On The Road To Regain Control

I get irritated with people sometimes.

There are a lot of people around me who just don't seem to understand my struggle. They don't understand why I constantly fret and worry over food and my weight.

Granted at times my obsession with my diet may come acrose as a little much, there is reason to my madness.

A lot of my friends and family think I'm insane half the time because I'm so hell bent on losing these last few pounds.

They say things like "You're fine just how you are." or "Omg! You don't need to lose anymore weight!" and it just really gets to me sometimes.

I understand that I am not anywhere near as heavy as I used to be.

But I am still not where I want to be yet.

And I guess when people say those things to me, it makes me feel a little crazy, because I don't feel fine the way I am.

It's just hard to make people understand that.

I don't see the same thing as everyone else seems to when I look in the mirror.

I was heavy for so long... I guess sometimes it's just hard for me to myself any differently.

I am constantly telling myself "God.. You're so fat."

Even though I'm not...

I think it's a defense mechanism.

Maybe I think that if I tell myself that, it will somehow make me strive to do better.

I know better than that.

It's a subconcious thing.

I know people mean well.
I'm just venting.
 
Alteredimage said:
I get irritated with people sometimes.

There are a lot of people around me who just don't seem to understand my struggle. They don't understand why I constantly fret and worry over food and my weight.

Granted at times my obsession with my diet may come acrose as a little much, there is reason to my madness.

A lot of my friends and family think I'm insane half the time because I'm so hell bent on losing these last few pounds.

They say things like "You're fine just how you are." or "Omg! You don't need to lose anymore weight!" and it just really gets to me sometimes.

I understand that I am not anywhere near as heavy as I used to be.

But I am still not where I want to be yet.

And I guess when people say those things to me, it makes me feel a little crazy, because I don't feel fine the way I am.

It's just hard to make people understand that.

I don't see the same thing as everyone else seems to when I look in the mirror.

I was heavy for so long... I guess sometimes it's just hard for me to myself any differently.

I am constantly telling myself "God.. You're so fat."

Even though I'm not...

I think it's a defense mechanism.

Maybe I think that if I tell myself that, it will somehow make me strive to do better.

I know better than that.

It's a subconcious thing.

I know people mean well.
I'm just venting.
Click to expand...

lol venting is good :)

i'm sure they mean well. you look different, you probably physically feel better, but it takes a while for people to change their self-image. i think i will always see myself as being fat. even when i lose hehe.

...we don't see ourselves the way others see us. and sometimes maybe we should ya know.. . start looking at yourself as a new person...a healthier person. and i think its maybe not so much the end goal you wanna reach. maybe you just want to stay in control and focused.

when you hear people say that to you...just say thank you. i know i don't have to struggle with my weight anymore, but i'm keeping myself in control by focusing on my diet and exercise...or its not so much about the weight loss anymore, its about continuing this lifestyle in the best possible way. i like eating the way i do. that should shut them up and give you a new perspective of yourself. keep this lifestyle not just to reach the goal (if it is that important to you) but to start living free, without the burden of losing the weight and with freedom and plan of keeping the health.
 
Thanks Lena!!

I really needed to hear that!

You're def right. My main concern is just staying focused and in check, more so than reaching the end result.

As corny as it may sound I almost teared up at the end when you started talking about freedom...

I've felt like a prisoner to this struggle for so long.
 
Video Blog Update:

For those of you who may not know, I've been keeping a kind of Weight Loss Video Diary...

AND

I just updated. :D

Check her out.



P.S. Ignore the 3 strange lines in front of my face. Lol.
 
Last edited:
Ha ha. I just looked up your youtube, earlier to see if you had posted again. I will go back.

I agree with the people who say you look great, but I do get that right now that isn't the immediate issue.

I liked what Lena said too. Staying in control and focused, is the guts of it for me too. :)
 
felici said:
Ha ha. I just looked up your youtube, earlier to see if you had posted again. I will go back.

I agree with the people who say you look great, but I do get that right now that isn't the immediate issue.

I liked what Lena said too. Staying in control and focused, is the guts of it for me too. :)
Click to expand...

True dat. :D
 
I start class tonight.

I think I have like Political Science or something like that, which has nothing to do with my major... and it's not gen. ed either. I just had to take some bs classes to get my hours because I registered so late.

I decided to take two online classes and two night classes so it wouldn't mess with my babysitting, which I do five days a week.

Excitment.

I'm really nervous though. Helpfully everything will go well.
 
I've nibbled all day. I hate when I do that because it's like I never actually give my body a chance to be hungry, and I just end up feeling full and yucky all day long.

Lalalal. Ain't nothing but a thang.
 
Alteredimage said:
For those of you who may not know, I've been keeping a kind of Weight Loss Video Diary...

AND

I just updated. :D

Check her out.



P.S. Ignore the 3 strange lines in front of my face. Lol.
Click to expand...

Now that was very, very cool !! Takes some stones to vblog but you seemed pretty comfy with it. I'd loose it doing that, I think.

I think you look just great but giddy up and get down to where you want to be, Jenn.

and your vent, yes, people just don't understand until they get on our side of the tracks. Until then, tell them to 'step off'.
 
FEELthePUMP said:
congrats on the wieght loss Jen!!! Seems like you have a bussy schedule. keep workin hard.
Click to expand...

Thanks a bunch!

T2 Trucker said:
Now that was very, very cool !! Takes some stones to vblog but you seemed pretty comfy with it. I'd loose it doing that, I think.

I think you look just great but giddy up and get down to where you want to be, Jenn.

and your vent, yes, people just don't understand until they get on our side of the tracks. Until then, tell them to 'step off'.
Click to expand...

Thanks a lot!

The encouragement is much appreciated! :D
 
hehe just saw your blog...a natural in front of the camera :) i'm nervous when i skype with people and they see me lol
 
lena410 said:
hehe just saw your blog...a natural in front of the camera :) i'm nervous when i skype with people and they see me lol
Click to expand...

Lol. Thanks!

GUESS WHAT I DID LAST NIGHT!?!

I actually worked out.

After I went to my class, which btw looks like it's going to be really fun and interesting, My husband and I went to the wellness center.

I ran 1 and a 1/2 miles and walked 1/2 a mile on the treadmill.

I felt really great after words.

I plan on going back tonight.

Yay!

I'm excited!
 
Thanks!

Okay... Today has been possibly one of the most stressful days I've had in quite sometime. I've been beastly to be around. I feel so bad that my husband has had to put up with me... I'm just on this rampage, and if that don't beat all, Aunt Flow has come to town. Lol. I'm sure that's not helping.

We had to run to town and do a couple things earlier and my cousin Little John, who I babysit, was just about to drive me up the wall. I had told him that if he behaved himself, he could get ice cream, but he proceeded to act up anyways.

I kept telling him that if he didn't be good, we weren't gonna get any.

But he just kept on, pushing my every last button...

Then, the last nerve I had left in my body snapped and I proceeded to annouce to Tyler... and all the rest of Walmart that: "Whether he got any ice cream or not, I WAS GONNA HAVE TO HAVE SOME !!!"

Lol.

And I did.
 
LOL! Oh dear.

I used to feel so stressed shopping with my kids when they were little. Now it seems like I see so many mums smiling at their children in the supermarket and I just tell myself I HOPE I did, at least sometimes. Supermarkets are ba-a-ad places for stress for me, even now.
 
Lol. Yeah.

Thank goodness his mommy got off work early today. Lol.

I went to the wellness center a little earlier. Ran 2 miles, walked 1 mile. FELT GOOD!

I plan to go back, early morning.

Once I get started, I can never get enough.

Plan to weigh in this saturday.

Cross your fingers.
 
I'm gonna shoot for a two pound loss this week. I think with my unconsistant consistency right now that's pretty reasonable. Lol. We'll see what happens.
 
Great new video. You look very similar now to the way you looked at your lowest weight. I guess you just feel different.

High stress is such a painful thing to deal with. I hope today's working out better for you. I'm sure the running is helping.
 
felici said:
Great new video. You look very similar now to the way you looked at your lowest weight. I guess you just feel different.

High stress is such a painful thing to deal with. I hope today's working out better for you. I'm sure the running is helping.
Click to expand...

Thanks a lot! And yes, running again has made a MAJOR difference. I've done it everyday this week, and I couldn't be feeling any happier at the moment!!

All though I did have a bit of a binge earlier which consisted of 2 heaping bowls of apple jacks, a bagel, and half a bag of organic potato crips...:banghead:

It motivated me to go a head and go to the gym today, like I hadn't planned on doing.

Ran 1 mile, and cycled 4.

Didn't change the fact that I slipped up, however it helped lessen the normal sense of failure I feel afterwards.

And I'm still smiling.

I'm really excited to weigh this week, cause I've been busting my hind end at the gym.

I'm finally back in the game, and this time I'm in it to win it. :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top