Only some Cat's get nine lives--an epic tale

S

seeXnoXmore

New member
I did this program in high school. It was an anti bullying sorta thing. yes, we all though we were changing the world one kid at a time. Ha! Anyway, some of the 'confidence building' techniques we learned was really simple. it was simply saying 'i like myself'. it got laughs out of everyone involved. you throw your hands in the air and yell as loud as you can, "i like myself" like...3 times. or how ever long it took to get either everyone a) rolling their eyes, or b)laughing their butts off. (hmm, in retrospect perhaps THIS is the weight loss secret...)
From high school I took a year of college, and during a practicum of sorts, we were doing presentations to kids. I went up in front of the couple hundred and attempted to get everyone excited. Looking like an idiot, I threw my hands in the air and encouraged the preteens to do the same. At one point, from my view on the stage, I noticed a handful of kids to the left not doing anything. So I sauntered over in all my 18 year old coolness, and fell right on my butt. In front of everyone.
Let's just say it's a good thing I find humour in every situation.
Let's just say that was the one time on stage I wasn't worried if everyone was thinking I was fat. And really, I'm not. Deep rooted self confidence issues. For being 5 9, I was closer to 190 pounds. So not necessarily Miss Universe, but not Miss Piggy either.
I think at that point is when I started realizing I wasn't giving people enough credit. Blindly I assumed everyone could only look at me and think "She shouldn't be wearing that." or "Oh my, Gerald, she ate again." (I don't know anyone named Gerald, but I imagine a woman named Beatrice saying that sentence. Hmm.)
Welcome to the new life. Enjoy my words. Call me Cat. Everyone else does.
 
...Wow...technology these days. Really screws with me.
Anyways, my minds a wanderin.
My sister and I always Beep and moan about how we're tired of being this way bla bla bla, and we never do things together. Umm...duh!?!? isn't support sort of necessary when you're doing a life change. if it wasn't sure wouldn't be on the website, hoping that i'm posting this entry right.
i've had a gym membership for a little while, but injured my ankle at a football game, (i wasn't even playing...how does that make sense? i think the curb did it.) and haven't gone back yet. Yes, at first i couldnt, but i still wasted a month ish of able bodiness.
so we, my sister and i, referred to as liz here on out, signed up yesterday at the Y. I'm excited. Mainly cuz now I can yell at her and it will be justified, haha.
But really, I thought of an idea.
Each week, we toss a buck into a jar.
If we don't lose a pound, just a small 3500 calorie pound, we throw in an extra 2 dollars. we each roughly want to lose another 30 ish pounds, so whomever reaches their goal weight first gets the jar. and buys an outfit with it. good idea? maybe...ask me when we're sweating it out in the gym.
and she yells at me cuz i stole her sweats. again.
and headphones.
and shirt.
--shes not innocent either.
 
so i suppose this being a weight loss diary there should be some talk of that in here. lets start out and say today, like yesterday and the day before wasn't good. im seriously lacking motivation. of course, thinking of where i could be is great, but is it enough? not sure.
what did i eat today? well..i had too much. went over my calories allowed for the day thats for sure, and with stupid scheduling conflicts didnt make it to the gym. cuz im lame. and love excuses. pff.
tomorrow...right? isnt that what we all say...tomorrow.
any tips for serious motivation? whats your biggest motivation????
 
I love your first post, you have a really good point. Like amazingly good. I've always had major confidence issues and usually instead of looking on the good side of things I beat myself up about the all the stuff I mess up on, which always makes me feel so hopeless that I just give up on ever changing. So I really appreciate your point.
I also think the money jar is just about the best thing I've ever heard. Lol, I can just imagine doing that with either of my siblings. I'd probably stop eating altogether just to make sure that I didn't lose. Sibling rivalry rules...
As for motivation I have so many that it's hard to pin down just one! A major thing for me is that I really want to work as a counselor at this amazing camp for kids and it's a really athletic job which means that being in shape is a huge deal. Another thing is just the general convenience of feeling like I can strut out into the street and not give a single self-concious thought to the way my butt is fitting into my jeans. Especially since I'm a total attention whore. :rofl: Not too unhealthy of an addiction all things considered.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how awesome your posts are and answer you back! Good luck with winning that jar!
 
Haha!!! I know what you mean when you talk about being an 'attention whore'. o we all deny it, but its so true. i am shamed.
just kidding. so not.
haha, yesterday i went to the gym with my sister. (and sibling rivalry totally DOES rule...kicked her butt on the eliptical!!! mwahhaha) its a good thing i love the gym...really do. look forward to going, love working hard, and then the mood you're in after you're done. kinda makes you wonder why you've slacked off so much in the past. haha. my fave part about working out? the muscle soreness after. my legs are really strong, so it takes a lot to get sore, but myupper body does. its sweet...i know its good too, you do ur upper body one day, then lower the next. alternate right? thats what i've learned...and abs any time...just watch your form.
i would love to try kickboxing, saw a bit of a documentary on it...well thats such a wrong word. (okay, so it was on mtv when i was on the elliptical..pfff...particulars particulars....) it looks fun. very intense. i think i'll check that out right now...maybe my gym offers kickboxing classes that i can take part of....
ciao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
staring down at lovely liz, still sleeping, at 3 in the afternoon!! and i was the one that had a staff party last night?!?! anywho, gonna kick her butt outta bed now and head to the gym, 40 min cardio, 30 min weight. can't wait!!
 
phew, that was fun. and o god, am i sore or what?! it was great today, tried a machine that looked intimidating, but has now become one of my favorites. its a chin up thing. ha, can't do em free standing, but this is awesome. i love working out! as i've mentioned before, that's not the problem. its def my diet that needs work. i have all this head knowledge of what to eat, how much, etc. its a matter of applying that knowledge though. my daily trips to tim hortons for coffee def doesn't help. to think of how many calories im consuming, and how much time i probably wasted because of that damn coffee!
all in moderation.
its so frustrating though. i blame my lack of good diet on time restraints. but i mean, if i can sit on the computer...why can't i cook a pot of rice, right? srsly buggin me.
time to go see my weight...weekly weigh in time. hopefully i can move that butterfly over to the right! cross your fingers, heres to hoping!
 
ooo mercy!
this is cause and effect right here.
i joined the gym, and then my sister did. and now my mom and dad are going to!!! this is huge...cuz well...it just is. for years, i've been begging my dad to do something about his health, and now he is!wahooo!!!
now on to my brother....
i didn't lose any weight for my weigh in, so that sucked. but this is okay! i know i'm working out, and eating better, so i need to just work harder. im not pissed off about it, i have my life to do this. and refuse to be disappointd!!!!!
 
so apparently i have dropped off of the face of the earth. i think i have fallen to what many others call "lack of motivation". sigh. could i list all the excuses i have for falling off of the bandwagon? no..i won't. why? when thousands of others have the same ones as me and none of them are excusable.
regardless of my present mind frame and all the goals i have...i just have to DO IT. i'm so tired of being mediocre. there is no room for that in my life. there are very few things we can control in life, and i don't want my weight to fall by the wayside. i'm happy that i have become comfortable in my skin, but i dont want that to be an excuse for me to stay this way.
i remember years ago my dad telling me something. my teeth are for the most part great, i have crowding in my mouth however, so one of my canine teeth is higher than the others. apparently you can't see it when i smile, but i know it's there. and compromise my smile accordingly. i am soo aware of it all the time. anyway, one day my dad looked at me and told me that its a part of who i am. it doesn't make me less of a person because i have a flaw.
those words are such an obvious truth, but i take that and apply it to everything else. i'm not going to become a new, better person when i finally lose these thirty pounds. i'll be me...the me i have worked for. still me, still same smile. the only difference is going to be how many clothes i buy. eep.
 
it's been awhile.
i sure hope thats not the start of all my journal entries. what can i say? no excuses...i promised myself i would stop using excuses. its not that i have stopped working out, i have stopped writing. and if im going to keep a dang journal on my journey, i gots ta write!
anyway, i hadn't gone to the gym in almost a month! a month! you know what i could have lost in a month! who knows, its all going to be speculation now. regardless, im back. and i have been making a crazy effort to get there. i've gone already three times this week, wahoo for me. but my eating is still less than satisfactory. its making my gym efforts seem futile. ive been drinking tons more water too. i think the fact that spring is peeking its head around winters gloom is cheering me up. the sun is shining more, the sun is actually warm too. we're still in the low negative celsius, almost peeking into positive weather here.
rollerblading season is almost here! some more snow has to disappear though, then its come on pavement! lets see what you got.
my sister hasnt come with me to the gym in a long time. our schedules don't generally match up, seeing as she works to midnight, and i work in the morning. yeesh. hopefully some of the workouts ive been seeing on the internet can help us workout together without going to the gym.
it'll be double workouts for me then. im not stopping! and i am freaking determined. its my birthday in a week. ill be 21. legal everywhere. and i have not lost the weight...not even close. my 'realistic' goals are being stubborn. or maybe its me being stubborn with the life i'm hanging on to.
now really.
i dont need those dumb nachos and burgers and poutines. even saying that makes me cringe. duh! no wonder im not losing weight.
its veggie platters, chicken and h20 from now on. or bust! my pant seams that is.
on a positive note, my brother and me were playing hacky sack, (im an avid hacker) and a woman i havent seen in quite a many moon saw us. she came over and said she hardly recognized me from the weight ive lost. haha, very sweet. and i totally know my weight didnt make me unrecognizable, but nonetheless still made me smile inside...and renew my motivation all the same!
 
so i went to a chiropractor today...first time ever. haven't even had a massage before. i was skeptical at first, but my boss went and highly recommended it, and seeing as the chiro is literally two doors down from work, why not. i get these dang chronic headaches and upper back pain. i notice the headaches and pain, especially after i work out, and i dont wanna damage anything, i mean...what if i had to become, gasp, immobile?!? so anyway, after a few cracks and pops and getting in trouble over smoking, and eating out (ugh!! him too?!?!) and my eyebrow ring even, i feel strangely better. no, its not all better, but i feel sort of lighter. which is fun. haha.
i'm def looking forward to my workout tonight, i feel so much more confident lately. i've started a video blog as well on youtube. i have another youtube acct for other random videos, mainly about my favorite football team. (go sask roughriders!) but i wanted to start another one, here i can read my progress, but with these videos i can SEE my progress. if anyone is interested in putting a face to this name...send me a message or just reply on here. appreciate it!!!
mmwwahhh ya'll!
 
So the gym didn't happen last night, instead I ate some supper made by my dad..."supper"....hotdogs....but! and here's a big but! (unlike mine ha!) i didn't use butter on my bun and had two, with some ketchup and mustard. so, really, no nutritional value there. sigh...i did the dishes though, yay for me? all those five plates, cutlery and the pan. so really, no excersize there either.
today much better. i was excited to start eating right--all the time, and i started the day off great. had the cup of mandatory coffee, and made myself an eggwhite omelette. cut up some sandwich meant and threw in some veggies, poured a lil low cal salad vinegrette on it, and voila...a tangy tasty way to start the day.
supper will be smoe chicken noodle soup and a few crackers and some freshly peeled carrots. add in the gazillion litres of water i drank today and it makes for a good effort for the day. AND im taking my boyfriend to the gym with me tonight. haha...kick his butt real good. told him before that if he really likes it maybe he can join with me? he said its not his cup of tea. i asked him what was...and his answer was guitar hero. ya i dont think soboy! you may be skinny...but im gonna whip your butt into some healthy ness. if he'll let me!
 
....as for pix...when i figure out how to post em, ill put em somewhere...promise!

so this past week being easter, plus my birthday and my moms...eating wasnt as good as it should have been. easter dinner, ie turkey and all the fixin's, and then bday cake and ice cream, o my. but thank god thats over and now i can concentrate on my fabulous eating. fingers crossed.
sorta stressed out this last week too. my cousin, whom the family hasnt seen for seventeen years came down. looong story short, hes helping me get a better job with a large company. ugh! i feel so underqualified, its not even funny. for real. lol. anyway, so as i said, its stressing me out. i like to know a lot about something that i get into, and unfortunately there isn't adequate information...hence the stress-age.
regardless, that in itself is motivation for me. a new exciting opportunity, something where i have to apply myself: dedication, hard work, long days, gettin the ol noggin to actually think! mmm! i can't wait for this golden opportunity! and i want to prove to myself now that i can actually stick to something. i love a challenge, and i've noticed when i lack a challenge (other than actually working out) in day to day life, my motivation for healthier living diminishes. weird, hey? hmm, well...i suppoe that means only one thing.
Find new challenges! Expand my horizons....learn...live....
o man i'm excited!
 
Okay, So I went to the doctor, got my annual physical, and I have slightly high cholesteral. I'm 21, so to me...it's like, oh well. But if you think about it, that's a pretty dumb view to have. This apathy regarding my health. Of course, when I'm fifty, I'll be kicking my own ass because of that, and my disregard. So, where does that bring me?

Since I started writing on this forum, and subsequently stopped, and started again, I've lost a measly 5 pounds. So much for watching what I eat and excerisizing. If you see my tracker, I weigh 176. I have a large frame, and am 5 9. So "healthy" weight for me is between 150 and 170. not far to go, but I have been plateauing at around 176 to 178. This has to stop.

To be honest, I started writing this for people to be inspired, how inspiring is it if you contantly fall? Not at all, this is for me now. What it should have been all along. MY health comes first. In three months I go back to check if my cholesteral went down. I need to. I want my quality of life to be satisfactory. I want to be around long enough to live.
 
Hiya Cat,

I think the most inspirational thing is the getting back up part. Anybody can stay down...so C'mon hop back on Sis' the train is loaded and ready to depart. Choo choo....I know I'm corny, and yes-I really am like this off line...ask my lil' sista...she calls me lame atleast once a day. lol

Jokes aside, loved reading your diary...is that a gift I see in you...um huh...me thinks so.
 
Thanks Mamaz, I really appreciate it. It's funny how much we can know and hear and bla bla bla, but I've always loved the getting back on the horse analogy, so you are correct. I'm excited today, sometimes we really just need that kick in the ass. Haha, and my sister is the same way...she'll giggle and just say the same yours does--lame.

I've contemplated writing, it has the perks I want in a career. Lol. (Traveling, etc) It's nice to hear you think its a gift. You've encouraged me twice today in those four lines. Your gift perhaps? Lol. Can't wait to read your stuff!
 
There have been some pretty big changes in my life as of late, three weeks ago my parents left the nest, haha, and moved a province over. So I now live with just my brother and sister. He's 19 and she'll be 17 in mere days. It's an interesting change, my maternal instinct has kicked it into overdrive, but I have to remember not to lose myself in a new role. Unless my surname is Kidman and I'm being paid million's of dollars.
I had to quit my gym months ago, well, 'had'...I reinjured the same ankle that I did before, I mentioned in earlier posts. A level 2 tear--again! It's been almost 3 months and I can finally run/jog without my foot being all gnarly and not bending right. So now, with winter approaching, I believe I shall again join the gym. I simply love the Y, and I've missed being away for so long.

Money was the other reason I quit the gym, I mean REALLY, its only thirty bucks a month!! I can find that! Time also the other reason, I JUST quit my part time job, I missed days off!! I missed doing more than work/sleep/coffee. This weekend is going to be a fun one. :)

But ENOUGH I say!! ENOUGH excuses! I have always made tentative goals for myself. And today, I say...ENOUGH!!! No more "lose 20 pounds by summer". I believe it will be, lose one pound a week. It could be SOO easy, I am my own worst enemy!
 
The last couple days have I have been especially aware of what kind of junk I am putting into my body. I did have relatively healthy fast food yesterday at work, a 6" sub turkey on whole wheat from Mr. Sub, and I didn't fold into buying a pop, even with the cashier taunting me with the "are you sure" line. YES I'M SURE DAMNIT!! *straightens collar* ahem, anyway, that was pretty much the only good thing yesterday. I didn't go over on calories, but I did not eat too much either. Was rushed in the am, so didn't eat breakfast, had the sub and a small bag of ketchup chips, (I'm sorry...) and then...hmm, I really can't remember eating supper. Perhaps that's why I'm so famished this morning...

Anyway, nothing good will come out of my body if I'm starving it away. I couldn't maintain that kind of diet for my life, and truth be told, why the hell would I? I'm learning about new recipes and new foods everyday, that's too much temptation for this girl. Just by reading other's diaries and posts, I believe I'm going to try this 'menu planning'. That way I don't have an excuse as to why I'm not eating supper. Also planning what I want to wear for the week. (Honestly, that's actually a school age tip for mom's, to plan their kids clothing out for the week so they know what to wear.) But heck, I'm usually a whirlwind in the morning for that reason, so I'm a gonna do it too.

I'm all into this 'organizing' thing, life just feels that much easier when you know what you have to do and when. I read an article on 99 cheap and easy ways to organize. There were some really really good tips in there, now to recruit my bro and sister's helping hands to tackle the house. Trust me, my parents may have moved, but there is more than just their spirits in the apartment. (IE: STUFF!)

Too bad it wasn't still summer, technically it still is, but I live in cold Saskatchewan and fall has reared its chilly face for quite a while already, I would have a garage sale. Man, organizing AND getting money for it?? Sheesh, I seem to have stumbled upon something here. And just think of the workout from moving all...those...boxes...ugh.

Toodles! Gonna go eat a complimentary muffin my coworker brought to work. Yay breakfast!
 
Hey Cat, just thought I'd drop by and say hi. I noticed you're not new but actually just were MIA for a while...welcome back :) ~Lisa
 
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