Rae’s Health Journey

[Rae-ann]

Pretty sure I’ve lost a bit of weight again. Weighed myself yesterday, a bit later than hoped to, but was still 1-2 lbs lighter (forgot to write it down so don’t remember the number).

Been doing what I can to eat better and it seems to be working. To satisfy sweet tooth, I have very simple granola bars with chocolate chips. Seems to be doing the trick so far.

Today was a bit rough though. Fell off a horse and have a minor concussion and bruised my left hip pretty bad. Definitely need Chiro work as I can feel my back is out and a nerve or two being pinched occasionally. So that was fun . At least I was able to ride back home and get some rest. I don’t work tomorrow so that’s also nice since it gives me an extra day to recover.

Anyway, hope you guys are having a better start to your week lol.

 

[alligatorob]

Pretty sure I’ve lost a bit of weight again. Weighed myself yesterday, a bit later than hoped to, but was still 1-2 lbs lighter (forgot to write it down so don’t remember the number).

Been doing what I can to eat better and it seems to be working. To satisfy sweet tooth, I have very simple granola bars with chocolate chips. Seems to be doing the trick so far.

Good for you!! Glad to hear your food is getting better.

Fell off a horse and have a minor concussion and bruised my left hip pretty bad. Definitely need Chiro work as I can feel my back is out and a nerve or two being pinched occasionally. So that was fun . At least I was able to ride back home and get some rest. I don’t work tomorrow so that’s also nice since it gives me an extra day to recover.

Not so good, but I like your attitude, get back on the horse that threw you! Hope all heals well.

 

[Llama]

Careful if you have a concussion, even if it's just a mild one: these things can have lasting effects if you don't rest up. Hope your back calms down quickly though!

 

[Rae-ann]

Careful if you have a concussion, even if it's just a mild one: these things can have lasting effects if you don't rest up. Hope your back calms down quickly though!

I’ve had a lot of concussions in my life so far. Pretty sure I have a bit of short term memory loss from them at this point but thanks to that, I at least know how to deal with them. Probably going to have to deal with more in the future. If an accident doesn’t happen to cause them, then i end up self inflicting them unintentionally lol.

 

[Rae-ann]

I’m starting to notice a change in my eating/hunger levels lately. Mainly that I don’t feel as hungry and/or I’m managing to not snack so much. The biggest sign of this that I’ve got is that last night, I didn’t even end up having supper. Just a granola bar. I did let myself have a treat earlier so in a way, it was good to not really have much for supper.
And then this morning, I ran out of time for breakfast so I grabbed a sandwich from the grocery store. They’re pretty much exactly the same as what you’d make at home, not anything special. But I only ended up eating half of it this morning and I’ve been saving the other half for lunch. I’ve never done that before and it’s weird lol. It is getting close to lunch time now and I am starting to feel hungry, but I’m just impressed that half a sandwich has kept me going till now.

Lunch I’ll just finish it and probably have a gronal bar as a snack a little later. And then just chicken with some veggies for supper.

I haven’t weighed myself in a bit now, but I’m honestly fine with it. I’m seeing changes with my food consumption, and I feel a bit thinner too. I definitely don’t look like it (was in a video with my horses yesterday) but at least I’m feeling it.

I’m thinking of weighing in at the end of the week and see where things are at then, along with updating my measurements. I am also considering starting to do some leg/core exercises that are simple case last night when I was sitting and looking at my legs, I really hated how they looked .

Other exercise I’m doing is messing with my horses as per usual. Taking it slow since my accident though. I’m doing better but still struggling in regards to strength and range of motion with my arm on the left side.

 

[Cate]

That's great that you are seeing changes for the better, Rae Gorgeous horses!

 

[liza3]

Glad you are taking it slow after your accident. You sound in a really good space. Nice to hear you getting some good protein and veggies in. Lovely!
And yes, gorgeous picture of gorgeous horses!!

 

[Rae-ann]

Almost a year since I last posted... I'm really bad at keeping this updated ><

I am 25 lbs down from the starting weight of this post so that's a nice success. Unfortunately most of that came off in the last 2 months due to the amount of stress I've been under.
Cause of stress is basically gone now. But I do have some new motivation so hopefully that sticks around for a bit.

One thing that's definitely changed, is how much I'm eating. I've cut back before, this is a whole new level. For example, previously I'd shrink portions or just change what it was that I was eating. But now, today as an example, I ate an apple for lunch and now for supper, I'm just snacking on some popcorn.

The other day, I got a breakfast wrap before work and I was only able to eat half which is bizarre for me. But ya, my portions have changed a lot in a way that I wasn't intentionally aiming for. It's weird, but I'm glad my self control seems to have increased. There are two days that I did buy a few chocolates and some chips and allowed myself those so that my mind/body won't think I'm cutting it out completely to avoid the possibility of falling back into constant binging.

Now though, I want to get into exercising more.

I did get a puppy. Kinda got a dog for my dog lol. So I'll be going on morning walks with them. But I also want to get in some other exercises to build a bit of muscle but mostly to help tone my body a bit to avoid too much loose skin. Also trying to do some skin care things and such to build an overall healthier life. However, I've never done proper skin care before so I'm badly stumbling through that ><

Either way, I'm hoping these habits stick and that I'm able to get down to 200 during the summer sometime. And under that by fall if possible. But we'll see what happens. Just taking it as it comes.

 

[Llama]

Nice to hear from you again. The past two months sound rough so I'm glad things are calming down, even if you did lose a big chunk of weight because of it. Apples, popcorn, and skincare are good choices but without at least getting close to the recommended daily protein intake your skin will struggle in the long run. I really hope your appetite will remain lower than it used to be though: life is so much easier without constant cravings.

 

[liza3]

Welcome back Rae-ann! Sorry to hear you've had a couple of stressful months. I hope the stress stays away and you stay on track for continued health improvements. Looking forward to more posts from you!

 

[Cate]

Welcome back Rae. I'm glad the stress has gone away. What sort of puppy did you get?

 

[Rae-ann]

Well, now I've found out some stuff from my childhood that I've apparently never realized lol. To put it simply, I've been looked down on and criticized a lot. So as a kid, I always believed I was obese and that there was nothing physically nice about me. Excluding my hair. I put all my value in my hair because it's not a common color and the only thing that's ever been praised.

Looking back at old pictures of myself, I was never as big as I felt I was. Sure, there were some stages where I had a little extra weight, but nothing bad. Not like I was led to believe.

But it's because of this, that I've realized I always hit a dead end when I reach the 200 lb mark and never seem to be able to go below it. I've internalized my moms words and judgement to the point that now, even as an adult, I can't get past it. That I've failed so badly, that what's the point in trying?

It's crazy to finally figure out why I struggle so much to reach the 200 mark, and try to get under it. So, I've made a decision.
Because I've always put any positive value in myself in my hair due to above reasons, I've decided that I'm going change it. I've wanted to dye it red for a while, but that's something that would still make my mom happy more than me I think. Instead, I'm going to change it to become a brunette for a bit. Basically get rid of the only thing I've ever been complimented on.

I know this is a bit different than a regular weightloss post or anything like that. But for me, mental health and such are tied in with how I do in regards to weightloss.

I also got a gift card today that has a fair bit of money on it so I plan to use that to get back into the keto style way of eating since I feel like I need to do that. Always feel so much better like that, and I've been a little stagnant at the weight I'm at currently so I think I need to give my body a bit of help in that regard.



@Llama
Thanks, didn't know that about the protein. Definitely good to know.

@Cate
She's 1/2 English Cocker Spaniel, 1/4 Assue and 1/4 border collie. So a mixture of very smart breeds. Both her parents come from registered lines so she does come from really good breeding. But she's not registered or anything herself, and neither are her parents since they were kept more as pets than working/show dogs. She's a very sweet girl that loves to make new friends.

 

[Llama]

I'm sorry to hear you've been carrying such unfair judgments with you for so long. But being aware of the issue is the first step toward change. Be kind to the remnants of that underappreciated child inside: you're the grown-up now and you get to choose how the future looks.

Also: your dog sounds awesome!

 

[Rae-ann]

@Llama
Thanks for the reminder. It's crazy how one can forget things like that. But I've definitely begun to take steps towards changing things for the better to help the younger me that's still there, get some peace at least. Though I think to fully break free from the chains I've been carrying will take some time to do. Just the thought of it causes massive anxiety so it's something to work towards lol.
But at least I can start with some things, like mental and physical health

 

[Rae-ann]

Well, I got an awesome surprise. My work gave me a gift card as a bonus sort of thing for having shopped at their locations and working there. It's a thing they do for everyone.

Anyway, I got a few hundred dollars from it which was amazing. So I put that towards starting the new healthy habits. Went and bought a lot of healthy foods today to start getting my life a little more on track. I've had to put this off due to my financial situation, but this finally gave me the freedom to properly start which is exciting.

With this new food, I actually did a little bit of meal prep too. Next 3 lunches will be chicken and veggies. Breakfast I'm thinking will be quick oats with some hemp seeds mixed in, a little brown sugar for a hint of sweetness, and then fruit or berries mixed with that. And then I haven't decided what for supper, but it'll be something lol.

Also got stuff for making stir-fry later in the week. Some brussel sprouts which are one of my favorite things. Some carrots for snacking.
Picked up some meaty bones for treats for the dogs lol. Can't leave them out xD

Also, took my measurements this morning. So I'll list those as well for keeping a record.

Neck: 14.5 in
Arm: 11.4
Chest: 44.8
Stomach: 47.5
Hips: 46
Thighs: 25

Another exciting thing is that one of my sisters is going to be my accountability buddy. She has some health issues going on so she also wants to get healthier so we're going to try to help each other stay motivated. Not sure how well it's going to work cause we seem to have different needs in that area, but it's still something for us so it's better than nothing lol.

Feels like I've got a lot to write down for this post

Another thing, is that I've noticed my pants are starting to fall down more, so that's another sign of me loosing weight which is good. Sad thing is, the summer dresses I have, don't fit >< It seems I was still smaller yet the last time I wore those (about 1.5 years ago ish) so I've still got work to do if I want to squeeze back into those this summer. I think I can do it though, as long as I keep working at losing weight and not going stagnant again.

Oh! I was also talking with one of my coworkers who's just a bit older than my own mom is. The topic of food and health came up and I mentioned a bit how I've lost a bit of weight and she said she's actually noticed it. Apparently compared to when I first started working there (started at the end of august), she's noticed that lately, my shirts seem to be baggier on me and can see the difference in my face a bit as well. I honestly thought the bagginess of my shirts was just something I was imagining since I've been wearing a few layers through the winter. But nope, it seems it's a real thing and she's noticed lol.

So that's super exciting.

Ummm....ya, I think that's all I have to share for today.
Since I no longer have any horses, here are some dog pics to enjoy.

Sadie is the older one. She'll be 2 years old towards the end of April. And Ellie is the puppy who's just 5 months old.
They're both super sweet but definitely very different in personality lol. They definitely keep life interesting. And Sadie is 3/4's Aussie for anyone wondering.




this last pic is from 2 months ago. Just thought it was pretty cute lol.

 

[liza3]

Such sweet dogs Rae-ann! Thanks for sharing the pics!

So great that you got a nice bonus and that you are using that to get you back started on a healthy track again. Lovely that other people are already seeing the change as well--it can be so encouraging when others can see the difference too.

And great that you and your sister will be helping each other to stay on track with your health goals!

 

[Llama]

Your dogs are adorable And getting people some extra cash when money is tight is the best thing any boss can do: yay healthy food!

 

[Cate]

Your dogs are adorable, Rae! Thanks for sharing those. Yay for looser clothes. I will love it when that happens again. What a great time to get a bonus & yay you for putting it to such good use.
I love reading a diary that's all about your life & not just weight loss. It's much more interesting & we all get to know one another better & can be more supportive.

 

[Rae-ann]

Was going to respond to your guys comments, but I'm afraid I'm not able to.

Got the worst surprise ever this morning. Or, one of the worst surprises anyway. The guy I was seeing decided to shoot me a message, breaking things off and proceeded to block me so there's no way for me to ask what happened or any of that. First time ever been heart broken to the point I was actually physically shaking and almost vomited a few times. So that was weird/new. Weird thing is too, I had a thought last night before I fell asleep about him calling things off. Not so nice to wake up to that thought having become reality.
So! That's a new little fun thing that's taking over my mind. Had to call into work cause of the breakdown I had. Feel bad for my coworker on the other end of the phone when I called in since I couldn't hold together long enough for even that.

But! I'm not going to let this stop me. My mental state may be a roller coaster right now, but I'm going to keep pushing through. I've got plans to move back to where my family lives and reconnect with them and my sisters. One of my sisters goes to a gym actually, and has agreed to help me get settled in there. So for the first time ever, I'll start going to an actual gym.

Until then, I'm going to find other ways to alter my world. Going to dye my hair to a color I never thought I'd do. This is to help me break some ties from some childhood trauma. I'm going to purge my home of most things. Go as simple and basic as possible for a new, fresh sort of feel.

I just need things in my life and in my head to get decluttered.
Thankfully I've managed to end up with two amazing friends who've been a huge help to me today in listening to me rant and ramble and cry over this guy, but also offered up some good distracting conversation and laughs that are making today a bit easier to bare.


So, no real weight/inches update here. Or food. But more of a mental update, since I find the mental state is connected to everything else as well.


Though I would love any suggestions on what to do in regards to energy. I've always been a very low energy person and tired almost all the time. I discovered energy drinks a little while ago and I know they're not good for a person, but then to have those at times.
I did find a tea that works, however I overheat easily so in the summer, can't drink teas cause I get too warm.

 

[Cate]

Someone who could treat you that way is not worth crying over. How weak & pathetic he must be. That sucks, Rae!
Rethink the end of the relationship as a declutter. I love decluttering but will try to sell some stuff from now on, rather than giving everything away. Anything I make I'll put aside for future purchases when I next move.
I would ask a doctor why you have such low energy. Do you sleep well?