shuffleupagus
New member
Hi, my name's Julia. I weigh 235 lbs. I'm horrified that I'm going to die of a heart attack when I'm 25.
I started out as a lithe energetic kid. I remember having TONS of energy and I've seen pictures of me. I was TINY! But for some reason my grandparents thought I was under-nourished, so they fed me butter covered crackers, cups of brown sugar as a treat, and bacon. Mmm...bacon. Heaps of it. So, of course, I quickly lost that thin little body and became one of the fattest kids in my elementary school classes. And it's all been downhill from there. Negative self image, addiction to food, always feeling awkward. Until I was put in the spotlight in high school. I had been put in a leadership position - drum major for my school marching band. Most of the people in band were pretty thin, and I was scared to death of having these thin people staring at me on a daily basis. So I stopped eating. I was ranging between 400 - 700 calories a day. I worked out constantly. I lost the weight! I was 130 pounds. I fit in a size 8! I was HAPPY!! And I was able to stay that way even though I started eating like a normal person. I went up to 140 and managed to stay there for 4 years.
Then I met my future husband. We were fairly active together, but he LOVED cheese dogs, chocolate cake, and all varieties of diner food. So I began to eat like him. Guess what happened?
I ballooned up to 180. I vowed not to get any bigger and I didn't for about 3 years. But in the past year, I've been struggling with depression, our living situation changed, I couldn't find a job, blah blah blah. All that free time and need for comfort lead to stuffing my face. Food was my friend and my enemy. So, here I am at 235 pounds. The biggest I've ever been. And I don't want to keep going! The worst problem has been that while I was dealing with my depression issues, my husband stopped spending time with me and spent about 3 hours at the gym every day. So now he's ripped. The bastard. So I resent him and that just makes me want food even more, knowing that my husband is in the best shape of his life and he could drop me like a bad habit and pick up a gym bunny any time. Grr.
Anyway, I'm ready to move forward and get rid of all this emotional and physical baggage. I love being outside, hiking, biking, backpacking, rock climbing, etc. So I'm going to try to get outside and be active as much as possible. I'd also like to take up trail running. I want something to work towards besides a weight goal, so I'm planning on using races/marathons to set my goals. I think that may work better for me than saying "I want to lose 10 pounds by XX date". My weight can fluctuate up to 10 pounds on any given day depending on how much water/food I injest, so it just gets depressing to see the scale go down, down, down and then pop up 10 pounds just because I drank a lot the day before. I AM going to keep track of my weight, I just feel like focusing on my overall fitness and how I feel will give me the most motivation.
SO, right now I can walk a mile on flat pavement in about 15 minutes.
The first race I'm working towards is on Oct. 14. It's a 5K. So my goals are as follows:
1. Train over the next 3.5 months to be able to run a mile in 9 minutes or less
2. Enter and FINISH the 5K on 10/14/07
3. Finish the race in under 30 minutes
So, I'm setting up a training schedule to work towards that. I also love rock climbing, so I'll be using that and weight training as supplements to running on the treadmill/trails.
As far as eating goes, that's a huge battle. Right now I have a job where I'm on my feet and busy all day long. So I usually eat breakfast around 7am then maybe a granola bar or sandwich a few hours later, and then that's it until I get off around 6pm. THEN I come home and strap on the feed bag, eating anything I get a craving for until I go to bed. THIS is why the weight keeps going up.
I want to get myself in the habit of eating 5 or 6 small meals throughout the day and MAKE the time for breaks. I'm aiming for 1500 calories, so 5 meals at 300 calories each is my plan. I'm really lazy when it comes to keeping a journal, so I'm trying to work on just writing down what I eat so I can get an idea of what/how much I'm eating and when. In the last week I've gotten better about recognizing portion overloads and when I'm eating out of boredom or comfort. IE: Sitting in front of the TV and eating half a bag of cookies or chips. And I'm trying to get myself out of the habit of saying "I worked damn hard today, so I deserve this pint of ice cream/hamburger and fries/bucket of fried chicken." Food should not be a reward for hard work. A warm shower and early bed time should be! Or having time to sit down and read for pleasure. Something like that which is not food-related at all.
So, anyway, that's a little about me, my battle with bulge, and my goals to get out of my current situation.
I started out as a lithe energetic kid. I remember having TONS of energy and I've seen pictures of me. I was TINY! But for some reason my grandparents thought I was under-nourished, so they fed me butter covered crackers, cups of brown sugar as a treat, and bacon. Mmm...bacon. Heaps of it. So, of course, I quickly lost that thin little body and became one of the fattest kids in my elementary school classes. And it's all been downhill from there. Negative self image, addiction to food, always feeling awkward. Until I was put in the spotlight in high school. I had been put in a leadership position - drum major for my school marching band. Most of the people in band were pretty thin, and I was scared to death of having these thin people staring at me on a daily basis. So I stopped eating. I was ranging between 400 - 700 calories a day. I worked out constantly. I lost the weight! I was 130 pounds. I fit in a size 8! I was HAPPY!! And I was able to stay that way even though I started eating like a normal person. I went up to 140 and managed to stay there for 4 years.
Then I met my future husband. We were fairly active together, but he LOVED cheese dogs, chocolate cake, and all varieties of diner food. So I began to eat like him. Guess what happened?
I ballooned up to 180. I vowed not to get any bigger and I didn't for about 3 years. But in the past year, I've been struggling with depression, our living situation changed, I couldn't find a job, blah blah blah. All that free time and need for comfort lead to stuffing my face. Food was my friend and my enemy. So, here I am at 235 pounds. The biggest I've ever been. And I don't want to keep going! The worst problem has been that while I was dealing with my depression issues, my husband stopped spending time with me and spent about 3 hours at the gym every day. So now he's ripped. The bastard. So I resent him and that just makes me want food even more, knowing that my husband is in the best shape of his life and he could drop me like a bad habit and pick up a gym bunny any time. Grr.Anyway, I'm ready to move forward and get rid of all this emotional and physical baggage. I love being outside, hiking, biking, backpacking, rock climbing, etc. So I'm going to try to get outside and be active as much as possible. I'd also like to take up trail running. I want something to work towards besides a weight goal, so I'm planning on using races/marathons to set my goals. I think that may work better for me than saying "I want to lose 10 pounds by XX date". My weight can fluctuate up to 10 pounds on any given day depending on how much water/food I injest, so it just gets depressing to see the scale go down, down, down and then pop up 10 pounds just because I drank a lot the day before. I AM going to keep track of my weight, I just feel like focusing on my overall fitness and how I feel will give me the most motivation.
SO, right now I can walk a mile on flat pavement in about 15 minutes.
The first race I'm working towards is on Oct. 14. It's a 5K. So my goals are as follows:
1. Train over the next 3.5 months to be able to run a mile in 9 minutes or less
2. Enter and FINISH the 5K on 10/14/07
3. Finish the race in under 30 minutes
So, I'm setting up a training schedule to work towards that. I also love rock climbing, so I'll be using that and weight training as supplements to running on the treadmill/trails.
As far as eating goes, that's a huge battle. Right now I have a job where I'm on my feet and busy all day long. So I usually eat breakfast around 7am then maybe a granola bar or sandwich a few hours later, and then that's it until I get off around 6pm. THEN I come home and strap on the feed bag, eating anything I get a craving for until I go to bed. THIS is why the weight keeps going up.
I want to get myself in the habit of eating 5 or 6 small meals throughout the day and MAKE the time for breaks. I'm aiming for 1500 calories, so 5 meals at 300 calories each is my plan. I'm really lazy when it comes to keeping a journal, so I'm trying to work on just writing down what I eat so I can get an idea of what/how much I'm eating and when. In the last week I've gotten better about recognizing portion overloads and when I'm eating out of boredom or comfort. IE: Sitting in front of the TV and eating half a bag of cookies or chips. And I'm trying to get myself out of the habit of saying "I worked damn hard today, so I deserve this pint of ice cream/hamburger and fries/bucket of fried chicken." Food should not be a reward for hard work. A warm shower and early bed time should be!
Or having time to sit down and read for pleasure. Something like that which is not food-related at all. So, anyway, that's a little about me, my battle with bulge, and my goals to get out of my current situation.
