Please Help! Hope I out this in the right place

G

Gizmo1

New member
I know there are many roadblocks in the way to living a healthy lifestyle. However, have any of you ever had your family members become a roadblock?

Let me explain. Recently, I decided that it was time for me to stop putting it off and change my ways by doing the things I should have done long before. Going into this, I knew there would be many hurdles to overcome. For one I work in an office that loves to celebrate with food. Any milestone our company reaches is an occasion for cake and ice cream. At least once a week someone brings in donuts, cookies, or some other sweet treat I hate to love. The temptation is always there, but as long as I stay at my desk working I am able to resist. Second is the abundance of fast foods chains located in the area of town I work. This is a little simpler to deal with because I am a penny pincher, and if I bring my lunch I will not go out to eat. The last hurdle is the one that is the hardest to overcome. This is where I need some advice.

My wife and her best friend (currently living with us) are constantly bringing in cakes, cookies, ice cream, and sodas into the house. I should be strong enough to resist, but I can’t. The worst part is my wife has actually gotten upset at me for not wanting to partake of things that have been brought in by her friend. It’s peer pressure at its worst. What do I do? I’m doomed. Every time I start to do well, they come in with all these things I love. One thing in particular that is killing any plan of healthy living I may have is Soda. I honestly believe that I am addicted to sodas. The only way I have been able to give them up has to been to go cold turkey. How can I do that when my fridge is full of them?

All three of us are bigger people. I have tried to get them to go on this journey with me. I have tried to get them to at least support me in my effort to start a new life. That lasted less than 24 hours when they bring home supper consisting of a triple cheeseburger and large strawberry shake with a 2-liter bottle of soda for desert. This was just for me!!! They thought I had exercised enough that day to be able to splurge. Ugggg!!!!

It’s partly my fault. I am just not strong in will. Willpower has never been my strong point. So my question is, if you are in the same boat or even if your not, what do/would you do in my situation? I am looking for new approaches to be strong in the face of temptation. New methods I could use when talking to them directly about the situation. Maybe just someone to chat with that understands.
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a healthy lifestyle doesn't mean you have to forever shun cake, ice cream, etc... it's about having them in moderation and not making them your primary source of nutrition.

Being "on a diet" doesn't mean eating rubbery low fat cheese, overly processed frozen diet dinners or steamed vegetables... you can have healthy stuff that's full of flavor...
 
you might even get a cookbook or two and start cooking for your wife and friend.. A man who can cook is very very sexy - especially if he can clean up his messes :) so that'd get you some major bonus points.
 
I don't want to shun them. Moderation is great. My problem is a house full of junk that got me to the point I am now lol.
 
maleficent said:
you might even get a cookbook or two and start cooking for your wife and friend.. A man who can cook is very very sexy - especially if he can clean up his messes :) so that'd get you some major bonus points.
Click to expand...

I do all of the cooking already. I was raised by a chef. The first thing that I did when I decided to do this was change the way I cook.
 
Get your wifes best friend out of the house and your wife will follow you.

Until then put your foot down and say no more junk food will enter this house so if you must eat it eat it outside.
 
"The worst part is my wife has actually gotten upset at me for not wanting to partake of things that have been brought in by her friend."

You should sit your wife down and calmly explain to her that these foods are killing you and say that changing your lifestyle very well could be the choice between life and death.
 
Your wife may feel threatened that if you lose weight you will leave her, therfore sabatoging your diet. I would sit her down and explain this is something you have to do for you, and if she doesn't want to join she could at least help you. If she can't, maybe untill it gets easier for you, when they come in with junk make this your time for a long walk. You will be out from the temptation and get exersize too.
 
Hi Tim,

I had a similar problem with my Ex-Wife (that's one way to solve the problem).

I think the answer is not to go cold turkey on everything all at once. Eliminate the only the foods that are unhealthy and not celebratory. Soda is a good start. No redeeming value whatsoever.

My wife drinks Ginger Ale, I used to love it, but I haven't had any in years, I just remind myself why would I want to put food into my body that does me no good?

If you can't or won't go cold turkey get yourself an 8-oz glass and have one with dinner only, never between meals. Every time you fill that glass it's 150 calories, unless it's diet, in which case you are feeding your body artificial sweeteners, why?

As for the cakes and celebratory foods, don't deprive yourself, but control yourself. Limit yourself to one small piece so you can be part of the celebration without taking in too many calories.

You can explain to your wife that you feel so good thinner that you don't WANT any more than a taste. Say it often enough and soon you'll all believe it. You can't push your family into losing weight with you but you can be an example.

An hour's brisk walk will wash those cake calories away!

David
 
Thank you

Thanks for the suggestions. There is more behind the friend issue than just this point of contention.

I have tried the long walk idea. Actually I am lucky to have a nice 60'x50' shop that I have made a corner into a gym. Many times I go out there when they come in.

The idea about my weight loss affecting our relationship has merit. She has her own issues that have come between us before. I guess deep down I am not being as forcefull with my complaints about the junk food because I do not want something else to come between us.

I want to apolgize for my rant. Seems that is what this was more than anything.:(
 
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Ive dealt with this before. and i still do as well. I had to sit down and have a nice conversation with both my mother and my girlfriend. Calmly, politely, and as diplomatically as possible, I told them of my goals and of what I was trying to do. I communicated the importance of my decision, informed them of my motives and my plan to change. Basically, i recruited them towards my own effort. I didn't require them to change their lives, but I asked them to help me change mine. In effect, I did have them change theirs as well, since our lives are so intertwined, but they look at it as helping me to change, not as having to change themselves. I told them the things they could do to help, some of which similar to your situation about keeping bad food either out of the house, or secluded from view. Diplomacy is an incredibly effective communication tool. It will help get them on your side, rather than having to fight against them.

Resist the urge to "put your foot down" (horrible advice), or become aggressive in any manner. But do not be completely passive and allow it to go unabated, as your goals are worthy of attention and respect. Speak with them on multiple occassions, both together at the same time and seperately, and get them to understand what and why you are doing this. If after this thoughtful communication they have no regard for your motives, then I am sorry to say you have chosen a dud. I imagine in this scenario there would be plenty more problems past, present, and future, and that your only real chance for success would come from a seperation of the real problem...

good luck to you, it is a delicate situation, treat it as such
 
Thanks

Thanks Coach.

It's nice to know that others also have this problem. I could never "put my foot down", I am just not that type of person. We have had several long talks about this. Long way to go, but its a start.

Thank You Everyone.
 
Hey Gizmo! I totally know where you're coming from. I currently live with my parents and there is always junk in the house. As I write this there is pizza in the fridge, ice cream in the freezer, cookies, brownies and potato chips in the cupboard. And yet I've managed to lose 40lbs. How do I do it? Well, I am so focused and determined to lose this weight that I look at that stuff as my enemy, and watching them eat it kind of disgusts me. Also, I see how my parents' quality of life is greatly diminished by their morbid obesity, and I do NOT want to end up like them. I always failed at diets before b/c I had no will power. Now I have so much it amazes me. Having said that, I did have two small pieces of pizza tonight. But normally I would have had several larger pieces. A little bit of naughty once in awhile is ok--just don't do a lot of naughty a lot of the time. When your wife and her friend are eating that stuff, try to go into another room of the house where it's out of sight and hopefully, out of mind.

Good Luck!:)
 
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