Quick fix

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healthy0213

New member
Hi, I'm new to the forum with a dilemma. I'm in a relationship with a man that I love, but can't stand his mentality. I had our first child a year and a half ago and don't have the time i'd like to have to workout. When he first met me, I was a size 12. Then I lost a lot of weight, with the help of working out constantly, dieting and Trim Spa, then a year or so later I got pregnant. NOW, I'm a size 8 and he's demanding more ... he wants that size 4 hottie again and I just don't have the time to dedicate as I work far from home and drive more than I can workout. The ultimatum, lose the weight or lose the guy ... seems ridiculous (and I know this) but can't lose the guy just yet, so I'm stuck. I eat healthy and if only I could find a workout routine to make me lose the baby weight and maintain some sanity. Any suggestions? I'm so tired at the end of the day that I can't go crazy at a gym, especially with my son and responsibilities at home.
 
I hate to say this but I feel like he's way too controlling. It is your body and if you want to look a certain way you should. Sounds like he has problems with his self-esteem and just wants a trophy girl. Tell him to get a six-pack and look like a model or you will leave. Partners are replaceable, your self-esteem is not. You gotta ask yourself why he is with you, for love or just for your looks. If he truly loves you he would love you at any size. It's not as if you are too large and will suffer from health problems if you don't lose weight. This is just a vanity thing to stroke his ego. As soon as you can, get rid of him.
 
I would say "ditch the dude" but there are kids involved. That is sad that he is that controlling.

What is your definition of "eating healthy?"

Losing weight is a function of energy balance. Burn more calories than you eat, and BINGO, you lose weight. Exercise is just an added component of a deficit. However, nutrition is the primary driver.
 
that's not a healthy relationship for a child to grow up in - that dad thinks mom isn't ok just as she is....

ditch the dude....
 
I know!!!

I know he's way too controlling - and he had his trophy girl through me 2 years ago (pre-baby) and he still couldn't stand it. He'd complain whenever someone looked at me, like it was my fault. He'd yell when I wore makeup or did myself up ... now he's yelling when I don't. It's a no win situation, and as much as I can't STAND him, I do still love him and yes, have lost a lot of myself in all of this too. I do have a son with him and I can't do everything alone right now - there's too much on the line - so I'm just trying to get down in size and hopefully ignore him in the meantime.

My daily diet:
Coffee in the AM with fat free creamer (can't live without one cup at least)
Water all day - at least 4 bottles
Breakfast - Nutrigrain bar
Lunch - Salad or turkey on whole wheat
Snack - fresh fruit or veggies
Dinner - Fish, chicken, or meat (once a week) with salad and fresh veggies.
Snack - sometimes a skinny cow (low calorie fudge bar)

If I need to, I use a 0 calorie iced tea in water once a day or have a cup of decaf, 0 calorie tea in the afternoon.

I drive 3 hours per day to work and back, and by the time I get home at night, my "other" job starts with taking care of the house, the pets, the baby and of course, the man. Dinner, laundry, cleaning, cooking and then bed because I'm up so early for work Mon-Fri. I don't have time to workout, or don't make time. According to "the man", I'm being lazy and stubborn but it's not really that - it's just a lack of energy at the end of the day!

This is about my relationship issues, and ur so right in saying its all HIM, but to make peace in my life without asking him to leave, I need to just shut up and deal with the weight as he thinks that's the only problem with have. With that being said, again, I'm about 160 lbs, 5' 6 1/2", and a size 8. I could use a little work but not a total body makeover.
 
Wow, It really sounds like you're in an awful position, but you need to ask yourself, will he change??

If you do manage to get your "trohpy body" back, will it make any difference? You need to be with someone who loves you no matter what and who isn't with you simply because you're a "hottie". It's definitely harder when you have children but imagine him talking to THEM the way he talks to you about your body?

He is very controlling, and while it is only mental, it is still considered abusive. If you REALLY don't want to leave him (which I think is the best answer) You should talk to him and tell him that he's really damaging your imagine of yourself and you should be PROUD of your body. You've had two children!! And it sounds like you've bounced back quite well, we can't be 17 year old super models forever!

You need friends and family to support you right now ,and you definitely can't stay with this guy without talking to him and changing his ideas on who you are and what you should look like

~Nicole J~

(MSG me if you want to chat, or look me up on MSN: sunshine8z40@hotmail.com)
 
We've spoken, and it's a no win situation. I love him and begged him to get some therapy but he refuses. He says he's proud of his heritage and who he is, and with having a son with him, as new as he is, it's hard just to walk away. Everything else is perfect with us, it's just this one thing, and although fixing us temporarily will probably destroy us in the end (because of the mental abuse), for NOW I just need to work on these few lbs to lose for my own sanity. I guess we could always use a little lift here and there, and I need to prepare a routine to fit my lifestyle and make it effective.
 
your situation is so disturbing, I hope for the sake of your children that you are able to get out of it sooner rather than later...

You sound like you're doing all the household work - if your husband wants the trophy wife, sounds like he's gotta start pitching in around the house and give yo time to get it done.

You cannot add more hours to the day...

And a quick fix isn't going to be healthy for you long term... youo want to be sensible abouot your approach...
 
I have 3 big dogs whom I love to hike with, but with 3 + the baby, I can't manage all of them. HE says not to choose one dog to walk with and that if I can't bring all of them, I shouldn't bring them period ... but maybe I'll start power-walking with the baby and one dog, rotating them out. I guess one is better than none, right?

I have an elliptical at home too, but it's in our bedroom and he keeps track of how long I'm using it. I just want to break outside in this nice weather. I used to love running too, but again, it's hard at the end of the day when I'm already exhausted from work and then cleaning up at home. Maybe some sit-ups?

I know the situation at home sucks, so I have to find healthy ways of going outside on my own and lose weight.
 
Is he ever controlling. Does he tell you what underwear to wear? What an A**. You would be better off alone.
 
LOL, oh Nicole1011 - I'll private message you that one once I've been active for 5 days (on this site). It's too long and too irritating to disclose and honestly, a lot of ppl would be freaking out on this post.

I just want to be healthy.
 
I know ... but that is a work in progess. I have to take baby steps on this one, protecting everyone involved. The healthiest solution for right now is to use up some of this emotional energy on exercise, I think.
 
There is No Way!!!

Oh My Goodness!
There is no way you should let this guy boss you around. Now... He can go on and on.. You should let it go in one ear and out the other. He can yak and complain and moan, but you should do what you want.
Why on earth should you have to take all of the dogs out at once?
This guy sounds annoying. The good news is you don't have to do anything he says. It's just talk. If it gets to a point where he takes action against you... well then you call the authorities. Don't be afraid of words. Let him blow off steam and complain his head off. Who Cares? You say you love him. So I'm assuming that he isn't throwing away your makeup, or physically stopping you from doing anything. Don't give his words or opinion any more importance than they deserve. Don't be afraid of his anger ( again, if he is violent or destroys property that is time to call the police) You are giving his disapproval waayyyy too much power. Just look him in the eye. Tell him you are a grown woman and he is NOT your Father! Tell him every person is entitled to be in Control of just ONE life and he is living his. He doesn't get to live yours too.
If you want to get fit that's great. Do it for yourself.
Sorry for the rant... but insecure guys are a total total turn off to me! ugh!!! And all controlling behaviour is just a mask for insecurity.
Ask yourself what advice you would give a good friend if she were living in your relationship. Then take that advice for yourself. Really... that helps because often we don't feel we ourselves deserve to be treated with repect but we would be very angry if someone was treating one of our beloved friends in the same manner.
Be you own bestfriend Girl! Don't take it.

 
Losing a few pounds if you want to is not necessarily bad, but you're doing it for the wrong reasons...You're using "being healthy" as a back up excuse when you really just want to impress your husband. I promise you, it's not worth it. It never will be, and he'll never be satisfied, if you get to a weight he loves...he'll find some other way to control your life, and it sounds as if he's already found other ways. You really and truly need to evaluate your mental situation before you can do anything HEALTHY about your body. If yuo're losing weight for someone else, it is NOT healthy...not matter how you look at it. I'm sorry, but you're just in a bad situation and have to make some tough decisions
 
I really appreciate all of your support - everyone - it's so refreshing. Now I know why I joined (today). I know all of this stuff, but now complete strangers are telling me!!! And this argument with my significant other only happened this morning (on my drive in to work). What a lovely Friday - so thoughtful of him.

Anyway, I am motivated to do this for me ... and I'm going to start this weekend as I have a charity event on Sunday with my dogs, walking a 5K to raise money for the Homeless Dog Shelter in my area - I'm really looking forward to it and it's one way to give back as well as feel great. Thanks again everyone ... so much!
 
healthy0213, i understand what your going through as from reading i see elements of my o/h in yours.i wasnt always overweight, but became so after having kids, shiftwork, stress etc. i have been called fat so many times it doesnt hurt anymore. in the past i would run to the kitchen and stuff my face. i decided to lose weight for myself and my confidence and its working. i dont let him get to me these days. he will be moving out soon and is under the illusion that we will still be together. well hes got another thing coming (unless he gets some "help"). i am going to get some life of my own and see what the future brings.
i wish you the best of luck, just one piece of advice.in my experience the longer someone stays with a partner who is mentally abusive/ controlling etc the harder it is too get out or change. slim
 
Hi Healthy,

Welcome to the forum. I hope you enjoy your even this weekend with your dogs.

You have received tons of advice and such, goodness what a situation. I think you see that the weight loss and exercise must be for you and wanted from you to be successful. I think it would be a good benefit, exercise does immense powers to our internal/mental state.....brings peace, calming etc. This can give you some control and peace that you feel lacking. Good luck with that.

When you are feeling stronger emotionally dealing with the SO will come, a come to Jesus meeting so to speak. Please remember you are now dealing with much more than yourself, do you want your son to act and behave like his father or receive the same remarks for his "failures" (sports, grades, whatever). Who is going to be his role model? 25 years from now where do you picture your life? Don't avert the reality, your abuse will get worse and it will happen to your son.
 
Social problems aside (im no therapist and have no right to give advice), i can suggest a few things for your original question at least...

Have you thought about working out in the morning? I realize this sounds crazy at first, trying to get up and bust your butt first thing in the morning before a long day, but you might be surprised. Get up just a little bit earlier in the morning, and before anything else, go for a quick run (or fast paced walk or whatever level you are at) I used to get up and hit the gym at 5am when i was going to school, coaching and working. it actually helped me get going in the morning and i ended up feeling like i had more energy over the course of the day.

If mornings are outright impossible, what about your lunch break at work? even if you only have a half hour, you could prolly fit in a well paced 20 minute run and still have time to clean up before getting back on the job. A full hour and youve got lots of time for a complete workout.

No lunch break? Use any chance you have at work to be active to your advantage. anytime you have to go up or down a level, take the stairs, and take them quick. have to go to someone else's office, walk quickly. Perhaps even park your car a little farther away and run/walk quick to and from it.

I didnt catch what you do for a living, but i think for the most part, if you keep an eye out for it, you can probably find more than enough opportunities to get in your physical activity each day.

Good luck getting healthy, and best wishes towards moving through a difficult part of life.
 
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