Ready to be serious about weight loss, support

L

LovesAutumn

New member
hello everyone!

I have thought long and hard about my goals as far as my weight. I have also contemplated the future consequences of my health if I don't make a change and I realize that I need to make a change if I want to live to see grandchildren graduate from high school. I've also taken a good long look at my weaknesses, obstacles, and vital changes I need to make in order to healthily pursue my ideal weight and body.

I know that my biggest weakness by far has been dairy foods. I absolutely LOVE eating dairy foods, especially cheese! Cheese has been my vice since childhood (back when I was much, much thinner) and sometimes I feel like I am addicted to it. It's also been my comfort food, namely because of the texture and taste. I also know that my other biggest weakness is that I am an emotional eater, and day after day I recognize more strongly that I don't need to be eating if I am not hungry. Granted, if it's been more than 3 hours or so since I last ate, I'll eat something so I won't starve. But I'm talking about the mindless eating-- it's tough, but I've been able to tell myself "no" alot more lately than just giving in to satisfy an indulgence.

Now, my obstacles seem to have a stronger influence on my weight loss progress than my weaknesses. I don't want to seem like I'm playing the "blame game" but my as much as I love him dearly, my husband is my biggest obstacle by far. It's not so much that he discourages health or weight-loss-- in fact, he encourages it and recognizes that he also has body needs he must take care of as well (albeit quite different from mine). However it's the choices in food that creates the obstacle.

Since it's football season, he feels that he's got to buy a huge bag of chips and a huge liter of pop in order to enjoy the game. I personally could do without either. I am of the mindset that if it's not in the house, I can't eat it, therefore the obstacle has been eliminated. In fact, before we were married and when I was living on my own, I hardly ever had sweets in my fridge. The closest thing I had to a sweet were energy bars I would eat for snacks when I was at school. But hubby says he "needs" certain foods which I find very detrimental. These would be chips, crackers, sugary cereals, pop, lots of processed bread foods (such as bagels), etc. It's quite frustrating because instead of spending grocery money on foods I think are more beneficial and healthier to eat, such as more vegetables, fruit, and protein-rich fodos, he would rather spend it on the former. I have tried to talk to him about this MANY times to no avail. It's getting to the point where if I keep talking about it, it's just nagging and he isn't going to change anyway.

I feel that these foods are just tempting and cause obstacles to my goals. I know that I can't blame anyone else but myself for my weight gain and what I eat, but in a way this almost is like waving a bottle of vodka in front of a recovering alcoholic. In many ways, I don't think this is fair because really, I would rather have more vegetables and fruit than crackers (which to be honest, I maybe eat a couple times a month). DH claims he needs those foods as snacks but when I point out that fruit and veggies can also be snacks, and are quick to eat and prepare, he insists that it's too expensive. He has been the one to do the grocery shopping, and I am almost thinking of just doing it myself from now on in order to shop more frugally and healthily. DH also tells me that I can eat whatever I want in small portions or "tastes", but here's the catch: a taste is never enough for me. I just can't "taste" a piece of cheesecake, I have to eat the whole slice!

He's not the only one. Oftentimes, coworkers will make comments about my food such as "wow you're eating healthy today...you know you don't need to always do that" or "I think you look fine, there's no need for you to lose weight". At one point a coworker tried to almost pressure me to eat sweets which I didn't want to until I finally relented. I know that others are trying to see the best in me and want me to accept myself as I am, but what they don't seem to understand is that my body isn't healthy. I don't care to lose weight in order to be a size 2, I want to lose weight because at my age, I should be able to jog, sprint, or even walk briskly up a hill without having to catch my breath. I tried telling others that same thing and everyone looks at me like I'm a banshee.

Anyway I think everyone gets my drift with that. As far as goals, I want to get back into my jeans that I once wore when my husband and I first started dating. I was a size 7/8 at the time and now I am a size 12ish (don't really know for sure, haven't shopped much...)

I want to slim down and also tone up. Before when I was thinner, I wasn't exactly a healthy thin-- I still had pudge around my stomach and I didn't have much muscle on my lower body as I should have. Now, I want to gain more muscle on my lower body-- such as my butt, hips, and calves-- and I want to tone/slim my upper body such as my torso, arms, and waist. I don't have the typical woman's body shape, such as a pear. In fact, I am the complete opposite. My shoulders are very broad and my hips are narrower with a flat bum and a bigger bust. My waist right now has TOO MUCH weight on it, and I would love to have a 26 inch waist.

I have noticed that many of the things that I have had lacking is support. I don't know very many people who are my size or need to lose weight-- what's strange is, many of the people I know (mostly women) are much smaller sizes than I am. I know I shouldn't compare, but when I am around them I feel fat and I don't want to feel badly about myself anymore. I want to feel healthy and I want to feel good-- I want the girl my husband first met to come back!

Any advice, meal plans, strategies, support would be greatly appreciated. It's time for a new year!:hurray:
 
Hi Autumn,

I'm short for time, so I'll keep this post short. I'll drop by at a later time to answer all of your questions more in depth! Just remember you're not alone. This site is living proof of that.

First of all, eventhough I am a male, most of what you said resonates strongly with me. I too had an emotional bond with food and it gave me solace in times of despair, depression and feeling bad (which was pretty much year round, for years on end).

Secondly, I too was (still am) living with someone (my mother). She is also a very 'emotional eater' and eventhough I have changed my ways, she still hasn't gotten that monkey off her back, so to say.

She still brings home all kinds of chocolates, chips and other kinds of comfort food almost every day.

I too LOVE dairy. I am European and as you might know, there are hundreds upon hundreds of cheeses of all tastes and sizes here. I love them all.

-------------

And now from personal experience:

Time for tough love... (And I do realize some of this might be harder for a woman, since you are the more emotional gender [which is what makes you the beautiful creatures you are, but can make you hellcats as well ;) ])


Self-pity is the enemy of progress, especially when we're talking about weight-loss, keep that in mind.


Firstly: you MUST, absolutely MUST break your emotional bond with food. BREAK IT. You must and will come to see food simply as FUEL. Following that definition, some fuels are more efficient and better for your body than others. And some combinations of "fuels" are better than others.

You will gradually only start consuming the "right" fuels for your body and in the "right" amounts. Your body WILL follow suit.



Secondly, just like I have come to accept and live with the fact that my mother will continue to stock the pantries with all sorts of bad food. I have also made sure I have all the food ("fuels") I need in there alongside with them.

Then it simply becomes a case of WILLPOWER, SELF-RESPECT, SELF-ACCOUNTABILITY, SELF-CONTROL and RESPONSIBILITY.

Notice anything?----> "SELF"!!! Only YOU can make YOU lose weight. It is YOU who will ultimately have to say: "NO I will NOT touch any of these bad foods, but I will eat these healthy foods instead".

Once you have truly grasped this and have made it a part of yourself, you'll be much closer to having made a permanent LIFESTYLE change instead of just "dieting". Who knows, it might even rub off on your husband! :)


So toughen up, keep that head up high and start taking pride in yourself and your body by doing what's best for it!



All the best!
 
I actually agree with your viewpoint however-- a long time ago I spoke to my husband about this viewpoint, where I mentioned that food should be fuel for my body, and maybe I was enjoying it a bit too much. That's when he told me that not enjoying your food was unhealthy, and that simply seeing food as "calories" was not a good way to lose weight. He told me he doesn't ever want to see me eating plain bread or pasta because I just see it as fuel.

On one hand, he's right, isn't he? I understand that food is not meant to be emotional sustenance, but physical sustenance. But I don't want to take all the fun out of enjoying different tastes, textures, and combinations. I understand that my husband's viewpoint is maybe a bit extreme, but do you see his point?
 
Does anyone else have advice regarding other aspects of eating and weight loss issues which could pertain to my situation?
 
LovesAutumn said:
I actually agree with your viewpoint however-- a long time ago I spoke to my husband about this viewpoint, where I mentioned that food should be fuel for my body, and maybe I was enjoying it a bit too much. That's when he told me that not enjoying your food was unhealthy, and that simply seeing food as "calories" was not a good way to lose weight. He told me he doesn't ever want to see me eating plain bread or pasta because I just see it as fuel.

On one hand, he's right, isn't he? I understand that food is not meant to be emotional sustenance, but physical sustenance. But I don't want to take all the fun out of enjoying different tastes, textures, and combinations. I understand that my husband's viewpoint is maybe a bit extreme, but do you see his point?
Click to expand...


Of course I see his point. And I might have come off as too much of an absolutist in my post.

I used that "fuel" statement simply to offset the emotional link I urge you to abandon. From your post I take it you understood that perfectly in the way I told it, so I'm glad! I would never ever endorse eating just plain whole wheat bread, let alone pasta.

Suffice it to say, I have multiple meals a day that even gourmet chefs would think are orgasms for the mouth (though, maybe not when I'm cooking them!! LOL!) , while still being incredibly healthy.

It takes time and a lot of dedication to research and find out about all the great foods and ingredients that are healthy for you. You might not even like the taste of some, but after a while you might love those foods.

A good example is "broccoli" (I've always loved all and every vegetable known to man and their taste, you might have too), but most people don't seem to like it, or at least that's the cliché. Or take Brussels Sprouts for example. I think both of them are incredibly rich in texture and taste and most of all they are just crazy healthy.

Usually that's just because most people's palettes have become accustomed to refined, super-sugary, super-sodium, super-fatty, junk and prepared foods.

Yesterday I had Turkey with a non-fat milksauce, black pepper, rucola lettuce, fresh string beans and some walnuts with some lemon vinaigrette. Incredibly healthy and really tasty.

Let's put it another way, which your husband might understand. Take anyone that truly appreciates food for its flavor, texture and whatnot.

Present them with two dishes. One dish consisting of whatever "unhealthy" crap people think qualifies as a real meal nowadays and one dish containing home made cooking using healthy, fresh ingredients (that perfectly fit into any weight loss or fitness lifestyle).

I'll wager my right arm they will ALWAYS pick the latter, ALWAYS. In fact, if they don't, I sincerely question their so called love for the gastronomical or their palettes.

Check out: WHFoods: The World's Healthiest Foods for an interesting starting point on learning about foods and their healthy substances.
 
Hi Autumn

Welcome and good for you for accepting and fully thinking through your goals. I struggle with a similar problem. I live at home with my parents and sister. My sister is in college and I'm a new grad that just started working. My sister is not thin, but not overweight either. She eats junk constantly - chips, crackers, chocolate, candies, cakes, cookies, soda, you name it! She always brings it into the home and it's always in front of me. Sometimes I'm able to resist it, sometimes I have a small portion. Sometimes I also eat more than I planned of her snacks. And you're right, it is like waving a bottle in front of an alcoholic if you want to use an analogy.

When I do give in to my sister's snacks, I try and think of what else I've eaten earlier to gauge how much treat I can have. If I eat some chips before supper, I might just eat a salad for supper.

Work is just as difficult sometimes. My team has weekly meetings and management usually brings in cookies or donuts to the meeting. Since I'm self-conscious in front of others, I usually pass on them. But, I might have the left over ones after the meeting when they're in the staff room (If I make it before other co-workers).

I'm reading a book right now that I find is making the process of dieting easier. It's called the Beck Diet Solution: Train Your Brain to Think Like a Thin Person. It's written by Dr. Judith Beck and I find it really helpful, interesting and motivating. In it, she gives suggestions as to how to deal with temptations. At work, for example, she suggests putting the treats in a cupboard in the staff room (so it's out of sight) and leaving a note like "Cupcakes in the cupboard compliments of ..." Some dieters she writes did this at work, and other co-workers were also thankful, as they found it difficult to resist treats.

Perhaps you could ask the person at work if they mind if you did this. At home, you might be able to ask your husband to place his snacks out of common sight, or maybe he can designate a snack cupboard for himself. Better yet, why not ask him to buy individual portions of snacks if he can find them. That way, he just eats it and it's done. You don't have to stress over the leftovers.

Not to hijack your thread, but I have a different problem with my sister as well. Yes, she eats junk and brings it into the home. But, she also eats my diet food, which really annoys me. Every week when I go to my weight loss clinic, I buy meal replacement bars, cookies, shakes etc. I buy 14, and eat 2 a day. When I come home, my sister will find them, and will eat the ones that she likes, according to her cravings. She doesn't pay me back for them, nor does she replace the ones she's eaten. It bothers me because if I don't have enough diet supplies, then I am not able to successfully stay on my diet and I end up eating foods that are not allowed. It really bothers me because those are my two main meals for the day (breakfast, lunch or supper), where as my sister just eats them as a snack. I've hidden them in the past, I've asked my mother to also hide them for me in a better spot, but she still finds them. I'm at a loss too as to what I should do. I can't leave them at work because sometimes I might eat them for for breakfast and lunch, sometimes for breakfast and supper (it's not always the same times).

Maybe we'll come up with solutions to our problems...after all you know what they say about two heads :D
 
I understand now with the two dish example. That's one of my biggest problems, tackling the junk versus real food issue. I tried once again to have that discussion with my husband, and of course he blew me off. I think I am just going to have to just do what I need to and say screw it to his objections. I honestly can't stand eating the way he does and I didn't eat like that before. So, I am just going to go out and buy healthy food and start making all my meals from scratch. Btw, how do you make milksauce?? That actually sounds good.

Frances your sister sounds like a spoiled brat. If I were you, I'd hide them in my room in a locked box. I know that sounds extreme, but you're throwing money away! I remember buying meal replacement supplies, they aren't cheap at all. Have you thought about not using meal replacement supplies though, and just eating regular food? I tried them myself and after a week or so got sick of them. I prefer eating a "real" breakfast if you ask me, just my personal preference. If you stop buying them, there won't be any more for her to eat.
 
Thanks for letting me rant about my sister :) I just find it hard sometimes to live with her lack of regard for others. I've found a good spot now, thanks to my mom. I have considered eating regular food, as I have the same desire (to eat a "real" breakfast). But I don't know if I can be full for the same amount of time and with the same number of calories.
 
Last edited:
For breakfast meals (what I find absolutely filling for hours) is eating eggs. What I usually do is eat ONE egg at breakfast, with a slice of toast, a piece of fruit, a waffle or pancake, and juice or tea. I usually eat breakfast rather early (sometime before 7) so I actually don't worry too much about calories. I was also under the impression that the heaviest meal should be breakfast, because as the rest of your day progresses, your meals should get lighter, with dinner being the lightest meal. At least, when I was skinny, that's what I did!

Right now one of my struggles is eating properly using REAL food and not junk. I have limited kinds of food at my disposal due to budget restraints. Does anyone know of a website that allows you to make healthy, low-calorie meals using 5 ingredients or less? that would really be a lifesaver.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top