New and discouraged.

[Jayman]

Current weight- 240 LBs

I recently acquired a treadmill and got on a healthly living kick. But i dont want it to be just a phase or temporary thing.

I use to weigh over 350 LBs in high school at the age of 15. I was severly obese. I had lost alot of weight in the progressive years. I am not sure of the exact ammout but i would speculate down to 220-230. Then i had lost even more weight down to 180ish. It wasnt a very healthy method so i dont wanna go that rout again, nor do i have the money to do so. And starvation is out of the picture.

I had never weight trained or used a treadmill until 6-7 months ago. I started to gain alot of muscle lost moderate weight for about 2 months then winter came along with rain and therefor i couldn't train anymore. Now i have an indoor treadmill and was doing fine for 2 weeks running everyday. I took a weekend off and now i feel completely discourage to do my normal routine.

I feel like it has no purpose and i will never see any results. I am also in a state of depression but the doctor will not give me any medication for it. My physical condition is a main contributing factor to my depression. Being over weight, stretch marks and loose skin i hate even looking into the mirror. Its something that on a daily basis i try to advoid.

The counsiler also told me that the only way i could see the doctor and get prescribed some medication would be if there was an immediate threat to my life or others around me.

I guess i am in search of some motivation and some assurance. I want to find people with who i can identify with and exchange conversations with on how to keep motivated and on the trials of weight loss.

I have also self diagnosed myself with BDD ( Body dismorphic disorder ) which i know i do have. I am not a medical professional but i know the signs and symptoms of something ecspecialy when i am experiancing them. Its like what do i do about this? I know there are parts of my body i will never accept as they are and nothing can change them as surgeory will just leave more scars.

 

[KaraCooks]

Find another doctor that will prescribe you something to help. Any doctor who won't prescribe you a depression med because you're fat deserves to have his license revoked. Seriously - just reading that pisses me off.

I'm not saying that everyone who is depressed needs meds - and yes, eating healthily and exercising and losing weight will help the depression. Absolutely. But using the boost from the meds to help you get on the right track is NOT bad. And if your doctor is too stupid to see that, then you need a new doctor.

 

[Jayman]

They want me to wait 5 weeks before they will even consider seeing me. I told them as much of my life story as i could in like 1-2 hours. Everything that could and most probaly is leading to my depression. They only thing that the counsiler could tell me was that i need to get into college...

I just dont know anymore... Depression is already a demotivator and with that it has me questioning whats the point of trying to lose weight anyway.

Thank you though for your post. You'r right I do need to seek the help of some other mental health agency.

 

[Omega]

Following through as you have discussed with Kara in order to get some meds to help you with the depression is a good idea...

You have done really well to lose the weight that you have lost. Many of us are left with stretch marks and loose skin after losing weight... We need to focus that - while our skin may not be pretty - we are a whole lot healthier than we were... It is also worth remembering that much of our skin is hidden with clothes - so most people never see the bits that bother us the most... If we eventually opt for surgery - the doctors are well practised at positioning scars where they are least obvious too if that is at all possible. Scars often follow crease lines under the tummy or the top of the legs for instance... Scars do fade in time - as do stretch marks - so if your weight loss is in the last couple of years it is quite possible that things will improve... Loose skin can take time to contract too - so more time may help there too...

As it happens - I have quite a lot of loose skin and want surgery to help me resolve my issues... I take the attitude that my issues with my body as it currently is indicates no mental disorder - because I think that any woman alive would want the same surgery if they had a body like mine... Female doctors have admitted to me that they would... I am currently in the process of applying for funding... If I won the lottery I would have the surgery tomorrow...

It is great that you have the treadmill and are using it regularly. I have one and walk 6.5 miles every day. I always think that it is hard to restart anything if you take a few days off - which is why I try to never do that... It is so much easier to persuade myself to get on the treadmill because that is what I do if I do it every day... I certainly dont always want to do it - and am always pleased when it is done - but life is full of times that we have to force ourselves to do things that we do not really want to do...

Good luck with everything. I am sure that things will look a lot brighter if you can get the right meds.