Pinecone's Diary

P

Pinecone

New member
Day 1
Oct 20, 2010
weight: 200 lbs (gained ~80 lbs due to pregnancy)
waist: ~43 inches (to be confirmed tonight)
goal: 29 inch waist

On the menu for the day:

1 bowl shredded wheat (2 pieces), w/ skim milk & 1/2 tsp sugar
1 cup of coffee w/ skim milk and 1 sugar
1 protein shake
1 apple
2 yogurts (low fat/sugar)
baby carrots (maybe 12?)
1 all-bran bar
1 tin ready-made soup (~150 cals)
1 -2 litres of water
1 no-fat egg buritto made with salsa, no fat cheese, wheat tortilla,and fat free sour cream.

So that covers planned food for today.

Exercise:

Still working that out.... stay tuned. Building a home gym. :)

Main health concerns:

I am likely suffering from subclinical hypothyroidism; continuous sore lower back and left hip; insomnia and/or nightmares (related to psychology of weight gain).

Thanks,

Pinecone
 
Day 2
Oct 21, 2010
weight: 200 lbs (gained ~80 lbs due to pregnancy)
waist: ~43 inches (to be confirmed tonight)
goal: 29 inch waist

Ok, so add 1/2 a bran bar to yesterday's tally; I was starvin at around 9 pm. I can live with that....

Todays menu is about the same as yesterdays:

2 pieces shredded wheat w/ skim milk and 1 tsp sugar
1 cup coffee w/ skim milk and 1 sugar
1-2 litres water
1 protein shake (100% hydrolized whey mixed with water)
2 yogurts (about 70 cals each)
1 bran bar (130 cals)
1 tin ready made ministrone soup (140 cals)
1 medium apple (gala or empire - dun remember)
10 baby carrots
1.5 tblsp crushed walnuts

Dinner's plan is a lean steak BBQ'd no sauce (spice only), 1/2 cup rice and veggies (steamed).

I may break down and have a glass of diet soda (splenda kind - allergic to aspartame).

Exercise:

Still renovating home gym but I'm hoping it will be ready to go for Monday. I may take my son and dog for a walk later if it stops raining.

Health concerns remain the same.

Peace,

Pinecone
 
UPDATE - still day #2

Things went off course like a locomotive hitting a wall......

So, skipped the soup and totally carbed out and had popcorn; also skipped the apple. Could be worse I spose..... popcorn isn't as bad as some things.

Forgot to take steaks down so wound up doing smoked meat - still not too bad. Oh and a gass of skim milk with chocolate in it. And 3 baby cookies.

So.... day #2 is a bust. It's ok though.... tomorrow is another day :)

Pinecone
 
Day 3
Oct 22, 2010
weight: 200 lbs (gained ~80 lbs due to pregnancy)
waist: ~43 inches (to be confirmed tonight)
goal: 29 inch waist

Similar menu:

1 sm bowl cornflakes with stevia (finally found it) and skim milk
3 cups of coffee so far - milk and stevia
1 wheat tortilla wrap with low fat/lean ham, low fat swiss cheese and no fat mayo and mustard
1 yogurt cup
1 apple
1 bran bar
1 litre of water
Planned supper of steak with rice and veggies.

Still nothing on the exercise front..... working on it.

The weekend begins tomorrow..... anxious.... eating is tougher on weekends as my days are not as regimented. I will endeavour to persevere.

On a brighter note, while I did pause at the grocery store last night to peruse the sweets, I didn't break down and buy any. That's a step in the right direction.

Stay tuned....

Pinecone
 
My theory on Grocery stores.... Everything good can be bought on the outside isles.... it the inside isles that you have to stay away from.... Bad Carbs ( for the most part).....just my .02

Oh.... and great job staying away from the sweets... my downfall too....
 
Agreed. And Thanks :). I'm kind of stuck because of a very busy schedule and a baby at home. I have to sometimes opt for *faster* food, but I'm trying to be very concious about label reading and to make sure that what I intake better rather than worse. For example, instead of some fast mac and cheese, I'll opt for a ready made vegetable soup - less calories, more macro-nutrients, etc.

I will allow myself one *relaxed day* per week - note I didn't say cheat day.... if I happen to have something not so great then fine (on that day) but I'm not going to spend my week dreaming about the cookies and candy I can have on my relaxed day. The whole point is to change my eating and life habits for the long term, so focussing on what I can't have day to day is probably counter productive. LOL

Cheers,

Pinecone
 
Update, day #3.

Feeling really down atm. Broke down and had two slices of rye bread with 2 tbsp of peanut butter. I feel very unmotivated right now.... this is round 3 with this crap. I'm still trying to figure out what went wrong that I gained 80 lbs when I got pregnant. I didn't eat crap or even pig out - au contraire.... I watched what I ate and tried to continue exercising. As it turns out I couldn't exercise because every day taht I did, I wound up sick for 2 days and exhausted beyond description. So now I'm really overweight and miserable. I try to put itout of my head and concentrate on the positive but it's very challenging. I am having a lot of motivational issues. Some part of me believes that I cannot do this. Another part of me says why bother, you gained it back 3 times.... why work hard to gain it back a 4th time. Another side of me says hang in there but that side is in a tough way. I don't know what to do. I just wanna cry. Ok scratch that I am crying. This has been happening a lot -- I eat something and I either get really giddy or so depressed I just burst into tears. It doesn't seem to be related to what I eat or when....just that I eat. I dunno. I do know that the doctors do not want to aid me. Guess I'll stop there. Tomorrow is a new day.

Pinecone
 
Hey Pinecone,
I just wanted to try and cheer you up, I don't have all the answers (if I did I wouldn't need to lose 20 kg's lol), but am thinking of you.

Hang in there mate, just try and do the best you can. I'm finding it easier if I know exactly what I'm having every day, like plan it and write it down. I often have 3 days in a row of the same thing just so I don't have to think about it! Then I know that's it, and just don't have anything extra.

I know how you feel, I've been a bit of an Oprah Winfrey (lose, gain, lose, gain) since I had my 2 kids but this time I feel differently.
Keep positive,

Jess :)
 
Hey Jess,

Thanks so much.... I really appreciate it. I think part of me is still really bitter about the weight gain because in a weird way I feel like I'm being punished.... taht the weight gain is penance for something. I had worked very, very hard to get where I was and then to suddenly have it all go poof really just crushed me. I also truly believe that I have hypothyroidism or some other metabolic disorder or hormonal disorder. Sometimes I feel fine and then I'll eat and WHAM I'm a mess 20 minutes later. Come back 2 hours later and I'm fine again - comes out of nowhere and seems food related. Of course.... the doctors don't believe me and say it's all in my head which isn't helping.

I also write stuff/plan adn will do teh same stuff for a few days in a row. You are SOOO right taht it makes it easier! Thanks for rooting for me and I'm rooting for you too! We CAN do this!!

HUGS XOXO

Pinecone
 
Day 4
Oct 23, 2010
weight: 200 lbs (gained ~80 lbs due to pregnancy)
waist: ~43 inches (to be confirmed tonight)
goal: 29 inch waist

Saturdays are usually whacked out entirely but I don't feel I did too badly.

1 no fat egg buritto
4 cups of coffee with skim milk and sugar
1 cup of water
5 baby cookies (damn things are SOOO good)
1 bowl of shreddies cereal w/ skim milk and sugar

Could have been MUCH worse......

Stay tuned.....

Pinecone
 
Day 5
Oct 24, 2010
weight: 200 lbs (gained ~80 lbs due to pregnancy)
waist: ~43 inches (to be confirmed tonight)
goal: 29 inch waist

My rest day.... didn't really keep a log. I didn't do too badly though.... so that's a plus :)
 
Day 6
Oct 25, 2010
weight: 200 lbs (gained ~80 lbs due to pregnancy)
waist: ~43 inches (to be confirmed tonight)
goal: 29 inch waist

Ok so rinse and repeat the menu more or less

1 bowl shreddies
1 cup coffee
2 yogurts
8 baby carrots
1 bowl ready made soup (~150 cals)
water, water, water
Protein shake
1 tsp walnuts (crushed)

On the menu for supper: Low fat chicken quasedilla :)

Exercise: still setting up my gym but I've got my eye on a rowing machine and I have my tower 200 ready to go. Going to be able to start in the next day or so. For now, chasing my son and my German Shepherd will have to do LOL.

Cheers,

Pinecone :)
 
Day 7
Oct 26, 2010
weight: 200 lbs (gained ~80 lbs due to pregnancy)
waist: ~43 inches (to be confirmed tonight)
goal: 29 inch waist

Ok so last night after I got home things went to hell. Had a few Halloween treats.... not that it's the end of the world but it's not helping.

Also had a major mental meltdown.... I'm so tired of this. It's really getting to me. I actually managed to work myself into a panic attack. It's gotta stop and I don't have the patients to wait 3 years to lose 50 lbs like I did last time. I've been battling this for the better part of 14 years and I'm tired of it. I do NOT eat badly overall. How do I know this? Well, gee my menu is pretty much evidence. Not to mention that up until the recent past I was doing 60 minutes of exercise 3-5 days per week. So wtf??? I'm trying to find a logical solution to a problem I haven't been able to identify (within my metabolism) and it's really starting to get to me. I'm miserable. I'm tired of clothes not fitting. I'm tired of not wanting to do anything because I'm either too tired or else it involves putting on something like a dress (which I NEVER do cuz my fat legs rub together and cause blisters). I won't wear shorts. I won't wear a bathing suit. Shopping? Pfff.... forget it. I used to LOVE shopping for that oh.... 1.5 year period when I looked NORMAL.

Yes ranting - feel free to stop reading now :p

This is ridiculous.... wtf is wrong with me? I'm not sitting on my fat a** eating wham whams and zoozoo's and watching day time TV. I dont' plaster my face with fatty, rich foods...... I HATE FOOD; I HATE WHAT IT'S DONE TO ME. I do NOT overeat. Yeah yeah, folks on here would say ohhhh but you're not counting calories properly. Oh for the love of God..... YES I AM.... LET ME SAY IT AGAIN YES I AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know EXACTLY what I eat and how much and the calories, fat, sugar, salt content- f*** I'm starting to feel like a labelling machine at a damn supermarket.

And if I get one more ()*U(*R&#*&@%^SUGGESTION that I need to see a nutritionist or get asked if I understand what a portion is, I'm going to hold up my portion-sized fist and ram it down someone's throat. And another thing..... why is it that when you're trying to lost fat you're always surrounded by beautiful skinny people!!?!?!? OMFG..... I'm about ready to lose it. My poor husband hasn't seen me naked in a year.... I take showers in teh dark..... I cannot handle this....

And for those of you who have read THIS far, yes, I'm blatantly aware taht I have self-esteem issues - thanks for asking......

I NEED to be thin...... I almost (note I said almost) took the salt shaker and some water and brought up what I ate last night. I'm getting desperate.... the doctors won't listen - they won't send me for subsequent blood work; they won't refer me to an endocrinologist which is what I really need. OMFG...... I cannot handle this. I'm trying to hang in there. I think ohhhh be positive.... yeah whatever!! When you're standing on a bus and your belly jiggles with every bump, not only does it actually HURT but it's friggin embarassing. Oh, and I'm tired of looking pregnant!!!!!!!!! If I would have known that all this mental and physical crap was gonna happen I'd have hired a friggin surrogate!!!!! I am NEVER, repeat NEVER< EVER< EVER going through this again.

Hell, you wanna hear something disturbing? I'm actually considering a gastric bypass. Last night I found myself considering anorexia too. At least I could wear normal human sized clothes.

)(#$%*&)Q(#&^#W^ I'm mad!!!!!!!!!!!

And that concludes today's rant.

PS -- same BS menu as yesterday. Getting a rowing machine for home gym. And the beat goes on................

Pinecone
 
Day 8
Oct 27, 2010
weight: 200 lbs (gained ~80 lbs due to pregnancy)
waist: ~43 inches (to be confirmed tonight)
goal: 29 inch waist

I'm starting to feel like I'm writing the diary section in Robinson Crusoe.... for those who managed to get through the book. Sadly, I'm not nearly as descript. Still....

So ok, the good news is I haven't given up. The bad news is I'm sick today so food has been a virtual blank. Fluids in ok.... add food, blend on medium low and well, you do the rest so I'm skipping food for now.

I will be adding a rowing machine to my home gym. Found a great one at a department store. Will probably order it online. :)

I had an interesting thought last night.... how is it that, in years gone by, we had less so-called diet foods available, yet, as a nation, we were slimmer overall. Seems counter-intuitive doesn't it? Begs the question...... are some of the many overly advertised (and often expensive) diet foods with low fat this and low sugar that really necessary to lose weight? Just an interesting point to ponder..... oh well.

Off to bed again......

Pinecone
 
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