Riot!

p.s. to [focus]

As far as nutrition goes, I don't count calories, but I do count my portions like I said before. I know not all calories are equal so I try to make the healthiest choices possible and keep the empty calories to a minimum. Counting calories makes me insane and if I try I just feel like some kind of prom princess, "Like, OMG! That carrot had like 15 calories! I should, like, wear more lip gloss instead of eat, like for sure!" Counting calories is just one of those things I'll never do. Instead, I've been using a "1400 calorie pattern" worksheet from mypyramid.gov to track my eating every day. And there must be a calorie deficit because I am losing weight--maybe not as quickly or steadily as I'd like, but it's going.
 
OW my BUTT!

For REAL! My cheeks are killing me! I barely slept last night and they hurt all day! Owieowieowieowie. Totally took today off from working out, and tomorrow is strength training and then I'll be fine.

So instead of working out I thought I'd have a little photoshoot with myself and compare my face from today, 226.8, with my face at my top weight of 246. I am extremely pleased!
 
Head games

Damn scale, I'm back to 227.4.

But I'm not letting it get me down because I am actually losing fat. I am starting to have actual shoulders, which freakin' rules! I don't know why I just HAVE to weigh myself each day... Yes I do, I do it because when I don't monitor myself I slack off and gain weight while I'm pretending to myself that I'm losing weight. I have to balance my tendency toward denial against my tendency to obsess about my progress--or rather my percieved lack thereof. It's a struggle to remain objective. My hubby is a great support, it helps to have someone give me a kick in the butt and say, "Quit your whining, you're doing great and I can tell the difference!"
:nopity:
 
[Focus];390921 said:
Try not to pay attention to the scale. I know I like to hop on it every day, but I'm really working hard at just accepting it as a number, jotting it down on my spreadsheet and then forgetting it. The only time it's really necessary to even think about it is during progress reviews, which you should only be doing every couple weeks, and not 3 to 4 times a day like I tend to, haha.
Click to expand...

P.S. Quit your whining, princess. :D
 
January re-cap

Yeah, I'm getting better at not taking the number on the scale to heart. I just had so much fun weighing myself every day in December where I saw it scoot a little bit each day and I was dropping 2# a week, so I got pissed off that it wasn't the same routine this month. I've been reading up on this slow-down and I learned that exercise beginners gain muscle and lose fat simultaneously for a certain period of time base on the individual. Then at some point they reach the "ceiling" of the muscle they can build and once that levels off, they pick up on the fat loss. I hope that happens to Meeee!

BUT, on the positive side, throughout January I've noticed increased stamina, muscle definition, and I don't get light-headed nearly as easily. Used to be a couple flights of stairs or a hill on my bike would make me feel like I was gonna faint! Now I'm trudging up and down the front hall stairs hundreds of times every week. I went from maxing out at 6 lunges (that's three for each leg) to 24 (12 ea)! And, as you saw, my face is now a seperate entity from my neck which has decreased my camera-shyness.
 
Time to re-evaluate....

Ok, now that I still have not lost any more weight I have to check out what needs adjustment:
Food
Exercise
Attitude

Sure, I need an attitude adjustment, that's been a long time coming. But looking back at my food diary I can see that I'm not sticking to my plan. In fact, I'm not hungry between meals, which I usually am while I'm losing. I keep going over on the high-cal protein group and I'm almost always under on my fruits. I eat too much cheese. And I eat too late in the evening, I have to quit waiting for hubby to get home to eat with me. Arrg. This is really freaking HARD! It's pissing me off.:cuss:
 
Momma's Got a Brand New Bag

So apparently working out is going to be my new part time job for the next year or so. Upon suggestion from Covert Bailey's book The Fit or Fat Woman I should exercise frequently for brief durations rather than trying to knock myself out with a long workout each day. So today I started a new workout plan that I devised for myself. Here is the before and after breakdown of my routine:

Before
30 minutes cardio for 3 days per week
40 minutes strength for 3 days per week
early evenings

New 20/20, six days per week
before work 20 min strength
after work 20 cardio

This way I get in more cardio without keeling over, and each strength session can target upper body, lower body or core muscle groups. Also, when I increase my exercise duration it won't seem so drastic and will still have a great impact.

P.S. the scale moved again! 226.2
 
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Does my new signature work?

:seeya:
I just learned that messaged have to be at least 10 characters...

yay, it worked!
 
So far so good

Yesterday was day 1 of my new workout routine and I really like it. Turns out that 20 minutes is the perfect amount for being able to push myself pretty hard without being crippled with soreness, and it doesn't feel like a major undertaking. It's more like, "Eh, 20 minutes, no biggie." And afterward I feel pumped up.

I went to work yesterday fully awake and breakfasted, and though I was tired after work I still had just enough energy left over to go zipping pell-mell down my street for another 20. But by 9:30 I was most definitely ready for BED, and I even slept well on my terrible mattress. Except, of course, getting up at 4:15am to pee, as usual. Arg I hate that.
 
Ha!

225 this morning beeeaaatch!
Sweet! I'm so glad I didn't give up!!

For me losing weight is like going back in time..... 225 pounds.... the last time I saw that number on the scale was 2004 and I was canvassing with the Vote Mob. Ahh, good times.
 
Heck yeah it does. What's even better is that I have never lost more than 15 pounds before in my whole life, and here I am down 21 pounds! Good ups to you, too, you're nearly half way to goal!
 
Getting ready for the water weight!

Creeping down ever so slowly... I'm now at 224!

I'm getting geared up for my period again this weekend, paired with going out of town again. Last month this proved to be a diet-deadly combination, so I'm hoping I'll do better this time.

I have three things going for me this time: 1) I'm staying with my sister who is a health nut and will be ok with me being kind of high-maintenence in the way of food. 2) She has a workout room at her condo. 3) It's not going to be unreasonably cold outside so we will be out walking around for much of the visit--thank goodness!

Here is what the four of us will look like on my birthday::party:
I don't know who the heck those other two guys are... are they CHECKING me OUT??
 
Speaking of checking me out...

Recently I've noticed that people at work are looking at me different. Not like, hey check her out, but more quizzical, like something's different and they can't put their finger on it. I mostly think this is ok, but sometimes the prolonged up-down-up-down eyeball business makes me uncomfortable. It's like they're looking for the rest of me, and it's not like that much is missing! I hope when my weight loss really becomes obvious that people don't make a fuss over it. I don't especially like to draw that kind of attention.

In fact, the one of the things I enjoy about being fat is that I'm invisible. I can go about my business without drawing stares, or even glances. It's sickening to me to witness men acting out disgusting displays at women they find attractive and I'm dreading this facet of entering the regular sized world. I'll be lumped into the usual "woman" category which just by default attracts unwanted attention. I'm fairly convinced that this is one of the psychological factors that has been holding me back from losing this excess weight.

The only other thing I enjoy about being fat is EATING. I F*ing love to eat. *Sigh* It's sad now how much I can enjoy a pile of steamed peas and a boca chik patty. I used to definitely LIVE to EAT and I'm learning how to just eat to live. I make sure all my nutrition needs are met and I don't fret so much about not being able to chow down a huge mushroom and cheese burger. If I happen to be craving one, like right this minute, I think to myself, ok, I need protein and maybe some salt or iron... let's eat kidney beans! I make a mean pot of rice and beans by the way. Can you tell it's getting close to lunch time?
 
First goal met!!

I cannot freaking believe it. I have never met a goal before! I wanted to have lost 25# by my birthday and I actually did it! I didn't think I was going to make it since I slowed down so much in January and the day before my birthday I was two pounds away still. Then... birthday morning... Shazam--221! Yay me! I didn't get to enjoy it long though because I got my period the very next day. Maybe next week when the water comes off I'll have lost some more, that would be spectacular!

Goals:
I changed my final goal after asking more people in my family how much they weigh. I think for my build 130 will be way too skinny, so I'm changing my goal to 140 for now. I might be totally hot by 150, we'll see.

Half way point by Memorial Day (down 53#)
Out of obese range @ 160 by mid-October
Final goal met by next Christmas
 
May I just go sleep for a week please?

I am exhausted, tired down to the bone. After an entire weekend of trying to keep up with my little 125-pound sister :willy_nilly: I just wanted to curl up into the fetal position. My butt hurt, my feet hurt, my brain was all foggy. Then Monday I got slammed with a cold sore outbreak. Not just one, but THREE. Christ, I look like a leper!

I've been feeling pretty tired and poopy frequently since I started working out twice a day. Last Thursday I slept all day instead of getting ready for my trip to Chicago, so I thought I had gotten caught up on sleep, but no. I'm beginning to wonder if all this is happening because so many toxins are stored in your fat and I'm burning mine off. I can imagine that not only is my body struggling to cope with fewer calories and having to eliminate the fat I'm burning, but on top of all that there are all these toxins that need to be cleared out of the bloodstream.

I've decided that 7 hours a night just isn't going to cut it if I want to keep from feeling so run down. I need to get to bed earlier. I hate the idea of eating so close to bed time, but what else can I do? I get up at 6, screw around in the bathroom for awhile, get into my workout clothes, stretch, work out for 20 minutes, stretch again, shower, eat, get ready to leave by 7:40. Then when I come home I poop, get back into workout clothes, stretch, work out, stretch, make and eat dinner, watch TV, shower, go to bed. :drooling:

So I guess it's going to be no more TV. Except on Wednesdays, I can't miss Ghost Hunters.
 
Choco-holic!

I fell almost completely off the weight loss wagon this weekend. I had some family over for my birthday and I bought some truffles, natural sodas, and various fancy chips, but then my mom brought me chocolate layer cake and turtles, and I ordered gourmet pizzas for us. I consumed plenty of each.

I was so busy getting the house ready and shopping all weekend that I didn't work out--unless you count five hours of cleaning, which I'm tempted to because I was real sore the next day. I didn't get caught up on my sleep either, and I kept snacking on all the choco-yummies. I have NO self-control, I cannot have these things in my house. So monday I brought the rest to work: chocolate cake, chocolate truffles, chocolate turtles--I really felt like crying because I wanted to just sit down and eat it all in front of the television.

I certainly didn't do as terribly as I could have, and I got myself back on track by eating right yesterday, going to bed early last night and cardio this morning before work.

Damn dude, this is hard work. Physically, I get run-down too easily, I struggle to find time to do all I need to do and still get in enough sleep. Psychologically, it's really hard keeping myself from reverting to my natural patterns, which is where the prayer comes in since it puts the issue outside of myself and I can focus more on the big picture. Emotionally, I am afraid of what's happening to me and I'm not sure of where I'm going: I've always been the fat girl, so what else can I be?? Financially, I'm faced with having to buy new clothes: I hate shopping, plus-size clothing selection sucks, and I'm still losing so I'm going to have to keep buying new clothes the whole way down unless I want to walk around looking like an unmade bed.

I had no idea what I was getting myself into with this big idea, but I'm glad I didn't know because then I may have chickened out. I'm learning how to cope with everything in life without eating over it, and I'm learning how to cope with the fact that I can't eat all the damn time.
 
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