Noob with some questions...

J

Jesse1

New member
So I did a search and didnt really find what i was looking for... Anywho, I'm 28 y/o and my girlfriend is about to turn 27. We have been dating for about 4 years. Like all relationships go, i guess we did the usual i.e. movies, dinners, ice cream etc... well here we are 4 years later out of shape and unhealthy. Ive pretty much stayed the same if not maybe lost about 10-15 lbs, but my girlfriend has gained quite a bit of weight. We've tried different diets together and different exercise programs but nothing ever usually lasts.

My question is that how do i tell her that she seriously needs to loose some weight without hurting her feelings? Ive mentioned to her before that we really need to get in shape, but like i had mentioned we'll get into a program and lose interest within a few weeks/months. I think im usually pretty supportive, but i have caught myself making some unwanted comments. I hope im not being selfish, but i just want my girl back... i want the person that i fell in love with back. she's still the same person, but ofcourse her physical appearance has changed as well as a few other things like her attitude towards some things and ofcourse what happens at bed time.
 
well,i understand w/ weight comes other changes in your life too. I for one and much more glum when i'm not loosing weight.

Um, well, Theres probably not ALOT you can do, she needs to want to loose weight on her own or it won't happen. Does she just have a few pounds on her or is she obese? if she's obese, then maybe you should focus more on telling her that you want her to be healthy, so you can have babies down the road, or that you worry about health problems being overweight has, like diabetes and such....

really though, unless she wants to loose the weight, you can't really do much but support her
 
i'm not sure there's ever an any way to tell someone they need to lose weight, unless you're dr. phil or something. but seriously, you could express a concern about health in general and see if she's a little receptive. yes, she totally has to want it for herself, just like newbride said. for me - when my father died..that was it. i can't be unhealthy..what a waste to live life overweight and inactive..ya know? so that got me going and the vanity side of it is a huge added bonus.
i hope everything works out for both of you..i really do!

take care!
 
well im diabetic myself and ive tried to get her to check her blood sugar level with my monitor and she will not abide. she says she's fine, that she got a check up a few years ago and she was okay. im not sure if telling her she's going to have a heart attack will change her eating habits, but i just need a way to get her into "dropping the fork" . i dont know what else to really tell her, i know she feels unhealthy because she gets winded walking up the stairs sometimes. i dont know what to really say or how to get her motivated.

she's naturally a bigger girl, meaning she had some very nice curves when we first met and that is really the type im attracted to, but she just let herself go... i know she's not happy either because she can no longer wear all her, as she states "cute clothes" and to be honest i would love to see her back in those jeans again! :)
 
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you can't get her motivated -it has to come from her... When she's ready she will.. and just being reminded that she's gotten out of shape can cause more overeating and worse habits.

What you can do is set a good example for yourself, but do not nag her about what she's doing.
Suggest going out for evening or early morning walks to talk about whatever is going on in your day... It's exercise but it's also good bonding.

either you love her for who she is now, or you need to get out of the relationship...
 
Well, first off you can't think of it as her needing to go on a diet, it's a lifestyle change and you're going to have to be willing to stick to it as well. You can start with how you grocery shop, making better choices about the foods you buy. You can't eat any and everything around her and expect her to eat healthy foods. Look for recipes (both here and at sparkpeople.com and other places like fittv.com0 for healthy recipes, that are both fun and delicious.

Change the type of activities you do together. Instead of watching tv go walking/hiking at some of the local trails, sign up for a pick up game of volleyball at the YMCA and go together. Consider buying bikes and riding together. Exercise itself isn't all that much fun to the beginner so if it doesn't look like exercise one is more likely to engage in it. So become more active together and have fun with it. Tennis, basketball..whatever you like.


Just my 2 cents.:)
 
so in a sense, am i making her lose that motivation by me not continuing with the diet as well? im just as guilty then?
 
Jesse said:
so in a sense, am i making her lose that motivation by me not continuing with the diet as well? im just as guilty then?
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In my opinion... yes. You need to be there in the trenches with her. You can't just say "hey woman, you need to slim up... oh yeah, you're on your own".

Learn how to cook in a healthy way and help out by cooking these meals. You shouldn't have to consider anything to be a diet.

Go and work out with her. Show her stuff. Be there with her so it seems like something fun to do together. Find something fun to do together like ride bikes, or most anything.

Basically, teach by example. You don't even have to tell her to lose weight. Show little to no interest in anything unhealthy that she cooks or does, and invite her to spend time with you while working out and doing healthy things, and things will more than likely fix themselves. The "bedroom" part of the problems will most definitely fix themselves if you start spending time like this with her and show a genuine interest in her well being.

Luckily I met my wife while running track so we kind of keep each other in check for the most part anymore, but yes the same thing happened to me. At about the same time span, I shot up to nearly 200 pounds. I'm 5'9". I'm right at 160 now and I have more muscle weight than before. I kind of had to figure things out myself, but I wish she would have done something to make me realize what I was doing to myself earlier. I didn't realize it until we got back from Disney World one year and I saw pictures of myself.
 
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