Project Rox

Wow... I just read through the whole diary, and wow...

1) You're an amazing woman! Wow @ weight loss, wow @ emotional strength! Go you!!

2) Your husband = idiot. You deserve better, your kids deserve better.

3) Hot boyfriend... Well I dunno. It was an insensitive thing to say, but seeing how much he seems to love you and adore you, I doubt he meant any harm. But of course I don't know him like you do, so it's hard to tell.

4) Have fun with the neighbour ;)
 
I'm sure HB meant no harm by his insensitive comments, and is really sorry about them. But personally, if someone said that to me, especially in bed like you were, I'd be very hurt, and I tend to hold a bit of a grudge on something like that. If I were in your place, I'd make him REALLY work hard to earn back my trust. It would definately take me a long time to have the confidence to get naked with him again, if ever.

Sorry you had such a disappointing weekend with your husband. Sounds like if he doesn't have the energy to spend on you, you shouldn't waste any of your energy on him!
 
Please don't get me wrong, I wasn't defending HB on what he said.
Just to make that clear :) He shouldn't have said this.
I'd be hurt myself. But sometimes people hurt someone they love just by forgetting to think before acting. Doesn't necessarily make them a bad person :)
 
Thanks for chiming in, you guys. The support means a lot to me right now.

Today was an exhausting day...very crazy, emotionally speaking.

I spent last night thinking over the weekend and what went wrong. I was so hoping that we could turn things around, but my husband just wasn't there, emotionally. We talked, but I got the same old message that he just can't change. He's emotionally stunted, and that's it.
But I got a distinct feeling that he wasn't fully engaged in solving our problems because he's...distracted. I began to wonder... has he really broken up with his mistress? Or is he just lying to me still?

In the morning, I grabbed his cellphone and looked at "messages sent". And there, sure enough, was a Happy New Year's message to his "sweetie".
My eldest daughter was still home, so I didn't want a row just then. I drove her to school and did the grocery shopping.
But I felt sick. Just sick.
He'd promised me that he'd broken off contact with her. That was a condition of me sticking around.
(for those of you just tuning in, my HB and HNG are lovers I took because my husband TOLD me to take a lover or two. As long as he didn't have to hear about it. He didn't want the pressure of me wanting sex from him. Which was kind of hard to process at first, believe me.)

When I got home, I confronted him. When I asked if he still had contact with his mistress, he denied it.
Lying is all he knows how to do, really.
I don't know why I bother.

We talked a long time. I told him that we have to get a divorce, asap. This is something he has said many times that he doesn't want...but I have no choice. It's going to be a financial mess and hard on the children...but he is so deeply untrustworthy.

I can't believe that I was really willing to give him another chance. What a jerk.

He's asked that we see the marriage councellor on Friday before telling the children. I'm ok with that.... I'll still go on my Switzerland trip, but I'll leave on Saturday, instead...


And after all this, I really can't see myself getting together with HB again. I need somebody who I can trust not to hurt me. I had thought he really loved me...but I just don't see how he could have said such a thing to somebody he cared for. I really just don't.
But I don't think he's a bad person.
I'll let him down easy. I certainly don't want to end the relationship on a really bad note. I'd rather have him keep only the happy and fun memories ...as I hope I will.
 
I feel like I'm the one that's always pressuring hubby for sex too. That's what we young gals get for marrying older men I guess - they just can't keep up with us in the bedroom. My hubby at least tries though, and he would NEVER encourage me to take a lover. I think it would devastate him if I did. And now that I'm getting my sexy body back, he's seemed more interested in sex. But I've always wanted it more than him, even when we were newlyweds. I don't see that ever changing. But he does try, and has even brought up asking the doc if he should get some sort of perscription like viagra or something like that in order to keep up with me better. I think he does worry about me going outside our marriage to get my needs fulfulled, especially since a lot of his friends keep telling him to watch out now that I have lost all this weight. They always tell him when their ex-wives lost weight it meant they had started cheating already and divorce papers were soon to follow. They all assume that's the reason why I've lost weight as well, but nothing could be further from the truth.

I hate to see families break up because of divorce, but sometimes I know there just is no other way. I wish you the best of luck in making the hard choices coming your way.

And I have to commend you on keeping up with your healthy eating and exercise thru this stressfull time. That's just awesome!
 
Tigpuppy said:
I feel like I'm the one that's always pressuring hubby for sex too. That's what we young gals get for marrying older men I guess - they just can't keep up with us in the bedroom. My hubby at least tries though, and he would NEVER encourage me to take a lover. I think it would devastate him if I did. And now that I'm getting my sexy body back, he's seemed more interested in sex. But I've always wanted it more than him, even when we were newlyweds. I don't see that ever changing. But he does try, and has even brought up asking the doc if he should get some sort of perscription like viagra or something like that in order to keep up with me better. I think he does worry about me going outside our marriage to get my needs fulfulled, especially since a lot of his friends keep telling him to watch out now that I have lost all this weight. They always tell him when their ex-wives lost weight it meant they had started cheating already and divorce papers were soon to follow. They all assume that's the reason why I've lost weight as well, but nothing could be further from the truth.

I hate to see families break up because of divorce, but sometimes I know there just is no other way. I wish you the best of luck in making the hard choices coming your way.

And I have to commend you on keeping up with your healthy eating and exercise thru this stressfull time. That's just awesome!
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Thanks for sharing. I'm glad to know i'm not a sex-obsessed freak (or at least to know that if I am- so are you! lol)

When my husband told me to look elsewhere for sex, I was heartbroken. I would have been happier if he'd wanted to watch me with other guys. Kinky, but true. At least I would have felt as though I was at least noticed by him. I even suggested a swingers' club. Seriously.
I was willing to try anything to make this work....

But he is only interested by his mistress...and he's welcome to her.

As for my food and exercise....I had some organic oats for breakfast, which were totally yum. And then other healthy stuff all day long adding up to about 1150 calories.
I did an hour and a half hike...half of it up a steep hill that had other people (fit ones!) out of breath. I sailed right on through with hardly any effort.
I can't believe how my fitness level has changed over the past months! I feel really, really good -despite my sadly fat butt. lol!
 
I woke this morning and weighed in.....AT GOAL!!!!

144.1 lbs.

I couldn't believe it. I even went back and weighed myself again after breakfast.
Still 144.1!!

And now my BMI is under 23!! It's 22.9 as of today.

(btw- My goal is officially 144lbs, but I figure that the .1 could be my tshirt and undies, right?)

This is what I weighed in high school!
It's kind of odd, as my body is so different now. In HS, I wore size 11/12 bottoms. Now I wear a 10 in pants and 8 or 6 in skirts. But on the downside, my boobs are smaller and my rear and thighs look flabbier. Blah.

At any rate, tomorrow i am making a new ticker and a new goal!!
My new goal will be 138 lbs. Plus, I will be working more on toning and firming...building that muscle mass!

I guess I need to take some goal photos soon...which will also be my "befores" for my new goal!

I'm so very glad to have something to celebrate, despite the chaos of my personal life!
 
Thanks so much!

Val and Hana- you guys have been with me since the beginning, always supporting my efforts. You guys are the best!

Frey-Thanks! I hope I'll be able to help encourage you and see you get to your goal, too!
 
Rox;750650 I can't believe how my fitness level has changed over the past months! I feel really said:
Congratulations on hitting your goal weight. You look fantastic. Looking at your pictures there is NO fat butt there at all.
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cowboy48 said:
Congratulations on hitting your goal weight. You look fantastic. Looking at your pictures there is NO fat butt there at all.
Click to expand...

Thank you. I'm glad you think so. It's funny how insecure I feel about it, still!


And TigPuppy- Thanks so much! I have been doing that happy dance all day long, believe me!

BTW- Just got a text from HB today...he says he misses me and thinks of me. But I think it's over. I really can't afford to have people in my life that are going to bring me down....
 
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Thanks so much, dearie!
I'm so happy to be able to share my victory with my friends here. It's good to be around (even just online) people who are genuinely happy for me and who realize what I've been through.

I still can't quite believe I'm here- that I got to my first big weight goal.
I just tried on a size 6 mini skirt in a shop in Geneva today. It was almost too big for me. I could easily have tried it a size down. Maybe it was just that the sizes run big in that shop. But still.... me in a size 4?!?! Gah!!!! I'm a bit freaked out.
 
I'm genuinely happy for you. I feel like I achieved something myself. (that's weird lol)

Is this the way you are setting up your goals? Instead of a long term goal that can seem intimidating to some, you are shortening them and making them more realistic looking and achievable? Ah Ha! You get to celebrate more often this way too lol
 
Yes...that's how it worked best for me.
My first goal was to be at about 176 for a class reunion I went to on July 17 of last year. I didn't quite make it- I weighed 180. I was ok with, though, seeing as how I was on vacation in the USA and was eating out a lot. )

Then my next goal was to get back to my weight in high school.

Now I'm sort of looking at my body and trying to figure out what's next. lol.
I'm going to make a new ticker today...and then go do my workout!

Anyway...it is so overwhelming when you start out and have 50, 75 or even hundreds of lbs to lose. It just seems logical to make yourself little motivationg stops along the way where you can say "Hey! I accomplished what I set out to do! Yay me!"
I think it makes it even more likely that you'll keep on going and make it to your next goal.
 
Verobc said:
So happy for you Rox! It make me beleive that I can do it to!
:party:

You should really celebrate!!!!
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Yes, you CAN do it!!!!!

I did kind of celebrate yesterday...it was a fun day, anyway!
I took my eldest daughter to Geneva to look at an art and design school she might want to attend.
We had lunch at Starbucks, which was a big treat. We has skim milk lattes with sugar free syrup and also fat free blueberry muffins. One of them has 430 calories, which is kind of steep...but it was worth it. You don't find many blueberry muffins in this part of the world!
Then we walked around and looked in a few fancy shops.

Geneva is such an interesting city...very elegant and organized. So Swiss!
 
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