I am 22 @ 5'6 woman who weighs 13st(182lbs/82.3kg). I want to lose weight my lightest was 9st and it suits my body type perfect but that was when I was younger, more active and I had somehow managed to not eat ANY junk food for an entire year and drank only water religiously. I didn't do it to lose weight. I didn't do it for anything. I just did. It's hard to believe that I am capable of that now. The harder I try the more I fail.
I am lazy. I am one of those people who the busier I am the more I can do. Even if I have worked a long day I thrive off of being busy and find the energy to work out and do important stuff. I have had a weeks holiday and done NOTHING. Literally I have sat at home and not left the house or worked out once. For years now I have told myself every day "tomorrow I'll start" or "I'll start on monday" or other lame excuses. Some days I'm really good but for every good day there is probably three weeks of mindless, guilt free gluttony. Until now. I have picked up a box of chocolate fingers and they are sitting on my desk right now. I usually eat a pack in a go and to be honest, considering my HUGE appetite, I am surprised I am not bigger than I am. My friend who is also overweight (5'4 @ 18stn) and I signed up to gym. I work full time 6 days a week and she is unemployed so finding the time to go when it suits her is hard because our schedules differ somewhat. That was over half a year ago and despite both our efforts I haven't lost a pound and she has actually put on. >< Not inspiring to say the least but we have no one but ourselves to blame. I thought I'd feel more accountable for my actions but between both of us regularly cancelling on each other and freely admitting our bad eating habits it has got to the point as if it's acceptable to be this way. It probably is, but I am unhappy and frustrated that I have zero motivation!
I have ballooned out of my old clothes and pretty much have no friends and been single for the last two years. I am attractive and finding a man isn't hard for me but I don't feel ready, I don't feel ME. Maybe I am being stupid and should accept me the way I am? I love sports and going and doing all sorts of crazy things like random climbs in the park. The friends that felt the same way are long gone and I have since made some new friends who are like me. But I'm too embarrassed to meet up with them and keep pushing the date. I was horrendously depressed with my old job but now I have a new exciting one that suits me perfectly! I honestly HONESTLY feel that if I am comfortable in my own skin I can cope with anything. What we want most is the hardest to attain.
I can work hard. I am just too lazy. I know I can take the challenge of losing weight but sustaining it as I'm sure with most people is the hardest. Or I can take the easy route and stay forever the way I am. I just wish that in the moment I wouldn't be so lazy. I wish I wouldn't keep telling myself "tomorrow will begin".
To vent feels good. I have tried diaries before but was never honest and only concentrated on food. But since motivation is a part of it I'll be writing EVERYTHING in my day, particularly the times I wake up and go sleep - which is atrocious on days off. I am always frightened of being judged by others but recently I have found the strength to try and not care so much. I shall write everything even the cringeworthy details about my gluttonous lifestyle and hope that I am not the only one who struggles. If you have read this then I am sincerely grateful for the time you took to read it. Here goes nothing, it's now or never.
I am lazy. I am one of those people who the busier I am the more I can do. Even if I have worked a long day I thrive off of being busy and find the energy to work out and do important stuff. I have had a weeks holiday and done NOTHING. Literally I have sat at home and not left the house or worked out once. For years now I have told myself every day "tomorrow I'll start" or "I'll start on monday" or other lame excuses. Some days I'm really good but for every good day there is probably three weeks of mindless, guilt free gluttony. Until now. I have picked up a box of chocolate fingers and they are sitting on my desk right now. I usually eat a pack in a go and to be honest, considering my HUGE appetite, I am surprised I am not bigger than I am. My friend who is also overweight (5'4 @ 18stn) and I signed up to gym. I work full time 6 days a week and she is unemployed so finding the time to go when it suits her is hard because our schedules differ somewhat. That was over half a year ago and despite both our efforts I haven't lost a pound and she has actually put on. >< Not inspiring to say the least but we have no one but ourselves to blame. I thought I'd feel more accountable for my actions but between both of us regularly cancelling on each other and freely admitting our bad eating habits it has got to the point as if it's acceptable to be this way. It probably is, but I am unhappy and frustrated that I have zero motivation!
I have ballooned out of my old clothes and pretty much have no friends and been single for the last two years. I am attractive and finding a man isn't hard for me but I don't feel ready, I don't feel ME. Maybe I am being stupid and should accept me the way I am? I love sports and going and doing all sorts of crazy things like random climbs in the park. The friends that felt the same way are long gone and I have since made some new friends who are like me. But I'm too embarrassed to meet up with them and keep pushing the date. I was horrendously depressed with my old job but now I have a new exciting one that suits me perfectly! I honestly HONESTLY feel that if I am comfortable in my own skin I can cope with anything. What we want most is the hardest to attain.
I can work hard. I am just too lazy. I know I can take the challenge of losing weight but sustaining it as I'm sure with most people is the hardest. Or I can take the easy route and stay forever the way I am. I just wish that in the moment I wouldn't be so lazy. I wish I wouldn't keep telling myself "tomorrow will begin".
To vent feels good. I have tried diaries before but was never honest and only concentrated on food. But since motivation is a part of it I'll be writing EVERYTHING in my day, particularly the times I wake up and go sleep - which is atrocious on days off. I am always frightened of being judged by others but recently I have found the strength to try and not care so much. I shall write everything even the cringeworthy details about my gluttonous lifestyle and hope that I am not the only one who struggles. If you have read this then I am sincerely grateful for the time you took to read it. Here goes nothing, it's now or never.
