Need to lose weight!

M

McNamara

New member
Hi all,


I've recently turned 23 and I think my weight is the source of all of my life problems. I lack condifence, optimism and energy and have never had a relationship (So lonely :( ) I've lost weight before (4 stone at one stage but put it all back on over a couple of years. I'm slightly over 20 stone at the moment (6 foot 2) and aim to lose 2 pounds a week over the next 6 months. My ideal weight is 'to be like everyone else' - so in the region of 13 or 13 and a half stone, which would be ok given my height. I;ve already lost half a stone over the past month and want to push forward. I need the motivation and dedication to do this. I was drinking a lot last month (lots of parties and stuff came up so the inevitable kebab wreaked havoc afterwards) so this distorted what I otherwise would have lost. I won't be doing any drinking for 2 months so I should have a clean run of it till then.


I really want some motivation from people who understand what is like to be obese and none too happy about it. The last time I lost all that weight I was 18 but unfortunately I put it all back on again. I want to make sure it never happens again. Furthermore diabetes, heart disease, blood pressure etc are real concerns given my family history so I want to nip that in the bud while I'm still young.


I'm going to buy weighing scales and keep a diary of everything I eat, as well as recording my weight loss in a notepad. I think this should provide the necessary motivation; its what I did the last time I lost a lot of weight. I walk a lot (45 minutes to work each day and then a 45 minute walk home) and I intend to start cycling again. When I lose a couple of stone I'll buy a gym membership (Can't afford it at the moment and would rather lose some weight before I wandered into a place full of athletic men looking down their noses at me...)


In terms of food intake I'm doing something rather unconventional; I'm cutting my intake to around 1750 calories a day for the initial period as a form of shock therapy. This isn't too hard as most of my calories come from junk food at the moment. I eat a modest breakfast (Usually porridge or some brown bread) for lunch I have a sandwich (Wholemeal bread, salad + turkey/ham/chicken) and for dinner I usually eat something modest like soup, bread etc. (Always wholegrain/wholemeal!) I eat loads of fruit as well and sometimes I'll make a veggy combo for dinner including lots of mediterranean vegetables and potatoes.


Any hints, tips, or straight talking would be greatly appreciated. I'll hopefully hang around this site and offer and hopefully receive some motivation. Thanks.
 
HI mcnamara THere's a lot i could comment on here but i will TRY to not give you a big lecture as i am want to do. First it seems you have got a fairly commonsense plan and a lot of good things to start off with. I am not sure what your maintenance calories are or if 1750 is really too low for your height and weight. But it seems like you know. So long as you are not eating too little. If you've done it before, you know you can do it again so that's also good. I would pull you up on one thing right off the bat though although i do'nt want you to feel deflated about it. "I've recently turned 23 and I think my weight is the source of all of my life problems. I lack condifence, optimism and energy and have never had a relationship (So lonely :( ) " YOu said that. But your weight is not the source of all your problems. It is just one of your problems and it could be a symptom as well as a cause. I suggest you consider some sort of therapy or councilling. One of the reasons i say this, apart from my own experience and knowledge is that some time ago, i read another guy on this forum say after having lost all his weight, that he thought just as you did but now he knows the weight wasn't the problem. He still had the lack of confidence and other things. He had other pschological issues to sort out. For solving that the best idea is to seek councilling. You may or may not also suffer from a low level of depression (as i do) in which case antidepressants can help quite a lot too. But start with the councilling. If you find someone you like, it should also help you with yoru motivation. As to the food thing. I was never obese as such but apart from the size of the problem to be solved, i think all us people who tend to get overweight come face to face with all the same problems when it comes to trying to lose it. Its great that you walk alot. That should mean you've got a reasonable level of fitness to start with. But your knees must be suffering a bit so it will be good when you can lose that weight. Maybe you can set yoruself some long term fitness goals like aiming to run a marathon in the long term. Make your goals not too difficult to meet. Give yoruself plenty of time to increase your fitness as you lose the weight. There's another guy on here who is now doing marathons and i think a woman who does quite long runs. I run sometimes. But i do long cycling journeys as travelling so i lose a lot of weight then. But then the challenge is to keep it off. I've just done one and blah blah blah. Anyway start a diary in the weightloss diary section. its the most active part. Try to join in as a regular on a few other diaries and that way you will find the motivation from others.
 
(Can't afford it at the moment and would rather lose some weight before I wandered into a place full of athletic men looking down their noses at me...)


This is a feeling I know all too well. For a long time I was afraid to do ANYTHING for fear of people thinking things like "you should have been doing that years ago" or thinking they were laughing at me. Now, frankly, I don't care what they think. I know I am doing something to better myself and my health, and if they think they are better than me for it than they are just stupid, because they certainly didn't get to be 'athletic' by not going to gym, so how can I?



Although I still haven't reached my ideal weight (which is eerily like your ideal weight of 'to be like everyone else'), the lack of confidence is something you have to work at even after you lose weight. It isn't a magical 'hey I look good now' feeling once you lose weight. Not that it isn't amazing! Not at all -- it's definitely a great feeling accomplishing something so difficult and feeling good about yourself -- it's just that if you're anything like me, you have spent most of your life feeling not up to par, which kinda makes it hard to suddenly feel equal to people.



But enough of that! This is definitely something YOU can do. You know what needs to be done so now it's just a matter of doing it. Living for the moment is great in movies and spontaneously love scenes, but in real life it isn't practical. Eating something unhealthy may make you think you're happy for a whole 3 seconds before that feeling is gone, but working toward something to make you happier for the rest of your life... lasts a lot longer than 3 seconds ;).
 
Thanks for the comments guys, means a lot. Always comforting to know other people have been in my boat before. My 1750 calorie strategy is probably about right because apart from the hour and a half I spend walking every day I'm basically sedantary at work all day. When I start going to the gym I'll eat more (Around 2200 calories a day) but until that I'm going to try and shock my body into action. I want to lose at least a stone before I join a gym. That would be around one sixth of my overall target. Today, for example, all I had to eat was a bowl of porridge and a brown, wholegrain roll with turkey, lettuce, tomatoes, and mixed peppers (Though it had mayo... Life would be too cruel without mayo) Oh, and an apple.


'Fortyfour',


I appreciate your advice but I have to disagree. I probably do need counselling but its not quite in my 'culture' (I'm Irish) I'm a bottler by nature. I express myself by writing bad, angst ridden poetry, usually about the perfect girl, the lack of love in my life, my idealisation of love etc etc. Wretched, anxious, pathetic stuff but I do feel so terribly droll after writing it. Like I'm mocking myself and releasing some energy. A less gruesome form of self harm, perhaps! I have good, close friends with whom I consistently have a laugh; I even have close female friends (Forever in the friend zone ;) ) but overall I know most of my problems stem from my appearance. Without wanting to turn into a Celine Dion song, or enjoy my life tragedy, I'll point out a few things.


1) I've always been the 'fat guy' of the group. Maybe I've even lived up to the image a little and do a good job at appearing jovial and amiable whilst secretly being riddled with dark moods and sulks.


2) When I was younger I had some terrible experience with girls. One time I was in a disco and a group of drunken girls I half knew started laughing at me, pointing at me, pretending to 'ask me out' etc. etc. It was very humiliating. At disco's and pubs it was not uncommen for girls to point to their mates at me, and then laugh or cringe amongst themselves (They were suggesting whether they should kiss me or not, to their mutual glee) 16 year olds can be cruel, and this had a lasting legacy on me. But I didn't let it stop me socialise! It probably made me a more compassionate and well rounded character in the long run. Though I did suffer bouts of misogyny at the time, I've since rationalised these girls behaviour. I remember saying some particularly cruel things about disabled people and other people with deficiencies so I have no right to any moral high grounds. It was around that time of my life that I lost a lot of weight and was almost at a normal weight. But from the first year of college I piled it all on again.


3) More recently I had a sexual encounter with a woman after a very drunken night out. I lost my virginity to her. The next day I learnt that she had sex with me out of pity. (She is an old friend) That was the moment I decided that enough was enough. The only reason she told me that was because the next day I asked her to be my girlfriend (CRINGE - the girl is way out of my league) and I basically forced it out of her for her to say she did it out of pity for me. No more excuses, no more bullshit arguments (I used to entertain the notion that the rest of the world is 'vain' and that there was nothing wrong with me. What rubbish!) In political, social and economic concerns I am a complete pragmatic; I deal with the hand dealt by the world and I don't pretend there is an idealised version of the world where I can somehow function. Yet for relationships and perceptions of attractiveness I allowed myself to inhabit a cruel fantasy. Women are not vain if they choose to have a relationship with a good looking or healthy guy. I realise this now. Because to be healthy or even to have some element of attractiveness is a major sign of success in a man; it shows determination, good genes, a tendancy to work hard and a certain degree of self control. Instead of loathing people who choose healthy men I should recognise it for the logical and sensible choice it is. While it is true that love can see beyond a face or a body; love comes after a certain initial period of mutual attraction and even infatuation. How can I ever possibly hope to have love if I cannot genuinely attract a woman? Oh, I'm sure I could attract her by my intricate knowledge of 19th century melodramatic French literature or my silly obsession with George R.R. Martin... But she'd tire of my self indulgant tirades soon enough.


Which is not to say that I am obsessed by looks. Far from it. A lifetime of being the fat kid has taught me to see the inner beauty behind every person. But it has also shown that my potential soulmate is probably blind to me because all she can see is the sweat on my brow and the flubber threatening to consume my chest. I want to nullify appearance as an issue. In short I want to be 'like everyone else'.


4) I've had false dawns before, but never have they seemed as powerful or as genuinely life changing as this one. I want support and motivation to ensure this dawn doesn't die. I hope I can get it here.


Kiramon,


Thanks man, always great to hear a success story. keep it up.
 
Hey you've really opened up and i appreciate that. Most people keep it all inside. Seems to me you don't bottle things up that much afterall. Sounds like you've got a fair bit of insight too. So well anyway, lose the weight and then see how you go. I hope it as you say because then it could be easier, a lot easier to make what you want of life.


I do know though, that i reject people not just on the basis of their appearance but also something in their manner that i don't find attractive. So its a complex topic. But confidence is a big thing. One guy said to me once that when he's lacking in confidence, he has no success with women but when he's confident, he does well. (He is a bit of a slut though so he has quite a lot of experience to draw that conclusion.)


The food you listed doesn't sound anywhere near like 1750 calories. Are you sure you added that up right? Anyhow, i will leave you with it. JOin the diary pages. Its the best way around here. Good luck mate. I will try to pop in from time to time to see how you are going.
 
What do you mean? Less or more than 1750 calories? It sounds about right today? I had something similar today except I had two slices of brown bread after work. I genuinely don't feel that hungry.


By the way, I'm only opening up because I have the benefit of internet anonymity. I'm not adverse to disclosure, just unwilling to do it in my social circle.
 
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