Reality Check in Swampland

B

bbwbabeinga

New member


Where do I start? I guess with the truth. I am 47 years old, 5'5 and weighed 349 pounds. I have an astronomical amount of weight to loose, I know, but I want to get control back of my body and my mind.

Since mind is over matter, I had to really work hard mentally to get myself to start. I actually made the commitment several weeks ago, (June 28, 2009) and did start at that time. I waited to post here because I truely felt that if I could make it two weeks, that I had a pretty good chance of continuing, and here I am.

I even have set 25 pound increments for goals. I have the ultimate gift to give myself. When I reach my goal weight, I will buy myself first a full length mirror, probably the first one I have had in 20 years and actually enjoy looking at myself again.

That is not all, I will be buying myself a new car to tote my bad self in!! :driving:

It is the little things that I miss, aka really admiring what I see in the full length mirror, crossing my legs, bending over and tying my shoes and breathing at the same time (smile).

I have joined a fitness center and have made it a goal to walk five times a week. I started out with few reps for upper and lower and trunk. I alternate the upper body with lower body, adding in trunk every day. I started out just walking 1/2 mile a day. I have increased this to one mile a day as of this week. I am adding two sets of reps every week till I get to 10/10. Then, I hope to add weight a little at a time, so that I do not burn out. Being so heavy it almost feels like a triathalon to just walk from the car to the front door, but you know, my step is getting lighter and lighter. Not to mention the stigma that I feel when I do walk in - I can be my own worst enemy sometimes.

I know I will need so much encouragement and any advice I can get. I have not weighed since I started. I am really afraid to. My nieces and sister are doing this with me, mostly to help me, but they want to lose too. My oldest niece hid my scales! She said that I get to discouraged and refused to give them back till my clothes loosen up enough to chance it!! Thank good for support!

Anyway.. Here I am... Trying to:

"Let go of what I am and becoming what I might be" - as one poster said.

Any help and encouragement will be greatly appreciated.
 
I am glad to see you started a Journal :) It is also fantastic that you have family support.
 
Welcome and congrats on taking those first steps. It sounds like you have some very realistic goals and are working towards them.

I hope to see more in your journal! :)
 
hiya! i understand the struggle and i understand the stigma. i think most on here do, so this is a great place for additional support. the other great place for support? THE GYM. if i had to give one piece of advice it'd be go there and keep going there. even if you slip up and have a bad day, still go there and exercise. it'll keep you on task if you keep the gym a constant in your life.

i think you're doing great with your activity level. keep it up. and keep posting to let us know how you're coming along! :)
 
thanks

I went to the gym before and lost 78 pounds in about six months. It was amazing the difference in how I felt and looked. I did exactly what my trainer told me, hard though it was, but I knew he knew what he was talking about. As long as I kept going I did alright. When I quit, I gained it back. So I know what you are saying is true. I think knowing I have to get up every morning an hour or so early to put in at the gym keeps me focused on the rest of the day.. I do my walking at night just before I turn in, for some crazy reason, it makes me sleepy!

One day at a time. That is all I can handle. I make friends pretty easy, so I know won't be long I will have work out buddies to meet up with.

Thanks guys, I look forward to coming in and sharing this with you all.
 
Lets see if this works.. i made a ticker... I did not realize it, but I had weighted about six weeks ago and had weighed in at 367, so I had lost some before starting June 28th. Too cool!! :party:





 
Hello! :waving:

Stopping in to see how your journey is going. I can totally relate to the idea of just walking being all you can do sometimes. I started my journey at almost 400 lbs and as a nearly 2 pack a day smoker. A flight of stairs meant clutching the railing at the top and gasping when I was done...

Thankfully, these things are only temporary, if we commit to doing this. You are on the right track.
 
About "ticks"...

I have always felt no matter what is in front of me to do, if I can either laugh at it or get mad at it, I can get past it. Getting mad for me is just more energy than I can spare and frankly, I need the endorphines that laughter evokes to make it through another day.

My niece, Victoria, noticed a quirky little thing that I have been doing that I did not even realize anyone would notice.

I was walking last night as hard as I could and she heard me talking in an low tone (to myself outloud I guess). She asked who was I talking to. I kind of laughed and said my stomach.. Her puzzlement had me laughing so hard I could not hardly keep walking.

I had to explain to her that since I am so irritated with this glob around my middle I had to separate it from me. So I talk to it as an inate object. In my mind it is a tick that is just hanging on me and dragging me down. I told her that my "tick" was sucking the life out of me by not allowing me to do things that I want to do, making me tired and cranky all the time. So, now when I walk or exercise at the gym, I envision that the exercise is pulling the "blood" out of my "tick" that it was taking from me before - so the "tick" is shrinking.
When I am about to give in and stop walking when I should keep going or at the gym and that last rep is burning and I want to stop, I talk to that "tick" (hopefully not outloud anymore, at least not in public!! dont want to appear fat and crazy!! haha). It works for me. So far, the "tick" has not talked back, and if it does I am running away fast!! :)

Stay tuned for more of my "tick" saga!!
 
another steamy day in swampland

Man it has been hot and muggy! The positive side of that is - I sweat and a lot!

So far, so good. Have not fallen off the band wagon, yet! Just taking the one day at a time approach. I still have not weighed. There is such a fear factor in that. It is so absurd that I would judge my success on that little machine when my clothes are starting to literally hang on me, but my vain brain just seems programed to believe that the scale is the epitome of success. That is a big thing for me to work through. Kind of like the inate belief that I have to starve to lose weight. I know this is not true, but old beliefs/habits are hard to break, but break I will.

I have hit a short plateau on my exercising. I just cannot seem to get past 4-6 reps on most of my machines. All I know to do is keep the reps going as is for now and when the burn decreases then increase the reps. The walking is progressing. I still am just going the mile a night - ha, I am saying a mile like it is nothing - just two months ago, 100 feet would have been a hurtle for me!

There is one thing I sure would appreciate some input on from all you good people. My skin is itching and I mean terribly! It is mostly in the spots where moisture gathers the most. It seems the more I sweat, the more I itch, between rolls, even under my arms, the back of my legs even!! Is this normal? I have wondered if I have candidias or something, so I have started a cleanse, but could it be toxins coming out of my skin from the sweat? I have never had this problem before and was wondering if any of you have had this and know of something to help.

Thanks in advance!! You guys are the greatest!
 
Hey there .... sounds like you're really doing well. :)

I have a few thoughts.

I have hit a short plateau on my exercising. I just cannot seem to get past 4-6 reps on most of my machines.
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I am wondering if the machines might be the problem. You see, machines work your muscles in isolation and so you don't develop the range of strength in muscle groups that you need to. In real life, you don't do anything with just one muscle right? Your body works in combinations of muscles - when you pick up a box, when you squat down to pick something up, when you reach above your head and lift something down from the pantry shelf, when you carry groceries - none of that is done with just ONE muscle. When you work muscles in isolation, it's easy to work/tire out THAT muscle and then the muscle doesn't get any support from the secondary muscles because they're not being developed. Does that make sense? Instead of working the machines, why not try switching to free weights? At least for 1 or 2 workouts and see if that makes a difference.

I think you'll find that you'll see a big difference when you start working muscles in groups rather in isolation. Muscles aren't supposed to work by themselves. :)

I have started a cleanse, but could it be toxins coming out of my skin from the sweat? I have never had this problem before and was wondering if any of you have had this and know of something to help.
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Ditch the cleanse. Really, cleanses are scams. It's not going to do anything for you and might harm you. Drink lots of water and eat healthy foods. It's fairly normal to itch when you sweat, although it's possible that you might have a skin infection or a yeast infection - and if you do then a cleanse is going to do diddly squat for that. If you really think you have a skin infection, go see a doctor and get some cortisone cream for it. IN the meanwhile just make sure to carry a gym towel with you and wipe yourself off as often as you need to. Don't be embarassed or ashamed of it. There's a guy at my gym who carries around a full sized bath towel and is always wiping off .. not just his forehead, but his arms, legs, under his arms ... no shame in it. :)
 
thank you!

I will try to get with a trainer on the working with free weights... Thing is, it has been so long since I have worked out, I am afraid that I will do more harm than good - unless I get some serious pointers. May just have to get them to "watch" me and see if I am doing right - ya know? I think the worst problem that I am having with the machines is arm curls. My legs are very stout and strong comparatively.

I have had a battle with yeast before, but has been a while, just never had it flair up like this with the sweating - which is when it seems to be the worst irritation. Then again, I have never in my life sweated like I have this past couple of months, so I am thinking I will just have to see my doctor and see if he can get me a cream like you mentioned or see if he can figure out what is going on.

Thanks for the advice it is much appreciated!!~
 
swampland saga

One more day. It is Friday, already planning out my weekend while here at work!!

I still have not weighed. Just not ready too. Maybe it is part of my mind-over-matter thing I have going on, or maybe I am just a big weenie - either way, I just dont want to.

Exercising is going great. Am still maintaining balanced eating. Still drinking my water. So the physical aspects are going good.

The mental aspects are a little null, but not too bad.

I did finally get my van fixed. While doing that I had a nice surprise. I went to get in the driver's seat, which, mind you, has not been adjusted since I last was in it couple of months ago, and actually had to adjust my seat NEARER the steering wheel. Whoohoo!! Anyone who is rather large can appreciate what I am saying here. I have short legs (hey i am only 5'5) and to be able to be closer to the foot pedals ahhhhhh, nice... One very tiny, yet very important victory. :hurray:
 
Yay for small victories! :)

Sounds like you're doing well. I'd say as long as you're comfortable with it, don't worry about the scale.
 
bbwbageinga,

I thought I'd stop by and welcome you. I'm new here myself, but as I'm sure you've found, there is a wealth of knowledge and support to be had here.

Today is a new day! Keep up the great work!

E.
 
Small victories are victories nonetheless.

Personally, I will never be able to adjust a seat forward, no matter how much I lose. One of the problems of being over 6 1/2' tall. You should see me climbing in and out of my Nissan Versa...:biggrinjester:
 
bbwbabeinga said:
I did finally get my van fixed. While doing that I had a nice surprise. I went to get in the driver's seat, which, mind you, has not been adjusted since I last was in it couple of months ago, and actually had to adjust my seat NEARER the steering wheel. Whoohoo!! Anyone who is rather large can appreciate what I am saying here. I have short legs (hey i am only 5'5) and to be able to be closer to the foot pedals ahhhhhh, nice... One very tiny, yet very important victory. :hurray:
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reading that made my eyes get a bit wet. ive been there, and you're right, it's a very, very important victory. im so happy for you :)
 
Thanks YMCAChick

You know it is the little things that I miss the most, things that most normal sized people do not think about. Crossing my legs, bending over and tying my shoes and breathing at the same time, not having to "eyeball" a chair before I sit in it wondering if it will hold me.

You are an inspiration to me! You have lost so much! I know I will be where you are at, it is just a matter of time.
 
Saturday in Swampland

Yep it is Saturday - all day long. I always dread the weekends when I am trying to keep good eating/exercise regimen. The exercise is no biggie, but I am such a "bordem eater", it will be hard today, but I am going to try to keep busy.

So far so good.... Hope everyone has a great weekend!!
 
Sunday morning..

I started the day out yesterday pretty good. Then, I got bad news, which being the emotional eater that I am, nearly pulled my feet out from under me.

I had to say goodbye to someone that I thought would be in my life forever. Now normally, I would have literally dived into stark depression and my favorite cure-all "food". Finally, for the first time in as long as I can remember, I did not. Believe me, I wanted to cry and eat... But, I made myself go to the track in town. I walked and I cried, guess people were wondering what the heck was going on. I walked till I could not walk anymore. By the time I was wore out from walking, I was through with crying. I will miss him, and will have bad days till I am totally over this, but if he feels he must leave, then well, life must go on - and I must go on.

Somehow I have to break the cycle that my life has been controlled by. You know, this is not just about trying to lose weight and getting fit and looking nice. This is about rearranging my thinking and overcoming my addiction and learning to use something besides food to bandage my hurts.

When I woke up this morning, I thought about what I had did yesterday, and I smiled. Yes, I will miss "him", but I have someone very important that I must take care of - me.

Maybe I will just have to make walking my new crutch. I just need to remember that eating is just plain fuel for the body, not a comforter and no matter how much or little I do consume, it wont change the other problems that I face.

So that being said, I am fixing to head to the gym and work on this "plump rump" and see if I can find yet another reason to smile. I think there will be many as the day is sunny and not so hot and I am pumping optimism as hard as I can through every inch of me.
 
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