Please...Help with Girlfriend...:-D

[jacketfan89]

Okay first I want to ask everyone, please don't think I'm an a**hole for posting this thread.

Anyways, I have been with my girlfriend for three years now and when we first started dating we were pretty thin and fit. Well as soon as I got my license and a job, it was fast food every day, and I hate to say it, but we both put on some pounds. Well for the past month and a half I have been losing weight and she seems to want to lose it to. For some reason the people at our work are coaxing her mind into believing that it is so much harder for women to lose weight then men. I did get her to stop drinking soda and her diet has become close to mine within the last two weeks, but shes still not seeing any progress.

I think this is because shes not getting enough exercise. While I jog/swim/workout a few days out of the week, she is doing nothing. She seems to nervous to get out and jog, like there will be alot of people watching her or something: and shes not like huge. Shes about 5'4 or 5'5 and weights around 140. How can I get her to exercise so she can feel better about herself?

As a kid she was "healthy" and was made fun of a lot and now I feel sorry for her because she thinks she is getting to that weight again. She did say the other day that her pants were feel more loose, so that may be a sign of progress. I know that with me after losing a good 11 or 12 pounds the visual differences were not that noticeable but I did lose 2-3 inches on my waist. Well anyways, thanks a ton for the help.

 

[stingo]

Be sure of your motivations first before saying/doing anything else. If you're really concerned about her health and well-being then by all means make suggestions for a healthier lifestyle. If it's because of physical attractiveness to you (which makes it about you, and not her) then you'd best rethink your plan.

That said, the quote "Be the change you want to see in the world" would certainly apply here. Live out an example of a happy, healthy lifestyle yourself - that's the first thing. Next is to ask her help/participation as something you can you do together. Suggest going for a daily walk (perhaps to watch the sunset), or some other kind of activity together. Or, ask her to be your training partner so you can exercise together. In that sense you can make it about you in a good way as it will assuage the idea that she has to make a change to herself. Another idea would be to suggest cooking together, so you can have some say in what food gets made. If you both don't know how to cook, that's even better since you're starting off on an even footing. Most all, try to make it fun and enjoyable - good luck.

 

[Tanizaki]

You can only lead a horse to water. She knows that she is out of shape, and doesn't need you to tell her. The best thing you can do is mind your business and continue with your good progress. If you're lucky, your progress will motivate her, especially when your new fit body allows you to date and find someone better looking.

 

[jacketfan89]

Well, I know shes seeing my progress because she always says "so all you did was change your diet? Well I'm going to try that, but if I don't see results, I'm stopping."

Then she'll try it for a few days and give up. I told her that it's okay to cheat about 8-10% of the time which is probably one meal every 4o r 5 day, but its like her mindset isn't about staying healthy whereas mine is.

For instance, last night at hibachi...(my cheat meal) I filled up on the salad and the soup..and when it came to the rice and meat, I barely ate any whereas she barely at the salad and soup then filled up on the butter drenched rice and meat and then finished off with the ice cream...lol. None of this is about her physical attractiveness either. I've been with her for such a long time her appearance doesn't really make a difference.

The thing I hate is listening to her complain about her body all the time with comments like "I'm so fat and disgusting why are you with me?" I can only tell her "no you're not and because I love you" so many times. If I make a comment about losing weight she gets defensive. Hopefully my progress will motivate her...lol. I just saw something on CNN that said "obesity is contagious" so maybe healthiness is too. :-D

 

[DEF]

Lead by example. If she feels the need to change, she'll know where to turn.

 

[Tanizaki]

Well, I know shes seeing my progress because she always says "so all you did was change your diet? Well I'm going to try that, but if I don't see results, I'm stopping."

Since she gives no definition for "results", or a deadline by which she must see them, that gives her an easy out to continue being obese.

Then she'll try it for a few days and give up. I told her that it's okay to cheat about 8-10% of the time which is probably one meal every 4o r 5 day, but its like her mindset isn't about staying healthy whereas mine is.

I also have to consider age here. You mentioned getting your license and a job, so I assume that the 89 in you rname means that is your birth year, making you 16-17. If she is of similar age, no wonder she's so bratty.

For instance, last night at hibachi...(my cheat meal) I filled up on the salad and the soup..and when it came to the rice and meat, I barely ate any whereas she barely at the salad and soup then filled up on the butter drenched rice and meat and then finished off with the ice cream...lol. None of this is about her physical attractiveness either. I've been with her for such a long time her appearance doesn't really make a difference.

The next time she complains about results, say something like, "What do you expect when you eat so much buttery rice and ice cream?"

The thing I hate is listening to her complain about her body all the time with comments like "I'm so fat and disgusting why are you with me?" I can only tell her "no you're not and because I love you" so many times. If I make a comment about losing weight she gets defensive. Hopefully my progress will motivate her...lol. I just saw something on CNN that said "obesity is contagious" so maybe healthiness is too. :-D

This last paragraph tells me she's an insecure chick. You don't need that. The next time she asks, "why are you with me?" say something like, "Good question. I don't know. I'm off to meet some slim girl on Myspace. Bye bye!" That will make her straighten up and fly right, or the sadness will make her pig out on more ice cream. In either event, you'll end up with a skinny girl because either she slimmed down or you got a new girl. You can't lose with this advice.

 

[flyinfree]

If you are dedicated to her, then start pleasing her sexually with your complete abandonment and affection. Learn about her, take interest. Compliment her, tought her around, come right to edge of worshipping her, and in time your genuine sincerity will propel her to rise physically, mentally and spiritually, to be worthy of it.

FF'in serious!

 

[Typhon]

The next time she complains about results, say something like, "What do you expect when you eat so much buttery rice and ice cream?"

If you've ever said something like that to a girlfriend/wife and come out the other side with both balls still attached then full marks to you

I wouldn't have the balls to start with to attempt saying that!

 

[Tanizaki]

If you are dedicated to her, then start pleasing her sexually with your complete abandonment and affection. Learn about her, take interest. Compliment her, tought her around, come right to edge of worshipping her, and in time your genuine sincerity will propel her to rise physically, mentally and spiritually, to be worthy of it.

FF'in serious!

I am pretty sure that the OP and his girlfriend are minors. Also, I don't think we do a slob any service by "worshipping" them. That way, they'd never clean up their act.

 

[DEF]

If you are dedicated to her, then start pleasing her sexually with your complete abandonment and affection. Learn about her, take interest. Compliment her, tought her around, come right to edge of worshipping her, and in time your genuine sincerity will propel her to rise physically, mentally and spiritually, to be worthy of it.

FF'in serious!

Whoa.

 

[jacketfan89]

lol. A nice array of responses. We're both actually 18...not that that makes any difference. Like I said earlier, shes stopped drinking soda and has started eating a bit healthier. I think the main thing I need to do is find an exercise we both enjoy doing. I run on M W F a mile or two, but that won't be fun for me because there absolutely no way she'll keep up with me...Shes mentioned going to a gym and wanting to get a gym subscription, but thats money out of my pocket that I don't need to spend right now while I'm in my cutting stage. I have no problem jogging and swimming...the whole treadmill idea doesn't really appease me. Anyways, maybe thats what we need to do...get a gym subscription. I guess we could go there together.

 

[flyinfree]

I am pretty sure that the OP and his girlfriend are minors. Also, I don't think we do a slob any service by "worshipping" them. That way, they'd never clean up their act.

"if dedicated" was my start.

After 15 years of marriage I found I had a wife that only our "time together" could love. And I used my prescribed method because I knew if I were to leave her, due to poor physical health and lack of desire to be better, I would do so knowing I had given my best.

I learned self denial, tantric, intimate love, and that female felt like a MILLION bucks! Today she looks it, and I have a wife that about any guy could see himself married to.

and therefore I share MY experience whenever I can.

When it comes to females I have a bit of 'knowhow.'

my prowess and conviction in this area are strong, and I thank you for the chance to flex this muscle.

truley,
Todd

p.s. if I were 17 and had a fatty, no kids, and fitness were a priority, I would ditch her so damn fast. CHANGING OTHERS is not a worthy objective due to the IMPOSSIBILITIES involved.

We are in agreement Tani. It was an opportunity for me to share something that may help others. that is all.

 

[Tanizaki]

lol. A nice array of responses. We're both actually 18...not that that makes any difference. Like I said earlier, shes stopped drinking soda and has started eating a bit healthier. I think the main thing I need to do is find an exercise we both enjoy doing. I run on M W F a mile or two, but that won't be fun for me because there absolutely no way she'll keep up with me...Shes mentioned going to a gym and wanting to get a gym subscription, but thats money out of my pocket that I don't need to spend right now while I'm in my cutting stage. I have no problem jogging and swimming...the whole treadmill idea doesn't really appease me. Anyways, maybe thats what we need to do...get a gym subscription. I guess we could go there together.

Why would her gym membership be money out of your pocket?

 

[Tanizaki]

My friend, Starscream606, recently penned this essay. Maybe you should show it to her. It is titled "Women are so Obese":

women are so obese

they need to grow up and put the candy and chocolate and cake down. thats for the kids. if all the women moved out of the u.s. then our obesity rates would plummit.

we need a fat tax on chocolate and cake and kid food since chicks cant control what the put in their mouths on their own. we need to hit them in their purse if we want to get those hogs to put the cake down.

 

[Erin1980]

If I was in a relationship with a guy who changed his lifestyle to make exercise and eating properly a priority, it would be natural to follow suit. Who will she order pizza with on Friday night if not you? Who will she eat chips and watch TV with if you're out running your 2 miles, or swimming your laps?
Ultimately, when 2 ppl live radically different lifestyles, it doesn't work. You don't have to be identical twins, but you have to be on the same page.
And I love the "...and if I don't see results I'm stopping" comment. That is CLEARLY a comment from someone who isn't interested in this whole "lifestyle change-up". She likes her buttery rice and ice cream (most of us do), and she isn't interested in filling up on lettuce and running. Not yet, anyway. Like the others said, lead by example. She'll follow suit, or she'll find someone who shares her preferred way of living and activity level. DON'T, I REPEAT, DO NOT, let her bring you down and convince you to hit the drive-thru when you're trying to stay on the wagon.
Losing weight isn't easy - you have to stick with it before you start to see the pay-offs, which is why so many ppl fail without giving it a REAL chance. But she has to be the one who wants to change her lifestyle (and body). It's like quitting smoking. You can't nag or "encourage" a smoker into quitting. The smoker's personal desire and commitment to quit has to be there.

 

[Dallen]

Wow I can't believe the responses in this thread. It seems most are suggesting that the topic creator give up on his gf because she's fat and doesn't want to be committed to a healthy lifestyle?

First off there is no healthy lifestyle. A person could be active his/her whole life and still die at a very young age from things that one would normally think obese people get (heart attacks, strokes, etc). We will all go to the grave someday, that’s guaranteed, regardless of your lifestyle choices.

Second, being "healthy" really has no priority now adays. People would like you the same if you're obese or not. Indeed, being obese may be looked down upon, but overall I think people are very acceptable of people regardless of their weight.

Third, I completely agree that the TC's girlfriend should make up her own mind when she wants to lose weight. At this point in her life there is probably no need for her to lose weight and up until she becomes dedicated, she will continue being at the same weight.

If you're seriously thinking about leaving her just because she won't commit to a "healthy" lifestyle, then you need to seriously get your priorities straight.

Fourth, this seems to be a sudden choice for the two. It seems they both had "bad" lifestyle choices up until recently. Give it time for her to make up her mind. She will find it easier to lose when she knows the time is right.

Fifth, yes women have a harder time losing weight simply because of the type of food they eat and their body structure. However, if she can eat right, and exercise, she can lose weight. However, you will most likely lose a greater amount of weight than her simply because you have a higher metabolism rate than she does. I know most women say stuff like, "I'm going to lose weight by eating these healthy food." Then they eat a salad with chicken, a banana, a piece of steak, some ice cream, a piece of pie, some watermelons, some bread, some corn, some apples, some more steak of another kind. Then at the end they say, "Man it's hard to lose just a pound."

 

[Typhon]

Wow I can't believe the responses in this thread. It seems most are suggesting that the topic creator give up on his gf because she's fat and doesn't want to be committed to a healthy lifestyle?

Well said, he says he loves her so her weight shouldn't be an issue that could end the relationship, especially if she's just a bit overweight

 

[jacketfan89]

I was never suggesting ever leaving her because of her unhealthy lifestyle. As it was said by someone, BOTH of our lifestyles were bad just 2 months ago. We would wake up early for school and not eat breakfast. Have a bag of chips and soda for lunch at school. 3 hours later drive through the drive thru and eat a TON of food...then still be starving after work at 10:00 and eat a big hearty dinner.

Since all of that has changed for me, alot of it has changed for her too. I think her problem is that she doesn't eat enough at the right periods of time. I eat breakfast and then lunch and a small snack around 4:00 and by dinner I'm not even that hungry. She on the other hand doesn't eat breakfast and may have a small lunch, but scarfs down one of her mom or dads meals for dinner because shes so hungry from not eating during the day.

She also has the lets step on the scale daily problem. I tell her that if she steps on it once a week she'll have more success, but she doesn't believe me.

I know that when I first started I would hit the scale every day...and it'd be either up 2 pounds or down 2 pounds and it frustrating to know I Ran 2 miles the day before but still "gained" weight. After I started getting on the scale once a week, my progress seemed much more.

Thanks again for all of the responses. I wasn't looking for what I should do with her. I was looking for how can I help her change her lifestyle without offending her...lol. Shes not a fat nasty chick. I don't even think shes considered "overweight". My point was that she isn't satisfied with her body image and I want to help her get to where she wants to be. Its just easier for me to help myself for some reason. :-D

 

[ShaftedTwice]

Can't go wrong with e-advice!

 

[Tanizaki]

Wow I can't believe the responses in this thread. It seems most are suggesting that the topic creator give up on his gf because she's fat and doesn't want to be committed to a healthy lifestyle?

Well, if she is intent on remaining a big slice of hogmeat, I don't see why he should waste his time. He's only 18, and is most likely not going to marry this girl.

First off there is no healthy lifestyle. A person could be active his/her whole life and still die at a very young age from things that one would normally think obese people get (heart attacks, strokes, etc). We will all go to the grave someday, that’s guaranteed, regardless of your lifestyle choices.

There is absolutely such a thing as a healthful lifestyle, which would be any lifestyle which encourages health. Are you really wishing to say, "Jim Fixx dropped dead of a heart attack while running, so you might as well put gravy on everything"? Please.

Second, being "healthy" really has no priority now adays. People would like you the same if you're obese or not. Indeed, being obese may be looked down upon, but overall I think people are very acceptable of people regardless of their weight.

I don't know the poin you are trying to make here, so I cannot respond to it. The topic is health, not fat acceptance.

If you're seriously thinking about leaving her just because she won't commit to a "healthy" lifestyle, then you need to seriously get your priorities straight.

I think he has his priorities remarkably intact. This 18-year-old has his head on a lot straighter than many people twice his age.

Fourth, this seems to be a sudden choice for the two. It seems they both had "bad" lifestyle choices up until recently. Give it time for her to make up her mind. She will find it easier to lose when she knows the time is right.

She may, she may not, but her attitude does not seem promising as she whines and piles on the ice cream.

I know most women say stuff like, "I'm going to lose weight by eating these healthy food." Then they eat a salad with chicken, a banana, a piece of steak, some ice cream, a piece of pie, some watermelons, some bread, some corn, some apples, some more steak of another kind. Then at the end they say, "Man it's hard to lose just a pound."

I think this is what my friends Starscream606 was talking about in his essay.