My new Goal--
Hello everyone,
Sorry I haven't written in anyones diary. I have gone to your diaries, but there are so many people writing and I dont know you like everyone else does. So I feel lost and don't say anything. I would love to write, but I dont know what to contribute. Your threads go so FAST! lol
Mine is so slow. Which is probably good, seeing as I am barely ever here. Sometimes I check in, but I will be moreso now, since I have decided to give it a try. Give myself a chance. I have been beating on myself like mad about my weight. I call myself fat, I am just one bit pitty party. Its so hard to get out of that attitude, but I have a great fiance who has worked me over.
and tomorrow I am going to go walking to the commons with weights in my hands. Supposed to be 67 degrees tomorrow. Gonna def rain after 12 pm. So I am actually going to get out of bed at nine to nine thirty am. Get ready. Take a nice warm to hot shower and get ready for a nice outing before the rain comes down. Granted I walk in rain too, but I love the sun better. Make me feel like what I am striving for can really happy. Rain makes me feel like all my energy is washing away. I feel such a low when it rains. I have a sun lamp and usually turn it on at night. I am supposed to get at least two hours of sun light from outside, which means about three hours inside. So I make up on rainy days with my cool lamp.
but still it almost feels like it isnt enough.
but its time to head outside and just enjoy walking the way I did before. So I am going to make it a challenge by walking with a 2 pound weight in one hand, periodically switching to a different hand. And the other hand will hold my bottle of water. Because while I keep walking inside and around the inner commons, my man will be reading and I think a stop with him, and intervals of walking will get me going. He is shorter than me, which makes it hard, because I walk like a block a head of him, so he is just going to read, because by the time he has finished one way around the commons I am going on my second round and half way to the end of the commons. So he will read while I enjoy my walk in the bright sun light tomorrow morning and when the rain clouds come in. I will just enjoy the sun lamp inside and read a good book..
My pick this week or for the next three days is
PC Cast, Hunted, a Vampire novel that is in a series. I go to the library everyday. I have so many books that are coming off hold. I dont know what to do .... They are all due in three weeks ...and I am actually freaking out, because other peeps have them on hold and that means I HAVE to finish them in three weeks, all the books. I am a big reader. Finished the two Vampire Academy books. The third VA book is next and I am the next person to get it. I have NEW MOON to read in three weeks, from the Twilight series. The book is way better than the movie I have heard. And the book was awesome. I just hope the movie doesnt make me sick, because I hate when they destroy what the author wrote and chop it into little pieces. Twilight is a beautifully written book. I am sure the author wanted to chop some heads off the block after what they did. I would. Anyway, literature was my major. I used to write a lot and was working on a novel. I have about one hundered pages and than the computer died and I didnt save it to the right kind of disc. Lost the book. Still blows my mind, but now that I look back on it. Its not where the now is ... its not where writers have taken... ITs like ... the writer from now are better than what I wrote ten years ago. I think now I could write something good, but it would take a lot of focus and energy and I so want to. And I know the base line of what I want to write. No writers block now, which existed for years. I am open to a novel..... but I havent sat down to ponder and pick at the brain and just do some crazy stuff on paper, but you know what, I think I will. Writing was my escape. I was creating this world. I created a world, I created people, demons, and everything. I wrote in story contests. Just to back myself with a resume. It has always been my dream to write something good enough to be published, something I would consider a piece of art. It might not make it onto any best sellers lists, but I will have known that I created something, something that will maybe sit in one persons mind forever, I just want to touch one person. Maybe make them think. And than move on with a greater degree of life, a book ... that I think is it. The book. That book is called Surviving Xixxy. Its been my dream to write this book since I was 15. 15 I was working on it. Got tossed, had the teacher going over it everyday. He was my editor. Best there was. lol
I have started to novel, as a journal entry, but maybe I need to expand, like I want to expand the readers mind. Maybe I need to lighten up sometimes, but bring in a few tear jerkers, and than win them with laughter and show them surviving sometimes is all you got, but things can get better, they can always get better. I guess I should read over what I have written so far. Take my own advice lol
I have a tendency to not think about what is real and only think about the negatives in life. But not anymore. Need to retrain the brain. So I can become a healthier and stronger me and so I can finally write my novel.
well lots of things going through my head.
thanks for reading
love always
Natsky
