Need help to motivate my GF

N

nowhereman

0
Hi all,
I'm only new to this site, but from what i've read thus far it seems you all have genuine solutions and experience to share.

My partner has battled weight since she was 10. Her parents are quite overweight, and as much as i hate to admit it, she is too. She's been off and on diets as long as she can remember. She's 5' nothing and weighs around 220 - 240 pounds. She knows she's at a health risk and has developed a nervous problem related to fear of heart attack, stroke etc.

I've lived with her for three years now and during that time we've led a very busy life ( full time work and university). But as i work shift work, its easy for me to fit in running and home fitness. But my GF comes home from work and sits down at the tv, has tea, then proceeds to watch tv til she falls asleep. I've approached her with the idea of walks either early in the morning or after tea, but she makes it clear that shes far too tired. She's signed up to a womens fitness centre but only went for the first month.

Its a very touchy subject, but as time progresses she seems to slowly put weight on. Its becoming a case of 'Gunnado' (aussie saying)

I'm very worried, and am putting out a call to any women (or men) reading this who may have been in a similar situation and were able to find a solution.

Thank you for your time, and any input would be greatly appreciated.
 
I think this is a hard topic to bring up. Maybe you could start suggesting activities to do together that involve exercise - like going on a bike ride or walk one weekend when the weather is nice. I think it's much easier to embrace a healthy lifestyle when you have someone to do it with. For instance, it's much easier for me to go to the gym when my boyfriend is going. The key is to not be pushy or preachy...but to kind of help each other out.

If you did want to bring up the topic and discuss it, it will probably be easier if you have a suggestion that she would enjoy...like a dance class, or a group of friends who go walking every morning...something that your gf would enjoy. I know that since I've started the PUSH program, my bf has joined me every once and a while instead of sitting on the counch :)

Good luck!
 
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but one can only help those who want to help themselves!

You can have the best intentions at heart and it seems that you do. But ultimately she has to be the one to decide to make a change for herself.

But like Life said, you can start by getting her out of the house, off the couch, try tricking her even. Say you've got something planned, wear comfortable attire and just go...walking, biking, skating, water sports, swimming...something.

And maybe you can also start by cooking better quality foods...this is something you guys can do together. You can start by saying: 'you know what I really wanna try to make tonight?' and think of something healthy...

I hope it works!
 
Great posts. I also agree that the gusto needs to come from her. It sounds as though she is sad and depressed. And I know (first hand) what it's like to just want to go through the motions.

The best thing you can do is to be the absolute best example you can. You eat healthy, you get on a program, you work on yourself (emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc). She'll either jump on board or totally reject it.

Either way, it's her decision. Im sorry to say :( The idea of telling her you have a surprise, and then taking her to a picnic in the park (with a small walk to the stream afterwards) is a great idea.

Best of luck.
 
Thanks a bunch for all of your input.
I know in the end it comes down to her. This weekend I picked up some healthy-eating diet books, and suggested some healthy spins on some fave meals. She's of the thought, it needs butter/oil and salt to be tasty. But her Nanna and I cooked a Beef Pie with Filo Pastry (Symply To Good To Be True 1), and she loved it. She's a salt lover, and I've been slowly weening her off it, but whenever she realises she fires up. I know salt causes water to be retained, but also i think her taste buds are dead causing her to add more and more salt each time, in a vicious cycle.

I will suggest the afternoon stroll as we live a block from the beach. I guess if i adopt a healthier lifestyle, and she sees how easy and effective it can be, hopefully she'll jump on the bandwagon.

Thanks again, and I'll keep the progress posted.
 
You could try leading by example. My wife and I were very skinny when we first started going out. After years of eating out we both gained weight. I could never think of a way to bring up the fact that we needed to lose fat. What she does with her body is her own business. Yet I wanted to see her have more confidence in herself. So I changed the way I ate. For meals I would take her out and I would make myself fruit drinks. She would always ask if it was okay that she did not eat the same thing I did, as if I was going to stop her from eating what she wanted. Then I started going back to Jiu-jitsu and the gym. She was so happy with what I achieved that she wanted to do the same. I never once brought up the idea of me wanting her to lose body fat. Plus it is a lot more easy when you have some body to do it with.

Edit: I did not read the other posts before I posted my own. It seems my idea was already given. I hope you enjoyed my little story.
 
Last edited:
Thanks Bee, i did. Its funny cos I was really skinny when i moved in with her, but now I'm a lil flabby roung the edges (not for long, mind you). It's hard because she just says "I'm fat I know it", she just accepts it. We watch The Biggest Loser religiously and she's as big, if not bigger, than some of the contestants. I always hope that something will click while watching it, but she'll watch these folk sweating out and getting results whilst EATTING A WHOLE PACK OF DORRITOS!!

I'll just have to follow Bee's lead (and everyone else's advice of course), and transform myself into a lean machine.

Thanks again to all who take the time to offer advice and just read.
 
Gotta agree with the posts on this thread - the best you can do is to be a good example (not overbearingly so) and to give her the option of joining you. I'd think that'd be healthy for your relationship in more ways than one. Good luck and keep posting - hope things work out.
 
nowhereman said:
Thanks a bunch for all of your input.
I know in the end it comes down to her. This weekend I picked up some healthy-eating diet books, and suggested some healthy spins on some fave meals. She's of the thought, it needs butter/oil and salt to be tasty. But her Nanna and I cooked a Beef Pie with Filo Pastry (Symply To Good To Be True 1), and she loved it. She's a salt lover, and I've been slowly weening her off it, but whenever she realises she fires up. I know salt causes water to be retained, but also i think her taste buds are dead causing her to add more and more salt each time, in a vicious cycle.

I will suggest the afternoon stroll as we live a block from the beach. I guess if i adopt a healthier lifestyle, and she sees how easy and effective it can be, hopefully she'll jump on the bandwagon.

Thanks again, and I'll keep the progress posted.
Click to expand...

Good luck! It sounds like you're taking the right approach. And you will benefit a lot from adopting a healthier lifestyle as well!
 
Moonbeam3 said:
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but one can only help those who want to help themselves!
Click to expand...

ok i definately agree, when i had the same problem growing up i have been on diets my whole life, well definately from the age of 9, so i think i know how she feels, but no matter how my parents tried to get me to loose weight, it only started to help, when i wanted it for myself. so try to explain to her the reasons why she should loose weight and hopefully that will help!
 
Well the ball has finally started to roll. I've been out running alot lately and dropping hints that the Sports store is having a sale. Anyway my gf has been seeing how toned i'm getting from simply running (and eating healthy) and has decided to buy a treadmill. She's also started back at her ladies gym, which is awesome. I've also taken over the cooking, and been creating alot of salt-reduce/free meals which she loves. That coupled with going back to the gym and WANTING to buy a treadmill, its starting to feel that she's ready and willing to make the changes needed. There's still a long way to go to get her healthy but I believe the first step is the biggest.

Thanks to everyone who shared their thoughts and advice, I honestly appreciate it.
 
don't class it as a diet as diets don't work...class it as a food plan as you can change plans when needed...maybe u can both set a date for a tropical holiday (or wedding if your real keen!) so you both, she ecspecially, have on going motivation...maybe you might have to take hit and put your fitness plan on hold and try and do stuff with her that you can do and just maintain where you are...but still something needs to come from her...also do a surprise shop one week by yourself and only buy healthy foods and chuck all crap stuff out so she can at least start eating right which will decrease weight by itself for a little while...once she see's what she could do with exercises as well, hopefully she'll come around...where abouts in oz r you? i'm in melbourne
 
Good posts people.

Not much to add really but my 2 cents.

Salt is vital to the body. From my experience of trawling shelves in stores you don't really need to add salt to 90% of the stuff they stack, as the sneaky gits seem to add it to nearly everything themselves.

But I've been in a similar situation to yourself and another poster. After three years of takeaways me and my girl had got fat. Not podgy, just full blown fat. I started and she didn't. I started to look better and she stayed the same. Eating different things at different times didn't help. In the end, one night she prompted me as to why we hadn't had sex for 5 months and the horrbile, ugly truth spilled out. I would not recomend taking the brutal honesty path. It very very nearly was the end of what had been a very beautiful and fulfilling relationship. Now she's shifting the weight well, not going overboard, being very sensible, asking for my help, chaning her lifestyle. And I feel very proud and honored that when she has a question I am the first port of call. It has begun to change both our lives considerably.

She found being active difficult with a very busy job. In the end I just had to look at her in the eye and say she was searching for, and finding, excuses. That is she really wanted what she had spoken about at great length on many occassions, she would have to unfortunately work for it. So we started badminton, we she absolutley adores. I feel like a fag playing it but thats not the point. It gets her out, gets her exercised and she enjoys it. And thats the key.

If you can find some form of activity that she enjoys then it will all get a lot easier. Could be anything.

Above all, good luck.
 
I'm from Cairns (for swans05).

I totally agree with you about the brutally honest thing. She already knows it and her family keep telling her ' you're fat, you need to do something about it, you'll get diabetes', which isn't doing her self-esteem any wonders. She leads a very busy work life working 0800 to 1600 most days. But purchasing the treadmill will bring the workout to her. As she is a tv addict, it works well that she won't miss out on it whilst being active. We've talked about the prospect of a sport but she'd rather wait until she's not completely embarassed about her body.
I love her body even though she doesn't, and I'm insanely attracted to her. I've read studies that show overweight women tend to lack sex drive, and i've noticed a big dip in all things bedroom. She doesn't feel sexy even though I think she's nothing but.
 
From personal experience, overweight men also experience issues with sex drive.

I, for one, now appreciate the true size of the footprint that diet has on our lives.

If you can get her to push through it, keep patient and focused (you are key at this point in particular) it is all achievable.

Take some pics on day one. I'd say don't even look at them, then wade into it.

Take some more, say eight weeks down the line. She may well have not noticed a change. I was in this boat. But you know the score, a picture tells a thousand words.

Just keep her focused and commited bud. When she starts to notice it coming off, old clothes begining to fit, it all starts to get that much easier.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top