Rho's Diary

Hello guys,

You guys are so sweet. I figured there was no point updating as it would be the same sad note...don't like sounding like a broken record..

I just had so much going on - it's hard to say whether I'm out of it, but I've decided exercise will help. I didn't go the gym at all this week, partly because of this depressive spate, partly because of my dissertation, but mostly because I want to be totally well before returning to my gruelling workouts.. I really couldn't bear to become ill again.

On the up side, I'll be doing a 13 mile walk this weekend. I'll be doing it alone, and I've printed out the route and everything. I figure exercise is one of the few things that makes me feel good, so I might as well indulge.. I know it'll be a bit of a challenge, but I don't want to think of how difficult it might be - I want to just do it..

Sara, you are such a sweetheart. I felt your hugs, I really did. The sad funk, as you put it, really threw me for six. I think it was a combination of factors that caused it. My disseration wasn't going well, work was awful, relaxation was nonexistent and I just felt like my life had no meaning. Maybe I'm just too sensitive.. I do think it will eventually pass though - it's been a long while since I felt this down. Why do these things hit us when we least expect, or want it? (I tried repping you, but it won't let me!! You've been so kind)

Juliette, you made me think. I hadn't considered that part of my depression was due to feeling unfulfilled. I don't know - I keep asking myself: what was I expecting? A grand feeling of achievement? I mean, I felt ok, but not overwhelmingly proud or anything. Maybe that's why I'm going for double the distance this time. I've got issues, I know.. I'll see how this goes. I'll start off nice and early on Sunday morning while most are still in bed, and see how far I can walk on the 13 mile route.. You'd probably do it in half the time I would!

It's 1.24am so I guess I should shoot off to bed. If I can, I'll pop into the gym tomorrow to weigh myself and see how much I've lost. I'm really curious, especially since my new trousers are looser on me (hopefully it's not my imagination)..

Thank you for your support guys. It means a great deal to me, distance be damned.
 
RhoRho said:
You'd probably do it in half the time I would
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I doubt it, if somebody hasn't installed me wheels instead of legs during my sleep. :rotflmao:
Have a good time walking! I know you can do 13 miles. Remember to eat&drink a lot of water! I'll be expecting all the details when you have the time. :D
Julie
 
Thanks Juliette, for having faith in me. I'm off to do my food shopping now so I'll get stuff for the walk too, i.e. food and water.. (And I wasn't joking - you really would do it in half the time I would, judging by all the distances you walk!)

My period's here, nice and early, probably due to stress, so that's even more of an incentive to go walking. I hate being still when I'm on..
 
Aww Rho! I'm sorry you're not feeling the greatest. Congrats on your walk by the way! I'm sorry it wasn't what you were expecting. I'm sure doing the 13 mile one will feel rewarding because it is longer and it's something you're doing by yourself and for yourself. I really hope it helps you with the stress and feeling upset. I find walks help with that sort of thing, gives you time to think and then time to just let go. Just know that we're all here to support you no matter what!
 
Thanks Christina, that's really sweet of you to say. I just got back from the 13 mile walk, and it did make me feel a lot better. Shattered, but better. There was just so much to see and I had ample time to think! If I could do this everyday I would! I'm really tired and sleepy, but it feels great. The endorphins are probably kicking in like crazy, which is why I'm not feeling down or anything at the moment. Hopefully it'll remain this way.

I going for a bit of a lie-down - I could barely keep my eyes open on the way back.

I'll post more about it later..
 
Risty don't worry about losing weight fast. Dont try to lose anymore than 2 pounds a week, otherwise its not healthy. Im just wondering do you drink protein powder before workouts? You should really look into good supplements to help you lose the weight and build muscle.
 
greg1013 said:
Risty don't worry about losing weight fast. Dont try to lose anymore than 2 pounds a week, otherwise its not healthy. Im just wondering do you drink protein powder before workouts? You should really look into good supplements to help you lose the weight and build muscle.
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Supplementation is not a necessity.
 
greg1013 said:
Risty don't worry about losing weight fast. Dont try to lose anymore than 2 pounds a week, otherwise its not healthy. Im just wondering do you drink protein powder before workouts? You should really look into good supplements to help you lose the weight and build muscle.
Click to expand...

Hey - was this meant for me? Or Risty? I'm confused here :confused:
 
My 25km walk

Ok, so yesterday..

I'm pleased I did the walk yesterday, as it wasn't as sunny as Saturday, which is when I originally intended the walk. Unfortunately stomach cramps got me on Saturday and I was laid up in bed so decided to go Sunday instead.

I have to say I felt extremely anxious. I kept thinking "Can I really do this? And by myself? And during my period?!" But the thought of quitting just killed me because I knew I wouldn't be able to look myself in the eye. I get into this stubborn zone sometimes and I was there.

I started and ended at Battersea Park. The funny thing is I pass Battersea Park on the train really often, but have never actually entered the park. Until yesterday. Anyways, I got the Walk directions from .

It actually started off really well. It was a clearly signposted path, and it was right beside the Thames. It's not a touristy route, by the looks of it, but I got a chance to see houseboats and barges and dried areas on the riverbed in which you could see car tyres and all sorts of junk half buried in the thick mud. It was really quiet as well (maybe because it was early Sunday morning) but I loved it.

Of course the quiet bits ended and I got to Vauxhall, past the MI6 headquarters, then down the Albert Embankment. D'you know - I've been living in London for nearly 10 years and it was only yesterday that I realised that the second road flanking the River Thames is the Albert Embankment (the other is the Victoria Embankment). You learn new things everyday, eh.. Anyways, I walked through all the typical tourist areas - the London Eye, Royal Festival Hall, Big Ben, Houses of Parliament (and the views were lovely, I have to say.. I'll post up pictures when I've got round to uploading them), but walked past all that, past the HMS Belfast (this magnificent ship - I'll visit the inside of it someday once I find out how much tickets cost), past the Tate Modern (a really impressive building), past the Millenium bridge (the footbridge that kept swaying when it was first built), past The Founders Arms (this lovely pub right by the river), past The Golden Hinde (a 16th century English galleon), then through some ancient wharfs. I discovered the Clink prison museum, which is meant to be the origin of the phrase 'In the clink'.. Then Tower Bridge, where I had to battle with tourists (but fun too meeting all these people!)

I especially liked the South Bank area, because there were loads of street artists, y'know, the ones in all sorts of costumes that just stand still, and then if you give them some money they suddenly move.. I guess it's only if you see them that it'll make sense. But I loved seeing all that. I was around the halfway point at this stage, so I had a 5 minute rest and ate some of the melon I had. Then for the second lap - it was sort of a similar route, but at the other side of the river - London Bridge, Southwark Bridge, Millenium Bridge, Blackfriars Bridge, Waterloo Bridge, Hungerford Bridge, Westminster Bridge, Lambeth Bridge, Vauxhall Bridge. Jeez, it just went on and on, thank goodness there were loads of things to see! I knew that once I got to Vauxhall I'd reached the 10 mile mark so I began feeling pleased with myself.

Then came the long bit - Grosvenor Road. It just went on and on and on and on. Even though the sights were great (it's a nice area where rich people live - who else could afford to live right by the Thames!) my legs started to get tired and it felt like I was dragging them through sludge. I finally passed Chelsea Bridge and got to Albert Bridge, which I crossed to get into Battersea Park. Such a massive park, it took a good 20 minutes walking at fast pace to get to the exit closest to the train station.

Anyhoo, finished it all in a little over 4 hours, so I guess I'm quite pleased.. And that is my little tale.. A friend (the friend I did the 10km walk with) has asked to do a 15 or 20km next weekend, so great! I guess I have a partner. I like walking cos it's not as stressful, and I can always push myself a bit further, which I find it more difficult to do if I'm at the gym.. And I can listen to the radio or music, whatever.. It's all good.. off to lunch now...
 
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Great story!
I would have loved to be there walking with you, but you described everything so well, that I actually feel like I was there.
I'm also waiting for the pics. ;)
And it's very nice that your friend wants to do this with you, it's always nicer when there's someone to talk with.
Have a great lunch!
Julie
 
Thanks Julie :D It really was a great experience... it was like a gentle massage for the mind...really relaxing (mentally, not physically).. I hope I get round to uploading the pictures pretty soon..it was such a beautiful day too..

It's great to have a friend do it with me because then we can (hopefully) motivate each other to carry on. I remember when she first said it and I asked her how far she wanted to walk, and she said "Till I get tired", and I said nothing (cos I was thinking What if she's tired after 6 miles?) I think my face said it all and she said "Ok, fine, between 15 and 20km" so I was happy..

I had a really late lunch, cos it's nearly time to go home! Well, not home for me - uni, to work on my never ending dissertation.. *sigh*.. Enjoy your day everyone!
 
what a great walk - and what great sights along the way... :D (i'm not a fan of modern art -the tate defiitely looks better ont he outside than the inside :) and the millenium bridge is really cool :)

well done on completing the walk :D
 
RhoRho said:
Ok, so yesterday..

I'm pleased I did the walk yesterday, as it wasn't as sunny as Saturday, which is when I originally intended the walk. Unfortunately stomach cramps got me on Saturday and I was laid up in bed so decided to go Sunday instead.

I have to say I felt extremely anxious. I kept thinking "Can I really do this? And by myself? And during my period?!" But the thought of quitting just killed me because I knew I wouldn't be able to look myself in the eye. I get into this stubborn zone sometimes and I was there.

I started and ended at Battersea Park. The funny thing is I pass Battersea Park on the train really often, but have never actually entered the park. Until yesterday. Anyways, I got the Walk directions from this site.

It actually started off really well. It was a clearly signposted path, and it was right beside the Thames. It's not a touristy route, by the looks of it, but I got a chance to see houseboats and barges and dried areas on the riverbed in which you could see car tyres and all sorts of junk half buried in the thick mud. It was really quiet as well (maybe because it was early Sunday morning) but I loved it.

Of course the quiet bits ended and I got to Vauxhall, past the MI6 headquarters, then down the Albert Embankment. D'you know - I've been living in London for nearly 10 years and it was only yesterday that I realised that the second road flanking the River Thames is the Albert Embankment (the other is the Victoria Embankment). You learn new things everyday, eh.. Anyways, I walked through all the typical tourist areas - the London Eye, Royal Festival Hall, Big Ben, Houses of Parliament (and the views were lovely, I have to say.. I'll post up pictures when I've got round to uploading them), but walked past all that, past the HMS Belfast (this magnificent ship - I'll visit the inside of it someday once I find out how much tickets cost), past the Tate Modern (a really impressive building), past the Millenium bridge (the footbridge that kept swaying when it was first built), past The Founders Arms (this lovely pub right by the river), past The Golden Hinde (a 16th century English galleon), then through some ancient wharfs. I discovered the Clink prison museum, which is meant to be the origin of the phrase 'In the clink'.. Then Tower Bridge, where I had to battle with tourists (but fun too meeting all these people!)

I especially liked the South Bank area, because there were loads of street artists, y'know, the ones in all sorts of costumes that just stand still, and then if you give them some money they suddenly move.. I guess it's only if you see them that it'll make sense. But I loved seeing all that. I was around the halfway point at this stage, so I had a 5 minute rest and ate some of the melon I had. Then for the second lap - it was sort of a similar route, but at the other side of the river - London Bridge, Southwark Bridge, Millenium Bridge, Blackfriars Bridge, Waterloo Bridge, Hungerford Bridge, Westminster Bridge, Lambeth Bridge, Vauxhall Bridge. Jeez, it just went on and on, thank goodness there were loads of things to see! I knew that once I got to Vauxhall I'd reached the 10 mile mark so I began feeling pleased with myself.

Then came the long bit - Grosvenor Road. It just went on and on and on and on. Even though the sights were great (it's a nice area where rich people live - who else could afford to live right by the Thames!) my legs started to get tired and it felt like I was dragging them through sludge. I finally passed Chelsea Bridge and got to Albert Bridge, which I crossed to get into Battersea Park. Such a massive park, it took a good 20 minutes walking at fast pace to get to the exit closest to the train station.

Anyhoo, finished it all in a little over 4 hours, so I guess I'm quite pleased.. And that is my little tale.. A friend (the friend I did the 10km walk with) has asked to do a 15 or 20km next weekend, so great! I guess I have a partner. I like walking cos it's not as stressful, and I can always push myself a bit further, which I find it more difficult to do if I'm at the gym.. And I can listen to the radio or music, whatever.. It's all good.. off to lunch now...
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All of this takes me back to my summer in London town. Ahhhh! I've been to the pub The Founder's Arm. The first time I was in london the millenium bridge had just been opened and was already shut down because it wasn't safe. When I went back last year it was open and functioning again.

I've walked by and been in most of those places you mention. Funny how when we live in a place we never see the sites. I live in Atlanta, GA and there are so many things I've never done here.

Congrats on your walk! And I'm jealous you have such a fabulous city to walk in!
 
Aww, thanks guys. I feel much better about this walk than the 10km...wonder why..

Ta Mal :D I'm not a great fan of modern art too! But people seem to be into all that Tracey Emin 'art'... not my style..

Hey SoontobeMrs! Didn't you just love the pub? Really chilled with the outdoor benches and the massive anchor stuck into the ground... I guess I should really be happy I live in such a beautiful city.. I keep forgetting that so it's good that you've reminded me... You should explore your city more, that's my advice to everyone from now on...

Ok - it's late and I've just got back from uni. I had some ravioli for dinner, which was yum. But as it's a pasta dish I fear I'll pay for it... I just feel so out of control when I'm on - thank goodness it'll soon be over..

Have a lovely evening /g'night all.
 
RhoRho said:
I get into this stubborn zone sometimes and I was there.
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That's really great Rho, I know how that feels. It's invigorating when you accomplish something that was difficult to do such as your WALK. I think it's remarkable you did it on your own, and with cramps and during your period, you still did it, that's what matters. You have a serious drive and you fought out the sadness. :hug2: You're a great motivator and I loved hearing about the walk, I felt like I was there too! I sort of feel like all my WLF friends are with me sometimes when I work out though too (yeah I know this sounds sappy, but I mean it in a nonsappy way) because I know that my goals matter to you guys the same way that yours matter to me. Hope you're having a nice night!
 
Awww, that's just so sweet. I feel that way sometimes, especially when I feel like I'm the only one that cares about my goals. Then I remember my WLF support centre with those who want me to be successful, and I stop being so lazy.. I feel a bit sad when I see that someone has stopped using the WLF, and I think to myself "Well, maybe they're still making an effort, just not recording it on the site" even though another part of me thinks they've given up

I hope I can do more of such walks because it's more difficult to think up excuses, like one might do with the gym.. You are a fantastic motivator yourself. Reading your diary over the last couple of days has made me get my a$$ back to the gym earlier than I expected. I thought I'd go tomorrow, but I've decided I'll go tonight. I'll do a weight training session and 45mins of cardio, which should be interesting.. I'm determined to fight this stupid depression that's been enveloping me these past weeks.

Thanks Sara!!
 
Workout plan for week starting Tuesday 19 June

Just a quick post to say that I'm sick of seeing 7.6lbs lost, 73lb to go on my ticker. I feel that with all the effort I've made I should have reached at least 10 by now.. So much for my 2lb loss target each week...

Not feeling depressed or anything (not at the moment anyway) - I'm just keen to see more weight drop the hell off! Yes, yes, I'm trying to make this lifestyle sustainable and stuff, but I see people who seem to have started AFTER me with more weight loss. Still, I suppose I should be happy with my increased muscle tone and fitting into smaller clothes and looking and feeling better.

I go to the gym tonight where I'll get myself weighed. I've resisted weighing myself at home because I want to stick to one set of scales i.e. the gym scales.

So my plan for this week is this:
Today: Weight training session (45 mins), cardio session (45 mins)
Tomorrow: Cardio session (75 mins)
Thursday: Body Pump (conditioning) class + cardio session (45 mins)
Friday: Rest (Meeting up with friends anyway)
Saturday: Either body pump or aqua aerobics class + cardio session (45 mins)
Sunday: 20km walk

I've decided my cardio sessions are going to be longer, now that I've discovered the stationery bike WITH THE BACK SUPPORT. The last time I used it my legs felt like lead for days afterwards, which was great. And I can maybe get some reading done while doing it.. I know some people say that if you can read while working out then you're not doing a good job, but I say that's crap. On that bike anyway. I'm sitting down with my back supported and it's my legs doing the work so I might as well take my mind off the stress of pumping my legs at level 10 for an hour and read a Terry Pratchett novel or something.. I just need to make sure the sweat doesn't fall on the pages of the book..

Ok, so that's what's on my mind. I didn't get much sleep last night but I figure that's not an excuse for not working out. My WLF friends seem to be sailing past me on the weight loss stakes so I'm attempting to even out the gap :D Bring on the challenge
 
Rho I LOVE IT! First of all, you said I had some sort of influence on you going to the gym, and I think that is way freaking cool. Second of all, you’re getting a little angry and fed up with the damn scale and have formulated a beautiful workout plan for the gym. It is ambitious and difficult, and you’re going to be able to do it. The stationary bike is an awesome exercise, I read the other day that people (and I read it on Leigh P's website) like to do their HIIT on stationary bikes because there’s no chance of falling off and therefore you can push yourself harder. I say go for it, because you know that it worked you out and you felt it the next day and that’s what matter. I’m pretty fed up with the word ‘optimal’. Sorry but I do not have it in me to go running up mountains or drag myself on the treadmill at the moment, so whatever makes you work hard is great in my opinion. I hope you’re having a lovely day.
 
Hey Sara,

Thanks for your message. Yes, you ABSOLUTELY inspired me to get my a&& down to the gym tonight. I wish the rest of my sad narrative was as positive though

Things were going wrong right from the start. Trains were late, so I didn't get to the gym until around 7.30pm. I couldn't wait to get in there so I could finally weigh myself. Got changed, confidently marched up to the scales and stood on the stupid thing. I couldn't believe my eyes when it said 208 so I tried it again. Same bloody thing. I'm so angry right now it's hard to type (I've been snapping at poor corndoggy...partly his fault though). Once I saw that stupid number I just felt a lot of my positivity just drain out of me. I wanted to leave the gym right there and then. The only thing that stopped me was that I didn't know how I'd explain myself on this freaking diary.

So I got in there, but I was discouraged. I went through my weight training session like a woman possessed. With each set I could feel the tears behind my eyelids so I tried working that bit harder so I wouldn't cry. I got through all the stupid sets, then got on the bike. After around 5 minutes I regretted making such an ambitious plan. My legs were/are all stiff from the WT session and even though I willed them to, they just wouldn't move any faster. A lot of my energy was spent trying not to cry. I just kept thinking "I'm busting my a&& in here for how many months now, I've given up all my little treats in favour of vegetables and fruit and what's the bloody result? 7lb loss in 2 months?"

I'm really angry, although I'm not sure at whom. I don't care about the inch loss, I don't care that I'm fitting into smaller clothes and looking better in them, I don't care that people remark on my weight loss. I just want the scales to tell me I'm doing a good job! This is the reason I tried not to focus on numbers, because numbers are depressing. So much for this lifestyle change. It seems it's good for maintaining a weight, but not losing!

The 45 minutes on the bike were the worst I've ever spent in the gym. I felt so useless and FAT. At the end of everything, I went to fill in my little chart (my gym has charts for each member where you record details of all your workouts) and there was a personal trainer there and she said hi and smiled. I nearly broke down there and then, especially when I opened the chart and saw all my records over the last couple of months. All that work, all that effort, all for next to nothing.. Yes, I know I'm ranting, but I need to! I'm really MAD.

Walking home was depressing. I felt like a fraud with my gym backpack. All that time at the gym, and no discernable difference in weight. I'm home now and can't even be bothered to eat. What's the point? I think I'll just go to bed. I feel drained, but even in this I feel that eventually I'll beat it. Maybe it's the endorphins from Sunday's walk still kicking in, but I think I can do it. But this is just a small part of me. Most of me is ranting and raving and trashing everything and feeling sorry for myself. I'm just SO ANGRY. Bloody ticker is taunting me. Am I doomed to only lose 7.6lbs forever?
 
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