On another note, been driven insane today. Have been on another forum (not weight related) that I frequent and they have a "big girls" thread. Everyone in there is like "I don't need to lose weight cause I'm smokin' hot." Which is fine. But some of the girls in there are 300+ pounds.
It just bugs me when I see people saying, "you go girl, don't lose any weight, fuck the haters!" because they DO need to lose weight to become HEALTHY. Being happy with who you are is one thing--but you need to be healthy as well.
I don't know. It just hit a nerve today. Felt like going in and being "YOU CAN STILL FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF AND NOT PUT YOURSELF AT RISK OF A HEART ATTACK!" But, I'd be a hypocrite, because I'm overweight. Maybe I'm just jealous I dont have the same confidence.
I saw this yesterday and wanted to comment but then needed a minute or a night atually to think about it. I have never been even close to 300 pounds and I am pretty sure that I will never be, so really in my core I cannot know what they feel like, but as a fellow girl I call bullshit. Nobody can be completely happy when you weigh twice or more what society dictates you should weigh. And yes of course society is fucked up in itself and the skinny models shoved in our face constantly are a tad ridiculous, but imagine never being able to shop for jeans. I am not a huge fashion fan (though of course I do buy clothes every now and then) and still it depressed me horribly to go to shops and not to find a single pair or jeans that fit me right (and that was at 160!). Imagine not being able to run to a busstop when you need it, imagine being looked at with disgust every day, and we know really big people are eyed like that. Fellow humans like to see skinny people. I know I have made the mistake of gawking when I saw a really big person (I try not to, but it is basic human curiosity, really big people are still relatively rare on the streets so just like everyone and their uncle looks at the baby in her sling when we go out just because it is rarer to see a baby than an adult, everybody looks at big people because they are rarer than average size people).
I lived in Ghana for a year and people stared because I was white. Every day I would have people staring just because of my colour and I hated it, I hated feeling observed. Being really big in today's society is like that, everybody looks at you and kind of judges you. Especially if the really big person is stuffing her face with McD as well. I cannot imagine anybody is fully happy having to hoist a giant body around and having people stare and nto being able to eat in public without seeing looks of disgust.
Of course our society is part of the problem, a huge part, we should change too, we should stop looking and judging, but it is natural human behaviour unfortunately.
From a medical point of view, it is not just bullshit but crazy! I mean sure you don't have to be 120 pounds, but be 180 and don't die of cardiovascular disease before the age of 40! And it may be that the risks down the line are not a huge thing right now, but what about the problems they have right now? The joint aches because a human skeleton is not made for 300 pounds, the back ache because you carry most of your weight up front and therefore have to arch your back back into an unhealthy position, the bent out legs (which we can see on many Biggest Loser contestant) bent from the weight they bare?
And for me it is absolutely clear, these people are not willing to change and are afraid of change so instead of making a commitment and trying to be healthier (which they know will make them happier in the long run) they hide behind false securities, behind "I am big and beautiful and awesome", they need to have this attitude to survive the stares and the pain in their joints. But deep down they wish and dream that they would be skinny too! I can believe someone being happy and big and beautiful being 20, 30, 40 pounds overweight, I cannot by the life of me believe someone is happy when they are 150 or 200 pounds overweight.
Ok, after this very long tirade of nothing too important, I wanted to tell you how well you are doing, it is a joy to peek into your diary every so often and see you making changes. And the "love yourself to be loved by others" thing is one of my biggest things this year. I always depended on others and always had people around me who loved me but also always kind of made me feel like I was not quite worth it (which is MY issue, they didn't do it on purpose I just reacted to their criticism and jokes this way). This year I am living by myself for the first time (I lived with my parents til college then met my boyfriend in halls the first day and lived with him for the next 5 years) and I am working hard on becoming a strong confident happy woman. The weight loss is a cause and an effect of this, helping a ton, but the real work is happening inside of my head.
I am glad to see that you have arrived there too and are also working on that.
Have a great sunday, Camy
