Panda's Quill

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PandaQuill

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I'm a bit miffed that the ticker I'm using won't go any lower than 100 lbs. I'm UNDER 5 feet for Pete's sake! Oh well, I suppose I'll bear with this, it's not like I'll need one that goes under 100 any time soon. xD

So... yeah.

Today, I slept all day because I was sleep deprived for a whole week. Woke up at 8 AM, slept again at 1PM, woke up at 5 PM.

I only managed to eat breakfast and dinner.

Breatfast
Fried rice (butter) - 300 cals
Fried eggplant with eggs - 200 cals
Fish balls and Fried fish - 100 cals
Strange vegetable - 100 cals

Dinner
Soup: - 300 cals?
String beans
Chicken
Macaroni

Total: 1000 cal

Okay, I'm not too sure about the calorie count, but I'm just estimating, okay? I'm going to lift 3 lb weights later so my arms won't look twiggy. I'm going to start doing squats and lunges.

I'm thinking of investing on a scale?
 
Suddenly Sad

I need to lose 10 lbs. I know it seems like nothing to other people who are aiming for more but my weight won't budge. It won't fucking budge. It pisses me off that I can't go to the gym because my goddamn school keeps on getting in the way. Education is my damn priority and I always end up eating shit because I'm always sleep deprived and stressed.

I think the only thing I can control for now is my eating habits. I can't exercise much; it wears me out and I'm usually dead tired by the end of the day without it.

Thinking of bumping down the 1000 cals a day to 800 but I might screw up my metabolism and it's going to be shit in judo when everyone throws me around like a rag doll. Need to keep my strength.

And my metabolism is fucked because of the other diets I got myself in. Oh holy mother of God.

I want to lose, without becoming too weak, too tired and too deprived.

I'm so angry that I want to eat a spoonful of Nutella. But I won't. It would only make me angrier.
 
Hey there-
Just saw your diary! I hope you'll have success in your weightloss endeavors. :)

I can really feel your frustration. :(
I don't need to lose a whole lot of weight either, just shooting for 10-maybe 20 pounds, and what I've found that it is a lot harder to lose anything when you haven't got a lot to lose! And I've tried a lot of crazy diets in the past too, nothing that really worked.
But I think that just by finding some moderate, healthy habits, that's the way you really can lose weight, and keep it off, even if it is excruciatingly slow.

I would advise you not to drop your calories below 1000, even though you are very short. Believe me, I thought that was an acceptable number too (my grandma even used to talk to me like having more than 1000 calories was sooo horrible and gluttonous!), but in reality, I think pretty much everyone needs more than that. Try checking out a BMR calculator, or using some of the equations on the stickies on this site, which'll give you a rough estimate of how many calories you need to maintain your weight, and then fix a moderate deficit from there.

You might also want to look at the kinds of foods you are eating and really consider doing some more accurate counting of how much you are actually having. It's really easy to over-estimate!! You also seem to have had a lot of fried things, which I'm sure you know isn't really the healthiest option for all the time.
Let me tell you, it wasn't until I started picking out all my own food and cooking my own meals until I was ever really able to get serious about losing weight. A lot of meals my family makes are healthy (I'm half Asian, noticed you are Asian too!), like sushi, spring rolls, some soups and veggie dishes, lightly cooked fish. But it was too easy for me to go overboard even when I ate those things, and when I knew I couldn't tell exactly how many calories I was eating, I tended to just eat more! Only once I started doing all my own food did I really realize how much I was eating and how much I should, and start seeing results! Not that I never eat out or with people or anything, but just for like a little more than half the time I do my own thing, and it's really helped so far.

Whew, sorry, long reply there!
Anyway, really just wanted to say good luck!
 
Oh, yes! The last 10-20 pounds are the hardest! My BMR 1,300 cals a day but it changes for every counter. That and the amount of stressing I do and my 1000 calorie diet, it has to dock off at least 500 cals a day in energy. It better. But I think 1,300 is really high. Seriously, the recommended is 2,000 cals for others who are much taller than me.

Gah, unfortunately, I don't cook my own food. It would be too stressful. I don't eat out anymore though, I've given up on red meat and I've cut back on the rice. That's all I can do for now without having the urge to kill anyone. It's been like this for a week. Slow torture.

You're so cool for actually losing the weight! I'm giving myself until the end of August to lose 10 :O I think your family cooks healthy and delicious food. Bless you for eating sushi.
 
Okay! Exercise was a success! Whew. I don't think I burned a lot though. I wish there was some way to figure out how much I burned after dancing around and yelling songs. Dx

I did squats and lunges. They're a bit awkward to do. I decided to stop after my legs started shaking. Hello leg muscles! I want to get the cut I used to have when I swam every single day. Ruined my hair.

My obsession as of now is to buy a scale. Holy hell, it's already 1:17 AM. Gah! Sleep deprivation! I suppose this is kind of my fault. But it's better this way. I can learn how to stay up more in case I need to study for long periods.

Lesson Learned: Stretch first. I did squats to the beat of this song (Lollipop by Mika) and I thought I felt my left kneecap pop. It delayed me for another 15 minutes.
 
Alright, if I don't eat dinner today, it's not a complete loss.

Breakfast
1 white bread
1/2 spoon Nutella

Total: 200 cals

Snacks
Coke - 150
Oreo and corn chips - 150

Total: 300 cals

Lunch
KFC chicken - around 300 cals?
1.5 cups rice - 300 cals
Pepsi - 150 cals

Total: 750 cals

Grand total: 1,350 cals

OH GOD NO!

Oh a happier note, some people today said I lost weight. Hooray? Maybe. I think it was just because I was wearing loose jeans.

I can't confirm anything until I get that damn scale... which I'll get by next Wednesday. By then, I should be about 107.5 pounds if everything is going according to plan.
 
I feel so ashamed but I will keep on doing this thing until I get my money's worth. I've probably disappointed people. I hate being the over-thinker and I hate the fact that I care too much about that other people think of me.

3 hours of judo

Breakfast
fiber crackers - 130 calories
Nutella - 70
Apple - 100

Total: 300 cals

Lunch
Rice - 200
chicken curry - 300
Melon, papaya, watermelon with whipped cream - 100

Total: 600 cals

Dinner
apple - 100
hot chocolate -100

Total: 200 cals

Grand total: 1100 calories

Looks like I can only eat 900 tomorrow.
 
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I think... a feel good about myself. I feel thinner.

And I saw a cute guy and he makes me feel giddy. I don't know his name.
 
PandaQuill said:
I feel so ashamed but I will keep on doing this thing until I get my money's worth. I've probably disappointed people. I hate being the over-thinker and I hate the fact that I care too much about that other people think of me.
Click to expand...

People are here to encourage you, and your not a disappointment!
Good that you are feeling better about yourself today though.
The last 10lbs is very hard.
If you don't have the energy, maybe you aren't eating enough? Or maybe you need to look at where you are getting your calories from- more protein might help? More iron could help you feel more energetic? I'm not an expert though. You can do this!
 
Thank you for the comfort. : ) But it's not about the last ten pounds I'm ashamed of. It's actually what I'm doing to lose those last ten pounds. Haha, I have no right to complain about those stupid ten pounds when others are working so hard and honestly to lose more than that.
 
I've been in bed all day trying to finish the mountain load of work I managed to bury myself in.

Breakfast
Did not wake up for this.

Lunch
sinangag (yesterday's rice fried in oil with eggs and seasoning) - 300 cals
Fish stew - 300 cals

Total: 600 cals

Dinner
Fresh Lumpia (seaweed, peanuts, carrots, other stuff I don't know with sauce) - 300
1 apple - 100 cals

Total: 400 cals

Grand Total: 1000 cals

I wish I could've exercised but my body is still aching from the 3 hours of becoming a punching bag yesterday.
 
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Hello, I'm still giddy because I'm starting to really have a crush on Antonio or Anthony. Whatever his name is. :3 Gah, I ate a lot today v_v It's raining and I had to have that hot chocolate, spaghetti and some fries from McDonalds with my posse. This means I owe myself a couple of hundred calories. I hope to exercise later but I'm dead tired. ANTONIOOO! :3

I'm inspired. I'm going to be hot for him.

Breakfast
load of bread - 100 cals
nutella - 100 cals

Total: 200 cals

Snacks
Eggnog - 70 cals
Candy - 30 cals

Total: 100 cals

Lunch
1.5 cups of rice - 250 cals
tuna - 150 cals
fried egg - 150 cals

Total: 550 cals

Dinner (this is where it gets bad)
1 cup hot chocolate - 200 cals
fries - 100 cals
spaghetti - 560 cals (oh dear god)

Total:860

Later Dinner
Rice - 200 cals
Vegetable soup - 50 cals
2 fried fish eggrolls - 250 cals

Total: 500 cals


Grand Total:1,610 calories


I owe myself 710 calories. This could work if I eat 200 calories less on the next 4 days or if I only eat about 300 calories on Wednesday o.o

EDIT:
I broke down. I ate some more. Gosh darnet. Italics are additionals.

The REAL Grand Total: 2210 calories.

I owe myself 1,210 calories. Holy hell, that's like one day of eating. I'm going to have to make an eating plan. I'm going to stick to this 1000 calorie diet for one or two more weeks then I'm bumping it down to 800 calories a day. It all depends on the scale on Wednesday.
 
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Oh my goodness. Ever since I stopped lifting weights the other day because of the judo thing, everything's gone downhill! I overate again today! Oh boy, I owe myself a lot of calories now.

Breakfast
Nothing.

Snacks
Candy - 75 calories

Total: 75 calories

Lunch
Rice - 200 cals
Fried fish - 300 cals
Oatmeal bar - 150 cals

Total: 650 cals

Snacks
Chips - 200 cals
Chocolate Drink - 150 cals

Total: 350 cals

Dinner
Rice - 250 cals
Squid balls - 300 cals
Eggplant - 150 cals
Vegetables - 150 cals
Fried fish - 100 cals

Total: 950 calories

Grand Total:2,025 caloreis

HOLY MARY MOTHER OF GOD. That dinner really did it.

Let's see...

I ate an extra 1,025 calories today plus that 1,210 from yesterday. I owe myself 2,235 calories Oh dear god. Roll-over calories. Definitely making an eating plan. I'm going to keep it under 300 tomorrow.
 
I think that you might just want to leave those days behind and start the calories fresh? Thinking that you have to eat less than 300 cals is probably going to do more damage than get the results you want.
Maybe try to get the eating plan idea going but always remember that there will be days that you fall off the wagon but just get straight back up!
You can do it!
 
Haha why thank you! :3 It's okay, it's going to be 400 calories today xD If I don't punish myself like this, I'll do it more often v_v

And I'm just staying home today to catch up on sleep so I'll be in bed all day. 400 calories is alright :3 Thank you again.
 
Dx I don't know how many calories there are on microwaved squidballs!

Lunch
apple - 100 cals

Snacks
oatmeal - 250

Dinner
squidballs - 250

Grand Total: 600 calories.
Calorie Debt: 1,800 calories

Ugh. I shouldn't have had that oatmeal but I was hungry.
 
Ugh, I'm pretty pissed off. People keep calling me fat again. I thought I finally got over this. The sad part is that one of the people calling me fat is kinda ugly. Good for her. I'm still offended though even if it's just a joke. Called her ugly back. 'cause she is. Ugly bitch.

Breakfast
1 slice bread - 100 cals
hot chocolate - 100 cals

Total: 200 cals

Lunch
1/2 cup rice - 100 cals
1/2 fried egg - 70 cals
1/2 egg roll - 70 cals
1 loaf of big bread w/ sugar and cheese - 300 cals
ice cream - 200 cals

Total: 740 cals

Dinner
1 cup of rice - 200 cals
2 small eggs - 120 cals
apple - 100 cals
oil and sugar - 100 cals

Total: 520 cals

Grand Total: 1,460 calories.
Total Debt: 2,260 calories

I think I'll stop the excessive calorie cuts. I'll stick to cutting 100-200 calories per day. v_v Assuming I don't pig out or anything (which is unlikely since I'm going home this weekend where my mom is going to feed me), It's going to take at least 11 days 'til I pay this off. GAH.

I have to plan this out. I just realized that I don't make my 1,000 calorie mark unless I accidentally sleep in on that meal time or something. I'll plot this out... somehow.
 
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I think I'll reset. Saying I overate this weekend is an understatement. Tomorrow is day one once again.

Okay, update on the weight loss thing. I finally have a scale and I'm planning on around 100 calorie breakfasts. I'm still doing the 1000 cals a day thing and this time, I'm sticking to it. I REFUSE to go over. My goal will always be under. I'm loading up on apples so I can eat it for dinner. I didn't lose a single pound in the last three weeks of dieting. I'm three pounds behind. I suppose I deluded myself into thinking I lost weight. Blah.
 
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Day 1

Breakfast
Cereal Drink - 120 cals

Lunch
spaghetti - 150 cals
Crackers - 150 cals
Bread - 200 cals (man i wish there was a more accurate way of finding this out)

Dinner
Apple - 100 cals
Rice - 200 cals
Fried squid - 200 cals
spaghetti - 400 cals

Grand Total:1,520 calories

Well, it was better than yesterday xD Yesterday's LUNCH reached 1,945. And that's just lunch. Ah, my binging days.

I ate meat this weekend so it's hard to stop eating meat again.
 
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