No support from hubby

G

gemini5803

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I'm a 30y/o female who finally put her mind to losing weight in early april of last year. I joined a gym and exercise at least 5 times a week most of the time 6. I hired a personal trainer who has helped me every step of the way from going from 267lbs to 212lbs right now. I have never felt better in my life except for the fact that I have a husband who seems not to notice in the least. Maybe im asking for alot but i was hoping that i would receive a little support thru this. I have stuck to this program 8 months now and have no plans on quitting. I receive so much support from friends,coworkers and my trainer that im SO greatful for. I would have thought that my husband would have been the first one on that list. I began this quest to make all aspects of my life better myself, our marriage, my relationship w/ my kids but I have now come to the realization that im doing this for Me and my kids. Even w/o any support I am bound and determined to keep this up and get down to my goal weight of at least 175. Im just wondering if there is anyone out there who seems to have the same problem. Thanks for listening!:confused:
 
I think some guys know they can't win with the whole weight solution, so they just don't want to talk about it. For instance "Does this make me look fat?" There's no real good answer to that question.

My boyfriend of 5 years will normally talk about my weightloss with me but he knows I don't like to say how much I weigh or what my goal weight is.

Maybe he's just afraid he won't say the right things. I'd talk to him about it and tell him how it doesn't feel very good that he doesn't support you. That or maybe he's feeling bad about himself now that you're toning it up and getting in shape?
 
Sounds like you need a Dr. Phil-type scripted discussion. Have you let him know how much you need his support? No offense to the male species, but they sometimes don't pay attention. You need to tell them things straight out.
 
I've tried to tell him how much i depend on the support i receive. I have told him that I am doing this for me but also for our kids. So that I can lead an active lifestyle with them. My kids are 3 1/2 and one year I want to enjoy the times that are coming because i know they will pass too fast. He doesnt seem to reply he doesn't tell me not to do it but he doesnt tell me anything supportive either here i am 5 pant sizes smaller and Soooo much healthier and its like he cant even tell the difference. Maybe im asking too much I just know that if my husband commited himself to something as strongly as i have to this I would try my best to support him in the venture.
 
Hi gemini,

I'm sorry to hear you're not getting support from the one person who's support would mean so much.

When I first started losing weight (at almost 260) no one in my family noticed. I lost 24-25 pounds before my husband even *noticed* (the resentment was beginning to show) ;)

When we finally talked about it, he said, "Debi, I didn't say anything about your weight when you were at your highest, I wasn't going to say anything now - weight just hasn't been an issue."

However, I do think guys who have been married a long time to women who are over weight tend to get 'settled' they don't seem to think they have to 'worry' and it can be a comfortable place to be.

Is it possible at all your husband feels a bit threatened by your new weightloss and new found conviction to a healthier lifestyle?

Either way, support can be found in so many areas (that's why I joined this forum!)

You keep doing what you're doing girl - you're going to be at your goal in no time, and your husband is going to have to face the new you at some point.
 
M2m - Thank you so much! You are so right and your idea about him feeling abit threatened is the same idea that all my girlfriends are telling me. It's nice to know that im not the only one out there who has gone thru a similar circumstance. Your words are truly inspiring.
 
I wish you all the best gemini, what you're doing is FANTASTIC and hopefully, in time, he will feel comfortable and confident with the new you :)
 
I'm sorry that you aren't finding your husband supportive. It is great that your family and friends are behind you.

I've kinda got the same issue, but different. My OH doesn't want me to lose weight. Said it was stupid what i was doing (changing eating habits). He said if i didn't start eating (i eat a minimum of 1200 calories a day!) he would stop speaking to me. I told him i was doing it for myself and if he didn't want to speak to me no problem, it would be better than him telling me i was stupid for getting healthy. Didn't like his attitude at all. I moved out!. Went to have a chat with him two months later and his first comment was "Where are your boobs gone". Again told me how stupid the dieting was but said i was looking good. I think this dudes problem is he is afraid of me getting skinny and running off with someone else. Well once again we haven't spoken in a week lol. I'm not letting his insecurity stop me. Like you my family and friends have been wonderfully supportive. I told him last week never bother speaking to me again because his attitude is that of a jerk right now. So i have lost another 160ib of fat when i add him to my weight loss.

It's horrible when someone can't support you. I think your husband is just happy with how you are. Good luck on losing even more weight, you have done great. You seem very dedicated and i've no doubt you'll reach your goal.
 
My hubby is supportive, but he doesn't notice anything. I've lost 35 pounds so far, and when I ask him if he can notice a difference, he might try to say yes to make me feel better, but he honestly doesn't notice at all. At first I was disappointed, but then I realized that it really is because he never felt that my weight had anything to do with our relationship. I'm okay with it now, but I do feel that he's supporting me, which is important.

What was more disappointing for me is the fact that hardly anyone else has said anything to me. I know that commenting on weight is a hard thing to do... what do you say? "Gosh, you look good"... implying that I didn't look good before. I haven't been public about my eating / exercise plan, so maybe some folks think that I'm not well or something else is going on. My immediate family have commented ('cause they know that I'm trying), but it always feels like they're saying it just because they're family. I've had to be strong in the fact that I'm doing this for me for incentive to keep working hard, but it's sometimes hard when it seems like no one is noticing my hard work.

I know this isn't helpful for you, other than knowing that you're not alone in your frustration, and that you have support here.
 
My hubby is not Mr. Supportive either. Every once in a while he tells me he can see me losing weight, but that's generally AFTER I have gained a few pounds! He's also the kind of guy that thinks Starbucks and donuts are the way to my heart. I told him that has to stop. Still, the whole hubby involvement or uninvolvement is confusing. I actually joined this site because I knew that I had to do something with myself, but support was not to be found within my friends and family. I'm not an incredibly dependant person. I'm an Army wife, mother of 2, and a zillion other things. My friends call me "Super Mom" half the time. But sometimes I want my husband to tell me those sweet things that really matter. I want to curl up beside him and have him tell me all those things I want to hear. So I know how you feel. But I've overcome worrying about what he thinks and have been working my butt off for me! Your man will come around. They always do. ;)
 
Sorry to hear your husband is not supporting you, but congrats on your weight loss so far. You are so dedicated! Enjoy your success and keep working hard at it. Husbands (and men in general) can be tricky. He might be really threatened, or uncomfortable with talking about it in case you gain it back. He might be overweight himself and a little jealous of your success, or generally unhappy so he can't be happy for you. He might not know what it is to support anybody in their endeavors, or he could have actually liked you as a big woman.

Whatever it is it's not your fault and you can't really change it. It's important that you don't lose sight of what you're doing. You are working to release yourself from future chronic illness due to obesity, and doing more wonderful things with your body like playing with your kids. He may come around, he may not, but it's so very important that you do what makes you healthy and happy. You seem to have plenty of supporters, and this forum, so continue on your journey. Good luck!
 
Gemini, he may not notice, but others do.

Although he is the one you want notice from, I bet others have noticed. My MIL pointed out that my SIL has lost about 10 lbs since August. I told DH that, yes, I have noticed. He said he couldn't tell. I told him, yeah, I knew she had gained about that much when she was with the last boyfriend, but she has been working out since that time and eating healthier and it is showing.
 
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