Well, I'll start from the begining, my name is Sean and I am twenty. I was very well known, and liked, ever since high school, not to mention I had a very athletic body, and I will admit looked very good. But not a few months out of high school, I got an issue with a tumor. Treatments left me nearly bed-ridden and the constant use of steroids made me gain 150+lbs in a single year. I was incredibly frustrated thinking, "Don't people normally get smaller from this?" But my doctor said because of steroid therapy it can go the other way.
Thankfully my girlfriend -now wife- stayed with me through the ordeal, but the weight wasn't coming off. So a few months ago, about Jan., I decided to do something about it now that I had enough energy, but I could not believe how hard this was.
I rarely -if ever- eat more that 1700-2000 calories a day, and almost NEVER eat fast food or drink soda. I drink mabey, 80 to 90 oz. of water daily. I regularly increase my excersize intermittantly. Currently I am up to Yoga and Martial Arts about 3 to 4 times a week. I also walk to and from school at least 5 to 6 times a week, and it is 3+ miles away, for a total of 15 to 18 miles a week. Also I weight lift mabey two or so times a week.
The actual loss went very fast at first, but has recently lost momentum. But I've been good to not be discouraged; I keep reminding my self, "Your clothes are getting bigger, and you've lost 70lbs since Jan." I was rather proud of my self when putting it into context. I was noticing people noticing me again, and it felt good. Yesterday in particular there was an outfit I loved, but couldn't fit into for the longest time, so I tried again... It fit! I felt wonderful!
Being in such a good mood my wife and I went shopping -as is a fun activity for us
. We called a Taxi to go home and -my wife being in the Air Force- told the driver to take us to Franklin Gate -the frontal gatehouse. He turned to me and said, "What? How the hell are you in the military? How can you be in there with all that weight on ya?"
I responded, "I'm not in the military, she is." During the uncomfortable ride home my mood shifted from raging anger to intense dissappointment, and now a sorry state of shattered self esteem. I have the feeling like, "What is the point?! I've worked my ass off for months, and it is still not enough!" My wife said to not listen to him, that I looked great. She said the sweater hangs funny because of my "worked-out" chest... But I am not sure if it is the state of esteem, or what, but I only think she is lieing to either try and protect my feelings, or because she is embarassed so she is lieing to herself.
I'm really having an issue. That comment spiraled me into pit like I've never been in. I know I shouldn't let an offhanded comment affect me so, but it did. Now I feel I must've been diluted in thinking people actually were noticing me. To think I was attractive again, to think I had made progress... It's honestly too tiring. I'm not sure how much more I can take.
PS: Talking to my wife is also very difficult. She's 6'1" and 140lbs. and absolutely perfect. Never gains an extra inch. And actually modeled during high school. So she doesn't understand, and because of this strong feelings of inadequecy developed among my esteem shattering issue.
Thankfully my girlfriend -now wife- stayed with me through the ordeal, but the weight wasn't coming off. So a few months ago, about Jan., I decided to do something about it now that I had enough energy, but I could not believe how hard this was.
I rarely -if ever- eat more that 1700-2000 calories a day, and almost NEVER eat fast food or drink soda. I drink mabey, 80 to 90 oz. of water daily. I regularly increase my excersize intermittantly. Currently I am up to Yoga and Martial Arts about 3 to 4 times a week. I also walk to and from school at least 5 to 6 times a week, and it is 3+ miles away, for a total of 15 to 18 miles a week. Also I weight lift mabey two or so times a week.
The actual loss went very fast at first, but has recently lost momentum. But I've been good to not be discouraged; I keep reminding my self, "Your clothes are getting bigger, and you've lost 70lbs since Jan." I was rather proud of my self when putting it into context. I was noticing people noticing me again, and it felt good. Yesterday in particular there was an outfit I loved, but couldn't fit into for the longest time, so I tried again... It fit! I felt wonderful!
Being in such a good mood my wife and I went shopping -as is a fun activity for us
. We called a Taxi to go home and -my wife being in the Air Force- told the driver to take us to Franklin Gate -the frontal gatehouse. He turned to me and said, "What? How the hell are you in the military? How can you be in there with all that weight on ya?" I responded, "I'm not in the military, she is." During the uncomfortable ride home my mood shifted from raging anger to intense dissappointment, and now a sorry state of shattered self esteem. I have the feeling like, "What is the point?! I've worked my ass off for months, and it is still not enough!" My wife said to not listen to him, that I looked great. She said the sweater hangs funny because of my "worked-out" chest... But I am not sure if it is the state of esteem, or what, but I only think she is lieing to either try and protect my feelings, or because she is embarassed so she is lieing to herself.
I'm really having an issue. That comment spiraled me into pit like I've never been in. I know I shouldn't let an offhanded comment affect me so, but it did. Now I feel I must've been diluted in thinking people actually were noticing me. To think I was attractive again, to think I had made progress... It's honestly too tiring. I'm not sure how much more I can take.
PS: Talking to my wife is also very difficult. She's 6'1" and 140lbs. and absolutely perfect. Never gains an extra inch. And actually modeled during high school. So she doesn't understand, and because of this strong feelings of inadequecy developed among my esteem shattering issue.
Last edited:
