OMG How I did I get here????

A

adventurgrl

New member
Well, I knew I had gained weight after my house burned down and had become ill with strange -unexplained pain.

I have avoided the scale and used so many excuses--"I know I am fat--no need to hurt myself by finding out just how fat I am." I had a friend ask me how much weight have I lost and I said I didn't know because I refuse to weigh myself because it is not about the weight--it is about my health! HA! it was about not wanting to see just how much I did weigh.
I believe I suffer from body dismorphic disease--except I see myself as thinner not fatter ;) (a sense of humour is all that is stopping me from wailing like a baby right now)

So, today--after I just celebrating 10 years of continuous sobriety in AA I decided I needed to get rigourously honest with myself and stepped on the scale

so, ...*drum-roll* I weighed in at 249 --OMG!!!!!
That is the most I have weighed ever!!
It is true--there is no standing still in life--you either gain or lose and I have certainly gained.

I am smoke-free now--5 months --yeah for me! I know that has contributed to the weight gain.

I begin new--I have joined here and hope with holding myself accountable and weighing in and with support I can reach my goal of 160.

Thank you for reading!
 
Wow. You have made some major life changes AND suffered a major life blow. Good for you for having the courage to takle this problem, too. Have you spent much time reading around the forum? I ask because I forgot to check how many posts you have and thought I would advise you to read read read. Learning everything you can about weight loss is a powerful tool. Just make sure the information is reliable and TRUE.

Good luck!
 
Hey Adventurgrl, I got your message from earlier today but I wasn't online. Welcome to the forum :) If you need any help familiarizing yourself around the forum or just want to talk just message me again or swing by my diary thread and leave me a msg. Or you can always post...there's alot of very helpful and supportive people on this forum so I'm sure you're going to be glad you found it. Glad to have you here :waving:
 
Thank you both for your responses--I was just thrilled to log on tonight and see two responses!!

I am fighting the urge to fall completely into self-pity..but with all the work I have done spiritually I know that will accomplish nothing!

I read recently that I have commmitted fully to be fat else I wouldn't be--took awhile to swallow that ..alas, this turn is all about honesty and if I was committed to weight-loss and health I wouldn't be this size.

Tomorrow is a new day and I am attending a TOPS meeting tomorrow night hoping to start building a support system ftf.

One day at a time
:)
 
I totally understand how you feel. I've been off my diet and exercise plan for a month now and putting off getting on the scales. The stress of moving into our first home, working extra hours and also being very sick for a few weeks made it very easy. That's life though and it sounds like you've had your hands full as well so don't beat yourself up. Especially not now when the only difference between before you got on the scale and now is that you're actually taking action.

You can't do anything about the past but you definitely should be patting yourself on the back for having the courage to take the first steps :) Speaking of which pls let me know how your TOPS meeting goes. I've always heard good things about the group and had friends that went when I lived in cali. I had looked into it a while back here in Ohio but when I went to go to a meeting it had been cancelled and after that my schedule didn't work with the meeting times. Anyway I'll keep my fingers crossed you get into a good group and feel comfortable.

Well I have to go to work but check out the stickies for good info if you have time and also the diary thread. Talk to you soon :)
 
Hey came by to say hi and where are you? lol Hope we didn't lose you already. I just now saw your pm from the other day. I'm all too familiar with being depressed because of my weight and I'm sure others here have felt it too. Just want you to know you're not alone and we're here for ya :) Did you make it to your tops meeting? If so how'd it go?
 
Hello new friend!

Sorry I haven't been around since my first post ;) I didn't make it to the tops meeting--I decided to go back to a low carb way of eating and will check out the tops meeting next week. I am down 5lbs so far and definitely feeling better.:party:
It still wacks m in the face how much I have to lose now but I'm not beating myself up too much.
Just feeling like I am in control again instead of food controlling me does wonders for my mood--as well as being off sugar and flour!

I had a visit with my Naturopath last week and I had some blood work done to test 93 different food groups to check for allergies. I am curious to see what comes of it. I am pretty confident that gutten might show up.

Congrats on moving into your new home!!!! That is so exciting!
What food plan are you following?

I shake my head at myself at times. I wanted to wake up this morning and see the scale below 240 ..haha..like it was alll water and poof would be gone ;)
I keep telling myself everyday that I am committed to losing weight and one day at a time I can do this.
I am visualizing myself at a stunning 160 --wearing bluejeans with a belt and a sexy top ;) never knew why but wearing jeans with a belt and no fat rolling over is just an image I can't get rid of :)

I keep thinking that I quit smoking one day it is now over 4 months and it can be the same way with the food. Just don't ingest processed white food today and before I know it --it will 4 months and who knows how many pounds? :jump:

It's going to be 4 months from now one anyways...do I want to be thinner or fatter?
These little questions help me.

Oy! I'm typing alot this morning. :)
I'm back at it..one day at a time!
7days under my belt of conscious eating

Hugs
Bonnie
 
So, it is the evening and I find the evenings the hardest-- much like others.
I want to binge right now and I am full--so, it leaves me with the emotional side of things.
I believe I am living too much in the future and worrying about not being able to eat this or that ;)
You know the routine.
I did eat 2 strawberries and waled away. Thought about all the other times I ate and binged while trying a new weight plan.

I had my hair done today which is always a treat :) Lunch with friends..while they ate their white bread and fries I had a spinach salad and felt fine.

Just wanted to type that I was feeling the urge to binge..not anymore :)

yahh for me:party:
 
I read somewhere that you should always somehow treat yourself to a dessert after dinner. For me I usually have something fruity, maybe even a twist bar (142cal). What the dessert does is tell your mind that the meal is over and stops you sitting around between 8pm and 11pm thinking "hmmm, maybe a snack?"

Works for me!
 
Yay you're back :D And we can do low carb together. I have some really good recipes I tried in my myspace blog at . I posted stuff I've tried and liked or hated too thats low carb products. I have to admit I'm not on any plan now though, I was low carbing but I went off my diet during our move a month ago and have just keep putting off getting back on any plan. But like you I feel tons better when I'm not eating flours and sugars. I have a bad leg and knee so exercise has been near impossible with my weight being over 300lbs. So I worked overtime last month and had the money to buy an exercise bike yesterday so I have no more excuses :) Hoping to get my grocery shopping done tomorrow and get back on healthy eating but tomorrow I have to face the scale either way after not weighing in over a month :( I'll let you know how that goes.

And good job putting off the cravings :) I read a post of tips in the forum somewhere that cravings only last ten minutes usually so if you can stall that long then eat something healthy you're good. I've tried that and sometimes it works. Hope you're having a good day, talk to you soon ~Lisa
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top