Sam's from Chunk to Hunk Journal :)

Breathing exercises, saying the ABC's to myself, distracting myself... I'm actually really excited to see if these herbal remedies might have any affect on my anxiety. The Nursing Program is just one thing I continuously let myself stress about. I'm about to bite off a huge chunk of something when I get in, and I just worry if I'm about to bite off more than I can handle. I will have to rearrange my life so that I'm a top student, which won't be awful but it will be different. School, work and a little time with my friends and Rick is about all I will be doing here from Jan. to May... The first semester is the hardest they say.

I just have this weird way of stressing about things sometimes. It's like I feel as though I am incapable of something, like there is no way I could ever do it... Then sometimes I do it and find out I CAN do it, and usually better than most can.... I'm thinking this will be like that, I just have to become a well oiled machine and try to balance everything the best I know how. Rick starts school a month or so before me and he is kinda in the same boat. Fate must have brought us together so we can get through our schooling together, and relate to one another... It's going to all be okay, and I tell myself that about a 1000 times per day, lol...

Sacrificing exercise for a cute boy I guess is me. Just a little hiatus but I will get back on the wagon. The running has really done way too much for me and I refuse to gain back any weight so that I don't fit into the kick ass wardrobe I'm slowly acquiring :D I'm really bad with clothes, they are my weakness I'd say, lol...

-Sam
 
Sooo.......

Yesterday was the Nursing Orientation and it went pretty well I must say. It's kind of overwhelming and I sometimes wonder if I've bit off more than I can chew but I'm not as wigged out about it as I was last time. Lots of people in the class are in the same boat as I am, and have a lot more adverse circumstances than I do, so I feel kind of comfortable.

They make you take a practice test in the PAR format and secure testing center just so you get used to it. I got an 82, which doesn't really mean anything but I felt pretty good about it. It was basically stuff they went over at the orientation and stuff that was in the Nurse's Handbook (which I did read through on Monday night)... In this program you have to average better than 78% on all you tests to keep proceeding in the program. I even found out where my clinical work is going to be. It's at a long term care facility for this first semester and I'm kind of excited about it. I'm the only guy in the group, and I sometimes enjoy being alpha guy/alpha gay guy...

I went home and vegged for awhile. I am getting a little sick :( I had hoped to hang out with Rick last night but it didn't happen. I'm trying to not be annoyed by it but I kinda feel like I'm making myself a little too available for him and not seeing my old friends as much... I don't really know who is right and who is wrong, and maybe none of us are... I completely understand that we don't need to hang out every night but it doesn't help me not feel like an asshole when I make myself available to hang out and he already has other plans or wants to do his own thing... Not really too upset persay, just kinda irked....

So, good news :) I found out my old insurance company will be sending me a check for $1000.00 because they kept taking my premium money each week and not insuring me medically... I was really mad about it but they are handling it very well, so I'm not mad. I'm happy actually!!!!

-Sam
 
Sam,
I'm sure you have said it before, but I'm lazy and can't see a search happening, so I will ask you instead. :) Is the program you are going into an "LPN" program? I admire anyone who can put themselves into that field!!! I just don't know how I would react to things that come up or happen... people who can and do, should be considered TRULEY AMAZING PEOPLE!!! Good luck to you... I'm sure you will do great! :smash:
 
jzthedetermined said:
Sam,
I'm sure you have said it before, but I'm lazy and can't see a search happening, so I will ask you instead. :) Is the program you are going into an "LPN" program? I admire anyone who can put themselves into that field!!! I just don't know how I would react to things that come up or happen... people who can and do, should be considered TRULEY AMAZING PEOPLE!!! Good luck to you... I'm sure you will do great! :smash:
Click to expand...

Hey there JZ, no worries :)

The program I am doing is actually a 2 year R.N. program. It's pretty intense but I get summers off. I'm giving it a shot is all I can say. I've never worked in the medical field before but have always enjoyed it school wise and thought I would fit in there because I'm told and I think I am a people person...

-Sam
 
That sounds like a great program! I helped my EX get through her LPN course... one crazy intense year, then her RN from the local University. I'm sure it will be intense, but you'll get through it fine. I always joke that I should have taken the State Boards with her because I would have passed, well except the practical hands on stuff anyways. I don't think I could perform half of the amazing things that nurses do on a daily basis!! And you are a people person... I can tell just from reading... well except that one "BREADSTICK" comment you received at a certain pizza joint!! :D Take care and have a good one.
 
Hey all :)

Been fighting a wicked sinus infection or something this past weekend. Being sick sucks :( Rick and I have hung out a couple times. Things are good.

I went to a hockey game on Sat. night with my friend Liz and her BF. It was fun. We had really tasty spicy Indian food at Bombay House before. I really enjoy Indian food from there.

Sunday was lazy lazy. Spent a lot of the day in bed trying to sleep off some of this sickness. I even bought a nettie pot just to see if would help get some of this shit out... I think it helped a little bit. I need to keep doing it.

Back at work this rainy Monday. Only a few more hours to go until I'm off. I'm planning on a run tonite but it's not set in stone. My head hurts a little bit and I'm not sure if I should just rest or what. It's been so long since I've been back to the gym though, I feel kinda fat and puffy, hehe....

-Sam
 
If that nettie pot is a sinus irrigation pot, then that is suppose to be one of the best things for a sinus infection. I got something like that for my wife, but squeeze bottle, last year and it really helped a lot. Keep using it. It will get all that infection out and allow your body a fighting chance to keep it out.
 
Hmmm, I can see you're musing aloud here on a lot of subjects; balancing life, friend loyalty, romance.....this is heavy duty shit right here. I'd say: TIME MANAGEMENT is your best friend for the next few months. I'm not dissing anything you're doing, I'm only giving you the best advice I can. Manage your time wisely. Get in a little here and a little there--even ONE workout a week, with ONE night with your old friends, and the rest dolled out to school and Rick and rest, would be GREAT. I need to call an old friend right now, actually!

Take care, try not to stress--if you manage your time, you will be STUDYING and will succeed at school; all good will flow from there. I'll do what I can to help :)

HUGS!
 
YAY for RN school!! Sorry I've been out of the loop... you know life!!

You are not allowed to stress about school... I just decided that for you! You are a smart man and you can do it!!! I believe in you and I want you as my nurse!!

I hope you get to feeling better. The nettie pot will help. We use one and it does help... just be consistant!

Happy Tuesday! :)
 
Hey all :)

Ya. Your completely right about the time management part of things. I keep looking at my schedule for when school starts and this is basically how it's going to shake down....

Monday: Clinical 7am-5pm
Tuesday: Work 7am-7pm ish
Wednesday: School 8am-3pm, then work for a few hours?
Thursday: School 8am-noon, then tests from either 1-3pm or 1-5pm, then work?
Friday: probably work from 7am-7pm
Sat: not sure if I will work or what, prob tho
Sun: not sure if I will work or what....

I've been telling Rick that I'm going to be insanely busy from basically Jan. to May... It's a little frustrating because just when I think I have my schedule figured out, I find out more things I need to plan on... Oh well.

I'm just going to be focused on Nursing classes over the next few months, and trying to get as much work in as I can so that I can pay the bills. Things could possibly change with my work too, and not really in a good way. I would have to flip my schedule so that I would either have school or work every single day of the week... It might not happen and I am hoping it won't because I kinda want things to stay the way they are now so I can retain some sanity while i'm in this first killer semester of school.

Last night I got to the gym and did 30 minutes on the treadmill and 15 on the crosstrainer. It felt really good. I definitely notice I've put on a couple lbs in the past month or so from not exercising. It's funny because it all immediately goes to my stomach, so my muffin top over some of my jeans is horrendous, imo... I'm just going to get back on board, getting to the gym 3-5 times per week and watching my calories. I'm determined to get to the gym at least 3 times per week when I'm in school.

Things are pretty good with me and Rick. We took a few days off from each other last week and i think it was an excellent idea actually. At first I was a little hurt by it but then realized that it was necessary and didn't really mean anything was "wrong". I just hope I have at least a little time for him while I'm in school and he's in school. We are both going to be so busy I wouldn't be surprised if we don't see each other hardly at all. His schedule is almost as atrocious as mine. He will be working on his Master's degree in therapy up at the UofU and he also manages a pretty hip/happening restaurant here in UT, so he works a lot of doubles, usually on the days I have off currently. Right now we are just having fun together and that's all I can ask for. We both still have some time before school starts and are trying to make the most of it. I don't have any expectations and I don't think he does either. I just don't want anyone to get hurt or upset when we are too busy for each other because it's not me intentionally trying to hurt him... School is just important to me and I gotta see if I can do this. I do get summers off but this summer i'm going to take two way easy classes I think, so that shouldn't be too bad....

Tonite when I get off work, he wants to go to dinner and hang out, which i'm excited about. I probably won't get to the gym today but I will make it a priority tomorrow for sure. I've lost some of my wind and lung power running, so I'm back down to doing between 2-3 milers at one time. I want to get back to 4-5 milers soon, and probably get a good 15-20lbs or so off my body.

I just want everyone to know, that I'm feeling really good about things, even if it's a little overwhelming. I just have to keep my head in the game and be as productive as I can with my time. I feel clear and haven't really had a crazy/bad/anxiety day in well over a week. I think going to that Nursing Orientation and getting thru that helped out a lot.

Thanks all for stopping by my diary, and now I'm going to try to hit up some of yours :)

-Sam
Sun:
 
HOLY SHIT that is a busy schedule!! :eek2:

The time off thing is really cute--you took it well, like a balanced adult, and it was a good thing--good for you! :hurray:

I'm starting to stress out from your schedule......ugh I don't blame you! Sorry that doesn't help! :svengo:

LOL! Nah you'll be fine :D
 
Hey Sam... wow, a lot going on in here.

First and foremost, sounds like you need to spend some time building a better identity for yourself. I used to think a lot like you and it always led to me feeling a huge lack of confidence about my abilities to do a lot of things in life. When I did some digging, I realized I used a few stupid events in my life dictate/label who I am and my ability as a person. Terrible.

It took a lot of time but the moment I identified the problem it was much easier to start seeing things in a more productive light.

Second, glad to hear things with Rick are still on the up and up. It's a young relationship. You really like him. Make sure you're letting him be him though. It sounds like you are, but when he is being him, doing his own thing, don't take that personally. I think relationships, even long term ones, work best when each member maintains their individuality and personal freedom. Most of all, be open and up front with him.

Last, good stuff with the nursing program.
 
The only reason I'm not having panic attacks is the fact that i can study as much as I want to at work... So if I'm stuck working weekends at this place I can study the whole time if I need to. Not a lot of other people have that advantage, at least i don't think. While I was at the orientation I met a woman who was in her last semester of this program and she has a lot more going on than me. She only works like 12 hrs per week but she is a bit older than me and she is a single mom of 4 kids... I thought man, if she can do this than I have no excuse to not at least see if I can. I also took a practice test there in the testing center on the orientation and I didn't even study for it... I did pretty good, so I'm just optimisitic right at the moment... Hopefully it sticks :)

-Sam
 
I'm definitely thinking some new shoes are in order. I have been wearing these 11's for a few months now and think with some of the problems I've been having I need to go up to a 11.5 or a 12... I'm not sure. I don't want too much room in my shoe but i definitely think I need to get some more in there....
 
Hey all :)

I found a new pair of running shoes. The are called the Brooks Beast and are specially made for overpronaters like myself. I got them in a 11.5 instead of an 11, just because I think these last pair I have been running in are too tight, and are causing my feet and toenails some problems... No more tho :)

I went to dinner with Rick and a few of his friends last night. It was totally fun. We went to this local restaurant here called The Red Iguana. It's recently been featured on that show Diners Drives and Dives on the Food Network. It's supposedly the best Mexican food in SLC, which I would probably agree to...

Didn't get a run in yesterday but kinda planning on going tonite. I still have this damn cold/sinus thing going on so it's making me kind of tired and yucky... I do need to go grocery shopping later after work too....

So that is basically whats up. Today is rainy and yucky outside, the norm lately. I just gotta get thru today and tomorrow and then it will be my weekend!!! Woot Woot :coolgleamA:

-Sam
 
sammyboy24 said:
I met a woman who was in her last semester of this program and she has a lot more going on than me. She only works like 12 hrs per week but she is a bit older than me and she is a single mom of 4 kids..
Click to expand...

That IS amazing that she's doing the program :eek2: Glad you can study at work!

Glad you found appropriate shoes :)

Are there lots of Mexicans in SLC? I'm spoiled here in MexiCali....
 
There are quite a few Mexicans here in SLC. There are a few really good Mexican restaurants too.

I was amazed that woman was in the program as well. She gives me hope. I know if I just apply myself like I've never applied myself before, lol, that I can make it thru this. I will do it. I have some goals I'm working on to keep around me at all times this first semester and I want to reach them.

-Sam
 
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