Rachel's Journal

rachel07 said:
I did it :) I hit the fifteen-pound mark! I usually give up or get distracted before now! This is the first time I've ever lost this much weight without drugs or crash dieting. I did a happy dance after I got off the scale this morning. A NAKED happy dance! We'll see how long this lasts though...my father's side of the family is having their big 4th o' July weekend get-together tonight. And there will be food. Get this: I'm making my awesomely awesome tropical Better-Than-Sex cake...and I can't eat it :( It's like 400 calories a piece. Totally not worth it. And the main food? It's a friggin loaded potato bar.

Willpower is not dead. Willpower willpower willpower.

Oh, and my gym is closed this entire weekend due to the holidays.

You know what the most awkward thing right now is, though? It's the comments your relatives make.
"Oh, you're looking so thin!"
"Your face looks smaller!"
"Your waist is so tiny!"

Why do I hate these? Because if you notice I'm getting thinner, it means you noticed when I was fat. You noticed a lot. You just didn't say anything then because THAT would have been inappropriate. I don't need compliments. I don't like them. My ego is 100% self-sufficient.
I hate attention for anything other than academic success. These people care that I lost 5 or 10 or 15 pounds, but when my research paper gets accepted at APA (one of the biggest conferences in the U.S.), they just smile and nod and wonder why the hell a pretty girl would want to waste her time in school. I'm the first in my extended family to go to college. I should be having babies, all that. Maybe the reason I hate their comments is because I know they're all thinking
"Well, since she's smaller, now she'll be able to settle down with a nice man and have great-granbabies."

Nothing against babies, but I have more to offer the world than babies.
Oh, and I'm also the only grandchild on that side of the family (except for my brother) who is not obese. Really, really, mashed-potatoes-and-meatloaf obese.
I guess I just feel like fat, uneducated rednecks have no right to have an opinion on my life, even if we have the same basic genes.

And then every time I'm with my mother, and we run into someone we know, or someone she knows, she'll say,
"Isn't my daughter looking thin! Soon she'll just disappear!"
I'm NOT looking thin! I'm still 171 pounds! That is no where near thin! And it just forces them to look me up and down, nod, and smile awkwardly. I'm not disillusioned enough to think they're happy for me. They're thinking
"She's still got a long way to go to thin."

And they're right. But family is different. So I can either not go, or spend the whole time walking around the reunion with a tight-lipped smile, reveling in the fact that I am thinner, and more importantly, more educated than all of them.

Is anybody else here, particularly people who are still on the way to their goal, really uncomfortable with compliments?
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I can get where you are coming from. Not too worried about it from my family's point of view, but I know they want me to be healthy (which a lot of times equates to being thin.) However I know they think: "she's only 24, this is the time in her life where she's supposed to be skinny; she hasn't even had kids yet!"

I feel it more in the social life in Alabama. Looks are a big part around here, you can tell it by the way girls dress and how much effort they put into themselves. I don't do that; and it's sad that I'm less impressive because I'm overweight, nevermind my academic accomplishments or my world experiences (I studied abroad in Ireland and traveled around Europe) or any of that. If I am thin and style my hair and wear the right clothing brands that's makes me more impressive. I HATE that attitude. So yes, I get what you mean about not liking compliments. It just all depends on who they are coming from. You always think, "what did you think before all this?"

It's kind of like how I feel when one of my size 2 friends go "I'm so fat" and I'm sitting in my size 12 jeans going, "if you're fat, what does that make me?"
 
I can so relate to that, one of my sisters does that to me all the time and I find it so embarrassing. Sometimes I think she only does it to make me squirm. She weighs about 110lbs and however slim I get I will never look slim next to her.
rachel07 said:
And then every time I'm with my mother, and we run into someone we know, or someone she knows, she'll say,
"Isn't my daughter looking thin! Soon she'll just disappear!"
I'm NOT looking thin! I'm still 171 pounds! That is no where near thin! And it just forces them to look me up and down, nod, and smile awkwardly. I'm not disillusioned enough to think they're happy for me. They're thinking
"She's still got a long way to go to thin."
Click to expand...
 
Muddy-
I'm a size 12 too, and whenever one of my thin friends complains about feeling fat, I want to hit her.
Or worse, whenever one of my guy friends makes fun of a "fat" girl who's clearly thinner than me, I want to cry.
It's like, Hello? Don't you see me? The guy friends are definitely worse than the girls. This is my prime painful example:

Trent: Oh, Brett, you have no room to talk. You fucked a fat chick.
Brett: What? No I did not!
Trent: Yeah you did! That girl you work with in the kitchens at (local fast food restaurant)! She's totally a fat ass!
Brett: She's not fat...she's the same size as Rachel!
.....Huge awkward pause from everyone around the table.
Trent: (trying to recover) Oh...okay, you're right...never mind...

I almost left the room crying. I know which girl they're talking about, and she IS the same size as me. What Trent said was right, Brett did "fuck a fat chick." And Brett was right too. She is the same size as me.

And that's when I realized I was fat. I finally knew what all my friends had obviously known for years. That's when my whole mentality changed. I had never thought about myself as the big girl, but that forced me to. These guys are two of my oldest friends. As much as I wanted to yell or scream or throw up right then, it was probably good that it happened.
Even typing that now still makes me want to run home and cry into my pillow. But I'm doing something about it now, and that's my solace. I've never told anyone before how much that hurt.
 
rachel07 said:
Muddy-
I'm a size 12 too, and whenever one of my thin friends complains about feeling fat, I want to hit her.
Or worse, whenever one of my guy friends makes fun of a "fat" girl who's clearly thinner than me, I want to cry.
It's like, Hello? Don't you see me? The guy friends are definitely worse than the girls. This is my prime painful example:

Trent: Oh, Brett, you have no room to talk. You fucked a fat chick.
Brett: What? No I did not!
Trent: Yeah you did! That girl you work with in the kitchens at (local fast food restaurant)! She's totally a fat ass!
Brett: She's not fat...she's the same size as Rachel!
.....Huge awkward pause from everyone around the table.
Trent: (trying to recover) Oh...okay, you're right...never mind...

I almost left the room crying. I know which girl they're talking about, and she IS the same size as me. What Trent said was right, Brett did "fuck a fat chick." And Brett was right too. She is the same size as me.

And that's when I realized I was fat. I finally knew what all my friends had obviously known for years. That's when my whole mentality changed. I had never thought about myself as the big girl, but that forced me to. These guys are two of my oldest friends. As much as I wanted to yell or scream or throw up right then, it was probably good that it happened.
Even typing that now still makes me want to run home and cry into my pillow. But I'm doing something about it now, and that's my solace. I've never told anyone before how much that hurt.
Click to expand...

You're totally right, it IS the guys that really make you self-aware of what size you are. I remember when I went out with my girls to a bar one night and I mentioned to one of them that I thought this guy was cute. Well she took it as a sign to go up and tell him to talk to me - why she did this I have no idea, she is a moron. Anyways I just happen to watch it out and I see him look at me and I can see like the pure disgust on his face, I literally see him go "no way". Is it because I'm unattractive? No. I have a cute face. I could see it in his eyes, it was because I was overweight. I know how you feel. That night was like a huge kick in my gut.

After that I did go on to lose about 40 pounds, to get down to 154. However this was on a diet that wasn't made for me to go the long haul. They had a maintenance program, but I became so dependent on using their products that going back to real food I gained it all back.

Now I'm learning to eat correctly, to watch calories, and to portion. I feel like this is the REAL way to lose weight. Something that will stick with me for life.


But yeah, it hurts doesn't it? However you just got to realize some people are fucking morons, and can't realize that a girl really can be beautiful in a big body. Lucky for me, I have found a boyfriend that loves me, even in my current size. You seem to have found a guy that loves you for who you are too. That's something very special.
 
rachel07 said:
I did it :) I hit the fifteen-pound mark! I usually give up or get distracted before now! This is the first time I've ever lost this much weight without drugs or crash dieting. I did a happy dance after I got off the scale this morning. A NAKED happy dance! We'll see how long this lasts though...my father's side of the family is having their big 4th o' July weekend get-together tonight. And there will be food. Get this: I'm making my awesomely awesome tropical Better-Than-Sex cake...and I can't eat it :( It's like 400 calories a piece. Totally not worth it. And the main food? It's a friggin loaded potato bar.

Willpower is not dead. Willpower willpower willpower.

Oh, and my gym is closed this entire weekend due to the holidays.

You know what the most awkward thing right now is, though? It's the comments your relatives make.
"Oh, you're looking so thin!"
"Your face looks smaller!"
"Your waist is so tiny!"

Why do I hate these? Because if you notice I'm getting thinner, it means you noticed when I was fat. You noticed a lot. You just didn't say anything then because THAT would have been inappropriate. I don't need compliments. I don't like them. My ego is 100% self-sufficient.
I hate attention for anything other than academic success. These people care that I lost 5 or 10 or 15 pounds, but when my research paper gets accepted at APA (one of the biggest conferences in the U.S.), they just smile and nod and wonder why the hell a pretty girl would want to waste her time in school. I'm the first in my extended family to go to college. I should be having babies, all that. Maybe the reason I hate their comments is because I know they're all thinking
"Well, since she's smaller, now she'll be able to settle down with a nice man and have great-granbabies."

Nothing against babies, but I have more to offer the world than babies.
Oh, and I'm also the only grandchild on that side of the family (except for my brother) who is not obese. Really, really, mashed-potatoes-and-meatloaf obese.
I guess I just feel like fat, uneducated rednecks have no right to have an opinion on my life, even if we have the same basic genes.

And then every time I'm with my mother, and we run into someone we know, or someone she knows, she'll say,
"Isn't my daughter looking thin! Soon she'll just disappear!"
I'm NOT looking thin! I'm still 171 pounds! That is no where near thin! And it just forces them to look me up and down, nod, and smile awkwardly. I'm not disillusioned enough to think they're happy for me. They're thinking
"She's still got a long way to go to thin."

And they're right. But family is different. So I can either not go, or spend the whole time walking around the reunion with a tight-lipped smile, reveling in the fact that I am thinner, and more importantly, more educated than all of them.

Is anybody else here, particularly people who are still on the way to their goal, really uncomfortable with compliments?
Click to expand...

You'll find very few people are ever in support of what you must do.

I quit my engineering job after just three years to write. My mom thought I was crazy, throwing away thousands of dollars worth of education.

Here's the trick...don't tell anyone your long term goals. Just say you're trying something out. Such as, I'm just trying to eat less potatoes, they make me feel tired.

That way, they have nothing concrete to attack since you're just trying something new.
 
dsquared -
I know exactly what you mean, about keeping your goals private. For some strange reason, most people try to use those goals to exploit you, or tear you down. It's this human reaction to other peoples' success and it's pathetic. That's another reason I try to keep my parents and family from saying anything. There's a stigma that comes with success, because you're always so close to failure, and it needs to be a private thing.
Well, aside from some anonymous internet support...
 
I'm never going to a family function ever again. I went over by 549 calories yesterday, even with playing soccer. I want to cry. I refused to weigh myself this morning because I knew it would ruin my entire day. I feel like shit.
And my cousin's wedding is this weekend. With a big dinner. The day after her rehearsal dinner. Which is the day after her bachelorette party. :banghead:
I feel huge.
Bitch bitch bitch.
 
Ahh guys can be the worst, I have definitely been in the same situation where some of my guy friends tease girls for their size (to other friends) and I'm sitting there thinking "Hey, I'm bigger, do other guys tease me to their friends?" A very daunting thought!

& don't worry about last night, unfortunately it happens sometimes, I went out for my Dad's birthday dinner with some of my parents friends and ate my portion of the 'birthday surprise' the restaurant brought out in celebration :-X Sometimes temptation is too great, but you just have to get back up and at this point whats done is done so you can't dwell on it and torture yourself all day!
 
I rarely drink alcohol but I had friends around today and had a couple of drinks and then went on to eat the dessert that I had refused earlier. It is so annoying when you let yourself down but in reality all we have lost is one day of weight loss, we haven't sabotaged our whole diet. It will now take one extra day to get where we want and that really doesn't matter.
 
I think I made up for yesterday. I spent the entire day cleaning the shit out of the apartment. Every room is now full liveable and show-off-able. I played soccer not once, but twice. And at the party this evening, I had nothing to drink. Go me :)
 
Well done for making up for your indulgences. I went for a long walk yesterday evening and then walked down to the beach for a swim so made up for a little of my dessert and alcohol.
 
Just got my first issue of Oxygen magazine :) Not to sound like I'm advertising for it, but I really, really love it. So inspirational, and the models all look healthy and muscular. And the recipes don't taste like cardboard.
Love it.
Yesterday, I beat up my arms

Lat/Row
3 sets of 10 reps @ 40 pounds
Biceps brach./Triceps ext.
3 sets of 10 reps @ 30 pounds
Supine press
3 sets of 10 reps @ 0 + bar (because I've only been doing the press for two weeks and my chest just isn't used to being worked)
Crunches
6 sets of 20 reps

Cardio
Soccer for 45 minutes

I had a cheeseburger yesterday. I felt physical ill for about two hours afterward. I think my body is starting to reject unhealthy food.
 
just popped in to say hi! I know how you feel when you just have so much to do, I have so much work it seems impossible to go to the gym for an hour and a half! keep up the good work, it's not always going to be an overnight fix but you can make it if you believe in yourself!!
 
First set of measurements

I don't know if this is sadistic or masochistic or just plain funny, but my boyfriend and I took each others' measurements tonight. That way, we have a place to go off of. He said he wished he'd taken his numbers before starting his new workouts. I feel the same way. Anyway, here it is:

As of July 6th... (all in inches)
Waist: 33
Bust: 38
Under-bust: 32.75
Hips: 39.25
Thigh: 26
Bicep: 12.75
Calf: 16.75
Neck: 13

The only reason I can even LOOK at these numbers is because I know they're going to change. We're gonna re-measure in a week. Please don't think I'm weird.
 
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170!

Am I going to freak out this much every time I lose one single little pound?
Probably.
But every little goal needs to be a big goal when you're doing this slow and steady.
And...I finally fit into a size 12! I know it's sad that I'm celebrating that, but I haven't been a size 12 since junior high.

My schedule this week was more consistent than normal. I'm finally falling into a routine.

Monday: Arms & Abs + 1/2 hour cardio
Tuesday: Legs & Abs + 1/2 hour cardio
Wednesday: Full hour cardio & Abs
Today: Arms (no abs) + 1/2 hour cardio

Tomorrow is gonna be difficult, as I have to start my wedding party duties at 8:30 am. I might just wake up freakishly early to go work on legs. I'm just afraid because I know how much food is going to be available tonight & tomorrow.
Last night for dinner, we had turkey burgers and black bean salad. I forgot how much I love beans. I've also started to include whey protein, a multivitamin, and fish oil capsules into my diet. Of course, the extra protein is really moderated because I don't want to gain weight, just lean muscle. But it really helps me feel re-energized after a work-out, especially since I'm working 9-hour days for the rest of the summer.
 
Totally in agreement. Every single pound is a great achievement. If we hadn't of started this healthy way of eating it would probably have been a lb gained so each lb counts for 2 ;)
 
I'm a little shocked right now. Well, positively shocked. As in, in a positive way. I've done nothing but drink booze and eat wedding cake for the last three days and I somehow managed to maintain the 170. Could be because of all the running-in-heels that I've been doing.
 
Today and yesterday were really great. My aunt from the west coast came out for my cousin's wedding. She's a fitness/nutrition/training expert. She and my uncle own a running store in Oregon. My uncle can tell you what kind of shoes you need just by watching you run. It's actually kind of freaky.

Anyway, I spent time with both of them talking about my routines, and they assured me that I was doing everything the right way, slow and steady. They brought me two new top-quality sports bras, a pair of running capris, and a really swanky heart-monitor/calorie counter (Polar FT4). It's one of the watch/chest-band combination monitors, so you can see your heart rate while working out. I've used it twice since I got it. It's so awesome not having to guess how many calories I'm burning, and I hated having to rely on machines or mental math to find my heart rate. Working out is going to be so much simpler now! They also took me to another fitness store to find me a new pair of running shoes. She had me try on three pairs and run up and down the aisles so she could watch my feet. Apparently I'm neutral. Whatever that means. Anyway, as soon as they get back to Oregon they're sending me a new pair. I've had this pair for three years, and that's a sin.

7/11
Inner thigh 3x10@50
Outer thigh 3x10@50
Leg press 3x10@70
Calf raise 3x10@70
Leg ext. 3x10@50
Leg curl 3x10@50
Abs 4x20@0

Treadmill 10 min
Elliptical 20 min

7/12
Supine press 3x10@20
Biceps brach. 3x10@20
Triceps ext. 3x10@20
Lat pull. 4x10@30
Row 4x10@30
Pec. fly 3x10@4

Treadmill 10
Elliptical 20

I'm going to start incorporating more chest exercises on my arm days, just to keep everything looking perky :)
 
Weight-loss pills & why I hate cheaters

This week, one of my long-time girlfriends told a doctor that she has migraines. She's not lying. She's had migraines for a very, very long time. I used to have them myself, bad ones, until I started losing weight. I haven't had a single one in months. Normally, she and I would treat our headaches the same way: Tylenol and caffeine. Works like a charm. It's the fastest way I know of to get rid of the pain without taking a prescription or hiding in a closet until you pass out because you're exhausted.
My problem with this isn't that she went to the doctor. It's *why* she went to the doctor. She did not go to find a cure for her migraines. That was not her motivation. Her motivation was, in a word, Topamax.

Topamax is an anti-migraine, anti-seizure drug with a really nice side effect. Weight loss. Along with Phentermine, it's one of two drugs that comprises the soon-to-be-reviewed new anti-obesity pill, Qnexa (FDA advisory board to review new diet drug – Paging Dr. Gupta - CNN.com Blogs).

Her diet hasn't changed. She loves cheese, mayonnaise, and breaded chicken. Her activity level hasn't changed. She's probably the most sedentary person I know. And yet my dear friend has lost over 10 pounds in the last week and a half. Because of a drug. I know this because she's already bragging about being able to eat whatever she wants and still lose weight. It's her new miracle pill. She doesn't even mention that it helps with migraines, because that's never what she intended it for.

In my opinion (and this is an opinion), that's just wrong. Her BMI is probably about 29-30, which is obese, but barely. She's exactly where I was two months ago. Diet and exercise works. Dedication and perseverance work. But she found something easier. I don't like seeing all the hard work that people do to lose weight being degraded by a pill. I work my ass off six days a week, constantly monitoring everything I eat, to lose this weight, and people can do the exact same thing by cheating. That's what this is. It's fucking cheating.

The perk in all this? She's not gonna be on that drug forever. Even if she does lose weight, without exercising she'll look even more like crap. Only it'll be saggy, frumpy crap instead of fat crap. And after she stops taking drugs, the weight will come right back on fast, especially since she doesn't plan on changing her eating habits at all.

There are probably people on here that support diet pills, or who have tried them and had success. I'd really like to hear both sides of this. What are your opinions on diet pills, or taking pills because they have weight-loss side effects?
 
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