- Start date
! YAY for new shoes!!! Tell me about it....you got me thinking I need a new pair soon too.....
Toes issues suck if they aren't the right pair!
Looks like you are SUPER busy! 
sammyboy24
New member
Hey all...
So I know I've been in here more sporadically than ever lately...
It's official, me and Rick aren't dating anymore
It's late and I can't sleep and didn't really have anyone to talk to, so I thought i'd come vent in my journal a little bit.
I can't say I didn't know this was coming but I didn't think it would happen like it did... Tonite we talked and basically came to an agreement that it would be better if we were just friends... He was the one who wanted to talk and I did deep down too... It just didn't feel like it was all exactly "there" with us. He told me it had nothing to do with me, and he doesn't want me to be out of his life at all, and that it was him, not me at all (pretty classic I guess, lol)... I do believe him though, but my mind does like to run wild with things that maybe I did or said, etc... I can't do that to myself though. I also can't say I'm not a little bummed about it, I am sad. I know I have to take this as a learning experience though because I have learned a lot about myself in the past 6 weeks or so since I met him... I know we were only dating for a little over a month but it was something so major for me, so I think that's why I'm kinda upset... He's such a nice good guy and I was so excited to finally be dating someone. He told me he doesn't want me to miss out on any oppurtunities elsewhere because he feels a relationship, or dating someone right now, isn't what he's currently ready for... One thing that i suspect... Rick is used to dating guys who aren't very nice to him and i wonder that if subconciously he really wants that and looks for that, and since i'm not that, perhaps that's why he felt it wasn't working? I may be wrong but I'm overthinking a lot lately. I genuinely hope he still wants to be friends but we shall see in the coming weeks/months I guess. Right now i'm left with a feeling that kinda stings...
So now the focus is back where it was. Back to the gym I go and I'm going to run away all the stress, worry, etc. The running will help me, and I need to get the old eating back in check.
I'm going to sleep now, sleeping on everything sounds good. I have to work tomorrow, so I will back in here to stop into several journals and be more extroverted
-Sam
So I know I've been in here more sporadically than ever lately...
It's official, me and Rick aren't dating anymore
It's late and I can't sleep and didn't really have anyone to talk to, so I thought i'd come vent in my journal a little bit.I can't say I didn't know this was coming but I didn't think it would happen like it did... Tonite we talked and basically came to an agreement that it would be better if we were just friends... He was the one who wanted to talk and I did deep down too... It just didn't feel like it was all exactly "there" with us. He told me it had nothing to do with me, and he doesn't want me to be out of his life at all, and that it was him, not me at all (pretty classic I guess, lol)... I do believe him though, but my mind does like to run wild with things that maybe I did or said, etc... I can't do that to myself though. I also can't say I'm not a little bummed about it, I am sad. I know I have to take this as a learning experience though because I have learned a lot about myself in the past 6 weeks or so since I met him... I know we were only dating for a little over a month but it was something so major for me, so I think that's why I'm kinda upset... He's such a nice good guy and I was so excited to finally be dating someone. He told me he doesn't want me to miss out on any oppurtunities elsewhere because he feels a relationship, or dating someone right now, isn't what he's currently ready for... One thing that i suspect... Rick is used to dating guys who aren't very nice to him and i wonder that if subconciously he really wants that and looks for that, and since i'm not that, perhaps that's why he felt it wasn't working? I may be wrong but I'm overthinking a lot lately. I genuinely hope he still wants to be friends but we shall see in the coming weeks/months I guess. Right now i'm left with a feeling that kinda stings...
So now the focus is back where it was. Back to the gym I go and I'm going to run away all the stress, worry, etc. The running will help me, and I need to get the old eating back in check.
I'm going to sleep now, sleeping on everything sounds good. I have to work tomorrow, so I will back in here to stop into several journals and be more extroverted
-Sam
thecabbie
New member
Oh Sam, I'm so sorry to hear that! Well, I mean if it wasn't working out right its for the best right? Still... doesn't make it feel any better..,
Sam, I've read bits and pieces of your journal... enough to know what kind of person you are and the changes you've gone through. You'll find the one. Just a matter of time.
P.s. Hope you slept well and everything is in perspective this morning. Wish you nothing but the best, amigo.
Sam, I've read bits and pieces of your journal... enough to know what kind of person you are and the changes you've gone through. You'll find the one. Just a matter of time.
P.s. Hope you slept well and everything is in perspective this morning. Wish you nothing but the best, amigo.
Trops
New member
Sam, I am sad to hear this. Although the odds are against any relationship working out, I was so hoping that you guys would make it work. As nice as Rick is, I wonder if you were more attracted to being part of a meaningful relationship then the actual guy. Wanting something to work out is not always enough, especially if the other person is just not the right one.
On the positive note, you were able to separate without any hurt feelings or harsh words. The idea of getting back out there is not so far fetched. I feel glad that you are comfortable enough to write about this here.
As nice as Rick is, I wonder if you were more attracted to being part of a meaningful relationship then the actual guy. Wanting something to work out is not always enough, especially if the other person is just not the right one.On the positive note, you were able to separate without any hurt feelings or harsh words. The idea of getting back out there is not so far fetched. I feel glad that you are comfortable enough to write about this here.
sammyboy24
New member
Hey all
So I woke up this morning and made it to work. I'm doing alright with this. Things seem more in perspective I suppose but it does still hurt some. Thanks you guys for all the kind words and all of your advice really hits home. My mind is just kind of running a little wild with the what ifs or maybe it was something I did, or he maybe he decided he just didn't like me. One thing I can say, I was myself while i was with him, I wasn't trying to pretend to be something I wasn't... If he just didn't "feel it" with me, then there is nothing I can do about that. This isn't comprimising my confidence whatsoever, that is not the case at all. I know I'm very worthwhile and have tons to offer, and not to sound conceited but I know I'm hot It is really Rick's loss and he will be missing out but, like i said I do know deep down this is for the best and perhaps we will maintain some sort of friendship out of all of this? I hope the reasons he gave were true all that's all I can ask for....
On a side note, Wanda Sykes came out as a lesbian and I'm in shock, lol!!! I'm so bad with my gaydar and lesbians I tell ya. I had no idea. Good for her, and I think she is hilarious....
-Sam
So I woke up this morning and made it to work. I'm doing alright with this. Things seem more in perspective I suppose but it does still hurt some. Thanks you guys for all the kind words and all of your advice really hits home. My mind is just kind of running a little wild with the what ifs or maybe it was something I did, or he maybe he decided he just didn't like me. One thing I can say, I was myself while i was with him, I wasn't trying to pretend to be something I wasn't... If he just didn't "feel it" with me, then there is nothing I can do about that. This isn't comprimising my confidence whatsoever, that is not the case at all. I know I'm very worthwhile and have tons to offer, and not to sound conceited but I know I'm hot
It is really Rick's loss and he will be missing out but, like i said I do know deep down this is for the best and perhaps we will maintain some sort of friendship out of all of this? I hope the reasons he gave were true all that's all I can ask for....On a side note, Wanda Sykes came out as a lesbian and I'm in shock, lol!!! I'm so bad with my gaydar and lesbians I tell ya. I had no idea. Good for her, and I think she is hilarious....
-Sam
Alta818
New member
You deserve the best!
Sam........I'm so sad to hear about the break. But I am happy to hear that you are taking things better today! You are right,....being yourself, is all you can do!!! You deserve the BEST, and the BEST will find you.....you'll see....!!! It's sad that things can't always work out as we envision, but that's probably a good thing, as you see, our thoughts can run WILD with us!! 
.....I've just picked up these two books, which go over these concepts , and teach you how to detach ourselves from the web of thoughts we create and instead to fill it with an awareness of what we are doing! To look at the situation as it really is at hand, not all the "what if's" that we all do!
I thought it was the most interesting thing, .."We can not recognize Fullness, without Emptiness", and it is that same "Emptiness that creates Fullness"!!!
Interesting Paradox.....there are so many really!!! Life is a PARADOX!!!
And yessss.....you are HOT, SMART, WITTY, SEXXXXy, STYLISH, LOVING, CARING, POSITIVE, AMBITIOUS, and the list goes on......!!!
That is the reality of the situation! And you might be right about him and subconsciously looking for painful relationships......cause you are TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!!! I've recently read, that people often times are so unhappy with themselves and the expectations they place for themselves and never reaching them, that they do tend to look for people who will hurt them just a bit less than the emotional pain they inflict on themselves. It's a form of punishing themselves......(Go figure...makes sense when read all together though)!
-really interesting stuff......
Where's my Zen?
A toltec: The Mastery of Love
Bottom Line.....You know you deserve GREATNESS which is why you had that initial feeling for a talk anyway.....so GOOD for you BOTH!!! And now, off to find REAL COMPANIONSHIP~!!!! Luv u SAM!!! 
Sam.....
...I'm so sad to hear about the break. But I am happy to hear that you are taking things better today! You are right,....being yourself, is all you can do!!! You deserve the BEST, and the BEST will find you.....you'll see....!!! It's sad that things can't always work out as we envision, but that's probably a good thing, as you see, our thoughts can run WILD with us!! .....I've just picked up these two books, which go over these concepts , and teach you how to detach ourselves from the web of thoughts we create and instead to fill it with an awareness of what we are doing! To look at the situation as it really is at hand, not all the "what if's" that we all do! I thought it was the most interesting thing, .."We can not recognize Fullness, without Emptiness", and it is that same "Emptiness that creates Fullness"!!!
Interesting Paradox.....there are so many really!!! Life is a PARADOX!!!
And yessss.....you are HOT, SMART, WITTY, SEXXXXy, STYLISH, LOVING, CARING, POSITIVE, AMBITIOUS, and the list goes on......!!!
That is the reality of the situation! And you might be right about him and subconsciously looking for painful relationships......cause you are TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!!! I've recently read, that people often times are so unhappy with themselves and the expectations they place for themselves and never reaching them, that they do tend to look for people who will hurt them just a bit less than the emotional pain they inflict on themselves. It's a form of punishing themselves......(Go figure...makes sense when read all together though)! -really interesting stuff......
Where's my Zen?
A toltec: The Mastery of Love
Bottom Line.....You know you deserve GREATNESS which is why you had that initial feeling for a talk anyway.....so GOOD for you BOTH!!! And now, off to find REAL COMPANIONSHIP~!!!!
Luv u SAM!!! Curvie Girlie
New member
Awww You know, I know the feeling! You might be right about Rick feeling "not ready" for a relationship in part because he's used to mean guys. I bet if you were an asshole to him he'd cling to you longer--but that's pure speculation. What I'm glad about is that you're taking it perfectly, and Rick didn't screw with your mind or play games. IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE!!! And you have the absolute right attitude--it's SAM TIME now. Time to elevate your skills, as I love to call it, and refine your mind and body.
I'm for friendship because once intense feelings fade, you still remember that you cared about each other. Friday night at the party, I had fun with my friends but also fun with the ex around--we even hugged and it felt totally warm-hearted and platonic--PLATONIC! I never thought I was capable of feeling that way about him, and lawrd have mercy, it took almost TEN MONTHS to get to this point!
But I still got there--and I absolutely intuitively know he felt the same way--no funny stuff involved.
On a different note, I spent the night at the L.T.F.B.'s pad for the first time since August even though we will never be "an item." Some relationships are very weird 
You know, I know the feeling! You might be right about Rick feeling "not ready" for a relationship in part because he's used to mean guys. I bet if you were an asshole to him he'd cling to you longer--but that's pure speculation. What I'm glad about is that you're taking it perfectly, and Rick didn't screw with your mind or play games. IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE!!! And you have the absolute right attitude--it's SAM TIME now. Time to elevate your skills, as I love to call it, and refine your mind and body.I'm for friendship because once intense feelings fade, you still remember that you cared about each other. Friday night at the party, I had fun with my friends but also fun with the ex around--we even hugged and it felt totally warm-hearted and platonic--PLATONIC! I never thought I was capable of feeling that way about him, and lawrd have mercy, it took almost TEN MONTHS to get to this point!
But I still got there--and I absolutely intuitively know he felt the same way--no funny stuff involved.On a different note, I spent the night at the L.T.F.B.'s pad for the first time since August
even though we will never be "an item." Some relationships are very weird
sammyboy24
New member
Thanks Alta and Val. I dunno what I would do without your wise words
I actually hung out with Rick last night as friends. I thought it was going to be kinda weird, and he even invited me over to begin with. I must say it was really fun and I had a nice time. It felt different, almost like there was a little less pressure, I was just his friend and he was just mine... Hopefully we can just hang out like that once and awhile. I have absolutely no ill will or regrets towards him, and I think I like him better in just the friend status anyways.
I'm stuck at work today. Long day. I really really want my new running shoes to come in the mail already. I keep looking for them everyday, lol...
-Sam
I actually hung out with Rick last night as friends. I thought it was going to be kinda weird, and he even invited me over to begin with. I must say it was really fun and I had a nice time. It felt different, almost like there was a little less pressure, I was just his friend and he was just mine... Hopefully we can just hang out like that once and awhile. I have absolutely no ill will or regrets towards him, and I think I like him better in just the friend status anyways.
I'm stuck at work today. Long day. I really really want my new running shoes to come in the mail already. I keep looking for them everyday, lol...
-Sam
Judyb
New member
Sorry to hear things didn't work out for you and Rick but it's cool that you can still hang out and be friends. I have a hard time with that (jealousy rears it's head even if I don't want them ...lol). There have been a couple of guys over the years that I have been able to be friends with after dating, but I think I have to credit them as being super special and that's why it was possible.Thanks Alta and Val. I dunno what I would do without your wise words
I actually hung out with Rick last night as friends. I thought it was going to be kinda weird, and he even invited me over to begin with. I must say it was really fun and I had a nice time. It felt different, almost like there was a little less pressure, I was just his friend and he was just mine... Hopefully we can just hang out like that once and awhile. I have absolutely no ill will or regrets towards him, and I think I like him better in just the friend status anyways.
I'm stuck at work today. Long day. I really really want my new running shoes to come in the mail already. I keep looking for them everyday, lol...
-Sam
You mentioned getting new shows and being an "over-pronater??? What is that? I really need to get some new shoes for running up in the hills and I'm not sure what to get. I don't want to spend a hundred bucks on a pair of shoes that don't provide enough stability (which my last pair doesn't).
Curvie Girlie
New member
sammyboy24
New member
Sorry to hear things didn't work out for you and Rick but it's cool that you can still hang out and be friends. I have a hard time with that (jealousy rears it's head even if I don't want them ...lol). There have been a couple of guys over the years that I have been able to be friends with after dating, but I think I have to credit them as being super special and that's why it was possible.
You mentioned getting new shows and being an "over-pronater??? What is that? I really need to get some new shoes for running up in the hills and I'm not sure what to get. I don't want to spend a hundred bucks on a pair of shoes that don't provide enough stability (which my last pair doesn't).
Hey there JudyB! It's always nice to see you when you pop in here. Thanks for stopping by my diary. Yeah, so things with Rick didn't exactly turn out like i thought but, I'm way optimistic for whats next. Plus, when I'm in school and I'm super busy I won't feel bad about not being able to hang out with him that much...
Over-pronater is the kind of feet I've been dealt in this lifetime, lol... It basically means you have flat feet that roll inward, sometimes extremely inward when you run. I have little to no arch, so I need special shoes that support that kind of foot. Since my last pair of shoes were designed for flat feet I now know what it's like to run in a shoe that is meant for my specific foot, and i can't go back
This new pair I found on Ebay, they are called The Brooks Beast and were about 80 bucks after shipping... Slightly pricy I know but i would have spent more on them in a store... I'm excited for them to arrive.-Sam
Judyb
New member
Gotcha...I certainly don't have flat feet. I have exceptionally high arches. I was hoping to discover something through your success in finding shoes....but I guess I'll have to keep looking.Hey there JudyB! It's always nice to see you when you pop in here. Thanks for stopping by my diary. Yeah, so things with Rick didn't exactly turn out like i thought but, I'm way optimistic for whats next. Plus, when I'm in school and I'm super busy I won't feel bad about not being able to hang out with him that much...
Over-pronater is the kind of feet I've been dealt in this lifetime, lol... It basically means you have flat feet that roll inward, sometimes extremely inward when you run. I have little to no arch, so I need special shoes that support that kind of foot. Since my last pair of shoes were designed for flat feet I now know what it's like to run in a shoe that is meant for my specific foot, and i can't go back
-Sam
sammyboy24
New member
They actually have a term for super high arches but I can't remember what it was... I went online and googled top shoes for people with my foot condition and thats how I found the shoes I purchased. Just go to the god of google and I bet you could find something
-Sam
Judyb
New member
I took your advice and googled trail running shoes and I'm more confused than ever. According to what I've read, wear on the outer edge of the show indicates over pronation while wear on the ball of the foot and small portion of the heel indicates normal foot movement. Well, my well worn running shoes show heavy wear in the ball of the foot and the outside edge of the heel. I have no idea what that makes me...They actually have a term for super high arches but I can't remember what it was... I went online and googled top shoes for people with my foot condition and thats how I found the shoes I purchased. Just go to the god of google and I bet you could find something
-Sam
I just know that the New Balance shoes I bought most recently don't provide me with enough lateral support to run on an uneven surface.
bikinibound
New member
Aww..that's too bad about Rick. At least you can hang out as friends. I've rarely been able to do that with exes. The right one will come along someday...I'm still holding out for a hunky doctor for ya. 
Well Wand Sykes, eh? And it's TLD today, too. She is hilarious--I agree.
Well Wand Sykes, eh? And it's TLD today, too.
She is hilarious--I agree.Curvie Girlie
New member
Hi Judy!
I have a Woman's Running book, but not on me otherwise I might be able to look that up--callouses tell a little about things, too. I'd receommend going to a really specialized running store--I have Fleet Feet out here and it's the best, ever--the guy measured my feet, watched me walk, etc., and the shoes I ended up buying ($90, not cheap) are the best ever--I ran my first half marathon (13.1 miles) in them and didn't get a SINGLE BLISTER Amazing! I also got my trail running shoes there, and I haven't rolled my ankle, since (before I was prone to it out on the trails). Running stores are worth it!Curvie Girlie
New member
Sam--Keith Olbermann RULES!