Onward's Diary

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Onward

New member
I'm writing my 1st diary entry because I figure there may be something therapeutic about writing to a sympathetic audience, and maybe even gain some enlightenment, support and suggestions. Or, at a minimum, I just get to vent. Apologies for the length, this is a catch up for the journey I've been on for the past 5 months...

In Dec 2009, I received my lab results done at my recent doc appointment: "borderline abnormal" for fasting blood glucose (sugar) and lipid (fat) levels. I was 34 yrs old, 242 lbs and 5'6". Much of my family deals with obesity and Type II diabetes and other things, so I figured it was time to do something about my weight. So, like many others, I pronounced to myself my NEW YEARS RESOLUTION: do something about it! (Notice to myself only: didn't want to advertise...especially in light of fear of failing). I wasn't really sure what to do first, but the blood sugar scared me the most, so I first cut all added sugar out of my diet for a couple weeks. But I realized this wasn't good enough, so after doing a bit of online research, I decided to start a 1200 calorie diet.

So around Jan 15, 2010, I committed to only eating 1200 cals each day and started keeping a food journal. I try to keep my daily intake smart and well-rounded, though I admit to a few weaknesses (helloooo Diet Soda...). I've been thoroughly rigorous and stringent with myself, only allowing lapses on keeping the food journal for vacation and holidays. And as of June 8th (I weigh myself every Tuesday), I've lost 43 lbs after about 5 months. I weighed 199 lbs, and I can't even remember being under 200 as an adult before!

I know I should be happy with my results so far, and I suppose I am, but lately I find myself dealing with related challenges: depression, temptation, social activities, and a general sense of becoming obsessive when it comes to food. Logically, I tell myself these are common for anyone living with a stringent diet: but it doesn't really ease the burden...

Well, per the ol' BMI chart: I have a goal to hit 154 (highest in range that's considered normal) so that means 45 lbs to go! I worry about this as I can't even recall EVER weighing "normal", even as a youth...but Onward continues...
 
Just wanted to say well done!! 43lbs is such an achivement (I know because I am pretty much at the same stage as you) - keep on going!!! You must feel so much better in yourself each day and I'm sure what you have done has really made you SO much healthier.

Congrats on coming all this way (and never apologise for venting in your own diary!! Its what its there for!)
 
Hey, congratulations on the results! WELL DONE! It is a great achievement. Keep your motivation and persistence going on!

You must also watch your diet on your blood glucose. My mum had it at about 32 years old and it is stuck with her for life. More than 25years now.... time really flies... =(

You should not be eating too much rice and of course all the sweet stuff. Do not go for stuff that says "less sugar" It only do you more harm... They contain some chemical stuff that is not good for health in the long run. (unfortunately i can't remember what's the name of it... sorry).

Suggest you can replace rice with oatmeal. I have been telling people about this. It is good for high cholesterol (which i have... =( ) and of course dieting... Good replacement for rice too as rice has high glucose content. I add the oatmeal to my soup (can be fish soup, corn soup, mushroom soup etc). Sounds odd?? hahaha... true... but give it a try... it taste superb... hehehe.... but for me, i dun like soggy stuff... so, after the soup boils, i just add the oatmeal and boil for less than a min and then, it can be consumed.

Good luck and all the best in your weight loss commitment!

Cheers!
 
Onward continues

Thanks for the encouragement! And now to my update. Its Tuesday, which means weigh-day! So a good day: lost another 2.2 lbs this week.

Its funny (in a not so funny way) how much harder some days are, than others...I just try to distract myself on those bad days, doing anything possible (shopping, gaming, reading) and hope it'll get easier. A bit of a roller coaster, really. Today's been an easier day.

I'm maintaining my 1200 cal/day intake so all's good there. Its not a lot of calories to play with, and I'm not sure I'm really following the rules (trying to keep protein numbers up though), but I kinda don't care: if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Though, I do think I've been eating a bit too much fake stuff (fake frozen treats <100 cals) so am abandoning them for now to focus on fruit for my sweet fixes (love the berries this time of year!).

Recently started the dreaded exercise. Really am not a fan of sweating, other than the silly dancing around my apt when no one's looking...So I've taken up beginning yoga 2x/wk, which I'm actually really enjoying.

Stats:5'6", 35, chick
Start: 242 lbs
Current: 196.8 (loss: 45.2)
To go: 42.8
 
Hey Onward, how have you found clothes sizing since losing 45lbs? I've dropped from a UK size 22 (at 238lbs 5'6) to a UK16 (at 189lbs) and am really interested in at what stage I'll go down to a 14...or a 12....

As for the calories, since I've substituted a sandwich at lunch for a big salad, I've found it SO much easier to be around 1200 cals - with room for manoever around eating snacks throughout the day or saving myself for a healthy meal out with friends.
 
Onward continues!

22June2010, Tuesday's weigh in: lost another 1.4 lbs. Kinda bummed to see a "1", but still not too shabby.

Oof, and dreaded special occasions coming up...I find it SO hard to relax even a little bit at these parties! Last week I just sipped at sparkling water the whole time. Kinda bordering on obsessive, I realize. But when trying to lose, its so hard to let that mentality go and enjoy life's enjoyable moments too! I figure when I'm in maintenance, I'll be able to relax some, but until then, its a struggle. Or, just need to accept one week I won't lose...but will get right back on board the next week...Choices...

JJJay: clothing shopping has been a rather overwhelming and somewhat bizarre experience. As someone who's only previously shopped in the plus sized deptartments, I've had to adjust now that I don't always need to! I started at a US 20W/22W and now am in this strange in between stage between plus sized and regular sized..Ever manufacturer cuts differently (men's ware is SO much more straigh-forward!) So now I'm in 14W/16W and 14M/16M/18M... [Here in the US, there are 2 kinds of adult ladies sizing W (women's/plus) and M (Misses/Regular)]. So sometimes I go for Ws and sometimes now I don't need to. Certainly makes shopping more difficult: WAY more options!!! Kinda overwhelming change... Also, I don't want to buy tons of clothes since am still trying to lose more, but I have recently bought a mini wardrobe. And don't even get me started on bra shopping...Gah...!

Also, taking my 1st cardio class on Mon in addition to my 2x/wk yoga...eek.

Anyhoo...Onward continues...

Stats:5'6", 35, chick
Start: 242 lbs
Current: 195.4 (loss: 46.6)
To go: 41.4
Plan: 1200 cals/day
 
June 29: Onward continues!

Just a brief update for my Tues weigh in!

Survived the social weekend AND my 1st cardio interval class...

And am quite pleased: lost another 2 lb this week! :)

A long holiday weekend approaches with my family...and will no doubt be surrounded by tempting yummy family meals. Gahhhhhh!!! Here's my thought: even if I choose to splurge and end up either not losing weight or, worse, GAINING a bit, I can't let it brutalize me. Just need to get right back on the plan ASAP! I can't live my life always denying myself...this isn't a race but a long term commitment to my health.

Stats:5'6", 35, chick
Start: 242 lbs
Current: 193.4 (loss: 48.6)
To go: 39.4
 
congrats. nice work and good moto. Things aren't always going to go in the positive direction but if you think positive, the net result will be positive.
 
Sounds like you are doing just fine. Remember, every journey has ups and Downs. As long as you focus on progress and not perfection you will keep losing the weight.
 
Still continuing...!

Well, I was getting a bit OCD about my private weigh-ins earlier on in my 'new lifestyle' (was weighing myself everyday: a wee bit compuslive)...so set a rule for myself: only step on the scale Tues mornings.

So after being with family and food for the July 4th week (eek...) returned to the scale on 13June...that allowed for almost a full week to "recover", that is, get back on the plan, before having to step back onto the scale. And joy: lost another 1 lb.

Am feeling really good these days...hopefully not TMI (too much info) but my GERD has vanished with the weight loss! Pretty fricking amazing, that. And am even having these thoughts about taking up jogging. JUST thoughts for now...but the fact they're there, is impressive enough at the moment. Sticking with the cardio interval class (uggg!) for now...

Am just wondering if I'll ever get to the point that I won't be SO focused on food. Seems like so much of my day is about planning, counting, weighing, plotting, and just THINKING about my food for the day. I sure hope that once I'm on a maintenance plan, as opposed to a loss plan, that it'll get easier.

So, stats:
1200 cal/day
5'6", 35, chick
Start: 242 lbs
Current: 192.4 (loss: 49.6)
To go: 38.4

Hi ho , hi ho...
 
Tuesday again...

Ah..Tuesday is weigh in day...

And yay: another 1.8 lbs down for the week.

Man oh man...having one of those days that I'm painfully craving something yummy. Today's craving is most decidedly cake. Doesn't even matter what kind... Mmm...cake. Grrr... But will eat apple instead.

Will I ever be able to enjoy a piece of cake again, without having guilt or food fears? Sometimes I really wonder...

So, stats:
1200 cal/day
5'6", 35, chick
Start: 242 lbs
Current: 186.4 (loss: 52.6)
To go: 32.4
 
Tuesday has loomed...

Other than craving naughty things (nothing unusual there...) and not giving into tempation, its been a boring week, but with progress!

Oops, LAST week should have said current weight was 189.4, not 186.4...with 35.4 lbs to go...

So, stats:
1200 cal/day
5'6", 35, chick
Start: 242 lbs
Current: 186.8 (loss: 55.2)
To go: 32.8
 
GRRRRRRRRRR!!!! I totally treated myself all wrong while on vacation! I was surrounded by friends, family and FOOD, and I just didn't navigate well at all! I tried to get in some cardio, but frankly, no amount of cardio was going to work off my dad's homemade chocolate mousse cake. Fearing the scale, I didn't weigh in until completion a week of diet and exercise...and alas, a gain of 2.8 lbs. Sadness....

I know its not the end of the world. Yes, I know I'm only human. Yes, I've been on a 1200 calorie plan since Jan 2010...(give or take a few lapses). But I also know these are all just excuses. I don't know if its this diet or a predisposition I may have always had, but I do have some experience with serious over-eating. Its very hard to change habits. I certainly don't have the answer, other than doing what I can, one step at a time. But there are periods of depression that are sometimes rather overwhelming...and then I get angry, since afterall, ITS JUST FOOD. Odd how much food controls some people's lives and not others... I wonder how many people are even as remotely food-obsessed as I (possibly all dieters) am?

So, stats:
1200 cal/day
5'6", 35, chick
Start: 242 lbs
Current: 184.8 (loss: 57.2)
To go: 30.8
 
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Do skinny people REALLY understand?

So I had a revelation not too long ago, many people at a healthy weight actually have to work to maintain it. Seems an obvious observation to make, but actually, I really just figured most skinny people just had it easy and don't have to work at it. Well, I'm SURE there are [unfairly] lucky people out there that do have it easy, but really, I have to presume most don't. Which makes my new lifestyle more palatable: I am not alone.

However. People not on a "weight loss regimen", really don't get it. My best friend, usually a really supportive person, commented the other day that it was time I 'rejoined the world', and that 'everyone has to work out to eat what they want'. Well. On the one hand, I fully admit: I've turned into a hermit. I dread having to go out to bars and restaurants and friend's houses for meals on account of my limited caloric intake. I admit it, I find the current situation throughly depressing sometimes. But I just can't even remotely find the possibility to really rejoin the social world when I strictly eat 1200 cal/day. There are only so-many diet cokes I'm going to want to drink out at the neighborhood bar... And I just get too stressed at the idea of eating too much. I'm a seriously efficient over-eater, so if I don't weigh and count everything I eat, I'm going to be unhappy at my next weigh in. I have no faith in myself as it comes to portions.

But most hurtful, the comment that: 'everyone has to work out to eat what they want'. Indeed, that is a more recent observation I've made. But there's the key difference bewteen people maintaining a weight, and those of us on a diet: I have to not only work out...but I have to work out AND stick to the weight loss intake. Otherwise, my progress would get slower and slower, and potentially plateau. And another friend, really happy for my progress so far, also commented that maybe I've lost enough and should focus on maintenance now. Again, I know I'm a total shut in... And it's tempting. And a frightening prospect. Afterall, losing weight is only the short battle...only 1 out of every 6 people with significant weight loss actually keep it off long term. Those stats suck. But I'm not done; I want to try to get a normal BMI (for the 1st time, ever). So Onward continues. Even if lonely and often-times, depressed about it...

So, stats: as of Oct 12, 2010
Start of diet: Jan 15, 2010
Plan: 1200 cal/day
Stats: 5'6", 35, chick
Start wt: 242 lbs
Current wt: 178 (loss: 64)
Lbs to go: 24
 
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