Project Rox

Rox you look great!! A lot of positive things are happening to you and I'm glad. I hope the divorce goes as painlessly as a divorce can possibly go. I keep thinking that if I'm ever in a situation like you were a few months ago that I'd be strong enough to not cave in and self destruct. Congrats on the weight lost !!!
 
Wow Rox, I'm speechless. You posted on my saggy belly thread about having had 4 children, including twins - the same as me, then I saw your B & A pictures and was BLOWN AWAY! I HAD to come find your diary to read more about you.

I have to say I could not 'put it down' so to speak! I read the entire thing from start to finish! You are SUCH an amazing, inspiring, strong, and beautiful woman! You have come so far in the last year - both in your weight loss/fitness journey, as well as a person. The growth I saw taking place in you as you've gone thru the last few months was really something fantastic to see. And that's just thru the small amount you shared with us in your journal. I can't imagine how much those changes amount to in real life - it's GOT to be mind boggling! I really admire you!

I too am married to an older man (he is 12 years older than me) but he's a farmer/rancher and is content to stay home and be a family man. We also have been married for 19 years already, so I could not imagine what it would be like to have to start all over being single again, but with 4 children to think of this time around. I hope never to find out.

As you are nearing the end of your weight loss journey I hope you continue to stop in and update us on how things are going. I wish you the best of luck in the future because I know it's probably going to be emotionally challenging for the next several months. But you have come so far and you are such a strong woman that I have no doubt you will come out on top of all of this!
 
Well...some days I sure don't feel strong and beautiful...but I keep on fighting, and that's what counts, right?

I really appreciate the lovely comments of friends stopping by my diary. It's so nice that people check in, despite the fact that i don't post much lately. But I hope to be writing more here soon...I'm making my final push to get to goal and I know that writing here always helps me stay focused.

I haven't had dinner yet and I'm at about 600 calories. So, i plan to have a nice meal tonight. I love cottage cheese. And I bought a pineapple yesterday. yum.

I did a good workout this morning and got some weight training in, which was good!
I'll weigh in tomorrow and see how I'm doing....

And thanks for stopping in, Tigpuppy, and reading through my epic novel! LOL! Sometimes I can't believe it's all really happening. And I'm not even sure about a divorce at this point. My husband has said flat-out that he won't divorce me...so, i'm looking at a huge legal fight.

I wish he was a nice rancher who could keep his thing in his pants. Oh well. can't have everything.

And about the tummy..it really does seem unfair. It really is luck. And the poster that told you to do more exercise is full of it. My mom went through the same thing as you- lost heaps of weight , but had the saggy tummy- despite tons of exercise. In the end, she had plastic surgery...and it turned out great. But it's not for everybody....
 
Emergency- Need advice!

Well...it's not a big emergency...but I do need help!

The weekend, I'm going to a resort spa in Switzerland. And for that, I need to wear a swimsuit.
I have a "goal" swimsuit that I ordered online a while back.
I tried it on today and I'm not too sure about it.
I think I look ok- but maybe not?

It's not a modesty issue...Europeans have no trouble with baring lots of skin. I just want to know if this looks good or bad.

My hip fat sticks out too much, maybe?

And I know that my thigh cellulite is a problem...but that's nothing a swimsuit will ever hide, unless I wear one of those Burqinis. (Hey! there's an idea...) I'm working to diminish it, but I don't think it will ever completely go away, even when I lose more weight... Sad.

At any rate..... here's the pics. Is this a do or a don't?
(btw- I know the back view is too blurry, but I was tired of taking pics by then and gave up)
 
Oooohhh Rox! I LOVE it!!! The style makes it appear as if you are even thinner and curvier - very sexy! I think you should definately wear it!

I would love to wear something like that, but sadly I have entirely too much boobage going on to get away with something like that. The girls would be spilling out all over the place if I wore something like that.

I don't know if you have time to tan a bit before you have to wear it, or if you've ever used those self tanning creams, but I've found that a little bit of a tan seems to make cellulite less noticable. I have the same problem as you - my thighs will probably lalways ook like they have hail damage on them, no matter how much I lose and tone up.

I hope whoever it is that you are going with appreciates your sexy new swimsuit! It looks HOT!
 
Thanks, guys!!! You are so sweet!
So, I guess there is an advantage to having almost NO boobs left - I can wear a skimpy swimsuit and not look pornographic. it's not very comforting, but it's something. I'd rather have bigger boobs, though. LOL

My eldest daughter just gave it the thumbs up as well, so I'm definitely going to pack it tomorrow.
I'm going to the spa with my husband. It was a Xmas gift. I'm not sure what I think about it... But- I'm going to try to have fun....

I was going to spend the weekend with my hot boyfriend, but we had a fight recently. I might post about it next week and get opinions from you guys. It's weight-related and kind of interesting, in a horrible way. And I'd like to know if YOU would break up with someone over this issue.

Luckily, I have another guy waiting in the wings: the hot neighbor guy. I'm supposed to meet him tomorrow morning for coffee at his house. Hmmmmmm........
 
Last edited:
Two big bits of news:

I weighed in today at 145.6 (66.2kg)!!! The scale is moving again and I'm SO psyched!

I'm only one and half pounds from my goal! Holy Moley! I can hardly believe it.

When I get to goal, I plan to set a new one. I think 129lbs will be it. It might take a while, but I'll get there!

The second bit of news?
Well....let's just say that it's a good thing I wore nice underwear this morning when I went to have coffee at the neighbor's place.
Oh my!

I'm very, very naughty, I know....
But having lots of fun!
 
Are you still with hot boyfriend, though? :/


Glad you're daughter gave it the thumbs up, it's really very flattering.
 
For me, it's really over.
After what happened, I don't think I ever want to see him again.

I'll write down all the details here on Sunday night when I get back from Switzerland.
I'd be interested to hear what you make of it all.....

It was very strange and awful. And I feel so humiliated, vexed and just plain angry that I don't want to see him ever again, despite the excellent sex.
 
:( That's sad. Although you probably didn't want to get too involved with someone so soon after your husband and also whilst you're still married. Sorry to hear he's been an ass.
 
Hi again.
It turns out we're not leaving right away...so I have to time to get this posted.
If any new readers are wandering in, I'll also add the warning that sex will openly be discussed in this post, so get out now if that scares you.

I'll also tell you that this is a really humiliating story that I will never tell IRL to anybody, ever. It's too awful.

Just for some context, I'll give you a bit of history. Then I'll tell you about The Incident.

I met Hot Boyfriend (to be known as HB from here on out) in October. After we knew each other a month, we started sleeping together. We only saw each other about once a week, as he lives a bit far away, but we'd write emails. and then he got Skype. So we were in contact a lot. He seemed really nice.
I never told him that I used to be overweight and we've never talked about dieting or anything like that.
He's very sporty, though, and super-fit. He's 46 but has quite the body...
In conversation, sometimes exercise would come up...for example, I might mention that I' just got done working out. But we never really talked about it.

By the end of November, he was convinced he was in love with me. He even started talking about me moving in with him.
Me? Not so sure. I wasn't in love, but it was sure nice to be adored and get a dozen nice text messages every day.
According to HB I was smart, nice, beautiful and quite simply perfect. The woman he could spend the rest of his life with!

Fast forward to last Sunday.
We're at a hotel and we've just finished an afternoon of sexy fun- quite fabulous . It was pretty stellar, in fact.
We're laying there, when suddenly he slaps my behind and says "You could really afford to lose a few pounds there."
I look at him blankly.
He gives my butt another jiggle and adds "It's not very muscular, really. You should really do some sports."
I manage to choke out "Ummm...I do."
He answers "What sports? Singing?" ( I study vocal performance at a music conservatory)
I just look at him, not knowing what to say. I decide that I am SO not discussing this while naked.
"Well, I'd best take a shower." I say very neutrally and head into the bathroom.

I finish quickly and leave him showering alone in the bathroom. I quickly get dressed and leave without saying anything. Not even goodbye.
I have no clue what to make of his behavior.
I drive home- no text or call from him.
That night I call him.
He has no clue there is anything wrong. At all.
He'd thought i'd left because I was in a hurry and that was it.
I explain that our relationship is over, as I'll never, ever be able to remove my clothes in front of him again. ever.
He is completely shocked. He talks a lot.
"I can't believe you are reacting like this!"
"You're making a big scene over nothing"
"You know i love you just the way you are"
and finally
"I'm sorry. You know I love you."
None of this helps, of course. I'll never trust him again.

I don't know why i bothered, but I explained that I used to weigh 220lbs and that I've worked very hard for the body I have now. And the fact that I'm not stupid...I know what my bad features are and I'm working on them. So, I certainly don't need any jerks pointing them out to me and adding their criticism.
I don't know why I bothered, as he just doesn't get it.
I ended up hanging up.
He sent a text message saying "I love you. Call me when you aren't mad at me anymore". that was Sunday night. I have not, of course, called him. I don't see the point. From my point of view, he completely destroyed a great relationship. It was mostly about sex...but it was pretty great. And he ruined it.

So... What do you guys think? Am I completely over-reacting? Or am I right that this is a deal-breaker?

I'd be really interested to get a male perpective on this, too.... Does a guy REALLY tell his sweetie that she's fat (and also a lazy liar!) and then still expect her to have hot, uninhibted sex with him? It just seems crazy to me....
 
Definitly over reacting. He had no idea about your past and the effort that you have put in to be where you are today. If he had it he would propably been more sensitive. He just thought he could openly discuss things with you and that your relationship would tolerate some level of critisism. You said that he was a super fit guy. Well, he surley has been very cautious about his own body to get where he is. That said, I think his words really was ment as an encouragement for you to start an exercise routine and not an insult. Maybe in his word (not knowing about your past), you were on the edge of being slack.
 
Rox said:
Hi again.
It turns out we're not leaving right away...so I have to time to get this posted.
If any new readers are wandering in, I'll also add the warning that sex will openly be discussed in this post, so get out now if that scares you.

I'll also tell you that this is a really humiliating story that I will never tell IRL to anybody, ever. It's too awful.

Just for some context, I'll give you a bit of history. Then I'll tell you about The Incident.

I met Hot Boyfriend (to be known as HB from here on out) in October. After we knew each other a month, we started sleeping together. We only saw each other about once a week, as he lives a bit far away, but we'd write emails. and then he got Skype. So we were in contact a lot. He seemed really nice.
I never told him that I used to be overweight and we've never talked about dieting or anything like that.
He's very sporty, though, and super-fit. He's 46 but has quite the body...
In conversation, sometimes exercise would come up...for example, I might mention that I' just got done working out. But we never really talked about it.

By the end of November, he was convinced he was in love with me. He even started talking about me moving in with him.
Me? Not so sure. I wasn't in love, but it was sure nice to be adored and get a dozen nice text messages every day.
According to HB I was smart, nice, beautiful and quite simply perfect. The woman he could spend the rest of his life with!

Fast forward to last Sunday.
We're at a hotel and we've just finished an afternoon of sexy fun- quite fabulous . It was pretty stellar, in fact.
We're laying there, when suddenly he slaps my behind and says "You could really afford to lose a few pounds there."
I look at him blankly.
He gives my butt another jiggle and adds "It's not very muscular, really. You should really do some sports."
I manage to choke out "Ummm...I do."
He answers "What sports? Singing?" ( I study vocal performance at a music conservatory)
I just look at him, not knowing what to say. I decide that I am SO not discussing this while naked.
"Well, I'd best take a shower." I say very neutrally and head into the bathroom.

I finish quickly and leave him showering alone in the bathroom. I quickly get dressed and leave without saying anything. Not even goodbye.
I have no clue what to make of his behavior.
I drive home- no text or call from him.
That night I call him.
He has no clue there is anything wrong. At all.
He'd thought i'd left because I was in a hurry and that was it.
I explain that our relationship is over, as I'll never, ever be able to remove my clothes in front of him again. ever.
He is completely shocked. He talks a lot.
"I can't believe you are reacting like this!"
"You're making a big scene over nothing"
"You know i love you just the way you are"
and finally
"I'm sorry. You know I love you."
None of this helps, of course. I'll never trust him again.

I don't know why i bothered, but I explained that I used to weigh 220lbs and that I've worked very hard for the body I have now. And the fact that I'm not stupid...I know what my bad features are and I'm working on them. So, I certainly don't need any jerks pointing them out to me and adding their criticism.
I don't know why I bothered, as he just doesn't get it.
I ended up hanging up.
He sent a text message saying "I love you. Call me when you aren't mad at me anymore". that was Sunday night. I have not, of course, called him. I don't see the point. From my point of view, he completely destroyed a great relationship. It was mostly about sex...but it was pretty great. And he ruined it.

So... What do you guys think? Am I completely over-reacting? Or am I right that this is a deal-breaker?

I'd be really interested to get a male perpective on this, too.... Does a guy REALLY tell his sweetie that she's fat (and also a lazy liar!) and then still expect her to have hot, uninhibted sex with him? It just seems crazy to me....
Click to expand...

Hi Rox,

Here is my two cents for what it is worth. I agree with TikTak to a certain extent. He doesn't know your past struggle with weight and what you had to do to get where you are today. That being said - he should have NEVER said what he did especially in the situation you were in. He may have just been trying to joke ( a bad joke at that). I would never tell my wife that- EVER, even as a joke. Has he ever done anything like that before? When you are in the first stages of a new relationship most people are on their best behavior- you know never really letting the other person see the real you. Once the relationship progresses you start letting the other person see little pieces of the real you. You know maybe he leaves the toothpaste cap off or his underwear on the floor. You start to push the envelope a little bit and see where it takes you. Obviously he pushed too much, too soon. If you feel you can't forgive him then it is probably best to leave things the way they are now especially if you feel you can't trust him. Don't let his remarks get you down though. You really have come so far in this journey but it is up to you on how you want to proceed. You can leave it as is or talk to him and see how he explains himself. If you still aren't happy with his explanation then end it. I guess what I am saying is you have nothing to lose in talking to him. I am no relationship guru although I have been married for 27 years. Good Luck on whatever you decide but only you can decide this.
 
Thanks so much to both of you for answering.

TikTak- Would you really say such a thing to woman and then expect her to have sex with you? Really?

Cowboy48- I think you hit the exact point that got me so mad. He had never shown any signs of being critical or unkind. He had nothing but compliments and kind words for me. So, it was very sudden to hit me with such harsh criticism, especially at such a moment. I think I could have handled a discussion much better if I'd at least been dressed! Maybe I would have even explained my weight problem...

He sent me texts over the weekend, saying that he misses me and wants me back.

I answered that I miss him too...but I'm still fat.
He wrote back that it doesn't matter and he loves me....to which I reponded that maybe I could see him again in a few months, when I am thinner and fitter.

He is, of course, completely mystified and can't see why I'm not rushing back for more humiliation and criticism....

My weekend away with my so-called husband was a complete fail, of course. We talked a lot and all that came out of it is the same old stuff- He has no energy for our relationship, doesn't want to go anywhere, do anything or have sex. He is not at all happy or proud to be with me.
I know it's time to get out, but it's hard. Our family is going to be in upheaval and it's going to hurt....
 
Rox said:
TikTak- Would you really say such a thing to woman and then expect her to have sex with you? Really?
Click to expand...

Well if if I was super fit myself and the woman was only a notch or 2 under my level, I maybe could? But of course never ever to a woman who is not very toned and slim and never as long as I'm not super fit myself.
 
Last edited:
Hi Rox,

I am just getting caught up on diary on here!!! You have lost a tone of weight! Wow Congrats!!!!

As for HB I think I would have reacted the same way, I know he didn't know your past history and all but really......who says something like that? EVen fully dressed has the man never been in a relationship before?? If my husband sais something along those lines to me he would be sleeping on the couch alone for a very long time!

The marriage thing it's not easy......but sometimes I think in the long run it will be better if both you and the husband are happy. Mabe that is not being together anymore. I am speaking from the kid point of view. My parents have been together for 45years now. My dad is a big drinker he always kept a job and was never abusive of anything but my mom loves having people over and enjoys going out places but she doesn't do those things cause my dad will drink and embarase her.....and when I was 15 she started confiding in me a lot about how unhappy she was with my dad and that was really hard on me...I think it would have been hard on everyone had she left but in the long run might have been better for everyone....I pro wokring things out and not divorcing but it takes two do that! I know it won't be easy either way!
 
Rotflmao!

Emerald said:
I'm way too addicted to your diary. I need a Project Rox Patch.
Click to expand...

You made my day, Emerald!

I'll certainly be sure to post more often and keep you up to date... LOL

Let's see- I talked to HB today. I told him that maybe I'd see him in a few months, if I think I'm hot enough to be at his "level". He seemed sad...but not distraught. And frankly, I don't have time to waste on him. I SO do not need to be in contact with anyone who brings me down.
I have my husband to do that. LOL.

The Hot Neighbor Guy came over tonight to pick up his son who'd spent the day here playing Xbox with my kids. It was kind of odd seeing my husband and HNG standing in the foyer chatting away. I couldn't help but think of all the rather naughty things HNG and I were getting up to just on Friday morning. And he's already sent me several texts asking me if I can see him again this week...guess he had as much fun as I did!

I've never seen the show "Desperate Housewives"...am I in danger of becoming one?
Just asking.

Oh- also, I'm planning another weekend away. I'll leave Friday morning for a film festival in Switzerland at Solothurn. I have a friend who will be working there and she's invited me to hang out with her...should be interesting to get an insiders' view. And it should be a good opportunity to dress up and have some fun...

On the diet/weightloss front:
I didn't exercise at all today. My bad. But I'll hit it hard tomorrow, for sure.
I might have oatmeal for breakfast tomorrow. I haven't had it for ages....
Being so close to goal is making me super-happy!!
 
TikTak said:
Well if if I was super fit myself and the woman was only a notch or 2 under my level, I maybe could? But of course never ever to a woman who is not very toned and slim and never as long as I'm not super fit myself.
Click to expand...

I decided that you were probably right, btw. When i talked to HB today, i told him I wasn't mad, but I just couldn't see him now. But maybe I could when I looked better. He wasn't that happy, but not super-upset. so I guess my non-perfection did bother him. He does indeed have a pretty flawless body, so I guess in the end, I wasn't meant for him. I just puzzled why he ever started up with me and fancied himself in love...

That said, my neighbor (who I just started an affair with) is also very fit and has an excellent body. I hope I'm not in for more trouble in the future.....
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top