"People don't see past the weight".

Oh noooo. I don't like the comment that overweight people lack character.
Maybe they lack the will that it takes to do the work to loose the weight. I know my will and strenght comes and goes.
About dismissing an overweight person just because of what they look like, I don't know anybody who would do that.
What I do know, is that a person who is attracted to in shape people will probably not look at a very overweight person as a potential partner.
That's how it is in general.
 
The part about the comment with the lack of character wasn't directed at you, Joilgirl. I just combined everything in one post. I really need to get into the habit of quoting what I reply to. *lol*

I agree though, willpower is often an issue. I know it is for me. But certainly not lack of character.

As for the other thing, unfortunately there are people who do things like that. They see a big person and decide 'Oh, they're fat, they're not worth my time'. I've seen it happen to myself, and with other people. And those are the ones that I was talking about when I mentioned close-minded and arrogant people.

Of course I get the idea that not everybody is physically attracted to somebody who is overweight, just like not everybody is attracted to skinny/blonde/tall/short/etc. people. But those I was referring to are those that will judge a person as 'worthless' just because of their weight.

I once heard a girl refer to another girl as a 'freak that belongs in a circus'. She wasn't joking. The other girl was about 300 lbs at 5"8. One of the nicest people I have ever met, with a great personality. Everybody loved her. Yet this arrogant little cow decided that she belonged into a circus, because of her weight. It's people like that that I was referring to all along, and unfortunately, there is a lot of them out there.
 
Jericho said:
Did you just say that an overweight person lacks character? What does weight have to do with character?
Click to expand...

Yes, I did. What I mean is that if we dislike something, we change it......simple. Diet plus exercise equals weightloss.

Failure to do this shows lack of character.
 
wow, thats gotta be one of the most ignorant statments ever. My guess is this msandra chick has serious issues if the best use of her time is to get on a weight loss forum and run her mouth about how we lack character. Makes me seriously question her character.
 
Korrie said:
wow, thats gotta be one of the most ignorant statments ever. My guess is this msandra chick has serious issues if the best use of her time is to get on a weight loss forum and run her mouth about how we lack character. Makes me seriously question her character.
Click to expand...

I am included in the category too.....lack of character......I overeat at times too

I don't know why everyone is getting sooo offended.....I am saying about myself and eating too.......
 
Last edited:
Just because you say you include yourself doesn't make it right. It is your opinion but I believe that you are very wrong.
 
msandra said:
I am included in the category too.....lack of character......I overeat at times too

I don't know why everyone is getting sooo offended.....I am saying about myself and eating too.......
Click to expand...

People are getting offended because your statements are offensive, patronising, and plain wrong.
 
I get why people "don't see past the weight" when it comes down to relationships. Because at the end of the day, it comes down to reproduction and someone won't find someone attractive if their brain thinks they can't give them children. And in most cases it's completely subconcious.

But what I don't like is when people aren't your friend for it. People who suddenly become your friend when you've lost weight just aren't worth your time tbh, they're obviously shallow.
 
@msandra
The reason people are upset about your comment is because when you say a person has no character, you don't question the will it takes to loose weight, you question their morals, honesty and such. It's not at all the same thing. Now, I don't want this a vocabulary lesson, but the worst thing one can do is to question someone's character. You imply they are not good quality human beings.
I understand that if one is overweight, they should just eat right exercise and it can all go away. Unfortunately, we are not perfect, our strenght comes and goes, and life gets in the middle.
I'm thinking maybe you're a little imature, how old are you?
 
msandra, Just because you lack character don't try to include anyone else! I find your statements very offensive. My weight has gone up and down over the years, yet my 'character' remains the same. I have a lot of character AND I am a character AND I'm overweight! As are many of the others here!
Some of us just love food.
Lynn
 
msandra said:
In my opinion an overweight person shows that the person lacks character
Click to expand...

:giggles:

Hey, everybody? According to this newly discovered scientific fact that we've been blessed with, I lack character - ME.

msandra said:
Yes, I did. What I mean is that if we dislike something, we change it......simple. Diet plus exercise equals weightloss.

Failure to do this shows lack of character.
Click to expand...

Failure to change has nothing to do with lack of character. Change doesn't happen overnight, so to say that overweight people have no character is one of the most idiotic things I've ever heard anybody say on this forum.

What if you see an overweight person who has just started trying to lose weight? They'd still be overweight, but you can't say that they don't have character. I mean, they're trying to change, right? And, according to your own definition, THAT'S character.

What if you see an overweight person who has a glandular problem or some other uncorrectable health problem? Does that person not have character just because of their genetics?

What if you see an overweight person who has already lost 100 lbs? Since they're still overweight, does their hard work, determination and dedication to bettering themselves become null and void? I mean, they're overweight, so they can't pooooossibly have character, right?

SIGH, look...the bottom line is this - you are on a WEIGHT LOSS FORUM. So, logic dictates that you are overweight yourself. And, that same logic dictates that the huge majority of people on this forum are also overweight. And, considering the fact that the people here took the time to find a support group to help guide them in the right direction - the healthy direction - I find it incredibly insulting that you would throw out such a ridiculously shallow and moronic blanket statement in which you claim that overweight people don't have any character, as if your horseshit point of view is an unarguable fact. And, I don't care if you include yourself as part of the group when you are throwing out lame and unthoughtful judgments about people; an insult is an insult, no matter how much you try and justify it. Your insult is blatantly offensive, so don't try to play dumb and act like you don't know why everyone here is so offended. You know damn well why people are getting upset over your statement, so don't try to play the innocent card here. Nobody is buying it - not even you.

The people on this forum have more character than most. We are overweight. We know we have a problem. If we didn't, we wouldn't be here. We know we have a problem - we know we're overweight. We want to lose that weight and get healthy, but we obviously can't do it on our own, which is why we all found it within ourselves to put our pride away and ask for help. Because, that's what people who have signed up to be members here have done - ask for help. And, asking for help is one of the hardest things that a human being can do, especially when you need help in losing weight, which is one of the most difficult and most socially embarrassing problems to overcome. Most of the members here have instituted a tremendous amount of personal strength and willpower just to come to this forum and get help - just to take the first step. I don't think you realize the amount of pain, heartache, frustration and fear that overweight people have to overcome - not to lose weight, but just to take the first step. All of us here have cried out in pain, broken down from heartache, screamed out of frustration and trembled from fear. But, guess what? We're all still here. And, we're not going anywhere. If that doesn't define "character", I don't know what does.

So, you might want to rethink your position on not understanding why people are so offended by your comments, because to claim that people who are willing to humble themselves by asking for help from complete strangers during their struggle with controlling and/or defeating their weight problem lack any sort of character is beyond wrong. The character displayed by the members here is inspirational and downright epic.
 
It's true...it's all too easy for us to label someone shallow if they can't see past our weight, simply to make ourselves feel better. But, if we are to be brutally honest with ourselves, we have to accept that physical attraction plays a somewhat weighty (excuse the pun) role in dating. I know that if I myself turned the tables around, and I was in good shape and had someone rather overweight interested in me, I too would struggle to see past it. Does this make me shallow? Or simply honest and realistic?
 
RotundRo said:
It's true...it's all too easy for us to label someone shallow if they can't see past our weight, simply to make ourselves feel better. But, if we are to be brutally honest with ourselves, we have to accept that physical attraction plays a somewhat weighty (excuse the pun) role in dating. I know that if I myself turned the tables around, and I was in good shape and had someone rather overweight interested in me, I too would struggle to see past it. Does this make me shallow? Or simply honest and realistic?
Click to expand...

As a biological science student I can tell you that for most humans, sight seems to be our most dominant and well-developed sense. It's realistic to suggest that the first thing you'll see when you look at an overweight person is their weight. (Just the same way dogs trust their nose more than their eyes. It's their most well developed sense.) From a scientific standpoint, it's understandable for someone not to be able to "see past the weight". Is it right ethically? Well, that's up to each person to decide.

It's my opinion that it's not a big deal to "see someone's weight" as long as you don't judge people based on their appearance, bully or pick on someone because of their weight you're not shallow. Only human.

There are also people who have a partner that is over-weight and they don't seem to care at all about it.

Everyone has things that they are attracted to or willing to adapt to whether it's physique, personality, humor, financial situation etc. And that goes for whether you're looking for these things in a lover, friend or associate. That's a fact.

I opened a poll a few days ago discussing an advertisement and admitted myself that the first thing I noticed about the woman was her weight. THAN after that I quickly noticed her confidence, beauty and nice clothes. That doesn't make me shallow. But still someone commented "The first thing you noticed was her weight. What does that say about YOU". And that made me a little sad because I'm only human. 75% of my family is overweight including me so I've always been sensitive about this subject and I could never hurt someone or say anything bad or judgmental about someone's weight. Maybe that's also why I am more able to "see past the weight" myself. (my husband happens to be overweight so I guess that speaks for me.) So I don't believe it says anything about me that I saw her weight first.

This is how I feel about the matter... just like you shouldn't judge other people by their appearance or what they are attracted to, don't let others judge you based on what you think about appearances or what you are attracted to. You have your own views and opinions. You're human with human flaws, and human tendencies and so are they.
 
Last edited:
Hmm.. this is ofcourse a delicate subject but... well.. so apologies in advance I guess?

I think that first of all this should be divided into "what attracts you" and "what do you think based on peoples weight"... I mean.. it is two completely different things. I know guys who love big boobs, small boobs, guys that are turned off by a little overweight, and by skinny girls.. I mean.. its just.. people are attracted to the physical features that they are attracted to... thats how it is. Somehow corelating that to peoples "goodness" or "depth of character" is, in my opinion, retarded. It is simply what attracts them.

It is like how some girls really dig the skinny indie sort of malnourished coke addict looking guy, and some girls dig vin diesel wannabees. Does that say something about them besides, "this is what they are attracted to".. not really imo.

I think emerald is right on the money, and refreshingly honest. I think small asses are attractive, I don't dig big booteylichious bootays. I find kim cardashian completely un attractive, my best friend thinks that the girls i find attractive are super un-sexy. Whats the fuzz?

Now the whole judging people on their look thing is a cultural thing... and also, I'd guess, a biological thing. I mean... Ofcourse we have evolved to judge the threat level, possible mating potential and such by looking at other human beings, why wouldn't we have? This is then extrapolated upon since our society is so amazingly complex. Add media influences to this, we're spammed with "the fat guy is stupid", "the guy in the worn clothes with a shoulder bag is really cool and rough", "the guy with the suit is clever and slick" etc. etc. etc. OFCOURSE we have immediate reactions to what we see, just like we have to what we smell. I think "what a know it all, boring sort of conservative whatever" when I smell sweet heavy perfume, now obviously if I then talk to the person I might change my mind, but... we all have first impressions.

I think, judging people on how they initially judge you is also very judgmental...

And I think extrapolating peoples depth, worth and niceness based upon their initial reaction to you is... pretty shallow. And to be honest I think it is more of a self defense mechanism than anything else. It is an easy way of protecting yourself by laying it all on "all those shallow stupid people". And I get it, but I disagree with it.
 
clever_plant said:
It is like how some girls really dig the skinny indie sort of malnourished coke addict looking guy, and some girls dig vin diesel wannabees. Does that say something about them besides, "this is what they are attracted to".. not really imo.
Click to expand...

Joke response: If you're attracted to Vin Diesel, I think that says A LOT about you. :doh:

Serious response: I half agree with you and half disagree with you. Your point is valid and completely unarguable. But, at the same time, your point can be argued with a response that is just as 'right-on-the-money'.

WHO? HUH? WHAT? I KNOW!!!

Saying that you can't tell anything about a person by what kind of person they are attracted to is true to a point, but false to a point as well.

It's true to a point because the physical look of a person isn't necessarily a gateway to their soul, in which you can look and see their true character. And, you can't necessarily tell what kind of person someone is on the inside based off of the kind of person they are attracted to on the outside.

Being attracted to a clean cut businessman doesn't necessarily mean anything about you. Being attracted to a run down hobo doesn't necessarily mean anything about you. Being attracted to a skank whore doesn't necessarily mean anything about you. You can't always judge a book by its cover, you know?

BUT...

It's false to a point because a person's looks are often tied to their personality. People often look the way they do because their personality makes them feel like looking like that. It's cliche to say this, but that's a big reason why people of a certain 'group' usually look the same - because they have similar personalities.

Picture a crazy cat lady. Without seeing one in front of you, I'm willing to bet that you can easily picture one, right? Picture a dude that's in a college fraternity. Without seeing one in front of you, I'm willing to bet that you can easily picture one, right? Picture a nerd. Without seeing one in front of you, I'm willing to bet that you can easily picture one, right? Why? Because, all of those groups of people contain people that have extremely similar personalities. And, their similar personalities guide them to look and dress in a similar fashion.

Crazy cat ladies usually have a screw loose and they usually spend most of their money on their cats, so there's not much money to buy clothes. So, they usually wear weird old raggy looking stuff, because it's all they can afford - it's all they have. And, they usually spend so much time on their cats that they don't spend much time on themselves. So, their hygiene begins to suffer, because they don't take care of themselves. Not ALL cat ladies are like that, but the description of a cat lady is cliche for a reason.

You can use the same logic on every group of people - tying their personalities to the way they look.

So, if a person is attracted to somebody because of the way they look, then it often has a direct tie to the type of personality they are attracted to, which does say a lot about that person.

I have a friend that is attracted to slutty women. He is attracted to women who dress like sluts - women who wear really low cut shirts, tight skirts, lots of makeup, etc. Throughout the course of our friendship, he has dated nothing but slutty looking girls. Hell, he even ended up marrying one.

Now, the funny part is, he always fights with his girlfriends (and now wife) and argues about how they dress. He argues and gets mad at the women he has been with because, and I quote, "You dress like a slut". Now, I always wondered why he would do this. I always wondered why he would be attracted to slutty looking girls, but then end up yelling at them for dressing slutty. Then, after enough time went by, I figured it out...

He likes to fight. He WANTS to fight. His personality is very confrontational and he isn't happy unless his confrontational side is kept busy. Otherwise, he's bored. And, if he's bored, he's unhappy.

He is attracted to slutty looking women because he knows that he'll end up getting to have a confrontation about it. He doesn't really like the way the slutty girls look - he actually hates it and it disgusts him - but he knows that by being with a slutty looking girl, his confrontational side will always be kept busy. And, that's what he likes. That's what he wants. That's what he needs. So, even though he doesn't enjoy the look of slutty girls, he is still attracted to them, because his personality needs it. His personality is a very confrontational one and, if you pay attention to the type of woman he is attracted to, you would eventually figure that out.

So, no - the type of person somebody is attracted to doesn't necessarily tell you anything about them, but, at the same time, it does.
 
Last edited:
Damn, had almost forgotten how good you are at schooling people :p

Your point is completely valid in a general sense, but I was merely trying to express that I don't think that people are incredibly shallow because they aren't attracted to overweight people.

Other than that I'm sure you can extrapolate a lot of things from what attracts people, its more that I think that the "can't see beyond the weight" argument is plain wrong and based on some romantic idea of how people work, and not at all on how people actually work. Like.. the higher on the "better" scale you are the less you are attracted to physical stuff.

I think we might agree actually :p But good point, and I completely agree.
 
clever_plant said:
Damn, had almost forgotten how good you are at schooling people :p

Your point is completely valid in a general sense, but I was merely trying to express that I don't think that people are incredibly shallow because they aren't attracted to overweight people.

Other than that I'm sure you can extrapolate a lot of things from what attracts people, its more that I think that the "can't see beyond the weight" argument is plain wrong and based on some romantic idea of how people work, and not at all on how people actually work. Like.. the higher on the "better" scale you are the less you are attracted to physical stuff.

I think we might agree actually :p But good point, and I completely agree.
Click to expand...

Oh, we totally agree. Like I said, what you were saying was spot on...I was just pointing out that there is, ironically, a complete opposite side to the story which is just as true. I've always found it funny how one thing can be true, but, at the same time, so can its complete opposite. It logically makes no sense, you know? HAHAHAHA, SIGH...but, whatever...life is always throwing us curveballs, I guess.

As far as not being able to see past someone's weight...

I'm not the smartest person in the room, but, I'm pretty sure that judging someone based off of their looks (which includes the subject matter of this thread - not being able to "see past the weight") fits the exact definition of shallow. That's how I see it anyway.

Let me note though, HAHAHAHA...in my opinion, there's a difference between not being attracted to someone because they're overweight and not being attracted to someone because they have dog shit on their teeth (for example). If someone walks up to you and has Marmaduke's diarrhea smeared all over their molars, and you barf and walk away...in that case...I wouldn't consider you shallow at all. I wouldn't question your repulsion at all.

Now, if you were to hang around and still talk to that girl? THEN I'd have some questions. HAHAHAHA...questions that I prooooobably wouldn't want answers to.
 
I've noticed a difference in the way people treat and look at me since I've lost 43 pounds. For one thing, I seem to be respected more.. I don't know what I think about it.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top