One day at a time with Kakutzi

K

kakutzi

New member
Hello there,

I am finally getting round to starting a new diary. This time i hope to stick with it and get more support from others to reach my goals.

A bit about me. I am a 30yr old female from New Zealand. I started my weight loss journey on 23rd Feb 2009 and weighed 88kg (193.6LBS). At that point i had a bit of depression, very low self esteem, and was pretty much housebound. I just felt so fat every time i went out anywhere.
My lowest point was when i went to a shopping mall, and the lady at the counter asked me 'when was i due!!' She thought i was PREGNANT. :willy_nilly: How depressing is that.

So finally i bit the bullet, and decided to lose weight. I had done it before in the past, and i knew i could do it again. Over the years my weight has varied, but for a lot of the time i was quite slim. But that was when i was excercising a lot, and eating little.

Well the next day my healthy eating/diet started and i started to excercise. I already had a gym membership but i hadnt been using it obviously. At first i started with going for walks, as i was sooooooo unfit. I gradually added in cardio at the gym, and had a weights program designed for me.

Here i am today, and already in this short time i have lost 35.2LBS. Today i weigh in at 158.4LBS. My current goal weight is 68kg (149.6LBS). So the goal is in reaching distance. Once i hit that goal, i will reassess things and see if i want to lose anymore.

I keep a track of my weight daily, and my excercising, so here are my latest...

5/18 164.12 (-0.44) - 55min cardio gym - WEEKLY WEIGH IN (-3.96LBS)
5/19 165 (+0.88) I had a big pig out last night! - 50min walk & 45min cardio gym
5/20 162.36 (-2.64) - 50min walk & 60min cardio gym
5/21 161.92 (-0.44) - Day off
5/22 161.92 (-0.00) - 45min Weights + Cardio gym
5/23 161.92 (-0.00) - Day off
5/24 162.36 (+0.44) - Day off
5/25 161.48 (-0.88) - 1hr25min Weights Gym & 30min walk/run - WEEKLY WEIGH IN (-2.64LBS)
5/26 161.48 (-0.00) - Day off (Too sore today from yesterdays workout)
5/27 159.72 (-1.76) - Day off
5/28 161.04 (+1.32) - 45min walk
5/29 160.16 (-0.88) - 40min cardio gym
5/30 158.4 (-1.76) - 55min Weights gym

I still struggle with motivation, and eating. Im put to shame when i see the workouts some other members on this forum do! But it does inspire me.

I havent been in a relationship for many years, and quite frankly my self esteem has been so low due to my weight that it hasnt been something i have been trying to find. I currently dont get out and meet people either which wont help. But ive decided that once i get to a weight i am happy with, i might try and meet someone. I dont want to be lonely for the rest of my life, even though i have my family etc.

Another thing i look forward to is wearing nice clothes again. I have been wearing the same old stuff to hide my fat in, for so long, the clothes are past their use by date :ack2: Now that ive lost over 30LBS, i can already start to fit old clothes i havent worn in ages. But once i reach my goal weight ive promised myself a shopping spree!

Enough about that.
As for this week, ive really been struggling with food cravings at night. Its agony. Its due to the fact that my daily calorie intake has been too low, leaving me hungry. Ive been still losing weight, slowly, but its been unbearably hard. So as of today i am upping my calorie's to a more healthy level, and hopefully i will feel fuller all day. Im also hoping the extra energy will mean i can do harder workouts!!!

So im quite nervous that by eating more my weight is going to go up. I guess i will see over the next week or two. Ive just hit the 150's and i really dont wanna go back to the 160's again if i can help it. But i have to think of the long term benefits i suppose.

So please, i look forward to any comments and support from others on my journey. I really dont want to do this alone. :waving:
 
Hi there, and welcome! Congratulations on the excellent progress you have already made!

Yeah, it sounds like you hit the nail on the head regarding your food cravings. You may indeed not be eating enough. It's a common enough thing to do when you are trying to get healthier.

The trick is to eat as much as you can (of healthy foods, of course) and still lose weight. You want to keep that internal engine revving, which means food.
And it will also help you keep your energy levels up. If they are flagging, that's probably another sign you aren't eating enough.

Also, sometimes increasing your intake helps kick-start the whole weight-loss process again. Sounds weird, but is often true.

I wish you success in reaching your goal.
 
Thanks for your reply Cord. Yeah, i am hoping to find that happy medium btwn intake and still losing weight. I do hope it kickstarts me a bit.

Hope you can stop by my diary again. All the support helps :)
 
heya girl!
glad to see you started a diary! i think it really helps with accountability plus you get lots of encouragement from others too which helps and you can find out what others are upto in their diaries and get exercise/nutrition ideas.

i can totally identify with your intro post, i felt all those things all my life. my self-esteem was down to zero so the past 2 years i hardly ever left the house and all i wanted to do was eat/sleep/watch tv...it was just a sad life. so early this year in feb things clicked for me and decided enough is enough. i now look at the few months i've been on the journey and have grown so much emotionally and starting to love myself again and starting to get my confidence back again. i still have a long way to go but now i know i can make it to the end.

ah, so you also just upped your calories? wow, i just did so yesterday and i'm freakin NERVOUS that the scale is going to start going up...i've told myself that this week i have to be super patient and not let the scale rule me, hopefully these first few days will be an adjustment period and thereafter i can hopefully continue loosing.

CONGRATULATIONS on the weight loss so far! that's an amazing job! all the best as you get to your goal weight, will check in here regularly xoxo
 
to answer your question about adding the diary link to your sig. just go to the 'edit signature' page, the one where you pasted your ticker code...there should be an icon called insert link and paste your diary link there and it should insert it for you. let me know if you have any probs xoxo
 
Glad you stopped by cherry! I think it will be good having a diary so i have somewhere to let out all im feeling etc... And the extra support really helps.

Well i have already started putting on weight from upping my calories. Sooooooo demotivating. Ive put on 1.32LBS overnight! So like you said, i just have to be patient and not let the scales rule me this week.

Im going to go hard today with my excercising. You really motivate me with that, reading what you do at the gym. Your amazing!!!

Will try and put a link to my diary like how you told me to...

Thanks again for stopping by girl :)
 
Hi Kakutzi, thanks for stopping by my diary.

I can really relate to what you've said in your first post; especially the confidence and relationship bits. I'm tired of feeling bad about myself, and I've recently realized how lonely I am. I push people away without even realizing it - I think it's a self-protection thing. (But really it's more harmful than protective, lol).

Congratulations on your weight loss! I hear you about struggling with motivation, but I think a shopping spree (!!!) sounds like a fabulous way to motivate yourself! Sometimes I think new clothes are a great little confidence boost, as well.

Great job so far, and best of luck reaching your goal. :)
 
Hi Kakutzi,

congrats on your weight loss so far!! That is fantastic! Sounds like you have it together and are doing a great job!!!


:seeya:
 
Well its been 2 days now since i upped my calories. And so far its not going well :banghead:

5/25 161.48 (-0.88) - 1hr25min Weights Gym & 30min walk/run - WEEKLY WEIGH IN (-2.64LBS)
5/26 161.48 (-0.00) - Day off (Too sore today from yesterdays workout)
5/27 159.72 (-1.76) - Day off
5/28 161.04 (+1.32) - 45min walk
5/29 160.16 (-0.88) - 40min cardio gym
5/30 158.4 (-1.76) - 55min Weights gym
5/31 159.72 (+1.32) - 60min cardio gym
5/1 160.6 (+0.88) - WEEKLY WEIGH IN (-0.88LBS)

For the last two days ive put on weight. This morning when i hopped on the scales i felt so upset and demotivated. I really just wanted to revert back to my old calorie intake which i knew was too low, but at least then i was losing weight.
Ive decided to just be patient, and give myself a full week of this new eating because i know its better for me long term. But i just wish i was still losing weight. If im still putting on weight all week, then i'll re-assess things.

Well today is my day off, after 4 days straight of excercise. But i feel guilty just having a day off. Any one else feel like that? Mayby i will still go for a walk anyway, if i can squeeze it in. At least its sunny today here, not like the last two days.

I will keep posting throughout the week to let you know how the weight issue is going. I guess i need to stop being so obsessive about what the scales say, at least for a week!
 
140 lbs said:
Hi Kakutzi, thanks for stopping by my diary.

I can really relate to what you've said in your first post; especially the confidence and relationship bits. I'm tired of feeling bad about myself, and I've recently realized how lonely I am. I push people away without even realizing it - I think it's a self-protection thing. (But really it's more harmful than protective, lol).

Congratulations on your weight loss! I hear you about struggling with motivation, but I think a shopping spree (!!!) sounds like a fabulous way to motivate yourself! Sometimes I think new clothes are a great little confidence boost, as well.

Great job so far, and best of luck reaching your goal. :)
Click to expand...

Your welcome 140lbs. Thanks for stopping by my diary too! Its good when others can relate to how you feel, because then you know you are not in this alone. Best of luck to you too!!
 
Kori said:
Hi Kakutzi,

congrats on your weight loss so far!! That is fantastic! Sounds like you have it together and are doing a great job!!!


:seeya:
Click to expand...

Thanks Kori. I appreciate you stopping by my diary! Im proud of my weight loss so far, but i think its going to get a bit harder to lose the rest. I'll just have to work even harder!

Hope you visit again :waving:
 
hey kakutzi, just thought i should write to say hey....and wanted to know how things are going with you? i've put on almost 4 pounds the past 3 days and i'm not doing so great....ever since i started my weight loss journey i've only seen drops in weight and once dealt with one week of having the same weight throughout and i could take that. but to see my weight increase overnight like this in leaps and bounds makes me want to CRY! especially since i've been kicking a$$ the past couple of weeks...i guess i just feel like i'm going backwards not forwards.

i'm sorry to vent here...it's just that i saw your numbers are also going up and know you can identify with what i'm going through. i think i'll give it 2-3more days, if it keeps going up i'll crack! so i think after the 2-3day period will adjust calories slightly downward because it's just too much to take. hope your doing better than me hun xoxo
 
Hi!

Wow! Congratulations on all of the hard work you've been putting into reaching your goal! I'm sure it will pay off in the end! You've been doing so well! You have a great journal going here!

WillLose60
 
Hey there,

I posted this article in Cherry's diary. I hear you're having the same issues as her. You might know everything in the article already, but just a reminder.



Here's an excerpt from it:

"Exercise physiologists tell us that in order to store one pound of fat, you need to eat 3,500 calories more than your body is able to burn. In other words, to actually store the above dinner as 5 pounds of fat, it would have to contain a whopping 17,500 calories. This is not likely, in fact it’s not humanly possible. So when the scale goes up 3 or 4 pounds overnight, rest easy, it’s likely to be water, glycogen, and the weight of your dinner."

Hope you're doing well. And please don't give up. It breaks my heart to even see someone even mentioning giving up because I have been in the same boat before. And I gave up and gained back even more weight and I regret it like nothing else.
 
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Hey guys, Here's a quick update on how ive been going since upping my calories. Its bad news :ack2: Big gains every day...

5/25 161.48 (-0.88) - 1hr25min Weights Gym & 30min walk/run - WEEKLY WEIGH IN (-2.64LBS)
5/26 161.48 (-0.00) - Day off (Too sore today from yesterdays workout)
5/27 159.72 (-1.76) - Day off
5/28 161.04 (+1.32) - 45min walk
5/29 160.16 (-0.88) - 40min cardio gym
5/30 158.4 (-1.76) - 55min Weights gym
5/31 159.72 (+1.32) - 60min cardio gym
6/1 160.6 (+0.88) - Day off - Cheat Day -WEEKLY WEIGH IN (-0.88LBS)
6/2 163.24 (+2.64) - Day off - Cheat Day
6/3 165 (+1.76) - 45min walk

I just want to cuddle up in a ball and cry. All the weight loss ive worked hard for over the past while has all gone out the window. In just 4 days ive stacked on 6.6LBS :banghead: Thats going to take ages to get rid of! I just cant get over it.
I guess i deserved part of that weight gain as for the last two days ive done no excercise and had cheat days diet wise. I guess i was so depressed over the weight gain, and going back to the 160's that i just got to night time and binged big time, without a care in the world. Not so today. Im going to beat this if it kills me. Back to good diet (still with my increased calories :( ) and excercise. I promised myself i would give myself to the end of the week to see if my body stabilised at a certain weight on the increased calories. So i will stick to it. If by the end of the week ive still put on even more weight, then back to the drawing board and back to my minimal intake, which left me feeling starving!

Anyway, thanks for all those who have posted support. Ive just gotta duck out for an hour, but when i get back, i'll get around to replying to everyone.
Hope everyone else is having more luck than me :)
 
cherrygarcia said:
hey kakutzi, just thought i should write to say hey....and wanted to know how things are going with you? i've put on almost 4 pounds the past 3 days and i'm not doing so great....ever since i started my weight loss journey i've only seen drops in weight and once dealt with one week of having the same weight throughout and i could take that. but to see my weight increase overnight like this in leaps and bounds makes me want to CRY! especially since i've been kicking a$$ the past couple of weeks...i guess i just feel like i'm going backwards not forwards.

i'm sorry to vent here...it's just that i saw your numbers are also going up and know you can identify with what i'm going through. i think i'll give it 2-3more days, if it keeps going up i'll crack! so i think after the 2-3day period will adjust calories slightly downward because it's just too much to take. hope your doing better than me hun xoxo
Click to expand...

Hey cherry,
Well i posted an update earlier, and things here are even worse for me. 6.6LBS in 4days!!! I know what you mean about wanting to cry. I too cannot handle the daily weight gains. I like instant gratification of daily losses to keep me motivated. I cannot believe i have lost so much in such a short time of what i had already achieved. I too will change my calories back if this continues. Hugs to you...
 
WillLose60 said:
Hi!

Wow! Congratulations on all of the hard work you've been putting into reaching your goal! I'm sure it will pay off in the end! You've been doing so well! You have a great journal going here!

WillLose60
Click to expand...

Hi WillLose :waving: Thanks for stopping by at my diary and for the kind comments. Hope you stop by again. Im having such a shit week i could do with all the support :)
 
dreamingblue said:
Hey there,

I posted this article in Cherry's diary. I hear you're having the same issues as her. You might know everything in the article already, but just a reminder.



Here's an excerpt from it:

"Exercise physiologists tell us that in order to store one pound of fat, you need to eat 3,500 calories more than your body is able to burn. In other words, to actually store the above dinner as 5 pounds of fat, it would have to contain a whopping 17,500 calories. This is not likely, in fact it’s not humanly possible. So when the scale goes up 3 or 4 pounds overnight, rest easy, it’s likely to be water, glycogen, and the weight of your dinner."

Hope you're doing well. And please don't give up. It breaks my heart to even see someone even mentioning giving up because I have been in the same boat before. And I gave up and gained back even more weight and I regret it like nothing else.
Click to expand...

Hi Dreamingblue. Thanks so much for reading my diary and for your post. I read the article and found it very interesting. Thanks for that! One thing i can take from it, among many things, is that i dont drink enough water. I didnt realise that drinking more can stop you retaining as much.

Yes i will try not to give up. Its hard not to feel defeated when you go backwards so much in such a short space of time. But i'll give it to the end of the week anyway, and take it from there!

Please check out my diary again to see how im doing :seeya:
 
hey hun, i wanted to say thanks so much for your msg telling me to hang in there and i hope you'll do the same since we're in the same boat. at least today i had a decrease but i'm still wondering if it's just a one day thing or if i'm back on schedule, so will keep monitoring till the end of the week.

at the end of the day, from all i've read and learned so far upping our calories is the best thing we can do for our bodies right now...and in my case since i have such a long way to go i guess it's best to do things by the book you know? so i know it's hard but i think our bodies will thanks us for it....it's just that we need to stop letting the damned scale mess with our heads.

i know what you mean about cheating, i've been eating perfect but after feeling so down things kinda went haywire. so you see in my case i've been eating the same meals for three months, then when i upped my cals as of last week what i did was instead of eating larger quantities of healthy food to meet my calories, instead i added a few calorie-dense foods so that i can just add a little to my meals as treats....so from having a 100% healthy cupboard/fridge, i ended up buying some natural peanut butter and some full fat cheese, bad idea, because i've been adding the cheese abit too much and as for the peanut butter my goodness its been a bit out of control. i'm supposed to have one spoon of it a day, but have been having about 3 a day and as long as it fits in my calorie intake, and about 2 nights ago i had 6 spoons of it all in one go! ....and at the end i was like WTF? did i just do that? so my peanut butter jar as of today is finished and the cheese is half gone....for me i've decided no more goodies for me, at least not just yet, i still can't handle having treats in the house because it could get out of control. i've pretty much reverted back to what i was eating before but now in larger quantities to meet my daily calories but in a healthy way. for my healthy oils i'll stick to olive oil, nuts, and as of 2 days ago have started taking a tablespoon of virgin coconut oil daily, of course all within my calories, i read up about it and most people seemed to have positve stuff to say about it so figured it wouldn't hurt to try it....so now i'm back to healthy foods and healthy fats and still exercising...so will give it another couple of days to see how things are going.

we can do this girl, let's just hang in there xoxo

kakutzi said:
Hey guys, Here's a quick update on how ive been going since upping my calories. Its bad news :ack2: Big gains every day...

5/25 161.48 (-0.88) - 1hr25min Weights Gym & 30min walk/run - WEEKLY WEIGH IN (-2.64LBS)
5/26 161.48 (-0.00) - Day off (Too sore today from yesterdays workout)
5/27 159.72 (-1.76) - Day off
5/28 161.04 (+1.32) - 45min walk
5/29 160.16 (-0.88) - 40min cardio gym
5/30 158.4 (-1.76) - 55min Weights gym
5/31 159.72 (+1.32) - 60min cardio gym
6/1 160.6 (+0.88) - Day off - Cheat Day -WEEKLY WEIGH IN (-0.88LBS)
6/2 163.24 (+2.64) - Day off - Cheat Day
6/3 165 (+1.76) - 45min walk

I just want to cuddle up in a ball and cry. All the weight loss ive worked hard for over the past while has all gone out the window. In just 4 days ive stacked on 6.6LBS :banghead: Thats going to take ages to get rid of! I just cant get over it.
I guess i deserved part of that weight gain as for the last two days ive done no excercise and had cheat days diet wise. I guess i was so depressed over the weight gain, and going back to the 160's that i just got to night time and binged big time, without a care in the world. Not so today. Im going to beat this if it kills me. Back to good diet (still with my increased calories :( ) and excercise. I promised myself i would give myself to the end of the week to see if my body stabilised at a certain weight on the increased calories. So i will stick to it. If by the end of the week ive still put on even more weight, then back to the drawing board and back to my minimal intake, which left me feeling starving!

Anyway, thanks for all those who have posted support. Ive just gotta duck out for an hour, but when i get back, i'll get around to replying to everyone.
Hope everyone else is having more luck than me :)
Click to expand...
 
5/25 161.48 (-0.88) - 1hr25min Weights Gym & 30min walk/run - WEEKLY WEIGH IN (-2.64LBS)
5/26 161.48 (-0.00) - Day off (Too sore today from yesterdays workout)
5/27 159.72 (-1.76) - Day off
5/28 161.04 (+1.32) - 45min walk
5/29 160.16 (-0.88) - 40min cardio gym
5/30 158.4 (-1.76) - 55min Weights gym
5/31 159.72 (+1.32) - 60min cardio gym
6/1 160.6 (+0.88) - Day off - Cheat Day -WEEKLY WEIGH IN (-0.88LBS)
6/2 163.24 (+2.64) - Day off - Cheat Day
6/3 165 (+1.76) - 45min walk
6/4 162.36 (-2.64) - 50min cardio gym

Well im a bit happier today seeing a loss. Mayby it was mainly water i had gained the previous days? Im still sticking with my increased calories, but not having more cheat days which were out of control. Hopefully my body has started to stabilise on this increased calorie thing? I hope so. Thanks for all the support you guys have been giving me...
 
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