June 12, 2010 Ate 1560 calories
June 13, 2010- Massively went off-course
Yesterday I was in Hackensack hospital visiting a sick great aunt from morning until night. I ate HORRIBLY. First, my mother and I decided to have a big breakfast so we wouldn't be too hungry later, but that big breakfast Close to 1200 calories, yes 1200 didn't do much. By 7ish I was hungry, well that may have been a long time from 11-7 without feeling hungry. At around 6 my cousin and my mom decided to go to the Yonkers casino, in order to relieve some stress. We went and had a hot dog with relish and mustard. But back at the hospital my cousin's husband went and got us food--- well if you can call it that. Something from burger king that in the dark car I couldn't distinguish Wtf I was eating, was it chicken? fish? pork? I couldn't tell!!! What ever it was it was so processed the flavor was absent, but not too long after, my face started getting oily. My face chemistry is normal to dry, but if I eat anything high in fat my body perspires that fat through my face. I can honestly say I ate at or a little below 2500 calories. That last time I ate that many calories was Christmas. I'm so disgusted with myself. I just can't say no to family. I find it easier saying no, I won't eat that crap to my mom and dad but to my extended family it gets harder. It feels like it should be the opposite. Well, part of the reason I don't say no to my cousin and her husband when they buy food is because they've been @ that hospital daily for over 2 months with my great aunt. 5 months ago she broke a hip and recuperated enough to come home, but 2 months ago she developed an infection in one of the bones in her feet. That just brought a host of complications, it was to the point where they had a priest come in because the doc's where sure she was going to die. But she's strong and has been getting better. But it's like two steps forward and one step back. She has enough strength to speak and remember us, so she's improved tremendously. All we can really do is Pray to God that she recuperates.
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Epiphany of some sort
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So, this past month I've falling off the wagon quite a bit. But I never assessed why I fell, and why is it happening more frequently. Well, it looks like I'm starting up old habits of letting others rule my decisions, and give into laziness. I did not get up to nearly 200 lbs by being active or a normal American young adult. If I had a choice of elevator or stair, it would always be elevator. If I felt pain I would completely give into it. Looking at my recent failures I see that I've been coming back to this 'poor me' attitude, and taking up the role of someone submissive again.
Old me 2009:
"Can you eat the rest of the rice and meat? I don't want good food to spoil"
"Ok, anything for the family"
*will wait 10mins for a elevator rather than walk 3 flights up*
Recent me 2010:
*Butt busting workout*
-- Next day-- soreness, "maybe another day"
New me, goal me:
*get up at 6 and walk for 10 miles*
*eat a 500 calorie defecit*
I'll get used to pain and soreness, I don't want to be 198 ever again.
Something I also forgot during this year and a half is to have short term goals, not just assume the weight will come off on its own. I have been wanting to run, but I can't kid myself. I don't have what it takes to run, I'm not fit enough. My knees are weak, my boobs are not held good enough by sports bras. That will be a dream goal. Something I'll go back to at 140lbs or at goal.
New Goals:
-Stop feeling sorry for myself, the last 20lbs are not going to magically disappear
-Walk 10 miles a day or burn equal amount of calories, which is about 800-830 calories burned
- Will eat a deficit of 500 calories as opposed to now, so new caloric intake goal is 1200-1435
- Do 1 minute of push ups-military style, 1 minute of sit ups with hands by side (the other way gives me neck cramps), 30 seconds of holding a squat against the wall
-Yoga 10minutes every Monday, Wednesday and Saturday.
According to this plan I should be loosing 2.45lbs a week. I doubt that will happen as I will gain muscle.
June 14, 2010
6:45- green apple (60)
7:30- 1 cup of mixed Fiber one cereal and Kellogg protein cereal w/ 1/2 cup of lite soy milk (175)
-- 3 cups of water
*gym* Walked to and from the gym (4 miles), used the elliptical (5.1) miles
I want to do a total of 10 miles a day because this plateau cannot be broken from my diet, so I'll move more.
-- 2 cups of water
11:00- Dunkin Donut's iced coffee small w/ skim milk, no sugar (30 *the website says 20 but I want to add 10 to make my mind at ease)
11:45- 1/2 cup of lettuce, 2Tbsp of lite ranch dressing, 1 whole wheat pita, 3 egg whites, 1/4 cup of chopped veggies (388)
12:15- Hershey bar (210)
-- 1 cup of water
*1 minute of squats, push ups and sit ups*
*10 minutes of yoga*
3:30- Jell-o mousse (60)
4:15- 1/2 cup of white rice, 1/4 cup of black beans, 1 strip of beef tenderloin, 5 okra, 1/2 cup of cherries, 1/2 cup of blueberries(422.5)
*walked 1.2 miles*
8:00- 1/2 of a wholewheat bread and 1/2 tbsp of spicy hummus (67.5)
--4 cup of water
8:30- 1 and 1/2 crackers (30)
Total calories is 1443. I'm over by 8. I'll just make it up the next day
Water: 10 cups
Exercise: 10 miles walking, 1 minute of sit ups, push ups and squats, 10 minutes of yoga
To success!!!
