missyk
New member
I woke up this morning off a horrific binge yesterday. I seriously felt like I was on the brink of death. This roller coaster im on is ridiculous. My demons with food and alcohol are ruining my life. It kept crossing my mind that it would be easier if I just died because I'm so miserable. I seriously needed to give myself a smack upside the head. The things that are causing so much unhappiness and turmoil in my life are competely under my control.
Will it be hard to change? Of course. But I feel like I'm at rock bottom right now and have everything to gain. I'm sick of obsessing over consumption of things. It's been overshadowing everything in my life for way too long. I'm seriously going to do it right this time. I'm taking responsibility over my life- my health, my happiness, my success. And in order to do that I have two major goals- overcoming the monsters which are preventing the those things in my life.
1. Overcoming my horrific relationship with food/eating and achieving a healthy body weight the right way. This horrible pattern of extreme dieting to lose weight followed by unhealthy and usually rapid weight gain.
2006 - 215 pounds
2009 - 290 pounds
2011 - 170 pounds (HEALTHY BMI! Swore I'd never be fat again and truly believed it)
Jan 2013 - 225 pounds
Sept 2013 - 190 pounds
June 2014 - 250 pouunds (current)
Does it really take 8 years to figure out this method is NOT working? Apparently it does for me. But I can't change bad decisions I've made in the past. Whenever I start losing weight I get excited and start becoming more and more extreme cutting calories and carbs. SLOW AND STEADY is the way for long-term success as I've been told over and over. I will reread that yoyo weight schedule whenever the temptation to go back to my extreme dieting ways. Does the weight come off? Yes. But it doesn't last. I maintained for over a year but eventually you want to start 'eating normal' again and i went right back to my unhealthy ways.
Is there anything more frustrating than being here again, 75 pounds overweight and remembering how much better quality of life was at that size....
2. Quitting Alcohol - not only is it empty calories that usually lead to me acting like an idiot, but as soon as I get that buzz I start to feel all my willpower to resist crappy food go flying out the window. I used to be able to enjoy having a couple drinks slotted into my daily calories, but now my mind has twisted alcohol into a method of getting to a mental place where i don't have the responsibility to eat right. And its making me down right miserable.
So I have 100 pounds to lose to get to my goal weight of 150. I'm giving myself 1 year to accomplish that goal.
My first goal is to get under 175 by January 1, 2015. That will put me just at a healthy body weight for my height and size according to BMI. And I'll have the next 5.5 months to lose the last 25 pounds which will obviously be more difficult.
I'm going to track my calories and make healthy choices as much as possible (ie. lean proteins, whole grains, minimize processed foods, minimize dining out)
I'm going to commit to atleast 5 hours of cardiovascular exercise per week and 3 hours of some sort of strength/endurance exercise.
I'm tracking my calories at livestrong.com and they adjust the calories gradually according to your current weight and goals. My current calorie goal is 1690/day.
Today is the first day of the rest of my life! It's going to be a long hard road ahead, but I'm excited to stop hiding and stuffing my face and start living!
Will it be hard to change? Of course. But I feel like I'm at rock bottom right now and have everything to gain. I'm sick of obsessing over consumption of things. It's been overshadowing everything in my life for way too long. I'm seriously going to do it right this time. I'm taking responsibility over my life- my health, my happiness, my success. And in order to do that I have two major goals- overcoming the monsters which are preventing the those things in my life.
1. Overcoming my horrific relationship with food/eating and achieving a healthy body weight the right way. This horrible pattern of extreme dieting to lose weight followed by unhealthy and usually rapid weight gain.
2006 - 215 pounds
2009 - 290 pounds
2011 - 170 pounds (HEALTHY BMI! Swore I'd never be fat again and truly believed it)
Jan 2013 - 225 pounds
Sept 2013 - 190 pounds
June 2014 - 250 pouunds (current)
Does it really take 8 years to figure out this method is NOT working? Apparently it does for me. But I can't change bad decisions I've made in the past. Whenever I start losing weight I get excited and start becoming more and more extreme cutting calories and carbs. SLOW AND STEADY is the way for long-term success as I've been told over and over. I will reread that yoyo weight schedule whenever the temptation to go back to my extreme dieting ways. Does the weight come off? Yes. But it doesn't last. I maintained for over a year but eventually you want to start 'eating normal' again and i went right back to my unhealthy ways.
Is there anything more frustrating than being here again, 75 pounds overweight and remembering how much better quality of life was at that size....
2. Quitting Alcohol - not only is it empty calories that usually lead to me acting like an idiot, but as soon as I get that buzz I start to feel all my willpower to resist crappy food go flying out the window. I used to be able to enjoy having a couple drinks slotted into my daily calories, but now my mind has twisted alcohol into a method of getting to a mental place where i don't have the responsibility to eat right. And its making me down right miserable.
So I have 100 pounds to lose to get to my goal weight of 150. I'm giving myself 1 year to accomplish that goal.
My first goal is to get under 175 by January 1, 2015. That will put me just at a healthy body weight for my height and size according to BMI. And I'll have the next 5.5 months to lose the last 25 pounds which will obviously be more difficult.
I'm going to track my calories and make healthy choices as much as possible (ie. lean proteins, whole grains, minimize processed foods, minimize dining out)
I'm going to commit to atleast 5 hours of cardiovascular exercise per week and 3 hours of some sort of strength/endurance exercise.
I'm tracking my calories at livestrong.com and they adjust the calories gradually according to your current weight and goals. My current calorie goal is 1690/day.
Today is the first day of the rest of my life! It's going to be a long hard road ahead, but I'm excited to stop hiding and stuffing my face and start living!
