Phoenix quest **work in progress**
- Thread starter WorthIt
- Start date
muddyrubberduck
New member
Yea, I'm gonna make one soon. I've just been slacking on writing it. I got a scale but it had the same problem. So, I took it back. I tried to eat at a healthy restaurant today but one was closed and the other had way too many people lol. Wer had Panda express. I feel a little guilty but I still came in with less than 2200 cal. I'm just gonna keep using the scale I have and take the first number it reads. How did your day go?
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WorthIt
New member
Wow, you have no luck with scales... is your floor level where you are using it? Good job keeping you calorie count down even with going out. We don't have many restaurants around here unless we drive to the city but what we do have is a few fast food, and home cooked/small town style restaurants, a veritable minefield, but I'm kinda glad we aren't near some of my fav restaurants, driving thru a city must really test your moxy!
I hope you decide to do a journal/diary/blog, somehow I suspect it would be very interesting
but I totally get how its not for everyone, I'm actually kinda surprised that I continue to write as much as I do !
I'm going to write about my Sunday, I think it will be a wee bit long so I'm going to go and do my workout before hubby gets home first.
I hope you decide to do a journal/diary/blog, somehow I suspect it would be very interesting
but I totally get how its not for everyone, I'm actually kinda surprised that I continue to write as much as I do !I'm going to write about my Sunday, I think it will be a wee bit long so I'm going to go and do my workout before hubby gets home first.
Natsky
New member
Hello WorthIt,
You are doing awesome, keep it up. I have arthritis myself, and its not nice. I have degenerative one. Its like my bones are deteriorating and they cant help me. So I am fit to be tied. but there is one think I can do, which you are doing, is walk, exercise, and eat less. Which I am already doing. Still need to start walking more, but tomorrow is in the forty degree range, so I am walking to the park, between walking around it and to it, it will be a little more than one mile, but let me tell you, usually I only walk a total of five minutes, so it will be a change.
You inspire me. You are inspiring me. And the coat, its so true, we go through a journey and you are making that journey healthier for yourself, a little easier to move around...
good job hun, your doing awesome!!!!!!
Keep trecking and congrats on the loss. I myself am trying to lose 43 pounds as my first goal...
Hope to see you write again and one day missed is not so bad. Just think, you always have the next day ... to make a great day!
always
natalie jo
You are doing awesome, keep it up. I have arthritis myself, and its not nice. I have degenerative one. Its like my bones are deteriorating and they cant help me. So I am fit to be tied. but there is one think I can do, which you are doing, is walk, exercise, and eat less. Which I am already doing. Still need to start walking more, but tomorrow is in the forty degree range, so I am walking to the park, between walking around it and to it, it will be a little more than one mile, but let me tell you, usually I only walk a total of five minutes, so it will be a change.
You inspire me. You are inspiring me. And the coat, its so true, we go through a journey and you are making that journey healthier for yourself, a little easier to move around...
good job hun, your doing awesome!!!!!!
Keep trecking and congrats on the loss. I myself am trying to lose 43 pounds as my first goal...
Hope to see you write again and one day missed is not so bad. Just think, you always have the next day ... to make a great day!
always
natalie jo
WorthIt
New member
Hi Nat,
Thank you so much for your message, it is very timely. Its surreal to see that you are getting inspiration from me when I feel like I'm the one who still needs to be inspired.
I read your post and your diary and I find inspiration from you! I know what it is like to feel trapped because you aren't in control of aspects of your body, it seems to have it's own agenda. It sounds like you have a realistic knowledge of the challenges your body provides, keep doing what works! You are doing awesome!
J
Thank you so much for your message, it is very timely. Its surreal to see that you are getting inspiration from me when I feel like I'm the one who still needs to be inspired.
I read your post and your diary and I find inspiration from you! I know what it is like to feel trapped because you aren't in control of aspects of your body, it seems to have it's own agenda. It sounds like you have a realistic knowledge of the challenges your body provides, keep doing what works! You are doing awesome!
J
WorthIt
New member
Thanks so much Trusylver and Veronica! It has been only a short period of time but without a doubt finding this site and blogging/tracking is going to be an invaluable asset on this journey.
My family is super supportive but simple words of encouragement from someone who has/is walking this path is worth it's weight in gold in my humble opinion.
I have to say I've been guilty of not making a lot of comments on people's diaries that I read. Now that I see how it feels to have people take a moment to post on mine I will be sure to post, even if it's just "good job keep it up!" .. I don't think any of us can hear that nearly enough times!
J
My family is super supportive but simple words of encouragement from someone who has/is walking this path is worth it's weight in gold in my humble opinion.
I have to say I've been guilty of not making a lot of comments on people's diaries that I read. Now that I see how it feels to have people take a moment to post on mine I will be sure to post, even if it's just "good job keep it up!" .. I don't think any of us can hear that nearly enough times!
J
WorthIt
New member
**reserved for the post I need to make**
I know it won't be pretty... body image, acceptance, fears... blahhhhh if I keep it internalized I'm only letting it maintain it's power over my mindset, time to stop starting to write it and deleting it ..... hmmmm maybe some crazy glue for the backspace and delete keys is in order ....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What a muddled bag of tricks this is, obv I've been going back and forth about how to post this so I'm just going to write, if it is a mess I apologize now lol.
I talked somewhere about the photo taken of me recently. I'm entirely too lazy to go and find where it is but what it came down to is the most recent pics of me showed me someone I didn't recognize and my bad reaction to photo helped my resolve to make these changes in my life.
Now I have looked at the before and after photos and omg they are crazy inspirational and I think having them would be so insanely satisfying down the road and I want to have them. Now the problem with having them is you have to actually TAKE them and honestly I don't want to see them right now, I'm not ready, the photo that was a catalyst is pretty much burned into my mind and every time I try to think around taking the pics for my progress it stops me, I compartmentalize it and stop thinking about it and don't do it. Now there is an option of having my hubby take the pics and handle them ... but I don't even want him to do that. I know it's stupid, this man shares my bed, he sees me naked and I'm ashamed to say he lives with the woman in that fateful pic so why on earth should this be a problem??
I know nobody needs to see them, I don't need to show them to anyone until I'm ready, but to do it myself **I** have to see at least the first couple pics to make sure they aren't blurry/unusable. The longer I leave this the more progress I will lose, I can't go back and fix this unless I gain the weight back and well .. that's obv not a viable solution. This is as far as I can get with this, I keep going in a circle and have yet to find the way out.
*******************************************************
My calorie intake and some of my reactions to no/short workouts is a bit of a worry. But then I think I'm only 12ish days in, am I being silly? Thats not a huge sample size so I don't really know if I'm jumping the gun trying to troubleshoot this. Am I creating a problem that really isn't there? I don't know but I do know that it's better to figure it out now and avoid a potential problem than avoid it and fluff it off and end up with a potentially serious problem in the future.
As I write this it's 1am and my total calories for the day is 419. This is the worst day by far, I'm finding every day that late in the evening I'm still under 1000cal and usually have some kind of a snack to at least put me over the 1K mark, but I'm not hungry.
The only thing that I've changed about my eating is I've cut out chips, chipnuts (evil little balls of yum, if you don't know what they are, don't look them up, it's better not to know), diet coke, chocolate (not totally out, just cut down to a couple squares of dark chocolate with hot tea), basically the junk I ate late at nite. I've always made pretty nutritious meals for the family, balanced etc... so the only thing that has changed there is my portion size.
I have a coffee in the morning but I have never eaten in the morning, I don't wake up hungry, I wake up nauseous most mornings and it's been like that since I can remember. My eating has always been later in the day, even now when I think about getting at least 1200cal into me I find I decide I'm not hungry and will have something later.... but later after dinner I forget, then by the time I might want something I get stuck in my mind that it is so late (midnightish) and even though I know I NEED to get more calories in or I am flirting with my body going into starvation mode and affecting my muscles instead of my fat I feel sooooo guilty for eating that late at nite.. it's got the potential of turning into a vicious circle.
I'm using the fitday calorie counter and diet journal to track my calories and activity. On the upside I know that what I AM getting into me is pretty well balanced it could use a little tweaking but there just isn't enough of it. Since I've started tracking my average intake is 986cal and burned is 2152cal (sedentary lifestyle plus my activity) , that's over a 1000cal deficit, not good.
The workouts aren't nearly as much of an issue (which I'm pleasantly surprised about). I had psyched myself up for this, I was literally going from sitting on my hiney 90% of the day to working out. The pain levels pretty much suck but after pushing through that third day I feel compelled to do it daily. I have had one day off since starting and have decided to take Sundays off from here on out. There is something here but I can't quite put my finger on it so for now I'm going to leave it at that, some levels of guilt on 15 minute workout days ... I'm dealing with the pain but proud of myself for what I've done so far on the whole.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The more intangible thing are I worry about is quitting, that's what I have done with so many things in the past, I am great out of the gate, I get obsessive and I get tunnel vision, but when I hit a rough spot, a bump in the road, some random challenge I quit, it's like a light switch that just turns off and I move on. This is my greatest fear and one thing that has held me back so many times from starting these lifestyle changes. I fear that one week of the scale going north instead of south could potentially derail me... thinking about that scares me more than anything.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
These are some of the circles I'm going in ... round and round we go .....
I know it won't be pretty... body image, acceptance, fears... blahhhhh if I keep it internalized I'm only letting it maintain it's power over my mindset, time to stop starting to write it and deleting it ..... hmmmm maybe some crazy glue for the backspace and delete keys is in order ....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What a muddled bag of tricks this is, obv I've been going back and forth about how to post this so I'm just going to write, if it is a mess I apologize now lol.
I talked somewhere about the photo taken of me recently. I'm entirely too lazy to go and find where it is but what it came down to is the most recent pics of me showed me someone I didn't recognize and my bad reaction to photo helped my resolve to make these changes in my life.
Now I have looked at the before and after photos and omg they are crazy inspirational and I think having them would be so insanely satisfying down the road and I want to have them. Now the problem with having them is you have to actually TAKE them and honestly I don't want to see them right now, I'm not ready, the photo that was a catalyst is pretty much burned into my mind and every time I try to think around taking the pics for my progress it stops me, I compartmentalize it and stop thinking about it and don't do it. Now there is an option of having my hubby take the pics and handle them ... but I don't even want him to do that. I know it's stupid, this man shares my bed, he sees me naked and I'm ashamed to say he lives with the woman in that fateful pic so why on earth should this be a problem??
I know nobody needs to see them, I don't need to show them to anyone until I'm ready, but to do it myself **I** have to see at least the first couple pics to make sure they aren't blurry/unusable. The longer I leave this the more progress I will lose, I can't go back and fix this unless I gain the weight back and well .. that's obv not a viable solution. This is as far as I can get with this, I keep going in a circle and have yet to find the way out.
*******************************************************
My calorie intake and some of my reactions to no/short workouts is a bit of a worry. But then I think I'm only 12ish days in, am I being silly? Thats not a huge sample size so I don't really know if I'm jumping the gun trying to troubleshoot this. Am I creating a problem that really isn't there? I don't know but I do know that it's better to figure it out now and avoid a potential problem than avoid it and fluff it off and end up with a potentially serious problem in the future.
As I write this it's 1am and my total calories for the day is 419. This is the worst day by far, I'm finding every day that late in the evening I'm still under 1000cal and usually have some kind of a snack to at least put me over the 1K mark, but I'm not hungry.
The only thing that I've changed about my eating is I've cut out chips, chipnuts (evil little balls of yum, if you don't know what they are, don't look them up, it's better not to know), diet coke, chocolate (not totally out, just cut down to a couple squares of dark chocolate with hot tea), basically the junk I ate late at nite. I've always made pretty nutritious meals for the family, balanced etc... so the only thing that has changed there is my portion size.
I have a coffee in the morning but I have never eaten in the morning, I don't wake up hungry, I wake up nauseous most mornings and it's been like that since I can remember. My eating has always been later in the day, even now when I think about getting at least 1200cal into me I find I decide I'm not hungry and will have something later.... but later after dinner I forget, then by the time I might want something I get stuck in my mind that it is so late (midnightish) and even though I know I NEED to get more calories in or I am flirting with my body going into starvation mode and affecting my muscles instead of my fat I feel sooooo guilty for eating that late at nite.. it's got the potential of turning into a vicious circle.
I'm using the fitday calorie counter and diet journal to track my calories and activity. On the upside I know that what I AM getting into me is pretty well balanced it could use a little tweaking but there just isn't enough of it. Since I've started tracking my average intake is 986cal and burned is 2152cal (sedentary lifestyle plus my activity) , that's over a 1000cal deficit, not good.
The workouts aren't nearly as much of an issue (which I'm pleasantly surprised about). I had psyched myself up for this, I was literally going from sitting on my hiney 90% of the day to working out. The pain levels pretty much suck but after pushing through that third day I feel compelled to do it daily. I have had one day off since starting and have decided to take Sundays off from here on out. There is something here but I can't quite put my finger on it so for now I'm going to leave it at that, some levels of guilt on 15 minute workout days ... I'm dealing with the pain but proud of myself for what I've done so far on the whole.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The more intangible thing are I worry about is quitting, that's what I have done with so many things in the past, I am great out of the gate, I get obsessive and I get tunnel vision, but when I hit a rough spot, a bump in the road, some random challenge I quit, it's like a light switch that just turns off and I move on. This is my greatest fear and one thing that has held me back so many times from starting these lifestyle changes. I fear that one week of the scale going north instead of south could potentially derail me... thinking about that scares me more than anything.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
These are some of the circles I'm going in ... round and round we go .....
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muddyrubberduck
New member
Keep it up your doing great. Sorry I havnt been on or made my diary just been all over the place trying to get hired. How is everything?
WorthIt
New member
Heya Neil! I was starting to wonder where you wandered off to
Thanks and no worries, sounds like you have your hands full, how are you making out looking for work? any good prospects? and how are you doing with eating/exercise etc?
I'm doing well Definitely having moments with the physical activity and my calorie intake is a little wonky but it's coming along. I think I just need to be vigilant and solve problems as they arise.
Thanks and no worries, sounds like you have your hands full, how are you making out looking for work? any good prospects? and how are you doing with eating/exercise etc?
I'm doing well
Definitely having moments with the physical activity and my calorie intake is a little wonky but it's coming along. I think I just need to be vigilant and solve problems as they arise.
Veronica2
New member
Your concerns, I assure you, are shared on this site. We've all been caught up in those same circles and derailments so know that you are not alone. I believe the difference between me saying that I'm going to lose weight versus starting my diary and embracing it are two different things. At first I was worried about sharing personal information with strangers online but then again, who else would care to read our rants if not those who are struggling with the same issues. Keep focused, keep writing, and know that you are not alone.
Natsky
New member
WorthIt ...
Your not taking in enough calories and its a phsychological thing. You may be starting an eating disorder.
What I have done to try to get myself away from always being ani_mia...
is now I make myself eat breakfast... I schedule my meals ...eventually you will find yourself not hungry at night and eating more during the day ...
you need to stop this ...under caloric intake ...
you must eat... I never feel hungry during the day, sometimes never hungry ... but when I do that I feel like crap ...and when I start eating again I gain loads of weight. Dont do this ... be very aware of what you eat, when you eat
a good way to cut off a eating disorder is by scheduling your meals and sticking with them.
anorexia or ani_mia, bulmia are no fun hun.
No fun. and once you start it... its hard to make the healthy change. Trust me.... your muscles will break down ... you could die....
I almost died from not eating for three months .. I would drink two huge fruit smoothies twice a day... before you knew it .. I lost sixty pounds in three months .. my mom congratulated me .. I was so happy than I ended up in the emergency room ..telling me my organ was going to explode if I didnt eat right and get control ... I was going to die that night ...thats when I tried to eat ..and eating one silly piece of food hurt my stomach so bad. I didnt want to go through the pain. But I knew I needed to eat. But it was so painful to eat ... I was devastated .. I would put junk in front of myself and it was too painful ..even the goodies I couldnt eat ..it sucked ...
you need to schedule healthy foods in .. you need to eat breakfast .. lunch and dinner ... You really want to do this ...because you are on a fine line ..between an eating disorder and healthy ways of eating ...
good luck
and I hope you do something about this ...
best wishes hun
always
natalie jo
and keep journaling ... even when you feel like you are gaining weight
if you dont eat all day, than eat at night, you will gain weight back ..why because you are making yourself go through starvation mode through out the day and than when it does get food at night, it stores it like crazy ... trust me .. you will gain weight from not eating .. thats what I did ..its only natural ...
best wishes hun
good site .. I am happy you put this up and I am happy you are realizing there is something wrong with being so much under caloric intake ..
Your not taking in enough calories and its a phsychological thing. You may be starting an eating disorder.
What I have done to try to get myself away from always being ani_mia...
is now I make myself eat breakfast... I schedule my meals ...eventually you will find yourself not hungry at night and eating more during the day ...
you need to stop this ...under caloric intake ...
you must eat... I never feel hungry during the day, sometimes never hungry ... but when I do that I feel like crap ...and when I start eating again I gain loads of weight. Dont do this ... be very aware of what you eat, when you eat
a good way to cut off a eating disorder is by scheduling your meals and sticking with them.
anorexia or ani_mia, bulmia are no fun hun.
No fun. and once you start it... its hard to make the healthy change. Trust me.... your muscles will break down ... you could die....
I almost died from not eating for three months .. I would drink two huge fruit smoothies twice a day... before you knew it .. I lost sixty pounds in three months .. my mom congratulated me .. I was so happy than I ended up in the emergency room ..telling me my organ was going to explode if I didnt eat right and get control ... I was going to die that night ...thats when I tried to eat ..and eating one silly piece of food hurt my stomach so bad. I didnt want to go through the pain. But I knew I needed to eat. But it was so painful to eat ... I was devastated .. I would put junk in front of myself and it was too painful ..even the goodies I couldnt eat ..it sucked ...
you need to schedule healthy foods in .. you need to eat breakfast .. lunch and dinner ... You really want to do this ...because you are on a fine line ..between an eating disorder and healthy ways of eating ...
good luck
and I hope you do something about this ...
best wishes hun
always
natalie jo
and keep journaling ... even when you feel like you are gaining weight
if you dont eat all day, than eat at night, you will gain weight back ..why because you are making yourself go through starvation mode through out the day and than when it does get food at night, it stores it like crazy ... trust me .. you will gain weight from not eating .. thats what I did ..its only natural ...
best wishes hun
good site .. I am happy you put this up and I am happy you are realizing there is something wrong with being so much under caloric intake ..