Ohhh Nicky, I know exactly what you mean. I obviously still have faith in the program too. Yes, it works when we work it. It's hard opening up when you are feeling like you're failing miserably (well it is for me). So the 1st thing you must remember is that we aren't here to judge you. The 2nd thing is that temptation to cheat is normal. None of us would have to be doing Cohens if we had temptation under control. So, you aren't a failure, there is nothing wrong with you.
I know what it's like to do well until lunch and then throw away all the effort. It reinforces all the negative things we feel. If you are feeling anything like I feel when I'm at that stage, you are feeling pretty awful, in despair. But.............you're still here. Stay here. Don't leave the forum. If you can get help to sort through your head, do it. But don't leave and think you will do it on your own, or just give up. Yes, there will be times when you'll feel like a broken record - I know I do. That's why we have a support forum. There wouldn't be much to read here, if we all cruised every day.
You are obviously feeling pretty frustrated. What is worse, the frustration of sticking to Cohens 100% even when you have cravings and are hungry, or the frustration of doing Cohens 50% and feeling the guilt on top of it? If you are going to be frustrated, it may as well be because you are on Cohens 100%. You may have to yell, throw some cushions, whatever it takes. But at least you'll lose weight.
What I have noticed is you haven't really been doing a diary per se. You got through a cheat free week, but didn't post much while it was happening. Posting your good days, what you did, how you felt, any obstacles you overcame, reinforces the good stuff. The positives.
Hi everyone! How have you all been?
"Thank you all so much, I cannot express how touched I am by your responses, love and support. It feels like all your wishes has carried me through the 'down' period, or at least carried me thus far. I'm happy to report, I've been deviation free for almost a week and I feel so good!!!!!! I can't remember being this free from guilt for a long while! Thank you for all the wonderful support, I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart (I sound like a stuck record because that's all I've been saying!)
Cate: to get back to you with regards to the eating plans, mine is exactly the same, I cannot move from Meal 1 to Meal 2, meal 1 is just too little food to fill me, meal 3 has either meat or chicken or fish (I can't stand tuna) for breakfast, and meal 2 is the option I love most re: cheese. There's nothing on my plan that says I'm allowed cheese only 3x a week, it only says cheese is allowed once a day but I will agree with what your plans says. How do I then have meat/chicken/fish for breakfast? (Option 1 is ruled out as I am too hungry on it) "
The above is the only post you did about that cheat free week. We are so happy that you got back in that zone again. But give yourself some time on here to talk about it WHILE it's happening. Now, the same detail you give to thinking about, talking about and posting about the hard parts of the journey, needs to be invested in the whole of the journey. I don't know if this makes sense. But if the negative outweighs the positive, you are giving the negative more reinforcement. We need to hear about the hard times to support you, and you need to post them, but in all fairness to yourself Nicky, give yourself a fighting chance. When you've had a good day, even a good hour, post it. Tell us all about it. You will give yourself a boost. Eventually it will become easier.
Do a happy dance to celebrate it's only 1.4kg. Make a resolve to post here regularly, as a form of diary. I can't stress how important it is. It's a commitment to yourself. Post everything you feel is remotely relevant, but don't leave out the positives. Give your mind a chance to soak in those positive highs. Leaving them out and only stressing the hard bits is not going to help you. The positive things are all steps to success. Allow yourself to enjoy them. It's almost as if it's easier to be honest when it comes to admitting we didn't do what we should have done, as if that earns us points or something, for being sincere, but we gloss over the good we do. That is such a female thing. We get complimented on something we do and we say we do it because it's our job. How about saying "yes, I did a damn good job of that, and I'm proud of myself." It doesn't matter if you have to tally off every hour for a full day, on here, to get you where you need to be, as long as you are acknowledging at some level that you are doing something right. Why is confessing given more importance or time, than talking about the great decisions we made? Women seem to hold the title for sabotaging themselves through guilt, or not feeling they are good enough. This really has to stop. How many blokes would do this, and say "oh, I had a piece of pizza, I've blown it now" Seriously. No, they think more of themselves than that. Well generally speaking anyway. They have other issues. But no, they'd just put it in the past and leave it there, and they certainly wouldn't allow it to stop them proudly announcing their achievments. So how about we not put the negatives above the positives? How about we choose to give the positives prominence, there's a place for both, but the good days must be acknowledged and enjoyed. Do you focus on the 1st half of the day of success, or is it all about after lunch when you think you've failed? If so that's only 1/2 the story. You are selling yourself short.
This has been a big wake up call for me too when it come to posting in my own diary.
Okay, sorry for my long ranty post. But so many of us set ourselves up for disaster, and don't give ourselves credit, where it's due. And why do I only get this kind of clarity at 10:20pm at night?????
Congratulations on your engagement that is brilliant news!!! Sounds like a lot has been happening in your life over the last month or two, and all good from the sounds of it!