Project Rox

I am very meticulous about my food diary and measuring portions. I write down what I eat and then track in on the MyPlate site.

I think that my BMR must be naturally very low. I can actually gain weight on approx. 2000 calories a day, as far as I can tell.

today's food so far:
This morning I had half a cup of Grapenuts with half a cup of skim milk.
Mid-morning I had a 100 calorie protein shake (prepackaged in a single portion, so no mistakes there either)
I don't have my lunch planned yet. I imagine it will be a few slices of white meat chicken (packaged and presliced into portions of 36 calories each) and some whole wheat crispbread.

As for the low calories each day...this is very all unusual for me. At first, I was eating very little because we had to have our cat put down. It was really awful and I didn't feel like eating for days.
And now I'm under a lot of stress because of another situation: A guy who we paid 2000 dollars for materials so he could do some work for us on our house has not shown up for over a month. I call and he says he's coming, but he never does. I think he's just planning on keeping the advance we gave him and not doing anything. This problem keeps me up at night and makes me feel nauseated all day long.

I function just fine and don't feel hungry at all. I know it isn't good, but I just can't manage to eat more at this point. Between being very busy, the stress over the money thing and the sadness of losing our family pet, I'm just not managing as well as I'd like. But at least I'm undereating, rather than overeating, which is often what I'd do in the past when under stress.

I appreciate the comments and helpful advice from you guys. I know i'll be able to do better when I get this situation resolved and my stress level goes back down. And I also really need to get some exercise in. I only manage about one step aerobics session per week. It's better than nothing, but I'd like to do lots more...
 
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Rox, first things first! I am really sorry to hear about your cat, I know exactly
how this is, I had to put three of my dogs (bull-terriers) to sleep over the
years. I suffered horribly before, during, and after doing it, so I am totally
with you, and only can say that with a little time it will pass. What made it
better for me, was thinking that what we (me and my wife) did, we did it
for these dogs that were a part of our family, and who we loved almost like
we love our two kids.

As far as that a**hole that took your advance, and is not doing what he
promised, I would recommend taking some kind of action. Maybe you can get
some free legal help somewhere first, and then do something. Worrying and
getting upset only drives the pain and frustration inside, and is not effective
for solving this problem at all. Please, don't waste time or your nerves just
thinking about it, or calling him, because he obviously is a dis-honest person.
Have you asked for your money back, by the way, that would be the best
option, if he would do that!

Okay, what I am going to say next is brutal truth, but as you said in that
post in Miss April's diary (I maybe overpowering, but I mean well, lol), okay
here it is: You have to make the distinction between results and excuses,
it is obvious that you can either have what you want, or you can make
excuses why you don't have what you want, you can't do both!

This means that if creating permanent fat loss is really IMPORTANT for you,
then no matter what happens in your external world, even if it is falling all
apart, you stick to your guns.

You do this by taking control of your present moment. You can "cope" with
what is happening in your current reality, the present situation, the "here and
now" but you can't cope with the past or with the future, because in a way
they are not "real." And, by real, I mean they are only reflection of the
present moment. Think about it, the past, is the "present moment" that at
some time in the past happened, and the future, is the "present moment"
that you think will happen in the future, but in reality all you ever have,
and all you will ever have is the present moment.

If you take some time to think about this idea, you will see that the majority
of your time you live in your thoughts and not in the present moment, and
that this is the "culprit" that is causing all those negative emotions, the pain,
the frustration, the anger, the powerlessness, etc...so take control of your
real life, the one that you have RIGHT NOW, in this moment, this is what you
can COPE WITH, and this is the only place from where you will ever take
action that will create everything that you want for yourself in your life
for yourself and those you love!!!

...and as far as calories I would recommend that you find out your TDEE
(total daily energy expenditure) and start eating that amount, or in the
worst case scenario, about 10% below that, with 4 equal sized meals
eaten every four waking hours, and drink plenty of water during the day.

And, if you want to really TURN UP THE HEAT, and actually reach your ideal
body weight, that you think about tracking your weight loss progress using
body fat measurements, instead of only relying on the weight scale.

...this is the easiest way to know 100% if you are actually losing unwanted
body fat, maintaining it, or gaining, the weight scale shows you total body fat
and does not show you in what proportions you are losing body fat, water,
and muscle. If this is not objectively observed, you could be wasting your
time, because instead of moving toward creating a lean, healthy body, you
might be moving in the opposite direction.
 
Alex-
Thanks for your advice. It always seems well thought-out and sensible.

And I am so sorry to hear about your dogs.

As for the horrible money problem: I have indeed repeatedly asked for my money back. He just assures me that he'll do the job. But as I said, he's been saying this for a month and a half. He's promised to start work on this Friday, but I find it hard to believe...

As for control and results...all I can say is, i'm doing as well as I can. In the past, I would have relieved my stress through eating. Not huge binges, but enough to make me steadily gain in tiny increments.
Right now, I'm very pleased to NOT be doing that.

I also have to add that I am limited by the fact that I live in France, out in the countryside and I am not very wealthy. I have four children and have to watch my budget. This means no access to a gym or a nifty fat-monitoring scale like they have in the USA. So, I don't really see how I'm going to be measuring my body fat content.

Anyway, at this point, as I've said in other posts, steady, slow weight loss is not my goal. I'll admit that upfront. No shame. I have goal date of July 17 and I need to lose a max of weight by then. Eating only 10 percent below what I need to live would result in such a tiny loss by July 17 that it would be useless.
After that date, though, I plan to go into a different mode and lose the rest very slowly. (And maybe when I visit the USA (a trip paid for by my family) someone will be sweet and buy me a fat-tracking scale as an early birthday present...)

So, this is not some crazy diet that is going to end in eight weeks. I will be going on for months, slowly trying to reach my long-term goal. At that point, even if I only lose one or two pounds of fat a month, it will be fine by me. i won't be in a hurry.

I have been on a diet of some sort on and off since about age 13 (when I wasn't even fat!) I have gone through years where I exercised faithfully large amounts (six days a week). I've done crash diets, fad diets and also sensible "lifestyle change" plans. So, please believe me when I say that I've been through nearly every aspect of weight control.

It's very sweet that anyone would be concerned about me. But my health is perfect. I am as strong as an ox and energetic. I do not huff and puff going up stairs. My blood pressure tends to be low. In short, I am not doing this for my health. (I know a lot of people on this site are, though, and that's super) But I am already perfectly healthy. Even my MD says so on my rare visits.
What I am is ugly, because our (western) society sees fatter bodies as ugly.
And I'm tired of being ugly.
I want my husband to think I'm beautiful again and be proud of me and take me out somewhere.


Between the above ideas going around in my head, the death of my cat and this money issue, it's no wonder I have a hard time choking down my food.


----------------------------------------------

Food of the day:
720 calories total, including 11g fiber, 58g protein
 
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Rox, if you want the brutal truth and a real strategy that will help you lose
weight fast, and weight that will not come back later, when you start eating
normal amounts of food, then here is something that could be very effective:

...I am taking into account that you are strong as an ox, of course!

1) walk twice per day, 30-40 minutes per session, the first session should be
before breakfast, and the second session should be before your last meal
of the day. AND WALK EVERY DAY, yes you will be doing double-cardio

...and walk as if you are really in a hurry, and are very late getting there!

2) create 4 small meals, and eat them every four hours, make sure that in each
meal you have some lean protein, vegetables, fruit, and some kind of starchy
carbohydrate (potato, brown rice, oatmeal, etc), but make sure that every
meal that you eat during the day -- your plate is like this:

...if divided into six parts 2/6 lean protein, 2/6 veggies, 1/6 fruit, 1/6 starchy carb

...make the 1st meal a little larger, and eat it as soon as you wake up, the
2nd and 3rd just average, and the last the smallest

...and please raise your calories to at least 1600 per day, that means every
one of your meals will be 400 calories

...this is important, because of what you are doing now, you will not be able
to reach your goal because you will hit a plateau!

...believe me, I have been doing this for more than 15 years, and this type
of low calorie approach does not produce the results you are after, you
have to burn that weight off using cardio training, while providing your body
with the nutrients it needs to function properly, this is why I recommended
that you eat those foods in every meal

3) drink plenty of water every day, this is a must, because it helps your body
to burn off body fat because it helps your liver and kidneys to do their job
properly, which doesn't happen when you are even semi-hydrated

4) do simple resistance training three times per week at home, like push ups,
dumbbell shoulder raises, dumbbell bicep curls, etc., look in this forum
in the exercise section or find on youtube for examples

...if you trust me on this one, you will reach your goal, and later can simply
continue to do the same thing, only cut back on the double cardio, and do
cardio once per day until you reach your ideal weight

....and you are not ugly, because you are overweight, listen Santa
Claus is overweight and we all love him, right? The only thing with being
overweight is the health problems that can arise down the road.

....a person can only be ugly if he is cruel, and unfair, and a liar, etc.,
but a good person can't be ugly, no matter how much he weighs.

....you are fine just the way you are at the present moment, and
by accepting yourself as you are right now, you will stop torturing yourself,
and will put a stop to the anxiety that these kinds of irrational beliefs are
causing you. Focus on how you are on the inside, and feel how your spirit
inside of you is alive and full of energy, and be happy with this. Once you
actually do this it will become much easier changing the "external you"
because everything starts on the inside, and then reflects on the outside.

...I think you forgot about your true self, that energy that helps you to live
in the present moment and enjoy every moment that you are alive, you
simply got caught up in all the frustrating things in life, and stopped paying
attention to it. But, it is in your power to become conscious and stop letting
your mind control you and torment you on a regular basis.

...it is so simple to do this, just be present in the moment, and from the side
watch how these thoughts are running inside your head on their own, as soon
as you do this you will understand that this is happening automatically, and
that this is just a habit, and it is not the real you.

...this will be when you awaken, and will be able to take control of your life,
and will be able to reach your weight goal without having to fight this internal
dialogue, that is playing in your mind like a broken record.
 
Alex-
Thank you so much for taking the time to support me and give me good, carefully tailored advice. I am very, very touched by the effort you've gone to- not only for me, but for other people on the board.

I have to admit that I got some tears in my eyes as I read what you wrote. I started to realise that I've spent the last four weeks hating myself and punishing myself. And that's a pretty rotten way to live.

Please be assured that I am thinking very hard about all that you said and am planning to make concrete changes, starting right now.

First of all, I'm going to go have breakfast! It's already 11:30am here and I somehow haven't "found time" to eat.
After that, I'll go for my first walk of the day. It's really raining out, so I hope I can find a raincoat around here! LOL!

It's a few steps in a good direction, right?

Thank you again.
Sincerely,
rox

PS- Your "Everybody loves Santa" remark really made me laugh!
 
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Hey Rox,

Yes, breakfast is really important meal and shouldn't be skipped. That's what I keep reading anyway. Apparently it kick starts your metabolism for the day.

I notice that you've been eating very little as of late. This is not good as Alex says. I've been down that road. Eating less than 600 cals a day. At the time I managed to lose the weight really quickly but then I piled it back on just as quickly. It's not a long term solution. Try to eat 3 meals a day with 2 or 3 healthy snacks in between. That's what I am doing at the moment and it seems to work for me.

However, I understand that you have had worries lately including that of your cat and sometimes you can lose your appetite. Again this has happened to me in the past when I have suffered from depression. I always wished that I could suppress my appetite as I usually have a huge one but it's actually not a very nice feeling when day after day you literally can't eat, can't swallow the food in your mouth. Maybe once your mood lifts you will start to eat normally again.

Best wishes and good luck!

Lealing
 
Hey Rox

I hope you are doing well!!! I remember when I moved to the city about 10years ago I had a beautiful black lab I loved him so much and I had to make the decision to give him to someone else because I was moving in a tiny apartment with no yard and most places around here won't let us keep pets,
I was lucky enough to find him a wonderful place to live that had two children to keep him company but it took me forever to get over it, I can just imagine having to put him to sleep.
It's good that you started to eat breakfast I find that if I don't eat breafast the rest of my day I make less then good food choices! I will check up on you later!
 
Thanks for all the comments. The positive energy is really great!

And I'm feeling more positive, too.

Actually, I almost always eat breakfast at about 6:30am. Today was a very unusual day in that I stayed in bed a bit too long. Then I was feeling badly about my cat, my money issue and the fact that my dh just left for a week and a half work trip. I was kind of mopey.

But Alex's post really got me going. I ate, had a good walk( 30 minutes, but fast paced), had a snack and ran lots of errands. It turned out to be an okay day!

As for food:
Late breakfast: Grapenuts and organic skim milk
Lunch :Vanilla protein shake and baby carrots
Afternoon snack: Two whole grain crackers, two slices of white meat chicken,
and portion of low-fat brie.

That puts me at 733 (according to MyPlate). I've got a nice dinner of tajine chicken with couscous planned. It's a pre-prepared low-cal meal with 273 calories. That will put me at 1000 or so. Then if i have a yoghurt and fruit, I should end up at a good total.


I really plan to get two good cardio sessions in tomorrow. But today was a good start, right?
I plan to do a Kathy Smith step dvd in the morning. Then I'll walk in the late afternoon, before I make dinner.
I'm excited!
 
Glad to see you are feeling better!!! Sometimes to get you out of a funk all you need is a good day! Great eating you are getting more calories in!!! I mostly do just walking as exercise I want to start strenght training I have a few different plans in mind I just need to put at least one of them in motion!! Just keep going and you will see great results!
 
Yes, Rox, you're kicking butt! I want you to understand that what I wrote,
you already knew inside, you just forgot about it.

It's that magical part of us, that we all had as kids, remember?

The part that loved when it was our birthday, and everything felt so
magical! The part that loved Christmas, and knew that it was a special
time of the year, and not only because of the presents.

The first kiss, the first love, all those special moments of our lives, our
spirit is there at that time, and it is always filled with joy, always filled
with love, always filled with inner peace.

But then, at some time, maybe around when we are 13, 14, maybe 15
something happens, and the world around us loses its magic, and all of
a sudden it all just sort of seems the same, sort of grey, and unhappy.

What happened? Where did that magic go? You want to know? Well,
I am going to tell you! Your mind, the ego, the never-ending inner
dialogue took over and made you its slave, and this is what happens
to all of us, and it is so freakin sad!!!

Maybe it's the schools, that do everything in their power to make the
human beings into slaves so that they can work at the factories for
a minimum wage, honestly I don't know, but it happens, and it destroys
the connection with this part of us, with our true self, our eternal spirit.

But, you know what -- the good news is that you don't need anything, or
anyone's permission to go back to that wonderful time and recapture that
state of being, where you are one with your spirit, really you can
do it right now. You are probably wondering how? Well, I am going to tell
you because I never want you to experience that pain and frustration that
you've been living with ever again!

Here is all that you have to do. Realize that you are not controlling what is
happening with your physical body, all the processes are happening on their
own. All you have to do is provide quality fuel (good food), water, and
regular water, and it will take care of the rest.

Realize that the thoughts that are constantly spinning in your mind are also
happening on their own. You are not controlling them. They are not your real
thoughts. You can prove this to yourself by observing these thoughts, and
the proof is that there is a presence that is observing them, and thus it is
separate. If the presence that was observing and the thoughts were one,
you could not observe the thoughts, this is pure logic.

Okay, now this part that is observing these thoughts, and that can observe
your breathing, the beating of your heart, is the real you, the spirit that is
within your physical body.

Now, all you have to do in order to start living your life, and stop the pain
and frustration forever is to live in the present moment, and realize that the
past and the future are, more or less illusions.

They are like the moons light, which is not "real" as in, it is only the reflection
of the sun's rays that are hitting its surface.

Once you realize that all you really have is the present moment (and this is
a fact) you can stop worrying about the past, and stop feeling the anxiety
thinking about the future.

All you ever have done, thought, felt, tasted, and saw has been ONLY
in the present moment, and the same thing with the future,
everything that you will ever do, think, feel, taste, and see will
happen in the present moment.

This means that where you are right now is eternity, this is the proof that
we are eternal, and we don't have to really worry about all the small BS that
has been bothering us before this realization.

Obviously our bodies are not eternal, but our spirit is, and we can live now
being aware of this spirit, and don't have to live our lives anymore as if we
are slaves that are "hypnotyzed" by the system so that we can be used as
cheap labor.

The fact is that this industrial idea is only about 250 years old, the other
99,750 years we didn't live like this. We lived as tribes, and lived only in
the present moment, and I am convinced that all the s**t around has been
created by the global banks, so that they can milk us like cows and get
rich of the cheap labor that the billions of people around the world provide
the factories that these banks finance and own stock in.

It is simple, pay a person $7, and make $25 profit from their labor.

Invest $7,000,000 make $25,000,000 -- not bad, huh?

...and this is happening as I write this, and also will happen while you will
read it, and will happening for many, many years.

It will stop only when we the people, get together, and say that we had
enough of this s**t, it's got to stop now. When enough do this, it will stop.

But, it all starts with us being in the present moment!!!

...and this will help you to take your destiny in your own hands, and to create
the kind of life you have been dreaming about, and to do this right now!
 
Hey Rox!

so happy to see you're feeling more positive. Thanks for posts on my journal and the thread in before and after :) They really brighten my day.
 
Penguinita said:
Hey Rox!

so happy to see you're feeling more positive. Thanks for posts on my journal and the thread in before and after :) They really brighten my day.
Click to expand...

Well thanks!
And I enjoy keeping up with you. You are just such a cute, bright girl!

Now, on to other things:
I've been busy, but never fear that that means I've abandoned my plans! Oh no!

Point A: I have been doing step aerobics every morning! yay!
Point B: I have managed to keep active every afternoon, with fast walks!
Point C: I have been eating between 1000 and 1200 calories per day of balanced foods, heavy on protein.
Point D: I have been kepping my attitude positive!

And all this has paid off, as I'm down a little more than a pound and a half. I'm feeling really good about that!

I am only a bit diasappointed because my goal for the end of May was 200 lbs.....
But I know I'll be there soon, right?
 
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Another good day so far!
I've gotten in some exercise early this morning and breakfast was a 200 calorie protein shake. I thought about having a bigger breakfast, but wasn't very hungry. So, I told myself I'd have a midmorning snack. But it's nearly noon now and I just haven't been hungry...

I'm planning a good lunch, though. Probably tajine chicken with whole grain couscous. It's about 270 a serving and so good. I'll maybe add extra veggies and have a soy/fruit dessert...

Friends from the USA arrive tonight, which should be fun. I'm not worried about sticking to my diet, as now i'm very used to cooking for my big family and yet keeping to my food plans each day. The good thing is that I'm sure they'll want to do lots of walking, as they do the tourist thing....
 
I hope you have a good time with your friends! I'm sure you'll stick to your diet--but don't worry if you slip up a little :) Just enjoy yourself! Hope you reach at least 1000 calories today Rox!!! Have a lovely Monday :)
 
Sounds like you have had a great weekend. Congrat on the loss and foget may it's time to turn your attention to June! Now that you are eating better you are on your way! Great Job on the exercising, you are on the right track!
 
Verobc said:
Sounds like you have had a great weekend. Congrat on the loss and foget may it's time to turn your attention to June! Now that you are eating better you are on your way! Great Job on the exercising, you are on the right track!
Click to expand...

Thanks so much! and you're right- no time for regrets. June is going to be great!

As for food, I'm at 1010 calories for the day.
Breakfast: protein shake
Lunch: whole wheat couscous with vegetables and chicken
Afternoon snack: protein bar
dinner: whole wheat crackers and low-fat cheese
cherry tomatos
fig soy dessert
Evening snack: prunes

I 'm feeling good about the quantities and balance.
 
Hi Rox, I'm glad to see that you have upped your calorie intake a bit, it makes sense in the long term. Don't stress about eating while you have visitors. I went through the same thing a couple of weeks ago and found that mostly I was automatically making pretty good choices as well as the fact that we are now used to eating much smaller portions. Also while they were here I never found time to really relax so that meant even more calories burnt off.
Have a great time with your friends. I live in Mallorca so get loads of visitors during the summer so will need to face a lot of temptation. I've learnt to cook some great recipes including desserts from a weight watchers book I have and nobody ever believes that it is low calorie food.
 
eyckmans said:
Hi Rox, I'm glad to see that you have upped your calorie intake a bit, it makes sense in the long term. Don't stress about eating while you have visitors. I went through the same thing a couple of weeks ago and found that mostly I was automatically making pretty good choices as well as the fact that we are now used to eating much smaller portions. Also while they were here I never found time to really relax so that meant even more calories burnt off.
Have a great time with your friends. I live in Mallorca so get loads of visitors during the summer so will need to face a lot of temptation. I've learnt to cook some great recipes including desserts from a weight watchers book I have and nobody ever believes that it is low calorie food.
Click to expand...

Thanks! I'll try not to stress, but I do like my routines!

Today my friends wanted to take me out to lunch. I nearly refused, but I didn't want to seem like a crazy person. (ie: "No! I can't go out! I have to stay home and eat my soy burger!") So, I went out and ...it was a breeze! They had potato/cheese dishes (which looked nice, i'll admit) and red wine.
I had water and a light chicken salad- onions, lettuce and white meat with vinaigrette. It was good and I feel good about my choice!

Well, I felt good until I looked in the mirror and again saw how much work I still need to do. When I got home, you see, I decided to take some "before" pictures, which I have never done before. (In fact, I have been avoiding the camera for the last few years, really.) The pics are so gruesome that I can't bear to post them. And this after I've already lost over 16 lbs and have been doing more sport! Horrible.
I'm trying not to let it get me down, but it's hard...
 
I know exactly what you mean about looking in the mirror. I used to avoid looking at myself and I really think that I didn't realize how fat I had got. When I look at myself now I still see a huge fat stomach even though it is much smaller but the last few weeks I have been seeing legs that are quite reasonable which makes me realize that sooner or later my stomach will also be acceptable.
We just have to be patient and realize that the process of losing weight is not going to happen overnight.
I rarely used to let anybody take photograph of me and if they did I would make them delete it but last Sunday after doing a charity walk I let the press take a photo which I've been told is on the front page of the local newspaper. I haven't seen it yet so am a bit nervous about what I look like.
You WILL get to your goal weight if you really want to. I'm amazed how far I have come. I didn't think it was in me to do it but it means changing the chip in your head to making a permanent change in your life, not starving yourself or going without but just mostly making healthy choices and allowing yourself the occasional slip up on special occasions.
Val
 
Thanks for the encouragement, Val. I'm glad to know i'm not the only one.

And I am really determined to make this happen. This is a permanent change of mind and heart that will lead to a permanent body change in the end.

As for today, I've had a total of 1041 very healthy calories. No sugar and no refined carbs.

I had no breakfast today, which is bad and completely unintentional.
Lunch was a chicken salad, heavy on the lettuce.
There was a protein bar as a snack in the afternoon and dinner was whole grain pasta with tofu and veggies.
Dessert was a super yummy Sveltesse Creme Brulée diet dessert. SO good. It was really a treat for 90 calories! If you can find this, get it!

I have to say that I do notice i feel better now that I always eat about 1000 calories. I'm feeling less upset over my poor cat now, and that makes it easier to eat. I try on concentrate on the happy life we had with him and not be too sad.
It's also nice having company. it takes my mind off things and really keeps me occupied. It's quite a juggling act these days....
 
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