More than likely the way you feel (and may look) bloated when you try to drink water is that your body is dehydrated. You will retain water in this mode until your body is adequately hydrated.
Great post, Allen. To expand on this point, ocurt, your body is trying very hard to protect itself. The majority of reactions your body has to different scenarios is a result of it trying to bring itself to a state of healthy homeostasis, rather than it just being harmed.
For example, when you take thermogenics (caffeine, bitter orange extract, etc.) your body boosts it's metabolism not because that product somehow kicks it into gear, but because your body is feverishley trying to expel it from its system.
Similarly, when you bloat after drinking water, your body is just trying to store as much water as possible, because it knows that it may not get more for a long time. Once you start hydrating your body regularly (8 - 16 glasses a day, spread out throughout the day) your body is going to store only the water it needs immediately, and it will expel the rest.
This give syou the added benefit of not only having better hydrated skin and tissues, but it will also cleanse your blood - since you will be urinating quite a bit more, your body will be expelling its fluid waste more frequently. Eventually it will come to a point where your blood is so pure, your urine will be 98% water.
So, breakdown: drinking water regularly will make you look & feel better, without all the bloating - though you MAY experience some bloating for the first week.