(Re)new Journey

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135.3 on the scale first thing this morning!! 135 has been my goal weight since I started losing weight in April. It is an amazing feeling to only be .3 pounds away from reaching that goal. Thinking back, I have made so many sacrifices in order to reach this goal. I have also struggled, succeeded, cried, celebrated, pondered, and most of all, worked my butt off (quite literally). I am SO proud of myself and I will never get tired of saying that. I wanted to reach 135 by the end of July and it looks like that is going to happen. I will celebrate this weekend by being away from the scale (that has proven to be helpful for me from time to time) and coming back Monday with fresh eyes. I am certainly going to stick to "the plan" this weekend but I am really going to enjoy a healthier me during my time away.

This weekend will be my third time attending this "conference" and in years past, I feel like I was a different person than I am going to be this weekend. I see myself as being slightly more confident, more assertive, and just overall BETTER. I have lost weight but also gained so much during these last 4 months. While I know that I am going to be very anxious this weekend being away from home, I am going to try and look at the positive that it'll be good to get away from home for a few days and come back ready to continue this journey.

Speaking of continuing, I mentioned earlier this week that reaching my goal has seemed a tad anticlimactic. I think it's because I have the feeling that I just want MORE and MORE. That is not to say that I am not appreciative for being where I'm at with my goals... because I certainly am. I just know all the hard work I have put into this and want to keep going. I have no plans of stopping this weight loss because, while my body is a whole lot smaller than it used to be, I still have a ways to go. I am excited about the changes that I will continue to see in the next few months!

Looking ahead, I am planning on losing another 5 pounds (130 pounds) and then stopping there to assess. I am almost certain that I will then want to lose another 5 (125 pounds). I am very short, 4 foot 10 inches, so on this small frame, 125 would be right in the healthy weight category. My body type is also muscular so I will have to keep that in mind as well. I am not going to kill myself to reach a number on the scale when it is more about getting my body fat percentage down and increasing my muscle mass. Even if I never reach 125 pounds (I do believe I can), I will keep working until I get to where I feel like I can maintain. Either way, I am getting really close and really excited! Also very nervous... but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Until then... I will be looking for that scale to be under 135 and I'll be ready to do a celebratory dance!
 
:party: :party: :party: :party: :party: :party:

Starting the party for you already. You did SO well and you have such an awesome mindset, I´m just blown away by it every time I read your diary.
Have fun at the conference. Try to find the healtyish options among the food you´re offered and use this weekend as another learning opportunity: what to do when I´m not in control of everything? O, and if you do end up eating the pre-made stuff they put in front of you: remember you´ll be bloated on Monday so maybe give it another day before weighing in.
 
Good advice from LaMa.
Oh, Kakes, I am so happy for you. You have done & are still doing SO well. It's awesome! :D
 
Thank you, LaMa! I absolutely hate not being in control because I feel like I work so hard normally that I don't want my hard work to be wiped away just because of circumstance. I did go out and buy some fruit (blueberries, grapefruit, watermelon and grapes) and also bought and grilled up some chicken to bring with me this weekend. I will first check out the food options in the dining hall and then take it from there. My mind is more at ease knowing that I have some "safe" food to fall back on. I also know that I eat much smaller meals now so I will need to eat in between the 3 meals I am going to be served. I just can't physically revert back to eating just 3 meals a day. I had to do that while I was in New York and it felt like torture. I was starving a lot during that trip. Anyway, I also bought some string cheese and multigrain crackers to have on hand this weekend.

And thank you, Cate! I am happy for me as well. I hope I can inspire other people with my story.

Today after work I was a tad overwhelmed with everything that I needed to get done but I simply prioritized and I got almost everything done. Most importantly, I needed to get to the gym this afternoon because going later tonight was not an option. I could have easily skipped the gym and blamed it on having to do laundry, shop, pack, etc., but I got dressed and got myself to the gym. 40 minutes of cardio and then my circuit of weight machines. I worked up quite the sweat since the A/C at the gym is broken. I am actually very sore from pump and step class yesterday. I am learning to embrace the feeling of being sore!

I will have my computer this weekend and will be sure to check in. Mostly for my own sanity. I encourage anyone who is struggling to make good use of this diary because it has been AWESOME for me. Whether I am feeling good or bad, I am able to put my thoughts into words (and onto the screen). It's a great way to validate and document how I'm feeling each day (and sometimes twice a day) during this time. There are so many ups and downs and one could go crazy bouncing back and forth between feeling like a million bucks and feeling like a blob.
 
You seriously sound like you are doing so well Kakes. Such a big hug and congratulations to you for hitting your goal. I am so excited for you and you have inspired me to just keep going.:)
It's interesting what you said about reaching your goal being anticlimactic. I haven't thought about that before but not a bad thing to watch out for.
I hope some of the weekend can be fun for you even if you do feel a little out of control and I think it's a great plan to check in here if you're a little overwhelmed. It can be like your secret safe haven. x ;)
 
Such a busy weekend! I have to say, I am so happy to be home. It was a long, but successful weekend. I think I did pretty well with my food choices. I did omelettes for breakfast (eggs, tomato, and cheese), salad or a turkey wrap for lunch, and stir fry for dinners. Certainly a lot more carbs than I usually eat, between the wrap and rice... but overall not too bad. I also made sure to have fruit and stay away from all of the bad food offered. It was dining hall food so there was pizza, pasta, and french fries galore. Also bagels and all sorts of desserts. I didn't eat any of that stuff. I also didn't munch on any snacks (chips, etc.) between meals.

Unfortunately I didn't get to exercise at all this weekend. However, I was on my feet for most of the day on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. My body is itching to run so I will be doing that tonight. It's crazy how working out has become part of my life, so much that my body needs it. Sure I am tired, but once I get out on the pavement, it will feel great.

Of course I hopped on the scale when I got home today and it read: 135.3. That is exactly what it said when I left on Friday. Still need to lose that .3 to meet my goal of 135 but I am right there. I was expecting to have gone up a little bit from the carbs but I was happy to see that wasn't the case (at least for the moment). Now that I am back home, I am excited to get right back on track with my eating and my exercise. Tomorrow is back to my "normal" work schedule so I'll be back into my routine.

Today I will have to look and see what I have for food and scrounge up something for dinner. I know I have turkey burgers in the freezer, if nothing else. I will run a 5k tonight. Tomorrow I will food shop after work and also go to the gym to do some weights. In the evening I will be walking with my friend. Wednesday night is step and pump classes. Thursday I will be heading to NYC to visit my boyfriend for the weekend. Before I go, I will run at least a 5k. This weekend I'll try to go for a run. My boyfriend also likes to run but his legs are practically twice the length of mine haha. I might just go off on my own and run since I'll be there for 3 days. The food situation will likely be trying, but I will do my best (as always :)).

Over the weekend, I had some friends ask me about the weight that I've lost. I never get tired of talking about it since it is always so present and on my mind. They asked if I feel any different and the answer is YES. I did say that I often forget how different I look and that sometimes when I catch my reflection in glass or a mirror, I am surprised. I also said I feel so much healthier and much more energized these days. They were shocked when I told them I have lost 37 pounds. They asked if I plan to lose any more weight and I said I want to lose another 10. They said that they don't think I have that much more to lose but I disagreed. I know we are our own worst critics but I know for a fact that I have another 10 pounds to get rid of. Not only that, I want to tone up a significant amount and be strong. Not a body builder, just toned and healthily strong. That is more important to me than the number on the scale. This lingering belly fat also has to go!! Why is it so darn pesky?!
 
That´s a normal comment from people who know us heavier: "Don´t lose too much!" I translate it as: "I´m used to you as a heavy person and I don´t want to have to update my brain." :p

GREAT. JOB. On your weekend thingy. Not gaining an ounce when temptation is everywhere and you can´t work out is a real achievement.
 
Wow, you are almost there! Well done! :D

How did your 5k on a flat track go?

If you are still looking for the flattest track in your neighbourhood, you can use Google Earth to find it. Just draw the route using the draw path tool... this generates a graph with the elevation profile, so yo, so you can see how flat it is. It's very easy... let me know if you need help! ;)
 
Kakes2 said:
Of course I hopped on the scale when I got home today and it read: 135.3. That is exactly what it said when I left on Friday.
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Awesome kakes, absolutely awesome. You are doing so well!
I think LaMa is right about friends asking if you plan on losing more. I think it is that they are just used to you being bigger & 37 lbs maybe seems like a lot to them. You know your own body, better than anyone . I'm glad you're not focussed on the scales-
Kakes2 said:
just toned and healthily strong. That is more important to me than the number on the scale.
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"Toned & healthily strong"- GO YOU :D
 
Me again! Trying to make up from not posting for 3 days haha. "I´m used to you as a heavy person and I don´t want to have to update my brain." OMG LaMaria, that made me laugh! I think it's so true! Friends and family are used to seeing us a certain way and when that look changes, it might be harder for them to adjust than it is for us! Excellent point.

And Cate, thanks so much! Toning is going to be challenging (since I have no idea what I'm doing!) but I'm sure I'll figure it out!

I got back from my 5k a little while ago... ran it in my best time yet! 31:33!! That's a 10:10/mile pace. That beats my 5k race time of 33:22 from a few weeks ago. So excited! I really felt energized and felt like I really found a good pace and stuck with it.

So many exciting things happening for me lately and my health is certainly one of them! Also happy to share my story with those who read my diary. I hope it can inspire someone to know that all the struggle is worth it! When I have these small breakthroughs and victories... it's proof of how strong I am and just pushes me to keep going!
 
Glad I was able to amuse you :p
Toning means nothing else than building muscle mass. Since you´re female there´s no way you´ll build excessive bulges (no matter what the lady magazines say) without going to absolute extremes, so just try and get your body in shape from top to bottom to get toned from top to bottom :)
 
On the scale first thing this morning: 133.2. Wow. Not sure where that number came from but I will take it! That is a 39 pound loss in 4 months! Not to mention that means that I am 51 pounds lighter than I was a year and a half ago. Inching my way toward 130 and more motivated than ever!

Today I had my usual breakfast of two hardboiled eggs and some fruit (grapefruit). For lunch I went out with a friend and got a salad with avocado (only water to drink). I had a snack of salsa and a few multigrain tortilla chips this afternoon. And now I am about to make a turkey burger for dinner. I also went to the gym for about a half hour to do weights this afternoon and then I walked nearly 6 miles with my friend this evening. I'd say it was a very successful day!

Tomorrow the plan is to go to step and pump class. I also am putting off doing a big grocery shop since I will be in Brooklyn Thursday-Sunday. I might just swing by the grocery store and pick up a little bit of fruit to get me through to lunch on Thursday. No need to buy a lot of stuff when I won't even be home.

This afternoon I went shopping for some clothing. I bought some pants at the Gap Factory Outlet. Size 6!!! I have not been a size 6 probably since my early years of high school. I was so excited that they fit because I was anticipating being a size 8. One pair is slightly tight in my midsection but I'm sure they will fit better as I tone up. My midsection is driving me crazy!! It has gotten A LOT smaller over the past few months but it isn't getting smaller fast enough for me! All I want is for it to be flat. I know I just need to be patient but it's difficult. I will choose to focus on the victory of fitting into a size 6 (I was up to a size 16 at my heaviest)!
 
O wow, that´s amazing, Kakes! 39 lbs is a lot and a size 6 is a real victory. Well done you!
 
Such a good job getting to size 6! and you are so close to your goal weight. That's so fantastic. I love seeing people reach their goals. I can imagine the feeling of accomplishment will be absolutely wonderful for you. :)
 
Thank you LaMa, Cate, and Florence! It feels wonderful to be reaching my goals and beyond! I am on such a roll and don't see it stopping any time soon.

Today was an interesting day. I ended up meeting up with a family member to discuss an issue, so that cut into the time for pump class. I was able to make it to step class though. I wasn't that disappointed about pump, especially when I learned that there was a sub instructor. The regular instructor is awesome so the subs don't quite cut it for me. The sub for step was good and I still got a good sweat in.

Tomorrow after I'm done with work at 11:30am, I am planning on running home and making lunch, and then hitting the road to Brooklyn to visit my boyfriend for the weekend. For anyone keeping up, this boyfriend is a recent development for me. Just to give a bit of background, it is someone I have known since college (I graduated 5.5 years ago now) but we recently decided to take our friendship to the next level. I would be stupid to not think that my health played any part in the changes. It is quite complicated but what I do know is that I finally have the courage to go after what I want and take some risks.

I will be in NYC until Sunday. He reminded me to bring my running stuff so I am hoping to get at least one good run in. As for food, I have no idea what is in store for me. I have visited him before but it has only been for a day at a time. Whatever the case, I will be sure to make good decisions with my food. NYC food can be tempting, but I will stay strong!

133.2 still on the scale first thing this morning. I am honestly speechless. I am incredibly close to the 120s and I don't even know what to do with myself! I remember in my MUCH younger years when my weight was creeping from the 120s to the 130s and then I feel like it never stopped. I can't wait to reach the 120s because it will mean that I have really taken control of my weight back.

This afternoon, my stepdad asked me how much I've lost and I told him 39 pounds. He asked if I planned to lose more and I told him about 10 more pounds was my plan. He told me to make sure I don't get too skinny. I hate the word "skinny" but I don't think I would be described as skinny. I am more on the muscular side so I think I look "healthy." I am not a fan of people commenting on how much I should lose. I know my body and I know what I want it to look like. As long as I'm being healthy and doing things the right way... I don't see the problem. People mean well, but I don't think they realize that their words can sometimes be annoying/hurtful/stressful/just plain wrong. I was polite about it still, but I just wish people would keep their opinions to themselves.

I don't think I will be checking in this weekend since I want to make the most of it. Thinking ahead through the weekend and beyond, I am looking to be below 130 pounds by the middle of August. So two weeks from now. My goal for this weekend is to relax a bit and enjoy some time away from home. The summer is quickly coming to an end and it has been quite successful for me in many ways. I deserve to kick back a bit and have fun. Of course the plan for Monday is to get right back on track with my regular food and exercise. I have really found a groove of being disciplined on a daily basis so that it can sustain the "derailment" once in a while. This weekend will be one of those times but the key is to get right back at it on Monday.

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!
 
Kakes2 said:
It is quite complicated but what I do know is that I finally have the courage to go after what I want and take some risks.
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Good for you!
I love reading your diary kakes & thoroughly enjoy sharing your success. You have earned a break. I hope you have a wonderful weekend too xoC
 
I can relate Kakes re stepdad. I really don't get the words that people think are appropriate sometimes. I think it actually says more about them then the subject they're talking about. So best thing is to put it aside like you are doing and just keep going with the plan you know will work for you. And you definitely sound like you have your plan under control which is great.
Have a fabulous time with your boyfriend and enjoy the time off.
 
Thanks everyone! I had a wonderful weekend. I just got in the door and I am happy to be home. I sure did a lot of walking, and a good amount of eating! I think I kept my portions in check, but my choices were not the best. Pretty sure I also only ate two meals a day, for the most part. Let's just say I ate a lot more carbs than I usually do! I think I'm going to be paying for it tonight and tomorrow because I'm not feeling that great at the moment. I did just weigh myself and got a 133.7 (up half a pound from this past Thursday). I'm guessing that we it will go up tomorrow once the carbs have a chance to settle haha.

At any rate, I am sure ready to get back to my normal life tomorrow. I will have to scrounge up something for breakfast, seeing how it is 11pm right now and I'm off to work at 7am. I will be headed to the grocery store after work and then I will be going out for a run at some point. It was wayyyyy too hot in the city this weekend to run. I did walk a great amount though. I am really looking forward to getting in a good run tomorrow!

As I walked in the door a bit ago, my mom greeted me and we got to chatting. She told me that I shouldn't lose any more weight. I appreciate her opinion but I told her I disagree. She, along with her husband, is the second person to tell me that but I don't see it. I certainly am not unhealthy looking....I think I just don't like the way they are used to seeing me. Everyone else in my life says I look great. I would still love to lose another 10 pounds... And I'm going to. She pointed out that I barely have a chest anymore. I just wanted to say... "Who cares?" I like the way my body looks and I will continue with what I am doing to make it better. I was respectful of her opinion, I just find it interesting how people think they are being nice but are actually being quite the opposite. She acts as if I am whithering away to nothing! I assured her that I am doing things the healthy way and that I certainly do have some areas (specifically this dang belly fat!) that I'd like to continue to work on. I think she gets it, she just wants the best for me.

Anyway, I am off to bed after this long, wonderful weekend. It is nice being away, but nothing beats sleeping in your own bed. Really looking forward to being back in my element tomorrow with my food and exercise routine. I am always up for the challenge of getting right back on track. I am feeling gross now so that only adds fuel to my fire to treat my body right with the food and exercise that it deserves. I've had enough bad food this weekend to last me a few months. Time to get back on track!
 
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