On my way to confidence

I've been so busy, but weight loss has been on my mind every day. I didn't do great this past week, but I knew that was going to happen. I've been thinking about a couple things. I've been trying to figure out exactly why I want to lose this weight. Mostly I've determined that I want to feel comfortable wearing normal clothes, and maybe someday, a bikini. I also want to feel more confident in myself, but I don't know that that will not necessarily come from losing weight. I think its more that I'm doing it just to do it. I've set a goal for myself, and I just have to keep going until I get there. Plus, I've been doing it (or trying to do it) for so long that it is just how I live my life. But this brings up a few questions. How do I know that I've set the right goal for myself? What if I get to my goal and I still don't like the way I look? Then what do I do? And even if I do like the way I look, how do I live my life? I know it shouldn't be any different because I am making lifestyle changes. The diet and exercise part won't change, but my mindset will have to. It will be so strange to go through my day and wonder if what I'm eating and doing will help me lose weight. I guess all I can do is just wait until I get there, and then work hard at not gaining back what I've lost. I'm sure I'll still have body fat to lose, so I can work on that too. I wasn't going to set a time frame for myself, but now that last week is over and I can get back to normal, I think I'd be safe to say that I can lose the last 5 pounds by April 1st. So thats my goal. A month is nothing. I'm really excited to get there!
 
I gained half a pound on the scale today. And .2% body fat. Normally this wouldn't bother me except I did a pretty hard workout yesterday. I was really hoping for a loss. 128 would have been a new low for me. The first in a long time. But instead I ate and ate and ate. I've been so good. Why did I do that? I'm ready to give up. I know I shouldn't. I know one day won't matter. But I don't feel like that right now. All I want to do is sit at home and eat. I'm so frustrated. I feel like I'm so close, but its still taking so long to get there. I know I'm probably not going to go to the gym today, and I'll probably eat a lot more. I'll try to get back into it tomorrow. I just want to feel good about myself again. I want to think I look good. It's so hard. I want to be normal. I don't want to think about weight loss every second of the day. And how do I know if I've even chosen the right goal weight? What if I get there and I still don't like the way I look? Then what?
 
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