oh.em.gee. I'm fat.

kaplooie

kaplooie

New member
I've gotton so fat! Yaaaaaa, I just came to that realization. I've been in total denial. I've been working, and eating, and drinking, and working and eating, lather rinse repeat.

It wasn't until I turned on the new kinect for the xbox on christmas morning (I'm 31, not 15 I swear), and saw my image on the screen, a huge, lurking, monsterous apple with really fat legs, that I realized how goddamned fat I have gotton. I'm 5 feet tall *almost* and I weigh 237 lbs. What a horrible realization for Christmas morning. I spent the rest of the year in a funk.

Now that its appropriatly past the new years and I don't have to sheepishly admit to having a stupid resolution to lose weight I've decided to buckle down. I did not resolve to do a damn thing for New Years, except clean out the dark dank cabinet under the kitchen sink which I accomplished so I'm done for the year. What I did do, and this just sounds stupid typing it *out loud*, I decided that 2011 was the last year I was going to spend fat.

...because the world ends in 2012, and then what? I'd be spending eternity as a heifer, that would just be dumb. Time to get in shape.

Anyways, I'm doing this sensibly, I think, but I'm not afraid of drastic measures as long as they don't involve vaccuming out my colon. I received a Polar Heart Rate Monitor as a gift from a family member who is now on my hit list (give a fat lady a hrm...). My "seditary" BMR is somewhere near 2100 kcal, so I'll be eating about 1200 calories a day and working my huge ASS off at the gym (at least 2500 cals burned a week and five hours according to the training plan on the polar).

Today I had pad thai for lunch, probaby a poor choice, but that is also what I did for dinner, another poor choice I had a slice of pizza. But, no breakfast will do that to a girl. Poor choices. At least I worked my ass off at the gym today.
From the polar:
zone 1: 41:29 minutes
zone 2: 26:34 minutes
burned: 503, cal fat 35% (I have no idea what the means but it looks awesome).
average HR: 127, max hr: 147
effect: fat burn and fitness improving

I really like this hrm. it rocks. I get all excited about starting my "training session" when I'm wearing it. And the coolest part, it links up with the hrm's on the equiptment at the gym so I don't to keep my hands on those annoying hrm pad things.

I have a plan for tomorrow, I am going to get copius amounts of salad and eat that all day. and for dinner, I'm having bean burritos. There is a cardio class at the gym tomorrow and I hate the instructor so I'm going to use the kinect and the fitness game and then maybe also the dance central. The last time I played that my HR was out in orbit so I know I"ll get a ass kicking.
 
Hi and welcome to the forum. Great to see you taking steps to get healtheir and happier!
Though 1200 calories isn't TOO low for someone of your height it's may be too drastic of a change to make immediately. This will make it quite difficult to stick with and you will probably feel very hungry at first. You might want to try going to something like 1700 or something at first then working your way down. With your weight you would definitely still lose a good bit of weight eating 1700.
Just eating salads for most of your meals probably isn't a great thing either. You really need a balance of carbs, fruits and veggies, and protien. (Though I shouldn't talk as I have a hard time with that as well) Definitely try to get in your breakfasts and don't be afraid to have low calories snacks during the day.
Good luck in your journey!
 
Thanks MysticRealm, 1700 just sounds so high too me. I'm so fat right now though I probably could eat closer to 1500 and be seditary and still lose weight. Its been since my son was born that I've been this big and I don't remember how many calories I was able to eat and still lose. I feel so old thinking in terms of decades, but my son was born almost 10 years ago.
 
Hi, I love your sense of humour and will enjoy reading your diary. :)
I agree that 1200 is too low. It's a bit unrealistic and will be a lot more difficult to keep up. Also as you lose weight then you need to put your calories down more so if you start at 1200 then where do you go from there. At 1500-1700 you will still lose weight. You need to think of it as a life time commitment not a crash diet if you want it to be permanent weight loss.
I know what you mean about the kinect. I tried it for the first time yesterday at my friends house and when I saw myself played back my first thought was thank goodness I have lost weight. This time last year I would have had the same reaction as you.
Good luck with getting slim and healthy, there are plenty of us here that are managing to achieve it so stick around and you will too. :)
 
Thanks Ecky, I've been reading journals. I have been a member here since 2007 and have done my share of lurking over the years, but starting a new diary seems like making a commitment that I can't break. I'm going to stick with 1500 calories for now, if I increase my physical activity I can see eating more, but since I'm so seditary I probably won't lose weight if I go above that.

Speaking of seditary, I'm sitting at work right now in a really boring teleconference. So I thought I'd get on here and divulge what a terrible morning I've had. We had a holiday gift exchange at our morning staff meeting and everybody brought food and none of it was healthy and of course I ate it because I'm a glutton. Its not even 11am and I've already blown my calorie intake for the whole day. Not happy. And I have this work out buddy that works in one of our offices and she was at the meeting and doing the same thing I was, gorging. She asked if I was going to the gym tonight, I of couse said no because the trainer that is there tonight is a nightmare of a hoochie and I don't want to get kicked out of my gym for throat punching her. So anyways, my work out buddy IS going to the gym tonight and made me feel guilty for not going. whateves...I have kinect fitness with a virtual trainer that I cannot assault IRL.

So, I need to not eat anymore food today, except maybe a really light salad for dinner just to hold me over. I love food but I can live without its comfort when I don't need its nourishment. I need to learn this lesson in my heart, because I'm a gluttonous cow. I like to think that its because my grandmother starved in a concentration camp and somehow it translated into me being genetically inclined to binge. There have been studies conducted that show that the grandchildren of people who survived a famine are more likely to be obese and have type II diabetes. I can't remember where I read that but I work in the health care field so probably somewhere relevent.
 
Hi! I just had to come read your diary because I love the title! Sounds like your diary will be very fun to read. :)

I just got the Kinect too. The only game I have so far besides the one that came with it is Dance Central, and I love it. It's so much fun! I'm sure we can can burn mega calories with that game. Good luck!
 
Good luuuuck!

Shame your trainer is someone you want to assult...maybe they do kickboxing lessons, and you could get in a sneaky kick between the loins?

I wish I had an Xbox simply so I can go on Kinect! It looks sooooo good! Even better than the Wii, which my brother has and I always wanted to get Wii fitness for! Maybe I can convince the boyf that he NEEDS Kinect, then I can drop by his place for a sneaky turn...don't think he'd have anything fun like Dance though :( Sadtimes!

Good luck on your fitness journey!
Maybe instead of the gym some nights you can convince your buddy to do something else instead? Like gym when the trainer is not there...then running outside when they are? Will vary your routine too! :) <3
 
I've been dancing with Dance Central for a while now, probably an hour on and off cause I have to share with a midget, and for some reason I just can't stop being awesome. Someone stop me, before I use up all the awesome on earth and leave you all without any awesome left.
 
If you were looking for some awesome, sucks to be you, cuz I totally got it ALLLL!

After dancing like a fool I was all sweaty so I turned the heat down. Forgetting that it is like negative a billion outside and blowing hard so the cold just penetrates right through things like walls and insulation. So now I'm all cold and my feet are blocks of ice. I'm ready to curl up in my bed with my blankie and my pillie and have a little nappie.

And reflecting on my day, I admit, breakfast was a bit much, then I took it easy all day, then I did the whole dancing thing, had a bean burrito with hawt sauce, now I'm writing this and then I"m going to bed, pretty good day, glad I reflected on it. Probably won't do that lil' exercise again...reflection is for recovering alcoholics and I have no plans for recovery anytime soon.

so, off to my warm soft bed. Hopefully the cat doesn't meow all night again. I almost committed caticide last night.
 
ecky said:
Hi, I love your sense of humour and will enjoy reading your diary. :)
Click to expand...
Same haha, the bit about cleaning out under the sink and not wanting to join the masses making a new yrs resolution to lose weight... im just the same! Its not like if you have a bad day you've broken ur resolution and wont bother any more! (I just waited til xmas and new yr were out the way as I havent a hope in hell over that time of year, then got on the case!)

Anyways good luck! :seeya:
 
~Tutti~Frutti~ said:
Same haha, the bit about cleaning out under the sink and not wanting to join the masses making a new yrs resolution to lose weight... im just the same! Its not like if you have a bad day you've broken ur resolution and wont bother any more! (I just waited til xmas and new yr were out the way as I havent a hope in hell over that time of year, then got on the case!)

Anyways good luck! :seeya:
Click to expand...

ya, I should probably start losing weight in preparation for next years holiday season. Our holiday season isn't even over yet, we still have Russian Christmas on the 7th which is a three day long party of food, singing and church for most of my family (I ignore this holiday, I already celebrated Christmas). I figure this year I gained 13 lbs between thanksgiving and new years, I went from 222 to 237, that is an insane rate of gain, I don't even think its physically possible considering that eating is not my full time job, I actually get paid to do other things. Oh, and I just rememberd, the office holiday party is tonight...great...its catered. I'm going to have to find an excuse to not eat the food...like...I'm on a diet. yep, that might just work.
 
Everytime I try to control my consumption at a party it backfires on me. I should just learn to not even try, and just eat moderatly and enjoy myself. So two plates of food later plus three desserts, four beers and a loooohohooot of shots of vodka later and I'm so full I'm in pain, so drunk I had to leave my truck behind and cab home and I forgot my jacket.

And then it dawns on me that this is all going to happen again like a sick repeat on Saturday night for the company who's Board I'm on. I should retire from public life so I can lose weight. Has that ever worked?

But, I guess I should just be happy, a good time was had by all and we all got to witness a priest trip over his frock and fall down a flight of stairs. Its a once in a lifetime event. Food schmood, calories schmalories. Actually, I can't think like that, thats what got me into this catastophic weight problem to begin with. If I wasn't so drunk I'd immediatly punish myself with an hour on the gazelle, but its all folded up in a closet and just trying to unfold it while under the influence would probably kill or seriously injur me.

I don't want to be the fat lady that was killed in a freak Tony Little Gazelle accident.
 
LOL you should be a writer!!!
You probably need to control the alcohol and then the food will be much easier to resist. I remember when I used to drink a lot and diet. I would save my calories up for my night out and then come home drunk and eat everything in sight.
Anyway the occasional night won't do too much harm as long as you get straight back on the wagon and don't do it too often.
 
Thanks Ecky, I actually wrote a blog about the town I live in for a year and was told I should write a travel guide for the area, but my passion is in health care administration (bwahahahahaaa, passion and HCA in one sentence...), so I'm a desk jocky by trade at this point in my life. Maybe when I retire...

Today has been good. After last night, I of course was not hungry for breakfast. I was quite nauseated actually. Lunch was a salad with a lot of veggies and no extras like cheese or meat, just dressing and a few olives for my MUFA's. After that digests I'll have a lean cuisine steak tips portabello, which I think is the lowest calorie LC available at 160 calories.

The boss let everyone go early today, tomorrow is an observed holiday for our company becasue its Russian Christmas and we live so close to Russia we can see it from our backyards (I fucking hate Sarah Palin). So I'm here at the clinic with a skeleton crew for emergencies. It's boring.

Tonight I want to make it to the gym to work out, but I have a crisis in my kitchen. I was going to shine my sink, because I'm totally a FLYbaby. So I fill one of the basins to the brim with hot hot hot water and turn the tap off, but the sound of running water doesn't stop. I opened the freshly cleaned and immaculate cupboard and realize that the sink is not only leaking water, its POURING water. I never noticed this before because I habitually use a rubbermaid basin inside my sink instead of actually filling the sink up with water. So I have to replace the food trap, the flange and then reseal everything tonight just to fix the problem, and while I'm at it I'm going to go ahead and replace the whole plumbing assembly under there because it's all looking worn. It'll be an all night project. But my sink will be like brand new when I'm done. If I had not just cleaned out the area I would have stuffed a bucket under there and been done with it, but dammit, it was my goal to clean that thing out this year and I'm going to keep it cleaned out.
 
I was not going to go to work today, our practice is closed because of the Russian Christmas holiday, we observe it because so many of the employees are Orthodox and don't celebrate the regular Christmas on Dec 25th. Today I am taking the empty office and time to myself to reupholster the waiting room and exam room chairs. They are fabric that is not easily cleaned and they look dingy so I'm going to recover them with naugahyde so they can be wiped down with bleach. I'm not an ace at sewing, but I have a sewing machine and staple gun...and duct tape, so I think me and six chairs will be fine.

I'm going to find time to go to they gym today, for two reasons, the first to work out of course. The second is to find out what is happenening with my kids soccer team practice. I signed him up for soccer, with a hefty fee and they never called or wrote and told me who his coach was, or any other communication. They had drafts last week and still no word. Then I hear his friends are all teamed up and already practicing. WTF? So I'm going to go tear someone a new asshole today, and then get some cardio in.
 
Yessss! I have a page two!

I'm feeling less accomplished then I had wanted to today. I worked out the issues with the soccer team thing, and some fool of a coach is going to be getting a knuckle sandwich from me if I ever see him in a dark alley (note: we don't have dark allies in this town). I had my son switched to a different team.

I didn't get all the chairs reupholstered like I had wanted, I didn't even finish one. Its way harder than I thought. Google made it seem so easy. I think I'm half way done, but I have no idea how I'm going to get the covers on the chairs once they are sewn. I reverse engineered the old covers, but, it just seems like a very awkward shaped peg into a not so round hole...I have no idea what I'm doing.

I need to get the food in my house under control. I was going through cupboards and realized I have tons of carbs, but no veg or protein. I need to go shopping. I hate shopping. Grocery stores are like hell for me. old people, ugly people, dirty children and terrible lighting. Oh, and I keep thinking people are starring at me and judging me for gaining so much weight. I live in a small town, I know people look at me and think "holy shit, she really let herself go" and "is she preparing for carnival employment?" Fuckin grocery stores.

Anyways, I've decided to try a reduced carb diet, but coupled with a calorie reduction. Basically I'm going to stick to lean meats, high fiber in small quantities, and vegetables with the odd fruit and sugar free jello thrown in for variety. I want to ideally keep my carb intake to below 50 grams a day, thats about 200 calories a day from whole grain carbs or fruit. That leaves a lot of room to play with veggies and I do love veggies. They are just super expensive here where I live. But I'm not poor, I can afford them so I need to stop bitching and using it as an excuse. Crap is just as expensive here as veg.

I'm going to go do that thing you do when you get on a gazelle, oh yeah, look like a fool, thats it. I'm going to go look like a fool for an hour or so while I watch tv. Talk at you all tomorrow (you all...pretend people).
 
hey

Just wanted to stop by and say hi, and that I enjoy reading your diary...I think you have a great attitude about your body, I'm the same way when it comes to that kind of thing, if you can't make fun of yourself, who can you make fun of right? Anyways, hope you had fun on your gazelle, good luck!
 
Thanks Fatguy, I like to think that if you can't laugh at yourself at least you can laugh at all the dolts surrounding you...but then, I'm the biggest idiot I know so I get a lot of entertainment value out of being me.

I don't understand how I, a woman, can replumb and entire kitchen sink in under a hour and a half of actual manual labor yet I can't sew a freakin chair cover to save my life. I've officially ruined about three or four yards of naugahyde, although my son pointed out that it looks like flesh and we should sew ourselves skin suits to wear around so people think we are naked when we are not. No, I didn't drop him on his head when he was an infant, but he is genetically predestined to be an idiot like his mother.

Today I have two major tasks to accomplish before I can focus on myself. The first is to call every seamstress in town and see who I can pay to recover these chairs. The second is to go to the landfill. Our garbage removal service is on strike right now and holy hell the trash is piling up. I'm told that I can actually load up my pickup and deliver it all to the dump myself for free as I actually pay for this disposal service in my city utilities and the fact that I've been paying someone else to physically remove my trash is just an "extra expense." If I can deal with the landfill on my own today, I"m going to cancel my trash removal service and take it myself on the weekends and save myself $40 a month.

After I get all that taken care of I'm going to work out. I'm actually going to go lift weights before I do any cardio today. I've been doing cardio and then lifing weights but I find that I'm often too tired after my cardio sessions to make it into the weight room to accomplish anything significant, sometimes I skip out all together, sometimes I half ass it. Today I'm going to bust ass on weights and half ass it on cardio. Eh?
 
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